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Congratulations to the winners of Fark's 2013 Headline of the Year contests 
Posted by Unfreakable at 2013-12-30 10:56:15 AM (133 comments) | Permalink

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8911 clicks; posted to Main » on 30 Dec 2013 at 1:00 PM (34 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Below are the winners and runners-up for Fark's Headline of the Year contest for 2013. This year, like every year, there are simply too many good headlines, and all of us probably have a favorite or two (or twenty) that were brilliant, but sadly didn't quite get enough votes to win their respective contests. It's a shame. To those submitters: damn good work and feel free to take a bow in this thread for one you feel proud of.

For the winners, this is your thread. Congratulations to you. Below are the results of the Headline of the Year contest based on your votes.

HEADLINE OF THE YEAR: Actual headline: "FBI joins search for missing Brown student". There's a first time for everything, I suppose
(submitter: SophT )

Runner-up: Adultsineurope killed by euthanasia
(submitter: CoffeeMug )

SPORTS HEADLINE OF THE YEAR: "Redskins come up short against Cowboys". Boy, that's a really flippant way to describe North American history
(submitter: Trivia Jockey )

Runner-up: NFL to have its first full-time female referee in 2014. Instant replay on penalties not necessary since women never forget anything a man does wrong
(submitter: Principal Clarinet )
 
GEEK HEADLINE OF THE YEAR: The lost Doctor Who episodes were found in a storage room in Nigeria. Apparently the owner kept trying to email people about them, asking for a small fee to cover shipping costs, but no one would reply
(submitter: jayhawk88 )

Runner-up: Lab scientists get regenerated human heart tissue to beat on its own, try to bury it under the floorboards to make the damn thing stop
(submitter: SmackLT )

ENTERTAINMENT HEADLINE OF THE YEAR: Yoko Ono goes on tour of Pennsylvania fracking sites. Because if there's one thing Yoko Ono knows about, it's using pressure to break up rock groups
(submitter: shroom )

Runner-up: Dakota Fanning to appear nude in upcoming film. No word if we'll be seeing South Dakota or just North Dakota
(submitter: Peaceboy )

POLITICS HEADLINE OF THE YEAR: Susan Sarandon: "You can't just vote with your vagina." Maybe you could back in the day when voting machines had levers, but they're all crappy touch screens now
(submitter: utsagrad123 )

Runner-up: House Ethics Committee continues investigation of Michele Bachmann. House Intelligence Committee reports they found nothing
(submitter: jj325 )

BUSINESS HEADLINE OF THE YEAR: U.S. automakers struggle with reliability, but so far have still managed to fend it off
(submitter: Jodeo )

Runner-up: Importer announces 'the first wine created in support of equality for gay Americans'. It doesn't come in a box
(submitter: phlegmmo )

WORDPLAY/PUN HEADLINE OF THE YEAR: Massive Lego spill shuts down West Virginia highway. Whoa, that's just a few blocks down the road
(submitter: ThePuceGuardian )

Runner-up: Prosthetic hands stolen from car, victim unable to come to grips with loss
(submitter: phlegmmo )

CONTEXT HEADLINE OF THE YEAR: Cardinals hire new manager
(submitter: jehovahs witness protection )

Runner-up: Kim Kardashian let Kanye finish
(submitter: EasyWind )

CONTEXT HEADLINE OF THE YEAR (symbols only): _/\__/\_ _/\__/\__/\_ _/\__/\__/\_ *shake*shake*shake* ____ ________ _____ ________
(submitter: Azlefty )

Runner-up: :(
(submitter: CaptainWes )

Congratulations and kudos to the winners!
· · ·
(view entire blog)


133 Comments   (+0 »)
   

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2013-12-30 11:02:50 AM
A thanks to all the submitters that make me laugh week in and week out. You guys are awesome times infinity
 
2013-12-30 11:04:34 AM
25.media.tumblr.com
 
2013-12-30 11:06:03 AM
 
2013-12-30 11:07:10 AM
...and phlegmmo is runner up twice. That's gotta sting a little.
 
