Manly heroics by Pooty Poot, printer ink truck crash the most expensive in history, and Titanic's last meal including iceberg lettuce: Headlines of the Week for 2/19 - 2/25
Posted by Unfreakable at 2012-02-28 6:06:34 PM (13 comments) | Permalink
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Some good headlines this week. Been seeing some good quality coming in the last few weeks. I gotta say, the submitters have really started upping their game. My favorite three from this week:
- Printer ink tanker truck overturns. Damages estimated at seven hundred trillion dollars
- Coyote attack defeated by teenager, ACME
- Jennifer Love Hewitt (moderate stiffening) to star in TV show about prostitution (full rigidity) on Lifetime (some softening) with Cybill Sheppard (complete flaccidity)
Good work, everyone. See you next week
Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2012-02-19 to Sat 2012-02-25:
Printer ink tanker truck overturns. Damages estimated at seven hundred trillion dollars
22-foot-long carving valued at $1,000,000 has been recovered, which comes as a huge relief
"Mummified man was heavy drinker" - presumably of formaldehyde
Titanic's last lunch menu up for auction, shows passengers dined on roast beef, mashed potatoes, iceberg lettuce
An electromagnetic pulse bomb sneak attack that would destroy all electronics is "quite likely." EVERYBODY PA
Biologists say women are attracted to male traits *flexes* that are largely useless *throws football* and impractical *gestures towards crotch*
Slovakia votes to name a bridge after Chuck Norris, will become the only bridge in the region that people are afraid to cross
Coyote attack defeated by teenager, ACME
New York man grows six inches through painful surgery, opting to forego the traditional method of "Sofia Vergara bikini pics"
Russian airliner lands safely after Vladimir Putin changes flat tire from the bed of a speeding Nissan pickup truck
Deadly explosion reported at Antarctic base. Survivors have not confirmed any Thing yet
Avril doesn't want the franchise tag. Why does he have to go and make things so complicated?
Yankees sign minor leaguer Burt Reynolds. Asked for comment, he replied, "The good old American lifestyle: For the money, for the glory, and for the fun... mostly for the money"
Packers resign Jermichael Finley. Deal would have been signed sooner, but Finley kept dropping the pen
Inventor of e-mail honored by Smithsonian. Was given special presentation at gala luncheon featuring seafood, poultry, Spam
Scientists call for dolphins to be classified as "non-human persons", which would place them above Kardashians, Lohans and the cast, crew and fans of Jersey Shore
25 years ago today Warhammer 40k began ripping off Starcraft and Gears of War
In the American healthcare system, the people are represented by two separate yet equally important groups: the TV shows which write plots about diseases, and the viewers who diagnose themselves from them. These are their stories
Jennifer Love Hewitt (moderate stiffening) to star in TV show about prostitution (full rigidity) on Lifetime (some softening) with Cybill Sheppard (complete flaccidity)
J.K. Rowling to publish book for adults. Intentionally this time
Santorum: Public schools an "anachronism". That's "something or someone that is not in its correct historical or chronological time", for those of you who went to public schools
At campaign rally, Ron Paul denounces Woodrow Wilson, who he ran against several elections back
Romney campaign spent more than twice as much cash as it raised last month, may become target for takeover by Bain Capital
Eurozone finance ministers have finally sealed a deal for a second bailout of Greece after realizing they've got bills, they're multiplyin'
The CEO of AT&T is--...take a whopping pay c--...failed deal to ta--...T-Mobile
Murdoch settles lawsuits, revises his elaborate plans to destroy MacGyver
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