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Congratulations to the winners of Fark's 2009 Headline of the Year contest 
Posted by Drew at 2010-01-04 11:16:18 AM, edited 2010-01-04 11:49:49 AM (147 comments) | Permalink
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by Unfreakable

At the end of every December we like to recap some of our favorite headlines from the year and let Fark vote on their favorites. In a year where most of the news wasn't positive, it was refreshing to see that Fark's legion of submitters stepped up and made us laugh when we arguably needed it most.

The following are the Top 20 headlines of 2009 as voted on by you. I've listed the quarterfinals threads after the winners if you'd like to check them out again. Here are the favorites as voted by Fark for last year:


The Top Twenty Headlines of 2009:

20: Small plane rapidly plunges into bottom end of Virgin Islands, to be renamed Technical Virgin Islands

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4735920


19: That foot found at a NY recycling center? Turns out it belonged to a bear. You'd think police could recognize a bearclaw when they see one

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4563717


18. India loses contact with an unmanned spacecraft conducting its first moon mission. Support techs ask Mission Control to confirm that the spacecraft is turned on and that it is currently plugged in

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4605340


17: Bolivian animal rights activists succeed in banning circuses from using animals, but now have to figure out what to do with 22 useless lions, a problem Detroit has faced for years

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4729890


16: Police in London solve 1 crime for every 1000 CCTV cameras. Or about 2 for every 1984

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4595452


15: One killed, six injured in pie factory explosion. Blast heard up to 3.14159265 miles away

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4320734


14: Man gets called into work so he can be fired, returns home to find his house on fire. Wishes he had been laid off

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4351606


13: Plane crashes in Florida panhandle, no pilot found. Well there's your problem

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4138365


12: Semi-nude Victoria's Secret fashion models reveal untold talents and you've already clicked the link, haven't you? Have I told you about my mother lately? No, she's doing fine, just making cheesecake and some muffins this morning

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4787841


11: Fire rips through homeless camp, leaving dozens...well, no worse off, really

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4299493


10: Carpenters face higher-than-average asbestos death rate, higher-than-average resurrection rate

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4247908


9: Police find severed head, will later reveal whether it's "linked to body parts found in Hertfordshire." Submitter suspects the answer may be "Not any more"

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4306764


8: Peephole in door of girl's dorm room reversed; police are looking into it

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4233284


7: Man at Panda Express eats shoots and leaves

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4332430


6: Suicide bomber strikes Iraqi funeral. At least two dead

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4284352


5: 80-ton wave generator works briefly as advertised when it falls into the ocean

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4651134


4: Baghdad's National Museum reopens six years after looting. Featured displays include mostly a bunch of really heavy stuff

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4228845


3: Fire officials in SoCal wildfires: "GTFO." Residents: "STFU." Fire: "NOM NOM NOM." Residents: "OMG." Fire department: "DIAF"

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4608857


2: Jesus prepares to receive Oral

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4856608


1: Gas blowing out exit brings 69 to a complete halt

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4719284

· · ·
(view entire blog)


147 Comments   (+0 »)
   

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Last | Show all
 
2010-01-04 01:52:39 PM
"Gas blowing out exit brings 69 to a complete halt"

There appears to be some sort of double meaning here that I'm just not seeing. Can someone enlighten me?
 
2010-01-04 01:53:45 PM
SuperNinjaToad: OK maybe my sarcasm switch is broke today but can someone please 'splain this to me?

6: Suicide bomber strikes Iraqi funeral. At least two dead

I don't get it :(


If you're being serious: one is the suicide bomber, and two is the guy whose funeral it was.

My favorite is also the wave generator. Much better than the top three.
 
2010-01-04 01:54:03 PM
WOO, #13 is mine!

I think... It was a while ago.
 
2010-01-04 01:54:17 PM
BalugaJoe: Winners should get free Totalfark for one month or maybe a free plane trip to Kane, PA.

Seriously. Overall winner should get a year, and the sub-category winners six months. Give 'em something for bringing the funny.
 
2010-01-04 01:55:17 PM
DUH! Ok thanks guys! now that you pointed out the obvious I feel stoopid! yeah LOL for the headline then!
 
2010-01-04 01:56:36 PM
006andahalf: "Gas blowing out exit brings 69 to a complete halt"

There appears to be some sort of double meaning here that I'm just not seeing. Can someone enlighten me?


imagemacros.files.wordpress.com

/hot
 
2010-01-04 01:57:09 PM
Yay for Gas Blowing. Well done.
 
2010-01-04 01:57:16 PM
006andahalf: "Gas blowing out exit brings 69 to a complete halt"

There appears to be some sort of double meaning here that I'm just not seeing. Can someone enlighten me?


No sure if serious...
 
2010-01-04 01:58:11 PM
7: Man at Panda Express eats shoots and leaves

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4332430


My favorite...I lost it and got some glances from coworkers after reading that one. Thanks, subby!
 
