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Brazilians waxed and macaque attacks: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 8/14 - 8/20
Posted by Unfreakable at 2011-08-23 7:01:04 PM (13 comments) | Permalink

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2818 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 Aug 2011 at 7:08 PM (6 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



One more week down, and some strong candidates for Headline of the Year. For the TFers, there's currently an active voting thread for Headline of the Year candidates in TFD for March 2011. For those TFers who hadn't noticed the previous Headline of the Year preliminaries, they can be found here:

Dec 2010
Jan 2011
Feb 2011

If you don't have TF, the combined quarterly threads will be put together around the beginning of December this year, so keep an eye out for them then. In the meantime, enjoy this week's selection.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2011-08-14 to Sat 2011-08-20:

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  Ugly-ass baby meerkat bastard is rejected by other meerkats, will be raised on scrambled eggs and porridge    
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  What's the new rage in protesting, if you're a monk in China? Why, setting yourself on fire, of course. It's been done before. But monk he see, monk he do    
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  Man speaks about shark bite. And I quote: "AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH"    
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  Woman steals $780 of Botox in her face. Suspect is expressionless. Repeat, expressionless    
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  Online charter schools: At last, combining the social development of home schooling, the educational prowess of public schools, and the solid career path of Phoenix University    
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  Paul Meier, father of the randomized clinical trial, dies. There will be two funerals, and neither mourners nor clergy will know which coffin contains his body    
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  Girl attacked by macaque in Wal-Mart parking lot. Yeah, sorry about that    
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  Brazilians waxed before they could fulfill missionary positions    
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  The Arizona man who shot his penis with his girlfriend's gun now has a restraining order against her. Police warn him to take things slowly, and not go off half-cocked    
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  Turkish Air Force finds some Kurds in their whey    
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  Police and firefighters scrambled for suspicious package in police station parking lot...which turns out to be a cooler full of beer. Bombed squad promises to destroy it    
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Sports:

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  Kobe Bryant offered $1.5 million a month to play basketball in China. For convenience, nine-year-olds will deliver his new shoes daily from across the street    
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  NFL will soon hire female official. Male refs still unwilling to give up the remote control on instant replays    
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  Yankees robbed by Royals. This is not a repeat from 1770    
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Geek:

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  Scientists discover naturally-occuring agent that can keep food fresh for over a year. Wonder Bread, Hostess Twinkies makers prepare patent infringement lawsuits    
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  University of Michigan creates world's fastest running robot. Forget Sarah Connor, get it a helmet and a playbook    
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  Cats being used to calm inmates at Nebraska jail. Best results still obtained using cougars    
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Entertainment:

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  Rapper's burned body found in SUV, police focusing investigation on music lovers    
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  Gerard Depardieu escorted off passenger jet after going oui oui in the aisle    
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  Mellencamp wife gets divorce, changes to cougar    
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Politics:

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  Chairman of German political party resigns after stuffing the ballot box of a 16-year-old girl    
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  Rick Santorum: "we have less freedom today than in 1776". No comment from Blacks, Women or Catholics    
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  Former President Bill Clinton talks about his vegan diet. Curious, considering his affinity for eating cows    
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Business:

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  Shell sells sea wells to the sea whore    
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  Health inspectors shut down Chicago Burger King after finding more than 200 flying insects. Some were small, some were big, some were real whoppers    
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  Australian brewer SABMiller makes hostile $10 billion bid to take over rival Foster's. Everything in Australia always ends up being hostile when enough beer is involved    
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· · ·

13 Comments     (+0 »)
 
 
2011-08-23 07:13:04 PM  
Currently running in the top ten so far for March:

US astronomers announce discovery of room temperature dwarf brown star. NASA immediately names it Gary Coleman

One that probably won't make the cut but deserves a tip of the hat:

Maryland Mansion destroyed in fire, still plans to release new album and tour later this year
 
2011-08-23 07:18:29 PM  
That's a lot of waxing.
 
2011-08-23 07:37:04 PM  
I made HotW? Holy crap.
 
2011-08-23 07:42:14 PM  

ArtosRC: I made HotW? Holy crap.


Good work, man!
 
2011-08-23 08:08:56 PM  
Crap. One of my headlines was up for headline of the year and I didn't get to vote for it. A thousand times.
 
2011-08-23 08:40:40 PM  

ArtosRC: I made HotW? Holy crap.


Hey, me too! 1st time. And congrats to you, sir or madame.
 
2011-08-23 09:19:30 PM  
Been a good week for me. Started law school, got sponsored for a month of TotalFark and got my second headline of the week. My HotW also got mentioned in the headline for this thread! Hooray me.

/now back to some property law
 
2011-08-23 10:13:11 PM  
No Brazilians waxed, only American bible-thumpers *sigh*.

Wasn't this already mentioned?
 
2011-08-23 10:57:11 PM  
Poaching threatens Swedish wolves, makes them flavorless and mushy

One of the few I actually lolled at this week, and it is nowhere to be seen. Meh.
 
2011-08-23 11:46:55 PM  

TsarTom: Hey, me too! 1st time. And congrats to you, sir or madame.


First-timer here, too; I'm actually kind of shocked.
 
2011-08-24 12:22:29 AM  
I thought of the Brazilian headline a couple of times this week while driving around and had a good laugh every time. That's never happened before.
 
2011-08-24 06:18:05 AM  
When are these talking ads going to be gone from Fark?
 
2011-08-24 07:10:11 AM  

SpyroChiro: When are these talking ads going to be gone from Fark?


They're not supposed to be there in the first place. We already tracked one down yesterday and killed it, you're seeing a new one?
 
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