2013-12-30 11:07:34 AM

Phinn: I'd have gone with: "Deaf people are saddened to learn that Nelson Mandela pickle hopped the yam bridge with digressive hat monkeys on fester twelve"


THIS
 
2013-12-30 11:07:49 AM
so humor was not a part of criteria this year?
 
2013-12-30 11:08:07 AM
I submitted every single one of these with a better headline.
 
2013-12-30 11:08:14 AM
Mine got  third place in the context contest. Congratulations to jehovahs witness protection and EasyWind for a well-deserved first place and runner-up.
 
2013-12-30 11:08:54 AM
What??? No Kriss Kross????
 
2013-12-30 11:09:19 AM
 
2013-12-30 11:10:05 AM

WTFDYW: Phinn: I'd have gone with: "Deaf people are saddened to learn that Nelson Mandela pickle hopped the yam bridge with digressive hat monkeys on fester twelve"

THIS


That one came after the cut-off date. It will be eligible for next years competition.
 
2013-12-30 11:10:29 AM
I submitted this headline last year.
 
2013-12-30 11:10:33 AM

Phinn: I'd have gone with: "Deaf people are saddened to learn that Nelson Mandela pickle hopped the yam bridge with digressive hat monkeys on fester twelve"


Wasn't that too late for this year's contest?
 
2013-12-30 11:11:14 AM

PluckYew: Phinn: I'd have gone with: "Deaf people are saddened to learn that Nelson Mandela pickle hopped the yam bridge with digressive hat monkeys on fester twelve"

Wasn't that too late for this year's contest?



I reject rules, in general.
 
2013-12-30 11:11:33 AM

Phinn: I'd have gone with: "Deaf people are saddened to learn that Nelson Mandela pickle hopped the yam bridge with digressive hat monkeys on fester twelve"


The contest ran from December 2012 through the end of November 2013, otherwise we wouldn't even be starting the contest yet. That headline is already a contestant for next year's context contest.
 
2013-12-30 11:12:01 AM
www.kwasistudios.com
 
2013-12-30 11:14:30 AM

special20: ...and phlegmmo is runner up twice. That's gotta sting a little.


He was last year, too, and it kills me. He writes fantastic headlines. His HotY runner up from last year was my favorite.
 
2013-12-30 11:15:16 AM

Unfreakable: A thanks to all the submitters that make me laugh week in and week out. You guys are awesome times infinity


thanks Unfreakable for the work it takes to do it!!!

It was nice to laugh through 2013 again.
 
2013-12-30 11:17:19 AM

Unfreakable: For those of you who may have missed one or more of the contests, here are the threads:

Main:  http://www.fark.com/comments/8065959

Sports:  http://www.fark.com/comments/8063773

Geek:  http://www.fark.com/comments/8063865

Entertainment:  http://www.fark.com/comments/8064003

Politics:  http://www.fark.com/comments/8064105

Business:  http://www.fark.com/comments/8064226

Wordplay/Puns:  http://www.fark.com/comments/8069549

Context:  http://www.fark.com/comments/8067635

Context (symbols only):  http://www.fark.com/comments/8067772


Lots of good stuff in there.  I'd have agreed with most of them winning.
 
2013-12-30 11:17:40 AM
Good job, all.
 
2013-12-30 11:19:34 AM
Farkers are some funny people. Thanks for another year of impolite snorts and unmanly giggles.

/to whom do I submit my request for a new kybard?
//not a typo. Also not obscure.
 
2013-12-30 11:20:50 AM
You Magnificent Bastards.

So, what I 'm sensing . . .
Step 1: Find Story
Step 2: Be Clever
Step 3: Greenlight
 
2013-12-30 11:23:02 AM
Is there a way to find out who submitted a headline other than by outing them in HOTY?
 
2013-12-30 11:23:36 AM
Whoop!  Finally won one.

Gracias for your efforts, Unfreakable.
 
2013-12-30 11:25:07 AM

tricycleracer: I submitted every single one of these with a better headline.


Well, nothing more to say in this thread. You said what we were all going to say.
 
2013-12-30 11:26:17 AM

Nothing To See Here: You Magnificent Bastards.

