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President of NFL films dies at LXIX, give me irony or give me death and THIS IS AN OUTAGE: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 9/16 - 9/22
Posted by Unfreakable at 2012-09-26 4:56:21 PM (3 comments) | Permalink

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2546 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 Sep 2012 at 5:04 PM (5 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Some of last week's better headlines. Enjoy!

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2012-09-16 to Sat 2012-09-22:

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  Man releases video of his 18-month-old daughter playing with a gorilla to show how docile and gentle the creatures really are. Gorillas, not toddlers    
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  Here's some photos of beauty pageant contestants of the 1920s and 1930s. Eh, you'd probably slip most of these broads your Roscoe, unless you're some kind of three letter man    
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  Don't panic, but seven people have died since an untreatable "superbug" was released at an NIH lab in Maryland. Paging Captain Trips, Captain Trips to the white courtesy phone    
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  Just like Fark admins, judge greenlights a repeat from the 1970s    
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  Pakistani man dies from inhaling the fumes of burning US flags while at protest against freedom of speech. Give me irony or give me death    
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  Two Swedish women receive womb transplants from their mothers. That's hysterical    
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  New indoor gun range will be equipped with a bar. Bloody Marys expected to be common    
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  Princess Kate ends royal boobies tour by flashing her bottom in Brisbane. Subby can't wait for her to visit Beaverton    
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  Scientists find that marijuana can stop aggressive cancers, once-motivated college students    
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  Blackberry network down all over the Middle East. THIS IS AN OUTAGE  

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  Iran builds a self-contained version of the internet. Single women flock to the new social network, "You Must Completely Cover Your Face Book"    
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Sports:

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  Anti-religion organization wants the University of Tennessee to stop conducting prayers before football games. Welp, there goes any chance the Vols had against Georgia and Bama    
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  Steve Sabol, president of NFL Films, dies at age LXIX    
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  Ex-Pirate comes out of the closet. Difficulty: Not Captain Jack Sparrow    
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Geek:

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  Scholar unveils 1,600 year old Coptic papyrus fragment where Jesus says "my wife". Scholar thinks she may have also made out the words "take" and "please"    
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  Previously undiscovered 'Lord of the Rings' illustrations unmiddleearthed by literary researcher    
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  Researchers translate ancient Egyptian language. The first sentence that was decoded - "Why is everyone walking that way?"    
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Entertainment:

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  Andie MacDowell says dating is difficult at age 54, that each date is like living the same day over and over again    
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  PETA protests NBC's "Animal Practice" for using wild animal actors. NBC to send out Jim Fowler to throw a net over the protestors so that they can be tagged for future observation, as Marlin stays in the tent drinking martinis with the native girls  

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  Bob Dylan conjures old folk songs, phlegm on new album    
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Politics:

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  Mitch McConnell bravely ran away. When reporters reared their ugly heads, he bravely turned his tail and fled. Bravest of the brave, Mitch McConnell    
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  Poll: Republicans have better sex, Democrats have more, independents simply screwed    
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  This November, a pro-gay marriage amendment may win a statewide vote for the first time, but let's not start sucking each other's dicks just yet    
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Business:

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  Microsoft patents smacking your phone to make it shut up. Subby is sure he saw prior art for this in the toy section at Wal-Mart yesterday    
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  Airline goes around and around and around with OSHA after employee dies on a conveyor belt    
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  Marketing experts at Starbucks conclude that consumers are willing to pay $199 to burn their own coffee at home    
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· · ·

3 Comments     (+0 »)
 
 
2012-09-26 05:23:17 PM  
Oh good. Hysterical made it. That one was brilliant.
 
2012-09-26 06:27:00 PM  
Some great stuff in here (Dylan, OUTAGE, the gay marriage/pulp fiction bit) but I like the Sabol one the best. It's economic and manages to be funny even though so many of us loved the guy. At least in the sports tab. The rest of you don't count.
 
2012-09-27 01:25:25 AM  
only 2? damn.
 
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