Skills of the Edward Snowden action figure, US military considers developing a holy hand grenade, and Istanbul becoming a clusturducken: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 2/16 - 2/22
Posted by Unfreakable at 2014-02-24 5:20:33 PM (4 comments) | Permalink
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2458 clicks; posted to Main » on 24 Feb 2014 at 5:52 PM (29 weeks ago) | | share: more»
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New batch o' headlines this week. Enjoy
Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2014-02-16 to Sat 2014-02-22:
Dunce bitten, Christ lies
A zombie's shrill scream disturbed the morning calm, alerting the horde. Survivors clad in green and white grabbed what supplies they could muster and made the sign of the cross as they knew they may not survive the coming onslaught
There is a national shortage of clowns, which proves Megan's Law worked
Oregon company sells Edward Snowden action figure. Instead of wetting itself, the doll just constantly leaks
Scientists still trying to determine if cat bites lead to human depression or if cats just prefer biting depressed people
Sharks are attacking fewer people, but killing more. Hooray for efficiency
Brain dead teen doing "much better physically", considering run for congress
Six charged with online dating fraud. Turns out it's a crime to say you love staying in and going out, are comfortable in jeans or a dress and people, if you liked walking on the beach as much as you say you do, the damn things would be paved by now
Terrorists planning to use rabbits as weapons. In response, the US Dept. of Miscellaneous Weapons seek funding for development of a holy hand grenade
The European Union has granted Bavarian pretzels "protected status", will soon be creating a special Bavarian pretzel preserve where they can romp and play all day without the threat of poachers
Cops charge man with swallowing a $150,000 diamond, say they'll keep an eye out for any suspicious movements
Ozil apologizes to Arsenal fans after missing penalty shot vs. Bayern Munich, proving Ozil really is as clumsy as he is stupid
Derek Jeter reconciles with model girlfriend. Apparently he's batted around and is back to the top of the order
Scientists find an old douche in City Hall. Did not have to look too hard
The voices are unanimous: Air pollution may increase the risk of schizophrenia
Steve Jobs postage stamp due in 2015, will be the first stamp to have rounded corners
Nicki Minaj sorry for using Malcolm X, says he's not even her favorite Speed Racer
98% of faith driven consumers are dissatisfied with the new movie "Noah." 80% say it brought back a flood of bad memories
Kim Kardashian denies butt implant rumors, even though she has one of the biggest asses in the world. But enough about Kanye West
Istanbul becoming an absolute clusturducken
U.S. and Canadian Leaders departing for "Three Amigos" summit in Mexico. Topics to include Free Trade, Cartel violence and what it means to have a plethora of pinatas
Former Virginia Governor Bob McDonnell's lawyers demand federal indictment be thrown out. Judge to rule as soon as he's done laughing, maybe by Monday
Horst Rechelbacher, founder of Aveda Corp and popcorn tycoon, dead at 72
Comcast gave $854K to Congressional Committee overseeing their merger with Time Warner. The money will be delivered two weeks from Tuesday between 1 and 4 pm
Sherlock Holmes theme park planned for England. There will be a discount for children who are still in school. At least the ones who list their school as elementary
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