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(Telegraph)   Good news: Doomsday has been postponed   (portal.telegraph.co.uk) divider line 66
    More: Interesting  
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6376 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Jan 2002 at 3:24 PM (13 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2002-01-14 03:26:20 PM  
Thank FARKING God, I was hoping that they would put the end of the world off for at least a lil' while, at least UNTIL THE STEELERS WIN THE SUPER BOWL THIS YEAR
 
2002-01-14 03:26:36 PM  
Guess that means I will have to return those DVD's to Blockbuster after all.
 
2002-01-14 03:27:05 PM  
Phew!!! That was close!!
 
2002-01-14 03:36:14 PM  
SLAYERSWINE - That would mean doomsday will never happen.

Go Packers!
 
43%
2002-01-14 03:37:09 PM  
damn, guess i have to go to work tomorrow.
 
2002-01-14 03:39:00 PM  
aww shiat, does this mean I still need to worry about my retirement funds?
 
2002-01-14 03:41:15 PM  
The findings are likely to rekindle the age-old debate about the
ultimate fate of humanity.


I for one think ultimate fate of humanity is self-destruction.

Clearly, the world cannot continue to survive if everyone consumes resources at the same rate as our 'civilized' 'industrialized' 'modern' nations.

Or worse, produces waste at the same rate.

American consumerism fed by ubiquitous marketing and unrestrained capitalism will bury us all.
 
2002-01-14 03:42:55 PM  
The article doesn't mention what will happen to the moon with all of these gravity changes... the orbit might degrade and come crashing to the Earth w/o the Suns pull. Looks like I can go shopping tomorrow afterall! ;)
 
2002-01-14 03:43:55 PM  
[image from img.fark.com too old to be available]
Now I can put off returning my overdure library books without fear of being smited on the way there.
 
2002-01-14 03:48:05 PM  
Aw man! Now I gotta wait around to see who's right?

Fark.
 
2002-01-14 03:50:21 PM  
Tucci: You're an Idiot.
 
2002-01-14 03:52:36 PM  
So that means I have to wait a little longer for the girl who said she would fark me come doomsday... Damn.
 
2002-01-14 03:52:49 PM  
Hi Rogue!

Who cares whats gonna happen 7Billion years from now?! Go shopping!
 
2002-01-14 03:55:44 PM  
The new calculations suggest that the surface of the Earth will become too hot to sustain human life for a few million years about 5.7 billion years from now.

Crap! Now it falls right on my Bridge night! Can someone please have God reschedule it to the following Thursday?
 
2002-01-14 04:00:16 PM  
Guess I gotta reschedule (pronounced "shedule" like a fancy person) my tea party...
 
2002-01-14 04:00:30 PM  
Tucci... no need to try and impress us with your vocabulary. We are not impressed (I guess I shouldn't speak for all of us). Or did you pull that out of a Consumer Ed textbook?
 
2002-01-14 04:00:32 PM  
Great I can postpone my plans to flee this galaxy for another 200 billion years or so!
 
2002-01-14 04:02:16 PM  
I thought "Don't Panic" was from the Hitchhiker's Guide. I didn't know Moore had a copy of that.

Froom a different angle, what are the chances of us a)still being here in 5.7 billion years, or 2) if we are, not being able to do something about it or third) if we are and can't, will we be in any state to care?
One has to wonder.
 
2002-01-14 04:08:00 PM  
zzzxzzz,
No you are.


There is no way that humanity is going to last until the sun winks out.

Theatergirl,
I have an MBA. I have studied this shiat in depth. Sorry to make you run for the thesaurus.
 
2002-01-14 04:14:30 PM  
Tucci: There was no need to run for the thesaurus... just no need to ramble on talking like a farking bumbling Tucci with an MBA.
 
2002-01-14 04:16:11 PM  
"This planet will explode in less than 30 days"

"Jorel, be reasonable".

"My friends, I have never been otherwise. This madness is yours".
 
2002-01-14 04:16:42 PM  
Oh and... take a joke. I am just playing with ya.
 
2002-01-14 04:17:09 PM  
Theatergirl,
If you can't find anything in what I've said to argue with, and have to resort to attacking the manner in which I've said it, then you are an idiot.
Get back to work before the boss finds out you're farking on company time.
 
2002-01-14 04:17:41 PM  
In fact, Tucci, I completely agree with you on this point... "American consumerism fed by ubiquitous marketing and unrestrained capitalism will bury us all."
 
TV
2002-01-14 04:17:45 PM  
i give us until about 2010, 2011 - 2025 tops. the sheeple will have killed themselves off by that point and the rest of us will have evolved into something quite unhuman. me, i'm waiting patiently for my 11 extra sensory organs to kick in, should be happening any day now.
 
2002-01-14 04:18:26 PM  
Thanks for saving us, Mr. Bush!
 
2002-01-14 04:21:20 PM  
So you just don't like big words.

Sorry. Allow me to rephrase:
McDonalds and TV will kill us.
Better?
 
2002-01-14 04:22:42 PM  
LMAO Tucci
 
2002-01-14 04:30:10 PM  
Agent Smith: I'd like to share a revelation that I've had during my time here. It came to me when I tried to classify your species. I realized that you're not actually mammals. Every mammal on this planet instinctively develops a natural equilibrium with the surrounding environment, but you humans do not. You move to an area, and you multiply, and multiply, until every natural resource is consumed. The only way you can survive is to spread to another area. There is another organism on this planet that follows the same pattern. A virus. Human beings are a disease, a cancer of this planet, you are a plague, and we are the cure.
 
