Filthy scots.
/ate a baby

"Glasgow's a tough city. They have drive-by headbuttings there. What we call a headband, they call a silencer"

Emo Philips

Groundskeeper Willie pic in 3...2...1....

Glasgow has been named as "the world's most intelligent community"

Arrrr yoo lewking a' mah girrlfrend?

possible tangents:

1. Nae? Arrr yoo sayin' she's oogly?

===============OR=================
2. And whut arrrr yoo lewking a' herrrr forrrr. Are yoo lewking forrr a fat lip?

The upkilt.com server is gonna go down in flames

The have 3 bandwidth options:

wee.

nae so wee...

& ?

cleveoh

wee wee wee all the way home?

*big bad wolf told me to piss off*

Erm...


Arrrr yoo lewking a' mah girrlfrend?

possible tangents:

1. Nae? Arrr yoo sayin' she's oogly?

===============OR=================
2. And whut arrrr yoo lewking a' herrrr forrrr. Are yoo lewking forrr a fat lip?


I hate to tell you this, but Glaswegians don't sound anything like that whatsoever!!!

Here is the amended text:

Ur ye lookin ut mah burd?

1. Naw? Why no? Ye sayin ma burd isnae guid enough fur ye, ya fuccin prick?

2. Whit ye lookin at ma burd fir? Ye wantin a doin ya f!ckin muppet? I'll f!ckin claim ye, ya tube!


Glad to be of service..

Galswegian has a meal in a restaurant. At the end, the waitress asks him, "would you like a rice pudding or a meringue?"
He says, "yer no wrang, I'll have the rice pudding."

/ba-da-ching

Glasgow, Kentucky?

oot scoot your boot
/grandma

GlasgowMunterHunter

goes to show how many Glaswegians I come into contact with....and writing the accent , well, you are WAAAAAAAYYY more qualified. My humble apologies.

I would like to deny all knowledge of the above. Ya Bas.

Disappointed by the lack of Groundskeeper Willie so far.

The have 3 bandwidth options:

wee.

nae so wee...

& ?

Frickin' huge!

i didn't rtfa but i'm commenting anyway

GlasgowMunterHunter
It always sounded more like "fecking" to my ears.

/American exiled for 2 years in Glasgow

It's shiatE being Scottish! We're the lowest of the low. The scum of the farking Earth! The most wretched miserable servile pathetic trash that was ever shat on civilization.

/rent boy

From the Glasgow Survival guide gallery of neds:



This nice little group shot shows a dominant, perhaps slightly mad, leader ned with his main senga accompanied by four common neds and a spiky guy. Slim shady on the left appears to be the designated booze carrier for the night with his glass bottle of Irn Bru (potential weapon) and his glass bottle of Buckfast (potential weapon). The senga ned in the centre appears to be carrying something unidentified but it is probably a potential weapon.

/obligatory

Nothing to do with the article, but it made me laugh.



EMERGENCY STORM ALERT.

Scotland placed on a major flood alert. All areas of Scotland were last night placed on high alert as a major flood is expected. This is thought to have been caused by most of Scotland pishing themselves laughing at the England result.

n4p0r30n

Can't imagine the Scots saying Fecking.

my favourite is the russian roulette footy enquiry:
Do ye support celtic or rangers? (can't be bothered typing accent)

50% chance you will be beaten to death for your answer.

So Sh*te gets filtered to shiate??
But they're totally different words?!

AHHHHHHHHGGGHH!!

powderpuffgurl'S BACK!!

WyattEarp

Ack!

Ever noticed north Edinburgh golfers putt like this,
and south Edingburgh golfers putt like this?

GlasgowMunterHunter
"I'll f!ckin claim ye, ya tube!"
Tube? That's slang? What does it mean?

Where's a pic of Willy?

/I 'ate your dog and the mess 'e made!

Fecking....sounds Oirish....

