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Eyeless shrmp, pillowfights in lieu of NFL kickoffs, and earthquake research at the Sybian Building: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 4/15 - 4/21
Posted by Unfreakable at 2012-04-23 8:32:29 PM (4 comments) | Permalink
More: FarkBlog, Farkers, NFL

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1717 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 Apr 2012 at 8:38 PM (5 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Some good headlines this week. Enjoy

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2012-04-15 to Sat 2012-04-21:

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  Mob of anarchists attack NYC Starbucks, leaving everyone inside jittery    
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  Warren Buffett acquires prostate cancer    
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  Teenager sent to hospital after being struck by lightning twice in the same afternoon -- later discharged    
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  Fishermen are catching tons of shrmp in the Gulf. You read that right, these shrmp have no eyes    
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  Blood test could identify depression in teens, samples are easily collected after they finish cutting themselves    
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  California teens hack into school computers to change attendance records. Next up: Getting keys to Cameron's dad's Ferrari, picking up Sloane Peterson    
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  Bollywood actress beheaded by two fellow actors, no word on whether their alibi is the same old song and dance    
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  2011 was the worst year for measles since 1986. On the bright side, all the victims were autism free    
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  How internet porn turned my beautiful boy into a hollow, self-hating shell -- with a grip of steel    
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  South African bodyboarder killed by great white shark remembered as well-mannered boy and great chum    
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  Hot redhead singlehandedly collars Boston subway pervert after the other male passengers fold up like the Sox with a 9-0 lead    
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Sports:

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  NFL may eliminate kickoffs because too many players get hurt during returns. Possession and spot will be determined by a pillowfight at midfield    
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  Detroit Lions' center Raiola says he's not concerned with short-term memory loss; goes on to say that he's not concerned with short-term memory loss, ends interview by pointing out he's not concerned with short-term memory loss    
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  Colombo returns to Dallas for just one more thing    
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Geek:

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  Scientists build a five-story building on top of a shake plate to simulate earthquake damage. Engineers say the Sybian Building will help them determine how quakes affect modern structures    
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  Brain scans indicate if women will have sex, which is great news for guys who bring brain scanners to bars    
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  Brain Study: Erotic movies make parts of brain shut down (especially the part that's suppose to remember to clear your browser history)    
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Entertainment:

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  IRS to Lionel Richie: Hello, it's you we're looking for    
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  Heidi Klum poses naked lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit. Donec sollicitudin libero id elit    
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  Levon Helm, drummer for The Band, is in the end stage of terminal cancer. Subby wonders if Robbie Robertson will take all the credit for this, too    
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Politics:

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  Romney offering "preferred status" to Inauguration for donors who cough up $50,000. Still unsure where the party tent will be set up to get a good view of Obama's swearing in, though    
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  "Romney sticks to broad attack on Obama in NRA speech." Will the GOP ever stop disrespecting women?    
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  According to new research, Conservative viewpoints dominate Sunday morning television, which is ironic given that they should be in church  


Business:

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  Wall Street old-timers complain computerized high speed traders "are taking all the humanity out" of their business. We'd laugh, but we might drop the barrels we're all wearing    
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  American Airlines and U.S. Airways agree to terms of merger. "We seek to create an airline that combines the low on-time performance of American with the horrendous customer service that has made U.S. Airways a household name"    
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  Mishandled bags at airports now down to 20.3%. In related news, at $50 a bag, 20.3% fewer pieces of luggage checked this year    
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· · ·

4 Comments     (+0 »)
 
 
2012-04-23 08:40:55 PM  
Big shrmp?
 
2012-04-23 09:17:14 PM  
Two this week!

I'm spent.
 
2012-04-23 10:05:02 PM  
The shrmp headline was about the funniest thing I've read here.

But I love puns.
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2012-04-23 10:13:11 PM  
Shrmp was good because it was wordplay that wasn't a bad pun.
 
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