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Shi'ites getting Syrias, wrapping babies in foil, and a zombie treaty on the horizon: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 4/17 - 4/23 
Posted by Drew at 2011-04-26 2:00:18 PM (13 comments) | Permalink
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2627 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 Apr 2011 at 2:19 PM (4 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



From Unfreakable:

No update from Drew this week, so enjoy the headlines.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2011-04-17 to Sat 2011-04-23:

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  Philadelphia Orchestra out of C notes    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  The "uhhhs" and "umms" in our speech may be crucial to helping children learn to speak, according to the National Institute Of Why Is Bob Newhart So Freaking Awesome    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  Kenyan wins Boston Marathon in 2 hours, 3 minutes, 2 seconds, which is faster than anyone has driven 26 miles in Boston    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  Shi'ites getting Syrias    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  Donald Trump declares: "I'm the last person Obama wants to run against". In other news, VP Joe Biden has assumed the duties of President until Obama's laughing fit ends    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  Gary Busey's infant son hospitalized --- his teeth must be coming in    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  Chemicals being spread over populated areas to prevent spread of wildfires in Texas. That's retardant    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  Famous clown's organ may not be real. Don't let them big shoes fool you    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  "Five-week-old baby severely burned in cooking accident." This may be a modest proposal, but next time try wrapping the baby in foil to prevent accidents    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  Large tornado, now arriving Gate 11... Gate 12... Gate 13    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  Syrian forces open fire on funeral procession. At least one dead    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]


Sports:

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  Major League Baseball signs deal to broadcast games in Vietnam and China, thereby slowing down Asian economic surge by boring their citizens to death    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  NFL expected to release schedule on Tuesday. Highlights are expected to be a Week 1 matchup of Nobody vs. Nobody, a Week 2 matchup of Nobody vs. Nobody, and a Week 3 matchup of the Bills vs. Nobody, but the Bills will still find a way to lose    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  Grete Waitz, nine-time NYC Marathon winner and Olympic silver medalist dies at age 57. Subby goes back to eating cookie dough, satisfied with life choices    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]


Geek:

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  Scientists attempt to determine if the arctic is coaled    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  Honeycombs help cure cancer, yeah yeah yeah    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  Carbon nanotubes could be used as synthetic brains, giving humanity at least a chance for a treaty with the zombies    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]


Showbiz:

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  Bruce Willis to sell New York apartment at a loss. Yippie-ki-yay, market failure    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  P-Diddy to make guest appearance on "Hawaii 5-0" which will soon change its name to "Hawaii" and then "5-0" before eventually being cancelled    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  'Bewitched' creator Sol Saks dies at 100. Actually he died at 82, but was replaced by another guy and nobody said a word    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]


Politics:

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  Trump is richer than Romney, meaning he's a better businessman. Also has had more wives than Romney, making him the better Mormon    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  Is Obama morphing into Bush? Worst. Power Ranger. Evar    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  Department of Homeland Security accidentally loses 10 Libyan terrorists they brought to the United States. I just hope Doc Brown read that letter already    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]


Music:

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  Blink 182 postpones European tour until they can find a way to travel back in time to 1994    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  Morrissey cries about his memoirs, everything else    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  Annie Lennox not strong enough to tour, walk on broken glass    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]


Business:

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  Volkswagen unveils sportier Beetle with more aerodynamic pterathorax    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  Seagate seeks to expand, by spending some cache to raid Samsung's disk drive business    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from fark.com too old to be available]  Dollar falls to 15-month low against euro, yen, and any other currency that doesn't have the word "Zimbabwe" on it    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]
· · ·
(view entire blog)


13 Comments   (+0 »)
   
 
2011-04-26 02:30:55 PM  
Sunni or later it shoulda Kurd to ya that the Shi'ite was gonna hit the fan...
 
2011-04-26 02:33:24 PM  
Not as many pun headlines lately....did everyone just get tired of the HOTW contest being a pun-off or what?
 
