Wonton endangerment, Schwarzenegger on the moon, and a sweaty, uninhibited, double-jointed disgrace. Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 4/25 - 5/1
Posted by Drew at 2010-05-04 1:56:47 PM (35 comments) | Permalink
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No update from Drew this week, so enjoy the headlines.
Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2010-04-25 to Sat 2010-05-01:
Poison suspected after 80 Afghan school girls get sick. Bret Michaels is having the worst week ever
A pill to prevent premature ejaculation will be coming soon
Busboy at Chinese restaurant stabs co-worker with cleaver. Will be charged with wonton endangerment
Concertgoers show up in SS gestapo uniforms, receive beatdown upon leaving. How did they nazi this coming?
Mexico issues traveler advisory for Arizona. How Arpaiopriate
Teen discovers his dog's barf is worse than his bite
Florida makes another attempt to ban bestiality, raising the question of how their attempts keep failing in the first place
Man accused of stealing 20 packs of 'male enhancement' product from gas station, will do hard time
What women swallow may affect kids and grandkids, mostly whether they have them or not
Two Latin American countries allow homosexuals to adopt children. Know how I know Uruguay?
"Boy loses hand in bedroom explosion". And you thought the worst that could happen was going blind
Sports radio host compares Tim Tebow to a Nazi, which is ridiculous considering the Nazis had a devastating air attack
IOC strips underage Chinese gymnasts
Canadiens march into Washington and burn the Capitals. This is not a repeat from 1812
Scientific studies show that taking psychedelics can help reduce anxiety, at least until the green monster with teeth on its fingertips starts gnawing your face off
Japan pledged that before this decade is out, it will put Arnold Schwarzenegger on the Moon. Regrettably they also want to return him safely to the Earth. They want to do this not because it is easy, but because it is hard
Winners for the first International Longest Tweet contest announced. Unfortunately, the longest entry was a 3,748,839,101-way tie at 140 characters
John Cleese calls the 31-year gap between him and his girlfriend "a disgrace." A lusty, sweaty, uninhibited, double-jointed disgrace
Jenna Jameson has a big hole in her story. In related news, this headline is thirteen words too long
Rielle Hunter tells Oprah that she's not a homewrecker, which is true, because she's a sprawling estate-wrecker
George W. Bush's book "Decision Points" being released November 9th. Here you all thought it was going to be coloring book, but the sneaky bastard went all "connect the dots" on you
Sue Lowden (R-NV): "The GOP liberated Europe in World War II." Yeah, remember when they stormed Normandy on R-Day?
Senator from the party of nuance, bipartisanship and sweet reason refers to his political opponents as "white supremacists", is given chairmanship of new You're Not Really Helping Here Committee
Justin Bieber concert cancelled after fans get trampled in stampede. No word on whether they were trying to stampede into or out of the concert
Billy Corgan and Courtney Love fighting. 1995 wants it's headline back... actually no, it probably doesn't
Shakira's "Waka Waka" has been named the official song of this year's World Cup. In related news, Fozzie Bear to sue Shakira blind for copyright infringement
ASTRAZENECA FINED $510 FARKING MILLION DOLLARS FOR ILLEGALLY MARKETING A FRIGGIN' ANTI-PSYCHOTIC DRUG AND IT ANGERS ME SO FARKING MUCH THAT I'M GOING TO PUNCH MY COMPUTER AND SMASH MY FARKING KEYBOARD
AOL earnings fall 23% on loss of subscriber
Louisiana closes down shrimping areas, affecting shrimp-kabobs, shrimp creole, shrimp gumbo, pan fried, deep fried, stir-fried, pineapple shrimp, lemon shrimp, coconut shrimp, pepper shrimp, shrimp soup
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