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(Business Insider (Australia))   Eleven things never to say at a job interview. "Do I have to wear underwear?" strangely absent   ( businessinsider.com.au) divider line
    More: PSA, Profanity, weird personal questions, Curse, job interviews, interview faux pas, mere stepping stone, Interview, Sentence  
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3908 clicks; posted to Business » on 14 Jan 2018 at 6:23 PM (6 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2018-01-14 03:01:29 AM  
I don't have to say anything, I just take off my pants.
 
2018-01-14 03:33:43 AM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2018-01-14 05:19:48 AM  
1.  "What time are bathroom breaks?"
2.  "If I become differently-abled, say... due to a cabinet falling on me here, can I bring in a helper monkey?"
3.  "Can you assure me that your company isn't part of the Illuminati?"
4.  "If you drug test your employees, I can start six weeks from tomorrow"
5.  "If you don't hire me, can I at least use you as a reference?"
6.  "How the HELL did I get HERE?"
7.  "Do you provide office supplies?  Because I go through a LOT of staple-removers"
8.  "I'm looking for a safe environment for sexual predators".
9.  "Have you heard the good news about Jesus?"
10.  "So, my desk will be by the negro lady?"...
 
2018-01-14 05:54:48 AM  
You make a lot of lists
Keep up the good work but learn to count to eleven
 
2018-01-14 05:59:36 AM  
Why I Hate Interviews
Youtube 2W0WsdLobq8
 
2018-01-14 06:04:52 AM  

Brian Dead: You make a lot of lists
Keep up the good work but learn to count to eleven


Sometimes, I'm lucky to make it to ten...

If you go to my web site, I've got a LOT of lists in the blog.
 
2018-01-14 06:53:47 AM  
I actually RTFA and as their list is clearly intended for cretins who haven't the faintest clue what not to say in a professional setting I think I'll suggest some more.

1. I made a poopy!
2. Can I call you 'Daddy'?
3. I had to leave my last job after the lizard people took over.
4. Does your dress code allow for blood-caked smocks?
5. The spirits tell me not to trust you.
6. What is your policy regarding venomous pets in the workplace?
7. My personal interests include yodelling, masturbation and corporate espionage.
8. Yes, I would like a drink. Do you know how to make a Pousse Café?
9. Actually, I would prefer if you called me 'The Meat Meister.'
10. Let me ask you a question. If you thought that we were all living in the Matrix, would you still come to work here?
11. The work itself doesn't concern me. My primary purpose here is to study the ways of the Earth people.
 
2018-01-14 06:58:37 AM  
Love the gang bang interviews where some asshole who won't engage at all is sitting there jerking off on his phone. GTFO, you are wasting my time.

The stupid questions begging for snappy answers get you a stupid hire.

Where do I see myself in 5 years?

Banging a trophy wife on the back of my 300 foot yacht while anyone who was an asshole here gets to wear a nacho sombrero and call me El Capitan.

The real answer? I hope I'm still employed doing something I like and having some time to ski, etc. I also see this company getting acquired, restructured, right-sized, or a new CEO who doesn't give a shiat past 2 years.

/ happily employed actually but I've seen this crap since I entered the professional workforce.
// got the best of Fox once to a decent tune, because fark you, pay me you cretins
/// really, not bitter, MBAs just get tiresome
 
2018-01-14 07:14:01 AM  
Then, if you still don't have the job, point to the picture on his desk and say, "Who's the coont?"

/ Carlin
 
2018-01-14 07:18:59 AM  
Excuse me while I whip this out.
 
2018-01-14 07:44:32 AM  
The most inappropriate question/exchange I ever had at a job interview:

Interviewer: I see you're in the National Guard, will your drills and stuff interfere with your duties here?

Me: No.  I'm well aware of your agencies military leave policies, and will fully comply with them.  I don't anticipate my military duties for the foreseeable future exceeding the amount of military leave your agency grants.

