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Drew talks about earthquake mania, Selection Sunday, and the James Cameron Reaction Watch. Also, some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 2/28 - 3/6 
Posted by Drew at 2010-03-08 1:47:15 PM (38 comments) | Permalink
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6596 clicks; posted to Main » on 08 Mar 2010 at 2:00 PM (4 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Now that Kathryn Bigelow was the first woman to win an Academy Award for best director, you can expect more followup stories on 1) other women firsts, and 2) other places where women still have yet to break that barrier. Also some followup stories on the state of mind of James Cameron, who will be forced to console himself by wiping away his tears with $100 bills while lying on a bed made of $100 bills in a house constructed of bricks made out of stacks and stacks of crisp $100 bills. There was also history made with the first African-American to win an Oscar for screenwriting, but the odds-on money favorite is still the James Cameron reaction.

With major earthquakes in Haiti, Chile, Japan, and Turkey, you can bet that there will continue to be a flood of in-depth articles about devastating potential fault lines around the United States, especially if they're the same fault type as Chile. Although most of them will be stories of regional interest (Ohio will discuss the basement faults common to their region, for instance), you'll also see the same old "San Andreas fault is bound to blow any year now" stories from the last twenty years, updated with new quotes from the current Caltech spokesperson, which always boils down to, "we don't know when, but it's overdue." Random non-causal correlation, though: the biggest California earthquakes of the last hundred years have all come when Republicans have sat in the governor's chair. No idea why.

There may be a bit more discussion of Missing Hot White Chick SyndromeTM after the media noticed that of two women abducted around the same time, one got all the press while the other one was quickly forgotten. Sorry about that, less-attractive-abductee-girl.

March 14 is Selection Sunday for the NCAA men's basketball tournament, so you can expect three articles to circulate: 1) who got jobbed and missed the tournament, 2) the annual discussion of doubling the tournament size to 128 teams instead of 64 (the word is that the tournament size expanding to 96 teams is all but a done deal), and the inevitable 3) randomly generated figure on lost productivity due to the NCAA tournament. It's been hovering between about $1 billion and $4 billion the last few years. Any early guesses?

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2010-02-28 to Sat 2010-03-06:

img1.fark.net  Marijuana use can up the risk of psychosis, according to some scientists THAT I WANT TO KILL    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Woman goes into labor during her shotgun wedding. Delivers a beatiful little bb boy    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Detached penis goes missing, now most likely on a blanket next to a broken toaster oven down on Second Avenue near St Mark's Place    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Former Labour Party leader Michael Foot dies. He was a living leg end    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  The new Whole Foods nutrition rating system ignores the entirety of human evolution in favor of political considerations. Unlike Twinkies, which are awesome and will eventually grow wild in couch-shaped bushes    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  US and Canada moving to transgenic pork. But you'll know it's fake, since you can tell by the pig cells    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Actual Headline "New Salmonella Recall Raises Questions About Food Safety", so don't order the salmonella    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Tour bus crashes south of Phoenix. The dead are expected to rise within the day    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Woman decapitated by a freak lawnmower accident as she heads off to work    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Psychotherapist charged with acting like there are a couple well-placed spaces in his title    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Tractor trailer containing 30,000 pounds of yogurt rolls over on I-91 in Northampton. Culture comes to Western Massachusetts    img.fark.net


Sports:

img1.fark.net  Lebron James is going to play with new jersey next season. No, not that New Jersey    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Brett Favre tells Jay Leno he's undecided about returning next year, because if there's anyone else who knows about manipulating the narrative about returning to an old job it's Jay Leno    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Indiana Governor raises $6,000 for local youth football by auctioning Saints flag flown in his office..with the stipulation that the money be spent teaching kids how to cover onside kicks    img.fark.net


Geek:

img1.fark.net  Nun finds rare flowers that only blossom every three thousand years, growing under her washing machine. Flowers proceed to bloom. Must be divine reward for taking care of her dirty habits    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Geneticists trace origins of small dogs to the Middle East, proving it's always been a breeding ground for terrierists    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  GOES-P weather satellite scheduled to launch at 6:17 EDT, unless there's a leak in the rocket, which would piss me off    img.fark.net