2010-01-04 02:02:24 PM
Pb & J had me cracking up.
 
2010-01-04 02:03:46 PM
3: Fire officials in SoCal wildfires: "GTFO." Residents: "STFU." Fire: "NOM NOM NOM." Residents: "OMG." Fire department: "DIAF"

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4608857


I'm so happy this got in. Love when being stupid bites stupid people in the ass.
 
2010-01-04 02:03:56 PM
Should we be proud or ashamed it was won by a fart joke?
 
2010-01-04 02:04:58 PM
I wonder if we could ever have a FARK meme filter. I would really enjoy the 2-3 post threads.
 
2010-01-04 02:06:12 PM
And a good time was had by all. Congratulations, winners ;)

i48.tinypic.com
 
2010-01-04 02:07:03 PM
Orgasmatron138: I wonder if we could ever have a FARK meme filter. I would really enjoy the 2-3 post threads.

I submit 2-3 post threads, so I'm getting a kick out of this reply.
 
2010-01-04 02:07:10 PM
Handsome B. Wonderful: Should we be proud or ashamed it was won by a fart joke?

YES
 
2010-01-04 02:10:22 PM
Orgasmatron138: I wonder if we could ever have a FARK meme filter. I would really enjoy the 2-3 post threads.

Unfortunately, we seem to have an filter working in favor of memes, in the form of the modmins approving them more often.

So if anything, it's the reverse. Got a problem with that? Take it up with Drew.
 
2010-01-04 02:13:26 PM
A good year of headlines! Congrats to all the subbies!

donstuff.files.wordpress.com
 
2010-01-04 02:16:27 PM
MBFGeek: Contrabulous Flabtraption: Thank you, thank you. As submitter of all but three of those headlines I must say it's been quite a year for me.

Oh, are you 40below's alt?


Yep, I had 67,981 greenlights in Dec. alone.
 
2010-01-04 02:16:30 PM
SuperNinjaToad: DUH! Ok thanks guys! now that you pointed out the obvious I feel stoopid! yeah LOL for the headline then!


Don't feel bad. I've been following the headline contest all along, and I just now got the one about the guy that got fired, and wished he was laid off.

I was rooting for eats shoots and leaves to win, but they're all funny. Thanks for making me laugh headline makers!
 
2010-01-04 02:18:11 PM

3: Fire officials in SoCal wildfires: "GTFO." Residents: "STFU." Fire: "NOM NOM NOM." Residents: "OMG." Fire department: "DIAF"

11: Fire rips through homeless camp, leaving dozens...well, no worse off, really


I lol'd

Well done
 
2010-01-04 02:18:34 PM
I love the NOM NOM NOM thread. Only #3? Oh well, congrats subbies!!
 
2010-01-04 02:19:23 PM
HaywoodJablonski: Well done, gents. Unfreakable, what about your personal faves?

I liked several of the nominees that made the final cut of candidates for the mainpage Headline of the Year contest, so here are my personal favorite five headlines that did not make the final cut, as well as several honorable mentions:

Top 5:

Bookshops apologise for including 'The Crimes of Josef Fritzl' in their 'Gifts for Father's Day' displays; Have promised that from now on they'll keep them in best-cellars

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4458988

Web-based petition urges Gordon Brown to apologize for Britain's treatment of Alan Turing; Brown issues apology after finding online petition indistinguishable from real one

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4630195

Adolf Hitler's family won't see any money from the sale of his paintings, since their past efforts raised a little furor

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4360381

Man has remote-controlled bowels implanted after motorcycle accident, really loses his shiat when wife changes the channel

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4777903

Danish political party admits to covering posters for opposing parties' candidates with yellow stickers shaped like penises. Nice try, but in America, we go all out and put the dicks on the actual BALLOTS

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4776831

 
2010-01-04 02:19:57 PM
Honorable mentions:

Marilyn Monroe hormone discovered. Or should it be called Norma Gene?

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4142829

Barbie turns 50, finally accepts she will die childless and alone

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4127387

The Pope encourages young people to use the internet, but says they have to use the same computer for the rest of their lives and they'll go to hell if they use any anti-virus software

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4399465

Police find missing 555-lb teenager by looking in any direction

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4402526

Woman has given 25 gallons of blood during period lasting 90 years

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4473305

Best-selling bible to be edited and re-released, will feature deleted commandments, digitally enhanced plagues, and Han casts the first stone

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4610644

B A N N E R P L A N E C R A S H E S l N D E W E Y B E A C H D E L A W A R E

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4633967

Despite efforts to discourage them, Iraqi refugees keep flocking to Detroit, since living in a war-torn third world hellhole reminds them of home

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4790287
 
2010-01-04 02:20:12 PM
Orgasmatron138: I wonder if we could ever have a FARK meme filter. I would really enjoy the 2-3 post threads.