Interviewer: That's all well and good, but that's not what I'm asking.  This facility is staffed 24/7, and we need people who are available 24/7 to work, that includes weekends when the reserves have their drills.  We can't be hiring people who have to be taking off every month for. . .uh, we completely support you being in the military and Thank You For Your ServiceTM, and if we need any more information we'll let you know.  Thank you for interviewing with us today!

They quickly shake my hand and shuffle me out the front door of the facility.  It was only 15 minutes from my house.  By the time I'm home there's a rejection e-mail in my inbox saying I didn't get the job.
 
2018-01-14 07:55:25 AM  
The guy that interviewed for the job before me peed the seat.  I got a new chair and the job.
 
2018-01-14 08:30:59 AM  
Once you reach a certain level of management it's perfectly ok to say you left a previous job due to differences with your superior IMHO.  Just say it professionally.

Worst job interview ever: IT start-up with bonus questions like "why is the sky blue?" - It's not ya dumbasses, it just depends on what colours are being absorbed by the atmosphere at the moment.  Now ask me a real question.
 
2018-01-14 08:31:13 AM  
1. How do you feel about Necrophilia? Do you like to warm it up first or go in cold?
2. Who is the office whore?
3. How secure is the IT help desk room/closet?
4.How do you feel about employees running side businesses?
5. What's your WOW/LoL/Overwatch/COD clan/guild?
6. How much money do people make in the betting pools around here?
7. Who is that hot piece of ass I saw at the front desk?
8. During hunting season, I can keep my guns or kills on the property?
9. Can I go hunting in the forest behind us?
10. How much money do you make?
11. When is the next office beer bash? I need to go to the bone zone.
 
2018-01-14 08:38:21 AM  

Silverstaff: The most inappropriate question/exchange I ever had at a job interview:

Interviewer: I see you're in the National Guard, will your drills and stuff interfere with your duties here?

Me: No.  I'm well aware of your agencies military leave policies, and will fully comply with them.  I don't anticipate my military duties for the foreseeable future exceeding the amount of military leave your agency grants.

Interviewer: That's all well and good, but that's not what I'm asking.  This facility is staffed 24/7, and we need people who are available 24/7 to work, that includes weekends when the reserves have their drills.  We can't be hiring people who have to be taking off every month for. . .uh, we completely support you being in the military and Thank You For Your ServiceTM, and if we need any more information we'll let you know.  Thank you for interviewing with us today!

They quickly shake my hand and shuffle me out the front door of the facility.  It was only 15 minutes from my house.  By the time I'm home there's a rejection e-mail in my inbox saying I didn't get the job.


That seems like it is (or should be) illegal, denying a job due to military service commitments.
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2018-01-14 08:50:14 AM  
What job am I interviewing for?

I've been on interviews where it wasn't clear what the job was.
 
2018-01-14 08:51:24 AM  
"Wasn't this job offer submitted with a better headline?"
 
2018-01-14 08:52:32 AM  
wxboy:
That seems like it is (or should be) illegal, denying a job due to military service commitments.

It's highly illegal.
https://www.justice.gov/sites/default​/​files/usao-ednc/legacy/2011/04/29/Empl​oymentRights.pdf
 
2018-01-14 08:57:51 AM  

wxboy: Silverstaff: The most inappropriate question/exchange I ever had at a job interview:

Interviewer: I see you're in the National Guard, will your drills and stuff interfere with your duties here?

Me: No.  I'm well aware of your agencies military leave policies, and will fully comply with them.  I don't anticipate my military duties for the foreseeable future exceeding the amount of military leave your agency grants.

Interviewer: That's all well and good, but that's not what I'm asking.  This facility is staffed 24/7, and we need people who are available 24/7 to work, that includes weekends when the reserves have their drills.  We can't be hiring people who have to be taking off every month for. . .uh, we completely support you being in the military and Thank You For Your ServiceTM, and if we need any more information we'll let you know.  Thank you for interviewing with us today!

They quickly shake my hand and shuffle me out the front door of the facility.  It was only 15 minutes from my house.  By the time I'm home there's a rejection e-mail in my inbox saying I didn't get the job.

That seems like it is (or should be) illegal, denying a job due to military service commitments.


