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Congratulations to the winners of Fark's 2009 Headline of the Year contest 
Posted by Drew at 2010-01-04 11:16:18 AM, edited 2010-01-04 11:49:49 AM (147 comments) | Permalink
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by Unfreakable

At the end of every December we like to recap some of our favorite headlines from the year and let Fark vote on their favorites. In a year where most of the news wasn't positive, it was refreshing to see that Fark's legion of submitters stepped up and made us laugh when we arguably needed it most.

The following are the Top 20 headlines of 2009 as voted on by you. I've listed the quarterfinals threads after the winners if you'd like to check them out again. Here are the favorites as voted by Fark for last year:


The Top Twenty Headlines of 2009:

20: Small plane rapidly plunges into bottom end of Virgin Islands, to be renamed Technical Virgin Islands

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4735920


19: That foot found at a NY recycling center? Turns out it belonged to a bear. You'd think police could recognize a bearclaw when they see one

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4563717


18. India loses contact with an unmanned spacecraft conducting its first moon mission. Support techs ask Mission Control to confirm that the spacecraft is turned on and that it is currently plugged in

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4605340


17: Bolivian animal rights activists succeed in banning circuses from using animals, but now have to figure out what to do with 22 useless lions, a problem Detroit has faced for years

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4729890


16: Police in London solve 1 crime for every 1000 CCTV cameras. Or about 2 for every 1984

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4595452


15: One killed, six injured in pie factory explosion. Blast heard up to 3.14159265 miles away

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4320734


14: Man gets called into work so he can be fired, returns home to find his house on fire. Wishes he had been laid off

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4351606


13: Plane crashes in Florida panhandle, no pilot found. Well there's your problem

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4138365


12: Semi-nude Victoria's Secret fashion models reveal untold talents and you've already clicked the link, haven't you? Have I told you about my mother lately? No, she's doing fine, just making cheesecake and some muffins this morning

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4787841


11: Fire rips through homeless camp, leaving dozens...well, no worse off, really

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4299493


10: Carpenters face higher-than-average asbestos death rate, higher-than-average resurrection rate

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4247908


9: Police find severed head, will later reveal whether it's "linked to body parts found in Hertfordshire." Submitter suspects the answer may be "Not any more"

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4306764


8: Peephole in door of girl's dorm room reversed; police are looking into it

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4233284


7: Man at Panda Express eats shoots and leaves

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4332430


6: Suicide bomber strikes Iraqi funeral. At least two dead

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4284352


5: 80-ton wave generator works briefly as advertised when it falls into the ocean

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4651134


4: Baghdad's National Museum reopens six years after looting. Featured displays include mostly a bunch of really heavy stuff

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4228845


3: Fire officials in SoCal wildfires: "GTFO." Residents: "STFU." Fire: "NOM NOM NOM." Residents: "OMG." Fire department: "DIAF"

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4608857


2: Jesus prepares to receive Oral

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4856608


1: Gas blowing out exit brings 69 to a complete halt

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4719284

· · ·
(view entire blog)


147 Comments   (+0 »)
   

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2010-01-04 03:33:23 PM  
What happened to Juan More?
 
2010-01-04 03:36:03 PM  
None of those are funny.
 
2010-01-04 03:37:07 PM  
Hans Delbrook: What happened to Juan More?

That was last year.
 
2010-01-04 03:39:57 PM  
this is why i waste my time here... awesome.
 
2010-01-04 03:42:29 PM  
Unfreakable: sotua: Why is it that the Music tab does not have a headline of the year contest?

We didn't have headline of the week for the music tab at the beginning of 2009. We'll almost certainly have that tab in 2010.


Got it, awesome, looking forward to it.

/keen on farking
//not filtered
 
2010-01-04 04:01:04 PM  
sotua: Why is it that the Music tab does not have a headline of the year contest?

/oh, and LOL to all the other sections' winners


I'd note that they might not have the staff to pluck those titles, or perhaps none struck a really responsive chord in readers. Not to mention they march to the beat of a different drum, anyway. How's that sound?
 