2011-04-26 02:33:37 PM  
My personal favorites from the list this week:

- Gary Busey's infant son hospitalized --- his teeth must be coming in

- Trump is richer than Romney, meaning he's a better businessman. Also has had more wives than Romney, making him the better Mormon

- NFL expected to release schedule on Tuesday. Highlights are expected to be a Week 1 matchup of Nobody vs. Nobody, a Week 2 matchup of Nobody vs. Nobody, and a Week 3 matchup of the Bills vs. Nobody, but the Bills will still find a way to lose

- Bruce Willis to sell New York apartment at a loss. Yippie-ki-yay, market failure

- Department of Homeland Security accidentally loses 10 Libyan terrorists they brought to the United States. I just hope Doc Brown read that letter already


Good work, submitters.
 
2011-04-26 02:34:29 PM  

Unfreakable: My personal favorites from the list this week:

- Gary Busey's infant son hospitalized --- his teeth must be coming in

- Trump is richer than Romney, meaning he's a better businessman. Also has had more wives than Romney, making him the better Mormon

- NFL expected to release schedule on Tuesday. Highlights are expected to be a Week 1 matchup of Nobody vs. Nobody, a Week 2 matchup of Nobody vs. Nobody, and a Week 3 matchup of the Bills vs. Nobody, but the Bills will still find a way to lose

- Bruce Willis to sell New York apartment at a loss. Yippie-ki-yay, market failure

- Department of Homeland Security accidentally loses 10 Libyan terrorists they brought to the United States. I just hope Doc Brown read that letter already

Good work, submitters.


Hey! None of those are mine!
 
2011-04-26 02:44:05 PM  

HawgWild: Hey! None of those are mine!


Sorry, man.
 
2011-04-26 02:50:15 PM  

Unfreakable: HawgWild: Hey! None of those are mine!

Sorry, man.


I thought you loved me!

*cries like a little girl*
 
2011-04-26 02:55:04 PM  

Unfreakable: - NFL expected to release schedule on Tuesday. Highlights are expected to be a Week 1 matchup of Nobody vs. Nobody, a Week 2 matchup of Nobody vs. Nobody, and a Week 3 matchup of the Bills vs. Nobody, but the Bills will still find a way to lose


Headlines like this make me glad that I never latched onto the Bills, despite being a local kid.
 
2011-04-26 03:11:23 PM  

CrazedHatter: Unfreakable: - NFL expected to release schedule on Tuesday. Highlights are expected to be a Week 1 matchup of Nobody vs. Nobody, a Week 2 matchup of Nobody vs. Nobody, and a Week 3 matchup of the Bills vs. Nobody, but the Bills will still find a way to lose

Headlines like this make me glad that I never latched onto the Bills, despite being a local kid.


On the other hand, in an indirect way, they were responsible for having Sean Young stripped to her undies.
 
2011-04-26 03:17:31 PM  
Is Drew dead? On a secret mission to Syria? What gives, this is like 2 weeks in a row with "no update from Drew". I'm thinking it may be time to look for a new place to hang up.
 
2011-04-26 03:37:41 PM  
'Bewitched' creator Sol Saks dies at 100. Actually he died at 82, but was replaced by another guy and nobody said a word

Subby of this, whoever you are, that was brilliant.
 
2011-04-26 03:38:37 PM  

andyofne: Is Drew dead? On a secret mission to Syria? What gives, this is like 2 weeks in a row with "no update from Drew". I'm thinking it may be time to look for a new place to hang up.


Nah, he was traveling a bunch the last several weeks and is still a bit buried. When he doesn't have stuff to say, he just says he doesn't have anything and I post this thread without it.
 
2011-04-26 06:22:20 PM  
I'm pretty excited to have finally made the list.
 
2011-04-26 09:03:24 PM  
woot!
I got 3! (honeycombs, zombies and Bewitched)
 
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