It is quite illegal, hence why he stopped himself in the middle of saying it to suddenly start talking about how much he supported me being in the military.
 
2018-01-14 09:25:29 AM  
Someone got paid to write this.
 
2018-01-14 09:32:19 AM  

bigfatbuddhist: 1.  "What time are bathroom breaks?"
2.  "If I become differently-abled, say... due to a cabinet falling on me here, can I bring in a helper monkey?"
3.  "Can you assure me that your company isn't part of the Illuminati?"
4.  "If you drug test your employees, I can start six weeks from tomorrow"
5.  "If you don't hire me, can I at least use you as a reference?"
6.  "How the HELL did I get HERE?"
7.  "Do you provide office supplies?  Because I go through a LOT of staple-removers"
8.  "I'm looking for a safe environment for sexual predators".
9.  "Have you heard the good news about Jesus?"
10.  "So, my desk will be by the negro lady?"...


I had an older lady on meth show up for interview from a job fair wearing leopard print pants, then she pulled out some kind of vape machine and started vaping in my office
 
2018-01-14 09:37:33 AM  

Silverstaff: wxboy: Silverstaff: The most inappropriate question/exchange I ever had at a job interview:

Interviewer: I see you're in the National Guard, will your drills and stuff interfere with your duties here?

Me: No.  I'm well aware of your agencies military leave policies, and will fully comply with them.  I don't anticipate my military duties for the foreseeable future exceeding the amount of military leave your agency grants.

Interviewer: That's all well and good, but that's not what I'm asking.  This facility is staffed 24/7, and we need people who are available 24/7 to work, that includes weekends when the reserves have their drills.  We can't be hiring people who have to be taking off every month for. . .uh, we completely support you being in the military and Thank You For Your ServiceTM, and if we need any more information we'll let you know.  Thank you for interviewing with us today!

They quickly shake my hand and shuffle me out the front door of the facility.  It was only 15 minutes from my house.  By the time I'm home there's a rejection e-mail in my inbox saying I didn't get the job.

That seems like it is (or should be) illegal, denying a job due to military service commitments.

It is quite illegal, hence why he stopped himself in the middle of saying it to suddenly start talking about how much he supported me being in the military.


I'd have brought that up in response to the email rejection.
 
2018-01-14 09:47:36 AM  
"Have I ever stolen from an employer? Technically, if they make you give it back in the parking lot, it's not stealing. So no."
 
2018-01-14 09:54:27 AM  
What's your biggest challenge?

"Well I, unlike most Jews, like to see more people in the synagogue. So my challenge will be convincing everyone in this office to convert so I don't have to come to work on Saturdays!"
 
2018-01-14 09:58:15 AM  

moviemarketing: had an older lady on meth show up for interview from a job fair wearing leopard print pants, then she pulled out some kind of vape machine and started vaping in my office


"Strong multi-tasking skills"
 
2018-01-14 10:08:14 AM  

downstairs: Someone got paid to write this.


I wonder what their job interview for staff writer was like.
 
2018-01-14 10:14:42 AM  
1. "What's the point?  I mean, what's the f__king point?  Can you tell me?  I mean, f__k.  Well, whatever."


I didn't get the job.
 
2018-01-14 10:39:14 AM  

wxboy: Silverstaff: The most inappropriate question/exchange I ever had at a job interview:

Interviewer: I see you're in the National Guard, will your drills and stuff interfere with your duties here?

Me: No.  I'm well aware of your agencies military leave policies, and will fully comply with them.  I don't anticipate my military duties for the foreseeable future exceeding the amount of military leave your agency grants.

Interviewer: That's all well and good, but that's not what I'm asking.  This facility is staffed 24/7, and we need people who are available 24/7 to work, that includes weekends when the reserves have their drills.  We can't be hiring people who have to be taking off every month for. . .uh, we completely support you being in the military and Thank You For Your ServiceTM, and if we need any more information we'll let you know.  Thank you for interviewing with us today!