Yo dawg, I herd you don't like memes, so I put a filter in your thread so you can avoid memes while you Fark.

/did I do it right?
//I'm not good with this sort of thing
 
2010-01-04 02:24:49 PM
Oh man, that was too much fun. I can't wait to see what turns up this year...
 
2010-01-04 02:29:09 PM
I submitted all 20 with a better headline.
 
2010-01-04 02:42:45 PM
I'm normally fluent in pun, but I don't get this:

"New report from the Iowa department of public health shows that 7% of 6 year olds suffer from lead poisoning, possibly because their parents are feeding them too many Pb & J sandwiches"
 
2010-01-04 02:45:16 PM
Congratulations GENE MASSETH!
 
2010-01-04 02:46:02 PM
WalMartian: I'm normally fluent in pun, but I don't get this

Not a pun, but clever wordplay. Lead is Pb on the periodic table.
 
2010-01-04 02:46:40 PM
WalMartian: I'm normally fluent in pun, but I don't get this:

"New report from the Iowa department of public health shows that 7% of 6 year olds suffer from lead poisoning, possibly because their parents are feeding them too many Pb & J sandwiches"


you're gunna be hissin/spittin when it sinks in.
 
2010-01-04 02:49:54 PM
WalMartian: I'm normally fluent in pun, but I don't get this:

"New report from the Iowa department of public health shows that 7% of 6 year olds suffer from lead poisoning, possibly because their parents are feeding them too many Pb & J sandwiches"


You'll be surprised to learn why it lead in the voting.
 
2010-01-04 02:51:12 PM
I'm just glad there isn't a category for "Most Farked Up Headline". I probably could have captured the winning entry in that category for 2009.

/preview is my friend
//preview is my friend
///preview is my friend
 
2010-01-04 02:55:08 PM
The English Major: WalMartian: I'm normally fluent in pun, but I don't get this:

"New report from the Iowa department of public health shows that 7% of 6 year olds suffer from lead poisoning, possibly because their parents are feeding them too many Pb & J sandwiches"

You'll be surprised to learn why it lead in the voting.


Elemental, my dear watson.
 
2010-01-04 02:55:26 PM
Why is it that the Music tab does not have a headline of the year contest?

/oh, and LOL to all the other sections' winners
 
2010-01-04 02:57:40 PM
img121.imageshack.us
 
2010-01-04 03:01:13 PM
Yay! I won the Geek tab!

Thanks to all the Subbys and to Unfreakable.
 
2010-01-04 03:07:17 PM
RminusQ: BalugaJoe: Winners should get free Totalfark for one month or maybe a free plane trip to Kane, PA.

Seriously. Overall winner should get a year, and the sub-category winners six months. Give 'em something for bringing the funny.


Hear hear!
 
2010-01-04 03:07:52 PM
sotua: Why is it that the Music tab does not have a headline of the year contest?

We didn't have headline of the week for the music tab at the beginning of 2009. We'll almost certainly have that tab in 2010.
 
2010-01-04 03:07:54 PM
Unfreakable: WalMartian: I'm normally fluent in pun, but I don't get this

Not a pun, but clever wordplay. Lead is Pb on the periodic table.


Alas, I should have paid more attention in chemistry class.
 
2010-01-04 03:12:11 PM
nice job sumitters

the OM NOM NOM fire one is my personal favorite
 
2010-01-04 03:14:44 PM
yeah, not entirely satisfied with the final results. some of the runners-up were much better. as were any submitted by me.

/and am I the only one to notice that the "big" submitters didn't have any on that list?

//what does that tell you?
 
2010-01-04 03:17:36 PM
crimsin23: Yay! I won the Geek tab!

Thanks to all the Subbys and to Unfreakable.


You magnificent bastard. That had me laughing for days.
 
2010-01-04 03:19:16 PM
fantastic stuff
 
2010-01-04 03:19:43 PM
Interesting, looks like the mods are censoring any critical posts.

I'll say it again, the headline winner is an embarrassment even for Fark. You all should be terribly ashamed.
 
2010-01-04 03:20:12 PM
shaft6969: /and am I the only one to notice that the "big" submitters didn't have any on that list?

really?
 
2010-01-04 03:22:25 PM
The English Major: You magnificent bastard. That had me laughing for days.

Thank you. Just a little bit of light from me.
 
2010-01-04 03:22:49 PM
I came for Gene Masseth

/leaving satisfied
 
2010-01-04 03:25:39 PM
DammitIForgotMyLogin: shaft6969: /and am I the only one to notice that the "big" submitters didn't have any on that list?

really?


Heh heh heh.

/zing
//I still thought you had a pretty solid Pb in the contest
 
2010-01-04 03:26:23 PM
shaft6969: /and am I the only one to notice that the "big" submitters didn't have any on that list?

DammitIForgotMyLogin not only has at least one green a day, but also has one HOTW every week.

/Pb & J made me lol.
 
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