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The last batch of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 12/12 - 12/18, and an update on the 2010 Headline of the Year contest
Posted by Drew at 2010-12-21 3:59:33 PM (38 comments) | Permalink
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5168 clicks; posted to Main » on 21 Dec 2010 at 4:03 PM (6 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



From Unfreakable:

Wrapping up the end of the year Headline of the Year contest, the batch below will be the last ones included in the December nominations so that we're not still running the contest in January.

The voting is still active for Headline of the Year Quarterfinals - Round 3, and you can see the previous Headline of the Year threads for Round 1 and Round 2

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2010-12-12 to Sat 2010-12-18:

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  Sperm stem cells altered into insulin-producing cells to treat diabetes. Researchers say a cure for diabetes is about to come any moment now    
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  JFK's secretary's handwritten list of possible assassination suspects now up for auction. Numerous bidders hoping to get a shot at it    
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  Software engineer in custody after reformatting and partitioning his wife    
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  Alaska sues over fish restriction. Clearly, freedom is an Aleutian    
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  Italian doctors, nurses asked not to snort cocaine while on duty. Sheesh. Micromanage much?    
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  Drunk woman spinning donuts in police parking lot fails to draw any attention; walks into station demanding to be arrested for DUI--thus marking the first time in human history that donuts have failed to bring cops running    
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  19 Pakistani girls wedge themselves in a SmartCar, set world record for most mustaches in an automobile    
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  Two million year-old mummified forest in Canada's Arctic could provide climate change clues, like how Zog and Ug's cap and trade CO2 emissions agreement reversed the global warming that had allowed a forest to grow in Canada's Arctic    
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  Artwork made of dollar bills forming the word "Honesty" left unattended. Perhaps that wasn't the best policy    
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  Mexican drone crashes in Texas neighborhood. Authorities suspect it was shot down by American drones concerned it would take their jobs    
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  "US Foie Gras Industry Ducking Controversy." Maybe they can help goose the economy when they (puts on sunglasses) de-liver it. YEEEEAAAAHHH    
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Sports:

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  Chilean miners visit Man United, learn about living in dark environment where people go months without sunshine    
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  "Is losing out on Lee a blessing for Yanks?" Well, not until Gettysburg    
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  In death, Bob Feller still hit 92 on the gun    
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Geek:

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  Paleontologists discover complete 287 million year old dimetron fossil in Texas. That's nearly 6,000 years old in Texas School Board years    
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  Quantum cryptography may or may not be secure, which makes sense when you think about it    
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  Why some people have meltdowns during the holiday season and what HEY. YOU FINISH READING THIS HEADLINE BEFORE GOING TO THE NEXT ONE. I SAID FINISH IT    
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Showbiz:

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  Miley Cyrus used a bong. Doo Dah, doo dah. But she thinks she did no wrong. All the hookah day    
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  "You're in GaGa" *shudder* Oh wait, that's "Year in GaGa". much better    
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  "Steven Tyler is the New Paula Abdul." There's no interpretation of this phrase that DOESN'T put a chill up my spine    
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Politics:

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  Post Office to unveil new Ronald Reagan stamp, made with glue that tastes like delicious liberal tears    
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  Rep. Anthony Weiner and Hannity argue tax rates. THE GENTLEMEN IS CORRECT IN SUBMITTING    
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  Obama names Jon Bon Jovi to White House Council for Community Solutions. Special envoy David Coverdale approves    
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Music:

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  George Clinton is suing the Black Eyed Peas for plagiarism. They picked the wrong man to funk with    
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  Rapper Ja Rule heads off to Ja il    
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  Copyright infringement suit and royalties asked for against the rapper soon to be known as 25 Cent    
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Business:

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  Accessory package for $111,100 Corvette ZR1 includes two free days at high-performance driving school, hair plugs, viagra, & trophy wife    
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  New Givenchy ads feature an albino model. Some slight image corrections needed with photoshopping, White Out    
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  Silicon Valley venture capitalists value Twitter at $3.7+ billion in potential future IPO. Subby thinks these people are a bunch of dumb fuc    
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· · ·

38 Comments     (+0 »)
 
 
2010-12-21 04:04:48 PM  
penis
 
2010-12-21 04:10:44 PM  
I'm confused.
 