Showbiz:

img1.fark.net  Lady Gaga says that women get a "bad deal" in sex. And he'd know    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Steven Speilberg, George Lucas, and Harrison Ford agreed on "a germ of an idea" for the 5th Indiana Jones movie. Which is an improvement of the virus that was the 4th Indiana Jones    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  And the nerds will look up and shout "Please don't try to make a Watchmen sequel," and Hollywood will whisper, "No"    img.fark.net


Politics:

img1.fark.net  Doctor says Obama has high cholesterol, finally proving to the Birthers that he is American    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  New York Governor in trouble again after he got free tickets to listen to Game One of the World Series    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  GOP: We don't like your plan. Obama: Let's include some of your ideas. GOP: We don't like our plan    img.fark.net


Music:

img1.fark.net  Bon Jovi will visit homeless shelters on their upcoming tour. Never before has a band gone to such great lengths to reach its fanbase    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Hole releases their new single, "Skinny Little Biatch," because "Fortyish Crack Whore" doesn't lend itself to a good melody    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Katy Perry says she'd like to be the Alanis Morissette of our time    img.fark.net


Business:

img1.fark.net  Proving it can keep pace with the Japanese auto industry, GM recalls 1.3 million cars    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Anheuser-Busch InBev reports piss-pour sales for fourth quarter    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Hey Zhou, where you goin' with that yuan in your hand?    img.fark.net
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38 Comments   (+0 »)
   
 
2010-03-08 02:01:31 PM  
Put me down for $4.3 billion in lost productivity because of the tournament.
 
2010-03-08 02:04:51 PM  
An earthquake along the New Madrid fault could conceivably knock down Fark.
 
2010-03-08 02:07:19 PM  
As noted in its thread, "Hey Zhou, where you goin' with that yuan in your hand?" should be on the short list for headline of the year.
 
2010-03-08 02:07:40 PM  
Torrentius: An earthquake along the New Madrid fault could conceivably knock down Fark.

Can't be any worse than what happened here on Saturday.
 
2010-03-08 02:08:18 PM  
Torrentius: An earthquake along the New Madrid fault could conceivably knock down Fark.

A recent study suggests that previous calculations of the strain on the New Madrid was over-stated and that the next Big One on the New Madrid could be 1000 or more years away.

(from -- dare I say it? -- faulty memory )
 
2010-03-08 02:11:23 PM  
Is this the thread where I troll Drew?
 
2010-03-08 02:12:02 PM  
I thought the Oscars were very good; the set was outstanding and the Dude got to call like three people "man".
 
2010-03-08 02:14:07 PM  
discussion of Missing Hot White Chick SyndromeTM

left behind?

brightcove.vo.llnwd.net
 
2010-03-08 02:16:39 PM  
PowerSlacker: Put me down for $4.3 billion in lost productivity because of the tournament.

If 10% of the population are out of work, shouldn't the productivity loss be going down? I guess $3.9 billion then.
 
2010-03-08 02:16:54 PM  
As I recall, after Titanic there was an SNL skit and at the end of it James Cameron lit a cigar with a $100 bill.
 
2010-03-08 02:18:57 PM  
According to IMDb, James Cameron did ask his ex-wife to direct The Hurt Locker. I guess she did a good job.
 
2010-03-08 02:18:59 PM  
Channeling Sparks here, Drew.

http://www.lyricsdomain.com/19/sparks/i_predict.html
 
2010-03-08 02:21:45 PM  
You forgot to include the obligatory headline about someone getting canned for doing something related to gambling on the tournament at work.

That one gets me every time...
 
2010-03-08 02:27:19 PM  
With regards to the "missing attractive white girl" stories - they did not disappear at the same time. One disappeared a year earlier. The headline was wrong.

/Just sayin'
 
2010-03-08 02:27:22 PM  
The JFK headline was one of my favs. Need to check if that was last week.
 
2010-03-08 02:28:02 PM  
COOL STORY, BRO
 
2010-03-08 02:32:22 PM  
How come Drew always gets greenlighted? I think he's a favorite of the admins.
 
2010-03-08 02:34:38 PM  
"Random non-causal correlation, though: the biggest California earthquakes of the last hundred years have all come when Republicans have sat in the governor's chair. No idea why."

