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A few of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 4/3 - 4/9
Posted by Drew at 2011-04-12 1:53:41 PM (13 comments) | Permalink

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2736 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Apr 2011 at 2:00 PM (6 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



From Unfreakable:

No update from Drew this week, enjoy the headlines.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2011-04-03 to Sat 2011-04-09:

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  Vehicle crashes into Subway restaurant. Let us take a moment to honor our fallen heroes    
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  32 killed in Congo crash. See, THAT is why I never participated in those things at wedding receptions    
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  Man attempting to hold up Apple Store learns that security guard's handgun "just works"    
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  Drunk guy found with M&Ms in his pocket and a chicken in his pants. Or, as subby calls it, Tuesday    
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  Boy born without hands wins penmanship award, stumps experts    
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  19-year-old woman disappears from nightclub. Authorities issue an all-oontz oontz oontz oontz oontz oontz oontz oontz oontz oontz oontz oontz oontz oontz oontz oontz oontz oontz oontz oontz oontz oontz oontz oontz oontz oontz oontz bulletin    
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  Scientists grow first eyeball in a lab, which is a huge breakthrough for just about everybody except paranoid people    
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  Ashley Judd details molestation, family drug abuse, and neglect in her new memoir "I'm Not the Fat One"    
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  There is a group home for alcoholic hipsters in Brooklyn. At least, there was until everybody heard about it    
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  Scientist becomes first person to pass insect-borne virus to someone else by sexual contact. Experts suggest: Before you get off, get OFF    
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  Northern Ireland police defuse a gigantic bomb that wasn't U2's latest album    
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Sports:

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  10-year-old boy uses $8500 from his college fund to buy Refrigerator Perry his Super Bowl XX ring back. Fridge returns the favor by deciding not to eat the child    
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  LeBron buys a minority stake in Liverpool FC, will never walk alone. Not that the refs would call him for a walk anyway    
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  Bost0n 5ucks    
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Geek:

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  Astronomers see star spewing material out of both ends. Must be in the constellation of Tequila    
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  One in five mammals are close to becoming extinct. Looking around the IT department here, I have a pretty good idea which ones    
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  Arctic ice, which was supposed to be gone by now, then supposed to be gone by 2013, will now be gone by 2016. Until next year, when it will be gone by 2020. If we don't act now, by 2100 it will be gone by 2500. EVERYBODY PANIC. SLOWLY    
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Showbiz:

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  Will Smith and his daughter Jaden will star in M. Night Shyamalan's new science fiction film. Early reports indicate that--wait, Jaden is his son? WHAT A TWIST    
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  After his soul crushing break-up with Jessica Biel, Justin Timberlake bravely lands on his feet, Olivia Wilde    
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  Kelly Ripa gets a wax figure at Madame Tussaud's. Unfortunately there's a dress on it though so you can't tell if her penis-navel was accurately sculpted    
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Politics:

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  NJ Councilman: Anyone who says I agreed to a bribe from a FBI informant is a liar. FBI: Here are the tapes. Councilman: Ahem. Chewbacca is a wookie    
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  Santorum now in Nevada, where it is considered a delicacy    
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  Evangelicals, conservatives, and NRA members are shunned from academia, reports a study by the Wedgie Institute for Nerd Studies    
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Music:

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  Miley Cyrus says she was misquoted when she said "It should be harder to be an artist. You shouldn't just be able to put a song on YouTube." Yes. Easy to see how that could be taken out of context    
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  Mary J. Blige plans on releasing a new album this September. Her legion of fan is undoubtedly excited    
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  Adam Ant wages war on digital age, claiming we're all computer-obsessed geeks and his new album won't be available online. Subby used the Internet to find out who Adam Ant is    
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Business:

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  Broken cruise control could lead to Mercedes bends    
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  One out of 10 mall stores are vacant, which may prove advantageous in the event of the Zombie Apocalypse    
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  Steve Wozniak could return to Apple, offset Steve Jobs' weight loss    
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· · ·

13 Comments     (+0 »)
 
 
2011-04-12 02:00:18 PM  
I got two greens this week, not clever enough to make this list though.
 
2011-04-12 02:03:49 PM  
Yay! I made HOTW again!

*happy dance*

I'm getting better at this. I got 3 in one day. That's a record for me. It's 4 if you count within a 24 hour period.

*more happy dance*
 
2011-04-12 02:04:28 PM  

cretinbob: I got two greens this week, not clever enough to make this list though.


I got two too. I think the penmanship link wins though.

/not on list
 
2011-04-12 02:12:17 PM  

Pawn takes the King: cretinbob: I got two greens this week, not clever enough to make this list though.

I got two too. I think the penmanship link wins though.

/not on list


I dunno, I'd vote foontz oontz oontz oontz oontz oontz oontz oontz oontz oontz oontz oontz oontz oontz oontz personally.
 
2011-04-12 02:23:46 PM  
I got four greens in the past week... none appear in this list. It gets addicting.
 
2011-04-12 02:44:11 PM  

the_rev: I got four greens in the past week... none appear in this list. It gets addicting.


Likewise.
 
2011-04-12 03:14:19 PM  
I have to side with, "If it's Happy Hour and you know it clap your hands."
 
2011-04-12 03:30:43 PM  

chaddsfarkprefect: I have to side with, "If it's Happy Hour and you know it clap your hands."


It was from 4/10, so hopefully it will be on next week's list.

/subby
 
2011-04-12 03:38:45 PM  
I had a good week.
 
2011-04-12 03:48:30 PM  
What? Where's the thread with Elizabeth Hurley? That was oen that brought a tear to me eye.
 
2011-04-12 03:50:12 PM  
http://www.fark.com/comments/6090749/Kim-Kardashian-says-her-butt-is-no-big-deal
 
2011-04-12 03:55:41 PM  

Principal Clarinet: chaddsfarkprefect: I have to side with, "If it's Happy Hour and you know it clap your hands."

It was from 4/10, so hopefully it will be on next week's list.

/subby


That was the one I came in here looking for.

Good luck :)
 
2011-04-12 08:53:05 PM  
the ashley judd one made me laugh until i had a coughing fit... ah, memories.
 
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