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A few of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 7/18 - 7/24
Posted by Drew at 2010-07-27 9:28:02 AM (17 comments) | Permalink
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3687 clicks; posted to Main » on 27 Jul 2010 at 11:21 PM (7 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



No posting this week; enjoy the headlines.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2010-07-18 to Sat 2010-07-24:

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  Food bank mistakenly gives out dog food to seniors, leaving them outraged but alert and frisky    
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  Man falls from mast of 19th century ship, hits head, dies. Rigger, please    
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  "Nobody wants to see the McDonald's-ization of cannabis," says a guy who clearly hasn't thought through the obvious synergies between McDonald's and weed    
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  Mysterious bulge leads airport authorities to search man and find three pairs of titis    
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  Sailing man strip off trunks to wave for help. Rescuers arrive soon after they spot his dinghy    
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  Pistil wielding man robs bank    
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  China denies that it has surpassed the United States as the world's top energy consumer, claiming that the data is tainted. Presumably with lead, chromium, melamine, sulfur, etc    
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  Boy fascinated with fish drowns in garden pond. Act of Cod suspected    
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  Oklahoma McDonalds restaurant robbed by a woman wearing men's underwear on her head. Cops in hot pursuit of the vehicle after getting a good look at the skid marks    
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  Tropical Storm Bonnie moving toward oil spill, could bring a total eclipse of the coast    
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  Texans wonder if they executed an innocent man. They don't actually care, they're just wondering    
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Sports:

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  ESPN plans to devote more than 30 hours of primetime to 2010 World Series of Poker as major sports event, promises it won't cut into any of their planned Brett Favre or LeBron James coverage    
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  Lou Piniella retiring as Cubs' manager. Well, he actually retired in 2008, but he'll stop getting paid by the Cubs after this season    
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  Nick Saban has "no respect" for agents that use players for their own benefit, calls them "pimps". Presumably he then took an entire breath before calling a recruit from his million dollar house, promising him an NFL career    
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Geek:

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  Symbian inserts open-source tool, paves way for wave after wave of multiple apps    
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  Australian government censors plans to require ISPs to store "ce█tain intern█t act█vit█es of all Au█trali█ns". Wow, they must be sensitive ██coonts  

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  Gene may determine bullying response - especially if Gene is much bigger than you and has friends    
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Showbiz:

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  Cast of "Jersey Shore" goes on strike. There's probably not enough hair gel, silicone, Affliction t-shirts, body spray and Valtrex in the world to pay them adequately    
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  Robert Pattinson says Kristen Stewart makes him uncomfortable, like when she tries to kiss him or touch him in any way    
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  MTV is now cited as the network with the most gay characters. In a close race, narrowly missing the honor this year was C-SPAN    
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Politics:

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  Mitt's got 100 problems    
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  Rod Blagojevich's lawyers take a gamble by not putting him on the stand. If this doesn't pan out there will be hell toupee    
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  Sen. John Kerry (R-MA) avoids paying $437,500 in sales tax and an annual excise tax of about $70,000 by mooring his yacht in Newport, RI. Must be a swift boat    
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Music:

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  Whitney Houston spends over $6,000 a week on cocaine, over $325,000 a year, and she could be dead in a year according to worried friends and an even more worried coke dealer    
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  Sagging sales, boobs, may be spelling the end of Lilith Fair    
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  Ron Jeremy in a heavy metal band. How about Nine.75 Inch Nails?    
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Business:

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  Wal Mart recalls chicken nuggets due to contamination, possibly from real chicken    
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  Existing home sales fall 5.1 percent; imaginary homes sales flat    
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  80% of bank bonuses weren't merited. Apparently they haven't checked into the other 20% yet    
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· · ·

17 Comments     (+0 »)
 
 
2010-07-27 11:23:21 PM  
Normally these are posted in the afternoon, but this one got caught in a spin cycle and wasn't visible earlier. Sharing with the late-night farkers instead.
 
2010-07-27 11:24:04 PM  
Existing home sales fall 5.1 percent; imaginary homes sales flat

That was my winner of the week.
 
2010-07-27 11:24:56 PM  

Unfreakable: Sharing with the late-night farkers instead.


Please, call us west coast or Pacific.
 
OGC
2010-07-27 11:27:10 PM  
Australian Gov't headline was edited further? Come on, that was beyond clever, in its original state; why dilute it?
 
2010-07-27 11:41:38 PM  

davidphogan: Unfreakable: Sharing with the late-night farkers instead.

Please, call us west coast or Pacific. Just call us.


No, you're eating dinner. Easterners are too damn polite for that kind of thing.
 
2010-07-27 11:44:05 PM  

rhiannon: No, you're eating dinner. Easterners are too damn polite for that kind of thing.


I'm from Buffalo, and I just can't believe that.
 
2010-07-27 11:46:47 PM  

Unfreakable: Normally these are posted in the afternoon, but this one got caught in a spin cycle and wasn't visible earlier. Sharing with the late-night farkers instead.


It's late?
 
2010-07-27 11:48:06 PM  

davidphogan: rhiannon: No, you're eating dinner. Easterners are too damn polite for that kind of thing.

I'm from Buffalo


I'm so sorry.

Don't worry, I'm heading to bed soon. It's almost midnight :)
 
2010-07-27 11:54:35 PM  
Bo
 
2010-07-27 11:57:02 PM  
Awwww ... I didn't make it.

I has a sad.

:(

/it was weak, anyway
 
2010-07-28 12:03:30 AM  
... because none of these headlines are funny:

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2010-07-28 12:34:06 AM  

Fista-Phobia: ... because none of these headlines are funny:


At one point I knew the guy who came up with that meme. It was like eight or ten years ago though on a Yahell Club that no longer exists.
 
2010-07-28 12:48:31 AM  
I know dude. Oh how time fles. Need to bring back the metric "aggressivness: from the Mullet site. Thalsu Doom worked in the cube next to me. Effing I.T., HOW DOES IT WORK?
 
2010-07-28 01:21:51 AM  
Australian government censors plans to require ISPs to store "ce█tain intern█t act█vit█es of all Au█trali█ns". Wow, they must be sensitive ██coonts

Sons of biatches! I was proud of that one, and you go and update the filter to invalidate it.
 
2010-07-28 09:01:46 AM  

Rob Anybody: Sons of biatches! I was proud of that one, and you go and update the filter to invalidate it.


Actually, the original headline is still there if you click on it.
 
2010-07-28 04:21:26 PM  
Can't believe this didn't make the cut. Best I've seen in weeks:
Man arrested after masturbation complaint. Wow, he must have really been bad at it
 
2010-07-29 08:16:36 PM  

Homer's Oddity: Can't believe this didn't make the cut. Best I've seen in weeks:
Man arrested after masturbation complaint. Wow, he must have really been bad at it


I forgot that one, but it was pretty great.
 
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