They quickly shake my hand and shuffle me out the front door of the facility.  It was only 15 minutes from my house.  By the time I'm home there's a rejection e-mail in my inbox saying I didn't get the job.

That seems like it is (or should be) illegal, denying a job due to military service commitments.


I'm pretty sure it is, or at least needs to be dealt with at the state level, ie. a visit from someone from the employment commission.
 
2018-01-14 10:47:10 AM  
1. Star Wars or Star Trek?
 
2018-01-14 10:49:36 AM  
"Hold on a sec, I need to answer this text."
 
2018-01-14 10:58:45 AM  
Pull my finger.
 
2018-01-14 11:10:10 AM  
Your wife said "hi."
 
2018-01-14 11:12:45 AM  
These things may be industry-specific.

I once was seeking a job at Perlegen Sciences and one interviewer asked me, "Have your read Jared Diamond's book 'Guns, Germs and Steel'?" I said yes, so that the end of that. Apparently he thought reading was harmful.

But you say, I have never heard of Perlegen Sciences. Yep, they went bankrupt.
 
2018-01-14 11:37:12 AM  
I'm an alcoholic!
 
2018-01-14 12:04:59 PM  

Silverstaff: wxboy: Silverstaff: The most inappropriate question/exchange I ever had at a job interview:

Interviewer: I see you're in the National Guard, will your drills and stuff interfere with your duties here?

Me: No.  I'm well aware of your agencies military leave policies, and will fully comply with them.  I don't anticipate my military duties for the foreseeable future exceeding the amount of military leave your agency grants.

Interviewer: That's all well and good, but that's not what I'm asking.  This facility is staffed 24/7, and we need people who are available 24/7 to work, that includes weekends when the reserves have their drills.  We can't be hiring people who have to be taking off every month for. . .uh, we completely support you being in the military and Thank You For Your ServiceTM, and if we need any more information we'll let you know.  Thank you for interviewing with us today!

They quickly shake my hand and shuffle me out the front door of the facility.  It was only 15 minutes from my house.  By the time I'm home there's a rejection e-mail in my inbox saying I didn't get the job.

That seems like it is (or should be) illegal, denying a job due to military service commitments.

It is quite illegal, hence why he stopped himself in the middle of saying it to suddenly start talking about how much he supported me being in the military.


I had a boss come up to me the week after I married a service member and shake my hand, and hand me a $500 check. He said, "thank you for marrying (service member), your new healthcare plan will save us $1000, here's half". He wasn't being mean, he genuinely was happy that I had healthcare outside of the expensive company plan. I loved that dude.
 
2018-01-14 12:15:00 PM  

doczoidberg: I'm an alcoholic!


Functional alcoholics are the best.  They are fun to be with and get shiat done.
 
2018-01-14 12:20:13 PM  
"I see on your c.v. that you claim to have graduated from Penn State.  I called them and they've never heard of you."

"One, that's the University of Pittsburgh, not Penn State, and two we're done here."

"What's with the attitude?"

"Have a nice day."*


*'Have a nice day' is my biggest insult in a professional setting.
 
2018-01-14 12:22:44 PM  
How about: "Do you have a fast internet connection I spend a lot of time on fark.com and surfing for p0rn?
 
2018-01-14 12:32:52 PM  

2wolves: "I see on your c.v. that you claim to have graduated from Penn State.  I called them and they've never heard of you."

"One, that's the University of Pittsburgh, not Penn State, and two we're done here."

"What's with the attitude?"

"Have a nice day."*


*'Have a nice day' is my biggest insult in a professional setting.


Did that actually happen?
 
2018-01-14 12:35:06 PM  
"I had to get out of that last place or I'd have killed someone."
 
2018-01-14 12:39:51 PM  

jjorsett: "I had to get out of that last place or I'd have killed someone."


I actually had an interview where they asked why I left a company. The reason I gave was my boss. When they asked me to elaborate, I was very pointed to say that he was condescending in how he managed, and often told us to manage our employees that we're not only detrimental to the team, several times they were illegal. I'll also point out how I reported the illegal behavior to be told it wasn't relevant because he was making numbers. And that he has since been fired.
 
