Folks who have been reading Fark for the past 9 years know that our official political stance is that of the Equal Opportunity Lambasting Party. Personally, I simply don't like politicians. It seems like most of them would rather win a debate than be right. I don't personally enjoy being around people like that, and don't consider them to be worthy of hero worship.
I try to make sure we slam all candidates equally on Fark. Sometimes, though, it can be tough. For example, all the political news for the past 24 hours has been about Hilary Clinton crying during a Q&A session and her "Iron My Shirt" protester-groupie. Try to disregard the fact that media should be promoting pertinent issues - there's only a primary for the candidacy of our next president going on, after all. I can't remember where though, all the Britney Spears newsflash updates and articles about naked people from CNN pushed it out of my brain. By the way, Mitt Romney burst into tears last year sometime as well. No one seems to remember it.
Media gets caught up in that kind of thing from time to time. For example, the only things I know about John Edwards are he gets multi-hundred dollar haircuts and his house is larger than most grocery stores.
Strangely missing from recent coverage, however, are stories that make Obama look like a doofus. I know they're out there. He's had to have done something - but for some reason, no one's writing about it. I've seen plenty of articles comparing him to Jesus Christ, Ghandi, Martin Luther King Jr, and for all I know other fictional characters as well.
It's a problem for Fark because we can't effectively balance out the politics links without "Obama's an idiot" stories to post (btw, I know we're out of balance with all of the "Ron Paul is a Nutbar" postings, that's just how many there are. It'll even out soon, unless he keeps it up). I'd like to help the media out with this lack of silly Obama articles. Here's a handy list of the usual topics with some actual examples for the thousands of reporters out there reading Fark looking for story ideas:
When will they enter the race
We're kind of into the race already so this one's about to go away. It's too late to use on Obama anyhow, but that doesn't seem to prevent speculation that NYC Mayor Bloomberg might run for president. Nevermind the fact that it's too late to get on any primary ballots and he'd have to run as an independent (which never works). To be fair, it's probable the media's just being strung along by a staffer testing to see what public reaction might be should he decide to go for it in 2012. Thompson successfully strung the media along for all of 2007. They loved every second of it.
Edwards isn't the only guy who gets expensive haircuts. Pretty much all the candidates do. It's odd that he's the only one who this was pinned on, I can't explain it. I guarantee you Obama pays more than $10 at SuperCuts for his tight trim (actually now that I look again, maybe he just throws #2 on the Whal clippers and does it himself). This one gets media traction mainly because it falls under the media pattern of "boy, rich people are stupid." That's where a lot of the articles about diamond studded cellphones, $1000 mint juleps, and five-star hamburgers come from.
One variation of this article in the election cycle is when a candidate fails to recognize a grocery scanner at the super market (or another blue-collar tool). Both Reagan and Bush Sr did this if I recall, great fun. Media consumers love reading about stupid rich people. It's a new pattern I've come up with since my book on media patterns It's Not News It's Fark: How Mass Media Passes Off Crap As News came out. I'm not above shameless plugs.
Busted for a hypocritical statement on a stated position
This isn't actually hard to do; all politicians contradict themselves. My personal favorite is when the candidate drives away from a press conference about new environmental standards in a hybrid vehicle, only to get out of the car two blocks later and jump in a huge ass SUV. This happened at least twice in 2007 that I saw. It's probably a weekly occurance in DC. For extra fun, check out Tim Russert directly calling out John McCain for contradicting his own words. Good times, my friends.
Forget to tip a waitress
Someone does it every presidential campaign, it's just a matter of time before it happens again. Usually it happens in Iowa, probably because meals are so cheap there that tipping is embarrassing for the customer. It's kind of like that here in Kentucky, too. One of the local bars here has $1 draft bottles during Monday Night Football. Two hours and four beers later (when I'm driving I keep the consumption reasonable), the tab is $4. As opposed to New York City where any beer is $50 and if you look at them funny when the bill comes out they'll tack on a $10 "stop being a dick" surcharge.
This all pales in comparison to how things used to go. People these days complain about attack ads, but you should see how they used to do it. In the 18th and 19th centuries people would completely make stuff up, and by that I mean not mildly plausible stuff but way-out whackjob stuff. This was kind of problematic for the incumbent because it was considered unseemly for a president to campaign, so they had to rely on supporters to do it for them. From what I can tell, this must have mainly involved getting into shouting matches in bars. Generally the accusations had to do with the candidate either having fathered or actually being a bastard. For example, Thomas Jefferson was accused of having children with one of his slaves, children which he later sold as slaves... Except that really happened. Bad example. But you get what I mean.
As an aside, I loved the "Iron My Shirt" sign guy. Bonus points for creativity. I did find it odd that Boston didn't call in an airstrike (New Hampshire is kind of a suburb of Boston as I understand it...) (I'm kidding).
Anyhow I'll be on all evening waiting for someone to do something dumb after the polls close so I can post it to Fark. Shouldn't take long.