2010-01-04 04:04:22 PM  
FSM forgive me, I laughed for 5 minutes at this one:

Police find missing 555-lb teenager by looking in any direction
 
2010-01-04 04:04:42 PM  
Awesome, my first ever HOTY appearance! Thanks for the votes :)

/Severedheadmitter
 
2010-01-04 04:05:41 PM  
artifex:
I'd note that they might not have the staff to pluck those titles, or perhaps none struck a really responsive chord in readers. Not to mention they march to the beat of a different drum, anyway. How's that sound?


The Music tab is the pizz.
 
2010-01-04 04:06:10 PM  
I submitted all these headlines with less funny articles.
 
2010-01-04 04:10:12 PM  
Unfreakable, you did an incredible job. Thanks.
 
2010-01-04 04:11:17 PM  
darn they are all locked
I wanted to comment on some of these I missed :(
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2010-01-04 04:21:24 PM  
Only one submitter was in the top ten of the year measured by volume.
 
2010-01-04 04:51:53 PM  
artifex: sotua: Why is it that the Music tab does not have a headline of the year contest?

/oh, and LOL to all the other sections' winners

I'd note that they might not have the staff to pluck those titles, or perhaps none struck a really responsive chord in readers. Not to mention they march to the beat of a different drum, anyway. How's that sound?


You're a basshole.

/nothing
 
2010-01-04 04:51:53 PM  
Frayed Knot was my favorite of all.
 
2010-01-04 05:08:54 PM  
4: Baghdad's National Museum reopens six years after looting. Featured displays include mostly a bunch of really heavy stuff

I don't get it.
 
2010-01-04 05:08:55 PM  
I have to agree with whoever it was that said #2 doesn't particularly make sense until you read the article.
 
2010-01-04 05:13:44 PM  
So what do they win? They should get at least 6 months of Total Fark, or if Drew's being cheap, at least give them a damn T-shirt with their headline.
 
2010-01-04 05:15:04 PM  
20/20: 4: Baghdad's National Museum reopens six years after looting. Featured displays include mostly a bunch of really heavy stuff

I don't get it.


The only stuff left is the stuff that they couldn't loot, because it's really heavy
 
2010-01-04 05:20:10 PM  
20/20 - It's hard to loot really heavy stuff. Because it is heavy. You know. Hard to loot. Especially for lazy looters. Which most looters are. Because if you had an ethic in life you wouldn't need to loot. At least theoretically.
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2010-01-04 05:23:14 PM  
I got "Oral" because I heard the story on the news before reading Fark. But overall I would say very funny in context but disqualified by contest rules due to needing context.

I would have submitted the predictable, understandable "God calls Oral Roberts home" had I been at my keyboard (and if nobody else had claimed it first).

Gas blowing out exit also loses something without context.
 
2010-01-04 05:27:01 PM  
reasoning, not Farkers' strong suit
 
2010-01-04 05:42:10 PM  
I lol'd!

/would lol again
//glad to read the list as I managed to miss several of those throughout the year
 
2010-01-04 05:46:15 PM  
crimsin23: DammitIForgotMyLogin not only has at least one green a day, but also has one HOTW every week.

Who did he have to bribe to get that deal? (Substitute assorted innuendos for "bribe" if necessary.)
 
2010-01-04 05:54:46 PM  
I find this very disappointing. We're better than this........well, I am.
 
2010-01-04 06:04:27 PM  

Great batch of headlines this year - good work, folks!


dugitman: Heh, thanks. Blind squirrels, nuts, etc.
Now what to do with all that prize money...


From one Headline of the Year winner to another, I'd like to give you my heartiest congratulations on a job well done - cheers!


Unfreakable: Here are all of your 2009 winners and runners-up:

I have one question for you, actually.

We know who won the Headline of the Year and Runner-Up honors from 2007-2009, but did we ever learn who won the 2006 contest?


We got the voting results for the top two headlines that year:

Floodwaters send sharks inland. So beware of... hang on a sec, there's someone at the door

Man challenges panhandler's veteran status, panhandler challenges man's unstabbed status


But I don't remember if the submitters received credit for their headlines (or even took a bow for their headlines).