2010-12-21 04:13:15 PM  
mmmm... doughnuts
 
2010-12-21 04:14:24 PM  
Did someone say doughnuts?

/why can't it be donuts?
 
2010-12-21 04:15:39 PM  
I has a sad that my one contribution to this is largely based on a typo.
 
2010-12-21 04:17:45 PM  
Potato!
 
2010-12-21 04:18:20 PM  

2 grams: I'm confused.


Verbal Kint is Keyser Söze.
 
2010-12-21 04:25:25 PM  
You arent our normal mod are you?
 
2010-12-21 04:29:02 PM  

mikaloyd: You arent our normal mod are you?


Mod, yes. Normal...um, no.
 
2010-12-21 04:43:32 PM  
I love this time of year... oh and like holidays and stuff too
 
2010-12-21 04:52:22 PM  
So do all of the awesome headlines between the 18th and the 31st get included in next year's consideration?

/ inquiring minds want to know
 
2010-12-21 04:54:39 PM  

cfreak: So do all of the awesome headlines between the 18th and the 31st get included in next year's consideration?

/ inquiring minds want to know


Unfortunately, they pretty much get jobbed in terms of HOY consideration.
 
2010-12-21 04:58:42 PM  
I sincerely hope that the headline of the year comes in at 11:59pm on the 31st. Stuff like that gives me a woody.
 
2010-12-21 05:00:24 PM  
Is it just me, or did you skip October and November?
 
2010-12-21 05:02:27 PM  

Unfreakable: 2 grams: I'm confused.

Verbal Kint is Keyser Söze.


Bruce Willis was dead the whole time.
 
2010-12-21 05:33:05 PM  

movieman_1979: Unfreakable: 2 grams: I'm confused.

Verbal Kint is Keyser Söze.

Bruce Willis was dead the whole time.


Rosebud was his sled.
 
2010-12-21 05:48:26 PM  

Unfreakable: cfreak: So do all of the awesome headlines between the 18th and the 31st get included in next year's consideration?

/ inquiring minds want to know

Unfortunately, they pretty much get jobbed in terms of HOY consideration.


Doh!

Well I'll save my funny for the first of the year then.
 
2010-12-21 05:53:06 PM  

Flab: movieman_1979: Unfreakable: 2 grams: I'm confused.

Verbal Kint is Keyser Söze.

Bruce Willis was dead the whole time.

Rosebud was his sled.


Elle Woods actually becomes a lawyer.
 
2010-12-21 06:30:21 PM  

Siberwulf: Flab: movieman_1979: Unfreakable: 2 grams: I'm confused.

Verbal Kint is Keyser Söze.

Bruce Willis was dead the whole time.

Rosebud was his sled.

Elle Woods actually becomes a lawyer.


The Titanic sinks.
 
2010-12-21 06:31:58 PM  

EmeraldArcana: Is it just me, or did you skip October and November?


The TF-only threads are already live on TFD, will put together the December thread there tonight. The top ten from each of the last three months will be in the last Headline of the Year quarterly which I want to put together and out here on Main tomorrow.
 
2010-12-21 07:47:11 PM  
Is it only me or is the voterator farked? I've got quoterator but no way to create those yummy hanging chads.

Just saying...
 
2010-12-21 07:48:42 PM  

You Die!: Siberwulf: Flab: movieman_1979: Unfreakable: 2 grams: I'm confused.

Verbal Kint is Keyser Söze.

Bruce Willis was dead the whole time.

Rosebud was his sled.

Elle Woods actually becomes a lawyer.

The Titanic sinks.


Vader is Luke's father.
 
2010-12-21 07:49:13 PM  
Crap, reaDING THE SUMMARY! Self administered dope-slap. OUCH
 
2010-12-21 07:52:38 PM  

Equilibrist: Is it only me or is the voterator farked? I've got quoterator but no way to create those yummy hanging chads.

Just saying...