So, what I 'm sensing . . .
Step 1: Find Story
Step 2: Be Clever
Step 3: Greenlight


Repeat several times a day. Most submissions don't get Greenlit. I think my rate is about 1 in 20 or so.
 
2013-12-30 11:27:08 AM
"It doesn't come in a box".

That right there. GOLD.

/Congrats to the winners
 
2013-12-30 11:27:17 AM
I like the sports runner-up and the Bachmann one.
 
2013-12-30 11:31:20 AM
I like nearly every runner-up better than the winner. Except the Yoko Ono headline, that one was gold.
 
2013-12-30 11:33:10 AM
Wow. I WON!!! I WON!!!
(What do I get? A baked media leaf or something?)

Still, THIS was my best effort ever. Too bad the image it links to is gone.


Congrats to all the other winners. WELL PLAYED!
 
2013-12-30 11:33:46 AM
Is this contest for greenlit headlines, or can I get in?
 
2013-12-30 11:35:52 AM

jennyz: I like nearly every runner-up better than the winner. Except the Yoko Ono headline, that one was gold.


I'm with you. Congrats to the winners, and it's Fark so who really cares, but I too thoughts the runner-ups were hilarious.
 
2013-12-30 11:36:17 AM
WOOT! Congratulations to each and everyone of you :-)
 
2013-12-30 11:36:33 AM

homarjr: "It doesn't come in a box".

That right there. GOLD.

/Congrats to the winners


That was my favorite of all of them, too.  That and "Cardinals hire new manager."
 
2013-12-30 11:36:43 AM
I submitted this with a better headline

/badabum
 
2013-12-30 11:38:29 AM
Good jorb everyone.
 
2013-12-30 11:38:54 AM
" Free Nelson Mandela " wins in 2014. Book It. Done
 
2013-12-30 11:40:37 AM
I submitted this with a better headlock.
 
2013-12-30 11:41:08 AM

WelldeadLink: Is there a way to find out who submitted a headline other than by outing them in HOTY?


Nope, Fark still keeps that private by default. Submitters have occasionally been outed on TFD, but it's rare. And submitters can admit in a thread that they submitted it (sometimes for praise, sometimes for jeers).
 
2013-12-30 11:41:27 AM

WelldeadLink: Is there a way to find out who submitted a headline other than by outing them in HOTY?


Not unless you're a modmin or the submitter outs themselves in the thread.
 
2013-12-30 11:41:42 AM

Unfreakable: special20: ...and phlegmmo is runner up twice. That's gotta sting a little.

He was last year, too, and it kills me. He writes fantastic headlines. His HotY runner up from last year was my favorite.


So he's basically the Susan Lucci of Fark...
 
2013-12-30 11:42:12 AM

cgraves67: Nothing To See Here: You Magnificent Bastards.

So, what I 'm sensing . . .
Step 1: Find Story
Step 2: Be Clever
Step 3: Greenlight

Repeat several times a day. Most submissions don't get Greenlit. I think my rate is about 1 in 20 or so.


My ratio is about 2:1, then again I don't submit may headlines and only 9 Greenlights
 
2013-12-30 11:44:06 AM
Very fine stuff.
 
2013-12-30 11:44:46 AM
I submitted better headlines for most of these, but somehow they never get accepted. Hmmmm.
 
2013-12-30 11:47:29 AM
For those asking about prizes, there actually are prizes:

- For the first-place winner: $250 Amazon gift card
- For the winners of each of the subtab, context, and pun contests: $100 Amazon gift card
- For the runners up in each contest: Six months of free TF
 
2013-12-30 11:48:23 AM
Harrumph. Harrumph, I say!

Genius is never understood in its own time ...
 
2013-12-30 11:48:51 AM
Repeats
 
2013-12-30 11:50:53 AM
So . . .  has any headline that has as one of its for comments "Headline of the Year!" ever won?
 
2013-12-30 11:52:47 AM

Unfreakable: - For the winners of each of the subtab, context, and pun contests: $100 Amazon gift card


NICE!!
 
2013-12-30 11:53:52 AM
Congrats and thanks for all the lulz!  Could someone design a HOTY badge for the winners?
 
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