Please correct me if I'm wrong.
 
2010-01-04 06:48:39 PM  
These were pretty damned funny! I also would have put "Wave Generator" higher up.

Plus recently read "Eats, Shoots, and Leaves" so that one cracked me up as well.

OK, and Pb & J too, but I'll have to admit that one took me a few minutes to get.

Congrats Subbies!
 
2010-01-04 06:58:31 PM  
costas: Awesome, my first ever HOTY appearance! Thanks for the votes :)

/Severedheadmitter


well done, I laughed myself silly at that one. :D

/also the wave generator
//distraught that I missed the wordplay voting! :(
 
2010-01-04 07:03:01 PM  
I submitted all of these with better headlines..
 
2010-01-04 07:21:39 PM  
Thanks Unfreakable.

Excellent work.
 
2010-01-04 07:25:07 PM  
well played, everyone, well played!
 
2010-01-04 08:17:44 PM  
Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: From one Headline of the Year winner to another, I'd like to give you my heartiest congratulations on a job well done - cheers!

Wow, thanks. Means a lot coming from (IMO)one of the funniest farkers who ever farked a fark.
 
2010-01-04 09:17:43 PM  
boingboing gave this link a nod
 
2010-01-04 09:52:36 PM  
dugitman: Wow, thanks. Means a lot coming from (IMO)one of the funniest farkers who ever farked a fark.

Much obliged, amigo, thanks a mil!

Keep on keepin' on and I'll see you around - and keep up the great work!
 
2010-01-04 09:59:15 PM  
Lots of LOLs here. There's wit in these headlines sharp enough to grate adamantium . Is it possible to have headlines of the decade?
 
2010-01-04 10:02:00 PM  
what about headline of the decade? there should be a contest for that
 
2010-01-04 11:10:05 PM  
As someone that uses 69 daily, I'm getting a kick out of the headline of the year.

/do with that what you will..
 
2010-01-04 11:20:45 PM  
Awesome job. Congrats, winners.

The " b a n n e r " one is my personal favorite.
 
2010-01-05 12:27:58 AM  
My favorite didn't make it. It was the one that went "Not News........, News........, Fark..........
 
2010-01-05 12:33:58 AM  
Congrats to all, some very funny stuff in there.
 
2010-01-05 01:12:11 AM  
I was rooting for eats shoots and leaves to win.

Multi-dimensional WIN to that headline. Not only was it a cool pun and double entendre, if you read the reply thread you'd see it was actually a REFERENCE to a grammar book. So Subby making the immediate connection between article and grammar book is levels of SubWizardry seldom seen.

But it doesn't beat Fart and Beej jokes.

"3: Fire officials in SoCal wildfires: "GTFO." Residents: "STFU." Fire: "NOM NOM NOM." Residents: "OMG." Fire department: "DIAF""

I lol'd

Well done



Yes, they WERE!
 
2010-01-05 01:52:47 AM  
A great one from years past and still my personal favorite, the Sook Ducks headline. The wave generator is my fav this year but they're all good. Bravo subbies, looking forward to more monitor cleaning and keyboard replacing this year.
 
2010-01-05 03:41:28 AM  
006andahalf: "Gas blowing out exit brings 69 to a complete halt"

There appears to be some sort of double meaning here that I'm just not seeing. Can someone enlighten me?


www.midwestroads.com
/hotlink

That's on Interstate 69.

The story was in another state entirely, but on Interstate 69, apparently something about a gas tanker rolling over or lighting up
 
2010-01-05 01:04:48 PM  
FYI: My personal fav was also the wave generator one; I still chuckle thinking about it.

/ and no, i didn't vote for myself
// too narcissistic
 
2010-01-05 05:52:06 PM  
I grinned in pride for Drew and the Fark team for getting a mention (and not a few laughs) on Bob and Tom this morning for HOTY.

/DIAF = my fave
 
2010-01-05 07:26:01 PM  
StephieN.M.: I grinned in pride for Drew and the Fark team for getting a mention (and not a few laughs) on Bob and Tom this morning for HOTY.

Awesome.
 
2010-01-06 07:59:55 AM  
lolz
 
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