Hey everybody, sorry this Headline of the Week is behind schedule, I was in Vegas on Monday and Tuesday looking into hotels for Fark's big meetup at the end of March, and I spent most of yesterday traveling to get home.

Heads-up: Tomorrow is Fark's Headline of the Year contest for 2011.

I'm gonna push it live at 11AM Eastern. I was hoping to have the subtab contests done by now, too, but those are getting bumped to next week. I'll have a thread in about an hour that will be at the top of the the Greenlit tab, linking to all five of the third quarter subtab contests, and I'll have another five contests tomorrow for the fourth quarter.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2011-12-04 to Sat 2011-12-10:

  German National Socialist Union cell created and sold Pogromly board game, based on Monopoly, with concentration camps instead of railroads and gas works instead of water works. Nahtzee probably gets boring after a while    

  Ford's 2013 Lincoln MKS Sedan will have technology to tell when the driver is distracted. Control switch to be found under knob for voice texting and between video player and GPS    

  Turtle escapes NYC wildlife center, beats Giants secondary for a 39-yard gain    

  Man fails to elude police during foot chase. Will respawn at the Los Santos Police Station minus his weapons, $100 and the XBox he was carrying    

  Radio stations that switch to All-Christmas format are doubling their ratings. Suck it Thanksgiving, Passover, and Ramadan radio    

  5'4" 252 pound pole dancer says she's proud of her ability. I don't know about her, but whoever installed that pole should be    

  Federal Aviation Administrator chief Randy Babbitt downgraded from FAA to AA    

  Actual Headline: "Merkel's Strategy: Make Europe Look a Lot More Like Germany." Guess third time's the charm?    

  Should nuns take birth control pills? Probably, considering their boss has a history of impregnating women without touching them    

  Police say man lived with woman's corpse for months, but have not ruled out possibility he may have only thought he had gone deaf    

  Authorities arrest 3 Chinese men in Cologne after finding 100 snakes, 70 tortoises, and 20 neon-colored frogs in their hotel room; are unsure whether they are animal dealers or had just ordered room service    


Sports:

  Spartan Stadium could be getting new scoreboards, bottomless pit    

  Packers Linebacker charged with beating his girlfriend. IMO, she would be better off dating someone from the Colts. They don't beat anyone    

  Pujols to become Angel in LA, Devil in St. Louis    


Geek:

  Today may or may not be Werner Heisenberg's birthday    

  Inventors of a new revolutionary substance claim that it can keep things from getting wet. For generations married men knew of this substance, and called it wedding cake    

  787 Dreamliner breaks records by flying nonstop from Seattle to Dhaka, then clocking in at 42 hours, 27 minutes for a round-the-world flight. With those out of the way, it shall now attempt to wear 248 t-shirts at once    


Entertainment:

  Rita Hayworth's grandson found dead in apparent suicide. It came down to a simple choice really. Get busy living or get busy dying    

  Soccer is so gay, even Jennifer Lopez can play it. In high heels and a miniskirt, just like David Beckham    

  Gene Simmons calls Madonna a "karaoke singer", reminds you to buy the new Kiss Karaoke Machine    


Politics:

  Dan Quayle endorses Mitt Romneye    

  Blagojevich to get 14 years of getting his seat filled    

  Trump finds it difficult to overcomb lack of candidates at his debate    


Business:

  Eurozone heading for some steep contractions. Come on Eurozone, give me one good push. YOU BASTARD, YOU DID THIS TO ME    

  Actual headline: "Fast trains from Detroit to Chicago coming in 3-4 years." Wow; I'd sure hate to have to book a ticket on the slow train    

  Stunning explanation given for bankrupt US brokerage firm missing $1.2bn: "I simply do not know where the money is," adding "Seriously, we looked behind the couch and everything"    
· · ·