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"Gummy bear" breast implants for eye candy, CNN's pimp name, and the difference between a panda and a drunk guy from Missouri: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 2/24 - 3/2 
Posted by Unfreakable at 2013-03-05 6:41:39 PM (4 comments) | Permalink

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6013 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Mar 2013 at 6:41 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Some really great headlines this week. Damn fine work, submitters.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2013-02-24 to Sat 2013-03-02:

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  TSA wrecks concert cellist's instrument and bow by slamming the case lid down in order to close it. TSA employee's excuse: "I thought there's always room for cello"    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Porn companies coming to aid of guy with stolen porn collection. Because everyone likes a happy ending    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  City council to get tough on heavy water users. We're looking at YOU, Robert Oppenheimer    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Fraternity raises funds to help pay for transgender brother's breast removal. Historians suggest this is the first recorded case of fraternity brothers acting in favor of fewer boobs    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Hickory dickory dock. Have sex, get hit with a clock. Hit in the head. The hooker is dead. Hickory dickory dock    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  What's the difference between a drunk guy from Missouri and a panda? Only one of them leaves, pees, and shoots    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Customer 'felt helpless' during Verizon robbery. It got even worse when three masked gunmen came into rob the joint    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  CNN Money gives a step-by-step guide on how to recruit underage girls for prostitution. In other news, "CNN Money" is CNN's pimp name    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  True beef or not true beef, that is equestrian    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Police department requests 2,000 air fresheners after a huge marijuana raid. And some chips. And maybe some sliders    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Detroit to be placed under emergency financial manager, Omni Consumer Products expected to bid    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]


Sports:

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  University of Alabama offers middle school football player a full scholarship. Or, as an 8th grader is called in Alabama, a potential doctoral candidate    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Player for the Twins is expecting twins. Bet his wife is happy he doesn't play for the Giants    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Kansas City Chiefs rumored to be looking at Tim Tebow to back-up Alex Smith, hold down sideline with knee    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]


Geek:

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Scientists believe dead stars could support life. "No shiat," says Yoko Ono    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  The Internet needs a Plan B, also needs to to stop drinking so much and waking up next to strange networks it just met    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Curiosity rover has been put into safe mode while NASA tries to uninstall some old drivers and get the damned DVD writer working    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]


Entertainment:

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Porn company searching for Lindsay Lohan lookalike, apparently don't realize that they could get the real Lindsay Lohan for the same 50 bucks and a baggie of meth they pay their regulars    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Renowned pianist dies. No, not Ron Jeremy    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Kanye West compares himself to Picasso, Walt Disney and Michelangelo. Apparently none of them could sing, either    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]


Politics:

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  What is your party? "Republican" What is your quest? "To repeal the Voting Rights Act" What...is the migratory pattern for immigrants to America? "African or Mexican?"    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Go ahead punk...Marry that gay    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Obama can't 'Jedi mind meld' a budget deal, any more than he can simply walk into Westeros    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]


Business:

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  FDA approves new "gummy bear" silicone breast implants. Perfect for women who want to become eye candy    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  U.S. government offers to let BP pay a $16 billion settlement . Company execs brace for having to drink only domestic champagne for an entire month    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Skechers begins selling shoes called "Daddy'$ Money" to teens Next up - shoes to divorced women called "Half of Daddy'$ Money"    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]
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(view entire blog)


4 Comments   (+0 »)
   
 
2013-03-05 07:55:06 PM  
I'm a little sad the 'dead stars-Yoko' one wasn't in the main, that should be on the short list for Headline of the year, not Geek headline of the year.  That has definitely set the bar for the Geek tab...
 
2013-03-05 10:01:11 PM  
I loved the Monty Python and the Holy Grail themed headline in Politics. I really LOLed when I read it.
 
2013-03-05 10:51:29 PM  
The Tebow headline is funny, but marred by the use of "back-up" when "back up" is called for.
 
2013-03-06 01:10:00 AM  
True beef ftw.
 
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