Here are the top headlines from last week. We're about to wrap up Headline of the Year now, we just did the last of the headline of the year preliminaries for the sub tabs (TFers can for on them here).

The big Headline of the Year (main) will be up this Friday. I can't wait.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2012-12-16 to Sat 2012-12-22:

  White House website petition to build a Death Star reaches required 25k signatures for official response. Let's start by dissolving the Senate. Fear will keep the local states in line    

  Man wears 70 items of clothing at airport to avoid baggage charge. Carry on, sir    

  Cable guy sexually assaults teenage girl between the hours of 3pm and 5pm    

  Yet again, an Earthling wins Miss Universe    

  Fraternity accused of killing a rented turkey. In other news, there must be a stripper shortage in Kansas    

  Home invasion ends with one of the intruders dying after leaping from one of the apartment windows. Must have been the fall guy    

  Homeless man falls to death in an elevator shaft. That is wrong on so many levels    

  Blizzard blasts Midwest. This is bad news... for Omaha    

  Group cleans up river after truck carrying frozen patties crashes. It's always good to have hamburger helpers    

  10 most commonly mispronounced words. One of them is "phenomenon." (♫ do doooooo, do do do ♫) "Phenomenon." (♫ do do do do ♫) "Phenomenon." (♫ do dooooooo, do do do, do do do, do do do, do do do, do-do do do do-do do ♫)  

  Mortally wounded man found outside of bowling alley, nihilists reported in area    


Sports:

  Rex Ryan decides to bench Sanchez, start McElroy, and keep Tebow involved in the offense, which is kind of like playing "The Lady, or the Tiger?" with three doors and three tigers    

  Vikings QB Christian Ponder marries ESPN's Samantha Steele. There was no reception    

  Olympic medalists live longer than the general population. New findings leave Bruce Jenner expressionless    


Geek:

  Cherokee Nation to celebrate integration of Cherokee language into Windows 8. Celebration expected to last until they actually try using Windows 8    

  Piranha has tougher bite than Tyrannosaurus Rex. Their arm strength is about comparable    

  Mistletoe helps ward off colon cancer. Subby tried this out but couldn't get it in past the little red berries    


Entertainment:

  IRS shows Lil Wayne what a gangsta lien really looks like    

  Noted weed enthusiast Shaun White cuts off his hair for charity. Law enforcement officials estimate the street value of the wig at $11,000    

  Kim Kardashian threatens to leave Instagram. Willy Wonka rolls his eyes and mutters, "No, stop, wait, come back"    


Politics:

  Michael Dukakis says tanks but no tanks to possibility he'd be appointed senator if John Kerry takes the State Department gig    

  Barack Obama named TIME magazine's Person of the Year. Critics claim without a sample of the placenta we don't know he's actually a person    

  Someone once compared getting consensus in Congress to herding cats. The analogy still holds but now you'll have to imagine that the cats are angry and brain damaged    


Business:

  Best Buy announces it will give its founder two additional months to determine whether or not he wants to retain ownership of his chain of Amazon.com showrooms    

  InBev is annoyed that the small Czech company who owned the rights to the name Budweiser before they did is blocking them from selling their beer in England and Germany, where they apparently think someone would actually BUY American Budweiser  

  Bureau of Economic Analysis Q3 revisions are out: GDP adjusted upwards, GDI adjusted downwards, Brotherhood of Nod about even    
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