This is not a voting thread
 
2010-12-21 08:26:40 PM  

Equilibrist: Crap, reaDING THE SUMMARY! Self administered dope-slap. OUCH


Nah, no worries
 
2010-12-21 08:27:39 PM  

AbsentFriends: You Die!: Siberwulf: Flab: movieman_1979: Unfreakable: 2 grams: I'm confused.

Verbal Kint is Keyser Söze.

Bruce Willis was dead the whole time.

Rosebud was his sled.

Elle Woods actually becomes a lawyer.

The Titanic sinks.

Vader is Luke's father.


WINNAR!

Oh, and, Norman Bates likes to dress up as his mother and stab people.
 
2010-12-21 08:37:40 PM  

movieman_1979: AbsentFriends: You Die!: Siberwulf: Flab: movieman_1979: Unfreakable: 2 grams: I'm confused.

Verbal Kint is Keyser Söze.

Bruce Willis was dead the whole time.

Rosebud was his sled.

Elle Woods actually becomes a lawyer.

The Titanic sinks.

Vader is Luke's father.

WINNAR!

Oh, and, Norman Bates likes to dress up as his mother and stab people.


Soylent Green is people.
 
2010-12-21 08:56:07 PM  

Pants full of macaroni!!: movieman_1979: AbsentFriends: You Die!: Siberwulf: Flab: movieman_1979: Unfreakable: 2 grams: I'm confused.

Verbal Kint is Keyser Söze.

Bruce Willis was dead the whole time.

Rosebud was his sled.

Elle Woods actually becomes a lawyer.

The Titanic sinks.

Vader is Luke's father.

WINNAR!

Oh, and, Norman Bates likes to dress up as his mother and stab people.

Soylent Green is people.


It is Tracy's head in the box.
 
2010-12-21 09:53:02 PM  
Quantum cryptography may or may not be secure, which makes sense when you think about it

3rd round was SO meh. But this headline was brilliant, hope it makes the final cut for round 4.
 
2010-12-21 10:12:23 PM  

SoothinglyDeranged: Pants full of macaroni!!: movieman_1979: AbsentFriends: You Die!: Siberwulf: Flab: movieman_1979: Unfreakable: 2 grams: I'm confused.

Verbal Kint is Keyser Söze.

Bruce Willis was dead the whole time.

Rosebud was his sled.

Elle Woods actually becomes a lawyer.

The Titanic sinks.

Vader is Luke's father.

WINNAR!

Oh, and, Norman Bates likes to dress up as his mother and stab people.

Soylent Green is people.

It is Tracy's head in the box.


After saving Middle Earth, all the cool people sail to the undying lands where they will live forever, leaving the annoying and/or uninteresting people behind to die sad and alone. Kind of makes saving Middle Earth moot if you are going to leave it anyway, but what the hell it made a bundle of cash!
 
2010-12-21 10:44:33 PM  
Anne Frank went blind.
 
2010-12-21 11:00:51 PM  

Balchinian: SoothinglyDeranged: Pants full of macaroni!!: movieman_1979: AbsentFriends: You Die!: Siberwulf: Flab: movieman_1979: Unfreakable: 2 grams: I'm confused.

Verbal Kint is Keyser Söze.

Bruce Willis was dead the whole time.

Rosebud was his sled.

Elle Woods actually becomes a lawyer.

The Titanic sinks.

Vader is Luke's father.

WINNAR!

Oh, and, Norman Bates likes to dress up as his mother and stab people.

Soylent Green is people.

It is Tracy's head in the box.

After saving Middle Earth, all the cool people sail to the undying lands where they will live forever, leaving the annoying and/or uninteresting people behind to die sad and alone. Kind of makes saving Middle Earth moot if you are going to leave it anyway, but what the hell it made a bundle of cash!


After seeing the ruins of the Statue of Liberty, Taylor realizes he's actually made it back to Earth.
 
2010-12-21 11:16:17 PM  

elvisaintdead: Balchinian: SoothinglyDeranged: Pants full of macaroni!!: movieman_1979: AbsentFriends: You Die!: Siberwulf: Flab: movieman_1979: Unfreakable: 2 grams: I'm confused.

Verbal Kint is Keyser Söze.

Bruce Willis was dead the whole time.

Rosebud was his sled.