2002-01-14 04:30:12 PM  
American consumerism fed by ubiquitous marketing and unrestrained capitalism will bury us all.

I fail to see how extensive advertising will play a part in Armageddon, but I was never that perceptive.

What about unrestrained use of adjectives, that seems to be the clear and present danger.
 
2002-01-14 04:32:28 PM  
Of course, that article did nothing to address the issue of THIS doomsday senario:

The Beat on the Stree
 
2002-01-14 04:36:19 PM  
Impaler: "What about unrestrained use of adjectives, that seems to be the clear and present danger."
LMAO OMG - now THAT is funny!!!!!!!!!
 
2002-01-14 04:42:07 PM  
Impaler,
I thought I was very succinct. There are only two adjectives in the whole sentence.

Theatergirl,
Your overwrought braying is not becoming.
 
2002-01-14 04:44:20 PM  
my head is killing me
i ate three hotdogs for breakfast, and just now threw them all up.
the vomit was so forceful and so chunky, that the toilet/vomit water splashed up on my face and lips and also on my socks..
and my life hits a new low
why can't armageddon happen now?
 
2002-01-14 04:44:33 PM  
So the Earth ISN'T going to be obliterated by the Sun? How is Fb- going to get chicks to sleep with him now?
 
2002-01-14 04:49:13 PM  
Well, the sun won't engulf the Earth in 4 Billion years?

Good, I was actually worried there.
 
2002-01-14 04:51:56 PM  
Theatergirl,

Now here is something that you can really

ROFLYAOWPPGFAWW#RRTTWOXXOY*)&!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[image from forgreatteeth.com too old to be available]
 
2002-01-14 04:55:12 PM  
I think I read once that if every Chinese family had an American style refrigerator there would be no ozone layer. Now imagine every Chinese person consuming at the rate of an American and tell me how long that could go on. I certainly hope our scientists develop some nice new technologies to carry us thru. Personally, I'm waiting on fusion and nanobot replicators producing nearly whatever we desire pulling matter from giant feeds (N. Stephenson).
Somehow I extremely doubt we'd be around in present form in 5.7 billion years, but if we were, I'd hope we'd have enough technology by then to get the fark out.
 
2002-01-14 04:55:26 PM  
That sentance just didn't flow well. It seemed strained. Thats what I'm saying.
 
2002-01-14 04:56:00 PM  
5.7 billion years, huh. I think its Jeebus's way of saying that he would like to see the Simpsons stay running for a long time as I hope most of us do.

Yet all is for naught, for Tucci speaks in accordance with the prophecy.

McDonalds and TV dude. McDonalds and TV.
 
2002-01-14 04:56:04 PM  
5.7 billion years, huh. I think its Jeebus's way of saying that he would like to see the Simpsons stay running for a long time as I hope most of us do.

Yet all is for naught, for Tucci speaks in accordance with the prophecy.

McDonalds and TV dude. McDonalds and TV.
 
2002-01-14 04:59:38 PM  
You mean to tell me we have to wait that long for the ultimate fireworks show? Damn.


Oh, BTW, check out Anti-Hero Art: A White Trash Museum. It's chockful of white trash debauchery, treachery and other words that end in a y and some that don't. Contents include: Writings (read Vietnam Vet Scary Gary), Movies (see Dirty Howie and Motel Todd team up on their original song 'Life Is Cheap'), Photos (see a cat eat a Krispy Kreme donut), Junk (all sorts of funny graphics, jokes and other bring-a-smile-to-your-face shiat found here). All of this is free and none of those god damn pop-up ads to click off either.
 
2002-01-14 05:09:51 PM  
Someone should remove these Dirty Howie posts...I think he spammed every thread.
 
2002-01-14 05:14:29 PM  
Imp,

Well, maybe it's too succinct; it's trying to say too much with too little? It assumes too much on behalf of the reader?

What would be a better, but still brief way of saying it?
 
2002-01-14 05:55:30 PM  
[sarcasm] Oh I'm so worried about something that's supposed to happen billions of years from now....[/sarcasm]
 
2002-01-14 06:25:06 PM  
The new calculations suggest that the surface of the Earth will become too hot to sustain human life for a few million years about 5.7 billion years from now.

But maybe the humans of 5.7 billion years from now will be more heat-resistant.
 
2002-01-14 06:44:03 PM  
They have gotten me quite confused. The sun will cool down and expand?
Well, I see I have evidently drank so much alcohol that I have forgotten what little I ever knew about cosmology, or thermodynamics.

I think the sun will have to contract somewhat first and then the next thermo cycle will commence, fusing helium into a heavier element, then we will see some expansion.

By then we may have the option of replenishing the hydrogen (we don't need Jupiter, and the oort cloud has a bunch of hydrogen) of course if we do that we may just be setting the sun up for the bomb so to speak, much bigger (2.5 times) and it could end as a black hole.

Or, alternately, we could light off jupiter and use it as transport (would have to have a means of moving a rather large gas planet and protection against radiation) to the next sol sized star.

As for as humanity goes, by 2020 we are not expected to be very human anyway. Speculation abounds as to the amount of augmentation we will be carrying about, but we will all look like the borg by then, I will look like an alcoholic borg of course and will be a disgrace to the collective.
 
2002-01-14 06:58:12 PM  
guys, have i ever talked to you about jesus?.....
 
2002-01-14 07:03:14 PM  
Arrg, we have been ass emulated again.
 
2002-01-14 07:28:34 PM  
Heh, Icecycle... if we could head for the Oort cloud and transport it to the sun to replenish it, we might as well head for the Andromeda system.
 
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