Jihad Me Elmo, butthole monocles, and stank-tainted confetti: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 6/3 - 6/9
Posted by Unfreakable at 2012-06-13 1:00:47 PM (4 comments) | Permalink
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This got put off a couple days after we used the normal slot to announce the Fark notification app on Monday, but here are some of our favorite headlines. Enjoy
Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2012-06-03 to Sat 2012-06-09:
Passenger jet crashes into apartment building in Nigerian capitol. Over 150 princes, bank officials, widows, and generous cancer-stricken millionaires feared dead
Taco Bell sells 100 million Doritos Locos Tacos in 10 weeks. Sales reach an amazing 8.0 on the sphincter scale
As a condition of stripping at T's Lounge, Octomom won't be going bottomless. Because when a man peers into that dark, dank bottomless hole it shreds his soul into stank-tainted confetti
"Hello everyone thank you for coming, I realize it's been a bit a rough year here at Al-Qaeda, which is why we're thrilled to announce our new #2 man Abu Yaha al...oh sonovabiatch not again"
Enterprise damaged enroute to Intrepid. This is not a repeat from 2947.3
Ikea hires translators to avoid sexually explicit product names. Subby will miss cleevlündsteemer duvet and cover sets
Al Qaeda is down to one senior leader; once al-Zawahiri is killed, they'll have to bring someone up from AAAl Qaeda
US Navy confirms that fire on nuclear sub USS Miami which caused $400 million in damage was started by a vacuum cleaner. Oh god, I have one of those in my house
U.S. ends funding for Pakistani version of Sesame Street. Doll factories immediately cancel plans for Jihad Me Elmo
Man accidentally shoots self in head after his manhood was challenged on internet. Wait a minute... who's not here today?
Homeless man arrested for camping. Not sure if its called "camping" at that point
NFL officially locks out referees. This sounds good until you remember this means Ed Hochuli now has nothing but time on his hands and a world full of rulebreakers that need tickets to the gun show
I'll Have Another year without a Triple Crown winner
Maria Sharapova wins French Open to capture a career Grand Slam. Let us all celebrate her glorious body...... of work
FBI didn't steal Megaupload evidence because it's "digital". Wait, what is their case based on again?
Prosecutors: Norwegian gunman Anders Breivek played World of Warcraft for up to seven hours straight for months on end. Farkers: Is that a lot?
Louis Theroux wonders if the porn industry can continue to discharge product in the face of ever growing internet competition
Kristen Stewart calls Farkers and people with taste "'voracious, starving sh*t eaters" for criticizing what she calls acting. Not once did her expression change during her tirade
Sheryl Crow has a brain tumor. It's like RAAAIIIIINNNNNN
Lindsay Lohan hospitalized after a train wreck...scratch that, after a car wreck
Republican spokesman who suggested throwing acid at female Democrats steps down. Guess it didn't go well with the base
Mitt Romney secretly attended the Bilderberg conference last week according to hotel staff. Kind of ruins it knowing the winner in advance, doesn't it?
Good grief Kwame Brown
Coinstar to produce Starbucks coffee dispensing machines after taking 10.9% of the coffee out of each cup
Taco Bell introducing a new line of 'upscale' and 'gourmet' menu items. Order your butthole monocles now
Politics is killing the stock market. Why can't it be a murder-suicide?
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