FARK.com: Blog (Unfreakable): Headline of the Year preliminaries starting on Totalfark this week, and here are some other Headlines of the Week for 11/11

Headline of the Year preliminaries starting on Totalfark this week, and here are some other Headlines of the Week for 11/11 - 11/17
Posted by Unfreakable at 2012-11-23 7:54:59 PM (10 comments) | Permalink

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This one's crazy late. We got started on Headline of the Year preliminary threads Tuesday but a project on Wednesday and Thanksgiving yesterday sort of dented the progress I had started. For those of you who have TF, the two threads are here:

December 2011: http://www.fark.com/comments/7444133

January 2012: http://www.fark.com/comments/7444462

In the meantime, here are the ones from this week.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2012-11-11 to Sat 2012-11-17:

After Hurricane Sandy, Nestle donates hundreds of Hot Pockets to Newark residents. First water, then fire, now lava - they can't catch a break

Woman attacked outside church by man with dark hair, full beard. He appeared cross

Steven Spielberg's "Lincoln" opens in theaters, despite the fact that Lincoln historically doesn't do well in theaters

Vegetative patient clinically shown to be conscious after 12 years, has limited communication, given job greenlighting Fark links

The Israeli Defense Forces have just declared war over Twitter, UN to respond with Instagram'ed angry letter and Arab league via "Thing we dislike about Israel" Pinterest board

Diamond formerly belonging to Austro-Hungarian archduke sells for $21.5 million at auction, shortly thereafter, it was fatally stabbed by a radical Serbian brooch

Exotic dancer accused of human smuggling. Her really lumpy thong was a dead giveaway

Turkey recognizes new Syrian rebel group as the legitimate leader of Syria. US recognizes Turkey is delicious with stuffing and cranberry relish

Suspected murderer John McAfee asks around the internet if anyone knows of a cell phone that can't be tracked. Expected to soon tweet his complaints about how expensive lye is

New report warns that terrorists could black out an entire section of the U.S. by attacking our power grid. Or, they could just wait for the next moderate rain storm

U.S. Secret Service agents freak out when they mistake relatively benign water monitors for carnivorous komodo dragons... then later they all have a laugh about it over some drinks and prostitutes

Sports:

Conspiracy theorist claims that the Minnesota Timberwolves are hoarding white players to boost ticket sales. Protecting the stadium's baskets from wear and tear from slam dunks is just a lucky bonus

Study concludes soccer players may get long-term brain damage, just from heading the ball -- affording them yet another chance to flop on the ground and feign injury

Former Chicago Bears Coach Mike Ditka suffered a minor stroke, finished his pork chop

Geek:

Scientists have successfully cloaked an object perfectly for the first time. Nothing to see here, move along

Yearly birth rates continue to fall, although vasectomies are no longer responsible for the vas deferens

The lightest metal on Earth. No, I'm not talking about Metallica

Entertainment:

Creedence Clearwater Revival member John Fogerty's new book will detail his unique songwriting ability, career as a rock star, early success as the model for Dutch Boy Paints

John Mellencamp and Stephen King finish work on their collaboration project: A musical. It is expected to be a catchy hodgepodge of Americana with an unsatisfying ending

Taylor Swift begins writing a love advice column for Seventeen Magazine. Look for it on the same page with Charles Barkley's golf tips

Politics:

Hurricane Sandy forces unexpected New Jersey tax hikes. Governor Christie promptly moves to have Sandy officially registered as a Democrat

Pulitzer Prize winners Doris Kearns Goodwin and Tony Kushner say that Abraham Lincoln would be a Democrat today. We've recently reached Lincoln for comment: "...,"

Officials in Ecuador ban donkey from participating in council elections -- as opposed to the United States, where it's considered vital to have representatives from both parties

Business:

Apple announces resolution of dispute with HTC, cross-licensing of patents, and unlimited clean energy for its offices generated by Steve Jobs spinning in his grave

McAfee releases third quarter threats report, forgets to list their founder

Airlines paint mustaches on planes to support Movember, invite the public to take mile-high mustache rides

· · ·

(view entire blog)

10 Comments (+0 »)

Indubitably		2012-11-23 08:22:41 PM

To headline

Silly Jesus		2012-11-23 08:25:01 PM

What do I win?

Indubitably		2012-11-23 08:28:13 PM

Silly Jesus: What do I win?

Nothing.

Unfreakable		2012-11-23 08:50:58 PM

Indubitably: To headline

Is there a grammar error I'm missing?

Marcus Aurelius		2012-11-23 09:18:33 PM

Steven Spielberg's "Lincoln" opens in theaters, despite the fact that Lincoln historically doesn't do well in theaters

If that movie wins an Oscar, this headline MUST get a HOTY.

Marcus Aurelius		2012-11-23 09:23:41 PM

/rushes off to copyright "HOTY"

Disgruntled Goat		2012-11-23 09:35:19 PM

Since a good chunk of greenlights are now simply cut-and-paste from the linked articles, the candidates are pretty slim this year.

AverageAmericanGuy		2012-11-23 10:05:35 PM

Denied yet again.

D-Liver		2012-11-24 02:52:05 PM

Pretty sub-par round.

jim32rr		2012-11-24 03:05:24 PM

D-Liver: Pretty sub-par round.

Thanks....and I was feeling good aboot myself for making the cut with Ditka

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