Elle Woods actually becomes a lawyer.

The Titanic sinks.

Vader is Luke's father.

WINNAR!

Oh, and, Norman Bates likes to dress up as his mother and stab people.

Soylent Green is people.

It is Tracy's head in the box.

After saving Middle Earth, all the cool people sail to the undying lands where they will live forever, leaving the annoying and/or uninteresting people behind to die sad and alone. Kind of makes saving Middle Earth moot if you are going to leave it anyway, but what the hell it made a bundle of cash!

After seeing the ruins of the Statue of Liberty, Taylor realizes he's actually made it back to Earth.


Abe made a failsafe time machine that's not shown in the movie.
 
2010-12-21 11:49:40 PM  

elvisaintdead: Balchinian: SoothinglyDeranged: Pants full of macaroni!!: movieman_1979: AbsentFriends: You Die!: Siberwulf: Flab: movieman_1979: Unfreakable: 2 grams: I'm confused.

Verbal Kint is Keyser Söze.

Bruce Willis was dead the whole time.

Rosebud was his sled.

Elle Woods actually becomes a lawyer.

The Titanic sinks.

Vader is Luke's father.

WINNAR!

Oh, and, Norman Bates likes to dress up as his mother and stab people.

Soylent Green is people.

It is Tracy's head in the box.

After saving Middle Earth, all the cool people sail to the undying lands where they will live forever, leaving the annoying and/or uninteresting people behind to die sad and alone. Kind of makes saving Middle Earth moot if you are going to leave it anyway, but what the hell it made a bundle of cash!

After seeing the ruins of the Statue of Liberty, Taylor realizes he's actually made it back to Earth.


Everyone on the Orient Express committed the murder.
 
2010-12-22 03:36:09 AM  

Tax Boy: elvisaintdead: Balchinian: SoothinglyDeranged: Pants full of macaroni!!: movieman_1979: AbsentFriends: You Die!: Siberwulf: Flab: movieman_1979: Unfreakable: 2 grams: I'm confused.

Verbal Kint is Keyser Söze.

Bruce Willis was dead the whole time.

Rosebud was his sled.

Elle Woods actually becomes a lawyer.

The Titanic sinks.

Vader is Luke's father.

WINNAR!

Oh, and, Norman Bates likes to dress up as his mother and stab people.

Soylent Green is people.

It is Tracy's head in the box.

After saving Middle Earth, all the cool people sail to the undying lands where they will live forever, leaving the annoying and/or uninteresting people behind to die sad and alone. Kind of makes saving Middle Earth moot if you are going to leave it anyway, but what the hell it made a bundle of cash!

After seeing the ruins of the Statue of Liberty, Taylor realizes he's actually made it back to Earth.

Everyone on the Orient Express committed the murder.


Laura Palmer was murdered by her father Leland, in the form of Bob
 
2010-12-22 10:05:55 AM  
Andy was digging an escape tunnel the whole time
 
2010-12-22 11:06:43 AM  
brown eye
 
2010-12-22 02:21:07 PM  

hammettman: Tax Boy: elvisaintdead: Balchinian: SoothinglyDeranged: Pants full of macaroni!!: movieman_1979: AbsentFriends: You Die!: Siberwulf: Flab: movieman_1979: Unfreakable: 2 grams: I'm confused.

Verbal Kint is Keyser Söze.

Bruce Willis was dead the whole time.

Rosebud was his sled.

Elle Woods actually becomes a lawyer.

The Titanic sinks.

Vader is Luke's father.

WINNAR!

Oh, and, Norman Bates likes to dress up as his mother and stab people.

Soylent Green is people.

It is Tracy's head in the box.

After saving Middle Earth, all the cool people sail to the undying lands where they will live forever, leaving the annoying and/or uninteresting people behind to die sad and alone. Kind of makes saving Middle Earth moot if you are going to leave it anyway, but what the hell it made a bundle of cash!

After seeing the ruins of the Statue of Liberty, Taylor realizes he's actually made it back to Earth.

Everyone on the Orient Express committed the murder.

Laura Palmer was murdered by her father Leland, in the form of Bob


Eric gets shot in the ass at the Academic Decatholon!
 
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