Sex advice from mathemeticians, adult-onset Scottish syndrome, and Pope Obama: a smattering of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 10/11 to 10/17
Posted by Drew at 2009-10-19 12:50:19 PM (23 comments) | Permalink
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Sorry for the lack of recaps this week, I've been balloon-watching. In the meantime, here are some of our favorite headlines from last week.
Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2009-10-11 to Sat 2009-10-17:
The idea that a crematorium is opening next door really burns up this 74 year-old woman. Or at least it will soon enough
Mathematicians are giving sex advice now. How hard could that be? Subtract clothes, divide legs, add penis, multiply
Man shoots his fiancée one day before the wedding. Whew. That was close
Naked bicycle-riding suspect arrested. Bike taken as evidence, but may be tainted
Transylvania County NC expecting 2, 3, 4 inches of flooding rains today. Ah Ah Ah
46-year-old English man acquires Tourette's Syndrome, baffling doctors who simply assumed he was Scottish
Woman left with ten-minute memory wins £4.46m claim, offered to greenlight articles on Fark
Brothel offers discounts for 'green' customers who pedal to the door. "Schwinn"
Shots fired into Burger King drive-through window. Police on lookout for redheaded man dressed in yellow, possibly accompanied by large purple bell-shaped creature
Nebraska meatpacker recalls 33,000 pounds of beef tongue. Fondly
Citing energizing precedent of Barack Obama, Vatican watchers suspect Catholic Church will select black Pope to replace 82-year-old Benedict. Obama expected to decline offer
British teenager calls for arm-wrestling to become an Olympic sport, possibly to distract people from the real reason one of his arms is much more developed than the other
Deer tackles 7-year-old playing football, is immediately signed by Raiders to a two-year contract
Bills team so embarrassing that Thurman Thomas statue flees to Canada, forgets helmet
Scientists discover first vegetarian spider, easily identified as the one shunned by other spiders and getting picked on by ants
BBC survey finds that New Zealanders have one of the most socially attractive accents, which just makes it more of a shame that it's wasted on a bunch of sheep
Hospital error causes 206 radiation overdoses. No word yet on emerging superpowers
"Amy Winehouse admitted to hospital." Submitter's glad he assigned that headline an F key to save time
Whitney Houston to hit the road, crackpipe
Toni Braxton may lose her home because she unpaid her mortgage
Watch out Crist, Meek may inherit Florida
It's starting to look like Texas Governor Rick Perry knowingly signed off on executing an innocent man, and is now trying to obstruct an investigation. Hopefully he'll cheat on his wife soon so the media will finally take notice
YA RLY have to respect Judge Clay Land for telling ORLY Taitz there's NO WAI she can file frivolous lawsuits without being fined $20,000
I'm happy for you, Kanye, and I'ma let you finish, but the Beatles had one of the greatest spiritual journeys to India of ALL TIME
You could now clone Elvis Presley, a clump of his hair is up for sale. As an added bonus, it's from 1958, so it won't smell like peanut butter and barbiturates
Hark, the wheezing geezer sings: Bob Dylan releases Christmas Album
Lufthansa to reintroduce internet service on its jets, allowing passengers to biatch about the latest Fark redesign while plunging to the earth from 20,000 feet
First woman wins Nobel prize for economics. So it looks like all those home ec. classes paid off
AT&T to raise landline prices. In other news, Maxell to raise cassette tape prices
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