So, on a serious note, San Francisco's got the entire city set with wireless access, and Glasgow's got.... well, it promotes digital

Wishing I had time, energy, bandwidth and gumption to do sflan.com in Brooklyn

Spokane, Washington? That's really the most wired city in the US?

/fishy

Feckin? I've never heard any weegies say "feckin" in my puff.

Except when quoting Father Ted, of course.

Anywayz...
Nice wee pic of neds fae binnster there! (Ned = Juvenile Delinquent)

One thing you yanks/ English etc. have to understand is that the Glasgow ned is the original gangsta. Long before you had yer "crips" and yer "bloods" (poofs, the lot of em) you had the Glasgow razor gangs who would tear you a new smile as soon as look at you. They were TRUE hard men, not gun toting gayboys who couldn't fight 1-to-1. I recommend the book "Gangland Glasgow" which details all of the famous Glasgow gangs.

Things have changed in the past 40 years. Nowadays, the neds don't slash people quite as much as they used to. Instead, they run around in packs and generally cause trouble, cheeking their elders, taunting women and children, dealing stabbings/ "doin's" and taking eccies (E) and jellies. Buckfast and Cider are the staple diet.

Now, come and visit Glasgow as it's braw. End of story.

Now, come and visit Glasgow as it's braw

...it'll gi' ye a wee tilt in yer kilt !

"The problem with Scotland is it's full of Scots."

Is this a Scottish RJ45 connector?

Ya wee bastards!

Oh man I love a gaelic accent!

/hot and sweaty now.

A tube? A tube is a very aggressive Scots term meaning "fool". No-one uses tube lightly: nope, not even in jest. If someone calls you it, it is NOT a term of endearment. Don't even use it to speak to your best pal.

e.g.
Shut yer mooth ya fuccin TUBE!! - Shut up, you fool
Away tae fucc ya TUBE!!! - Go away you fool
Whit a tube! - What a fool


So there you go. Yet more "Weegie-u-like" language lessons :o)

I guess this explains all the e-mail spam lately offering me anal bum covers, stories about the Rapist, and no text e-mails with the subject: "Trebek's mother is a whore !"

and it's pronounced "choob"

Speaking of Neds, there's some Ned kids who moved up to my island and over the past 6 months have been solely responsible for a 60% increase in crime in the area. I kid you not!

And they're under 16, so when they go around trashing cars, stealing and general neddism nothing happens, because clearly they don't understand what they're doing is wrong (and child services can't do jack all because nobody wants them.)

And we call people tubes all the time!

Broodband? Will Starcraft play faster on Battle.Net now?

The first Scottish broadband service had a wee problem. Glasgow Online Access/Telephony Service Enterprises was too long to fit on the bill, and the missus had a heart attack when she read the acronym on the phone bill.

/I garfunkeled yuir mother

Uranus

Fecking....sounds Oirish....

It does, begorrah.

Never say fecking myself....'for feck sake' and 'feck off' occasionally....but never fecking.

Fecking bastards.
Oops....

Wow, never realised there were so many more Scottish Farkers out there. Check out Glasgow Survival Guide, it's necessary to avoid a quick and ugly death for any visitors to our fair city.
I have no idea what that plug in the photo is all about, I have NEVER seen anything like it before.
Anyway, GlasgowMunterHunter and Glasgowsfinest, how about a Weegie Fark party? I'll bring the Buckfast, youse bring the fake ID and we can meet outside the Modern Art Museum and slag off the goths.
[Note to ootsiders: Buckfast Tonic is a horrible tasting cheap wine made by monks in Devon and drank by all underage neds.]
Itchy Guide to Glasgow Well worth a look.

From Glasgow, its Franz Ferdinand..... .!!

Ah, Buckfast, aka F..u..<...k..e...d fast
Happy memories.

Wait...er.....no memories actually.

And stout, long lasting, hard wearing, tweed. In the truse line, boy!

/obscure?

et Voilá



A delightful little number, excellent Bouquet.

Woo hoo! Franz Ferdinand! I sang along with them during this morning's commute.

This thread is seriously lacking men in kilts.