2018-01-14 12:44:03 PM  

moviemarketing: bigfatbuddhist: 1.  "What time are bathroom breaks?"
2.  "If I become differently-abled, say... due to a cabinet falling on me here, can I bring in a helper monkey?"
3.  "Can you assure me that your company isn't part of the Illuminati?"
4.  "If you drug test your employees, I can start six weeks from tomorrow"
5.  "If you don't hire me, can I at least use you as a reference?"
6.  "How the HELL did I get HERE?"
7.  "Do you provide office supplies?  Because I go through a LOT of staple-removers"
8.  "I'm looking for a safe environment for sexual predators".
9.  "Have you heard the good news about Jesus?"
10.  "So, my desk will be by the negro lady?"...

I had an older lady on meth show up for interview from a job fair wearing leopard print pants, then she pulled out some kind of vape machine and started vaping in my office


E-meth?
 
2018-01-14 12:52:10 PM  

fusillade762: I don't have to say anything, I just take off my pants.


and bend over.
 
2018-01-14 12:55:27 PM  

Somaticasual: moviemarketing: had an older lady on meth show up for interview from a job fair wearing leopard print pants, then she pulled out some kind of vape machine and started vaping in my office

"Strong multi-tasking skills"


drugs r a hellava drug
 
2018-01-14 12:56:13 PM  

fusillade762: I don't have to say anything, I just take off my pants.


i.pinimg.comView Full Size
 
2018-01-14 12:56:55 PM  

ox45tallboy: downstairs: Someone got paid to write this.

I wonder what their job interview for staff writer was like.


do u agree with corpoates view of the world?
yes
ur hired.
 
2018-01-14 12:58:38 PM  

Billy Liar: 1. "What's the point?  I mean, what's the f__king point?  Can you tell me?  I mean, f__k.  Well, whatever."


I didn't get the job.


u might have been the only one who didnt see the point. the rest were corporate lemmings.
 
2018-01-14 01:00:42 PM  

Kegovitch: 1. Star Wars or Star Trek?


dammit kegovitch im a doctor not an engineer!
 
2018-01-14 01:09:02 PM  
One of my job interview questions: "If your profile says you are a redhead head with big tits and a guy messages you saying he wants to eat your pussy, what do you say?"

It was for adult friend finder or something like that. Job was to make fake profiles to hook the clients.


All these "job interview tips" seem to be for super traditional office jobs. If you follow them, you'll just look stiff. Best advice I have is to ask your own questions, and ask the person interviewing you about their hobbies, etc.
 
2018-01-14 01:09:36 PM  

seriously.though: Silverstaff: wxboy: Silverstaff: The most inappropriate question/exchange I ever had at a job interview:

Interviewer: I see you're in the National Guard, will your drills and stuff interfere with your duties here?

Me: No.  I'm well aware of your agencies military leave policies, and will fully comply with them.  I don't anticipate my military duties for the foreseeable future exceeding the amount of military leave your agency grants.

Interviewer: That's all well and good, but that's not what I'm asking.  This facility is staffed 24/7, and we need people who are available 24/7 to work, that includes weekends when the reserves have their drills.  We can't be hiring people who have to be taking off every month for. . .uh, we completely support you being in the military and Thank You For Your ServiceTM, and if we need any more information we'll let you know.  Thank you for interviewing with us today!

They quickly shake my hand and shuffle me out the front door of the facility.  It was only 15 minutes from my house.  By the time I'm home there's a rejection e-mail in my inbox saying I didn't get the job.

That seems like it is (or should be) illegal, denying a job due to military service commitments.

It is quite illegal, hence why he stopped himself in the middle of saying it to suddenly start talking about how much he supported me being in the military.

I had a boss come up to me the week after I married a service member and shake my hand, and hand me a $500 check. He said, "thank you for marrying (service member), your new healthcare plan will save us $1000, here's half". He wasn't being mean, he genuinely was happy that I had healthcare outside of the expensive company plan. I loved that dude.


yep socialism is a wonderful thing.
 
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