Probably has something to do with the fact that Democrats have only held the Governor's seat for 24 of the last 110 years.
 
2010-03-08 02:34:38 PM  
Was Tiger Woods back out of the news last week?

I'd vote up the GOES thread just because it was clear enough for me to see it launch.
 
2010-03-08 02:35:07 PM  
terrierists.

HAHA, +1, subby.
 
2010-03-08 02:44:21 PM  
Great headlines.
 
2010-03-08 02:44:30 PM  
roflmaonow: The JFK headline was one of my favs. Need to check if that was last week.

This year's HOY contest will have a new category for "context" headlines, where the linked story makes the headline hilarious. The JFK headline is one of those, and will be nominated for HOY in that category.
 
2010-03-08 02:52:58 PM  
roflmaonow:
The JFK headline was one of my favs. Need to check if that was last week.

Was it this one from Thursday?
 
2010-03-08 02:56:44 PM  
Sorry about that, less-attractive rich-abductee-girl.

FTFY.

/They both looked equally hot to me.
 
2010-03-08 03:13:36 PM  
boko: Sorry about that, less-attractive rich-abductee-girl.

FTFY.

/They both looked equally hot to me.


Well pretty much any girl is hot when she's tied up in my trunk.

/What?
 
2010-03-08 03:14:04 PM  
How the yogurt/culture one got greenlit, let alone named among the best of the week, is beyond me.
That joke was already not funny when "why did the chicken cross the road" was the cutting edge.
Your white trash great-great-grandmother facepalmed when she heard it.
 
2010-03-08 03:21:50 PM  
jdjoker: roflmaonow:
The JFK headline was one of my favs. Need to check if that was last week.

Was it this one from Thursday?


Yup that's the one.
 
2010-03-08 03:27:41 PM  
If it bleeds it leads.
 
2010-03-08 03:31:40 PM  
Tax Boy: As noted in its thread, "Hey Zhou, where you goin' with that yuan in your hand?" should be on the short list for headline of the year.

Agreed. Absolutely.
 
2010-03-08 03:39:17 PM  
woohoo!! I got another HOTW.


/it's the little things...
 
2010-03-08 04:35:04 PM  
You forgot the trademark lawsuits that will follow anyone who dares use "March Madness"
 
2010-03-08 04:36:35 PM  
Whatcha Gonna do Brother, when Earthquake mania runs wild on you!!"
 
2010-03-08 04:48:24 PM  
There may be a bit more discussion of Missing Hot White Chick SyndromeTM after the media noticed that of two women abducted around the same time, one got all the press while the other one was quickly forgotten. Sorry about that, less-attractive-abductee-girl.

Nice to see Drew doesn't bother to read his own site. There were multiple posts correcting the headline and pointing out that the abductions were separated by a year.
 
2010-03-08 06:30:51 PM  
Relatively Obscure: How come Drew always gets greenlighted? I think he's a favorite of the admins.

They only greenlight his submissions cause he pays the 10 bucks a month.
 
2010-03-08 09:24:46 PM  
This is true.
 
2010-03-09 03:32:24 AM  
OscarTamerz:
Nice to see Drew doesn't bother to read his own site. There were multiple posts correcting the headline and pointing out that the abductions were separated by a year.


Doesn't read his own site? It's quite probable at this point, he doesn't read the damn news his snarky little creation here exists to mock. Looks like all those $5 month subscriptions, when added together, equal a big fat pile of don't give a rats ass.

While I agree the national news media has missing-white-girl-itis, I'm extremely cognizant of the Houston media's vigilance regarding our missing people, doesn't matter who it is.
 
2010-03-09 12:39:09 PM  
You really think Cletus reads every comment thread? Who has time for that? And who taught that hillbilly to read?
 
2010-03-09 04:57:58 PM  
I'll bite:

Xerox accuses Google of copyright infringement

You picked a fine time to leave me loose wheel

NASA looking for Muslim pilots to fly into the International Space Station

Authorities say poor visibility, mountainous terrain, and the lack of anything resembling a coastline for 1,000 miles in any direction may have contributed to a COAST GUARD helicopter crashing in UTAH
 
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