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(Independent)   Chocolate could be extinct in about 30 years   ( independent.co.uk) divider line
    More: Scary, Business Insider, University of California, Berkeley, climate change, Climate, UC Berkeley, Fruit, green cacao seedlings, candy company Mars  
•       •       •

8093 clicks; posted to Main » on 01 Jan 2018 at 2:50 PM (7 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



119 Comments     (+0 »)
 
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2018-01-01 02:29:02 PM  
No it won't. Just another in a long line of silly articles about this.
 
2018-01-01 02:35:32 PM  
No it won't.
It may have to be "hand" grown in an artificial environment and affordable only for some but "extinct" is unlikely.

It's too valuable a commodity to let disappear entirely.
 
2018-01-01 02:39:34 PM  
So will I. Happy New year and welcome to your brave new world, whippersnappers!
 
2018-01-01 02:41:46 PM  
They said that same thing 20 years ago.
 
2018-01-01 02:44:57 PM  
Then it's carob for everybody!
 
2018-01-01 02:51:26 PM  
Melts in the field, not in your mouth.
 
2018-01-01 02:53:53 PM  
Couldn't different regions that then have the average temperature of the region where it is currently grown be able to grow it?

/Obviously we need to make sure we can grow enough food OVERALL first
 
2018-01-01 02:55:24 PM  
Most of it is fake anyway.
 
2018-01-01 02:56:15 PM  

RodneyToady: Then it's carob for everybody!


Any religion that embraces carob is, uh, not for Carl Carlson.
 
2018-01-01 02:56:21 PM  

Jurodan: Couldn't different regions that then have the average temperature of the region where it is currently grown be able to grow it?

/Obviously we need to make sure we can grow enough food OVERALL first


You underestimate how important chocolate is to a certain sector of middle-aged white women.
 
2018-01-01 02:56:45 PM  

Ambivalence: They said that same thing 20 years ago.


Subby has that covered (TFA says 40)
 
2018-01-01 02:57:00 PM  
Cathy 2060: Soylent, Soylent, Soylent ACK!
 
2018-01-01 02:58:21 PM  
So will I
 
2018-01-01 02:58:33 PM  

Ambivalence: They said that same thing 20 years ago.


Yeah ... and back then they said 50 years!

/ sarcasm
 
2018-01-01 02:59:06 PM  

I_Can't_Believe_it's_not_Boutros: RodneyToady: Then it's carob for everybody!

Any religion that embraces carob is, uh, not for Carl Carlson.


Shuddup, Lenny!
 
2018-01-01 02:59:45 PM  
Meh. Make your own: lard, sugar, brown coloring.
 
2018-01-01 02:59:56 PM  
[Maniacal, schadenfreude-laced laughter]
 
2018-01-01 03:00:36 PM  

Ambivalence: They said that same thing 20 years ago.


That's why it's called chocolate, not chocoearly.
 
2018-01-01 03:01:03 PM  
If chocolate soared to 10, 20 bucks a bar for 70% to 80% cocoa chocolate, I'd still willingly pay it for a regular supply.

Addict.
 
2018-01-01 03:02:27 PM  

Jurodan: Couldn't different regions that then have the average temperature of the region where it is currently grown be able to grow it?

/Obviously we need to make sure we can grow enough food OVERALL first


iirc, regions where it can be grown (or is maybe already moving to on it's own) aren't suitable for harvesting it.

Something like the movie "Medicine Man" - where you want a thing to grow for your ease isn't always where it will grow, without serious effort that damages something else or is prohibitively expensive.

I imagine there will be a push for synthetic and we'll get to "real" chocolate for the haves and "ersatz" for the nots - i.e. - that Betty Crocker brownie mix will remain affordable and contain a lot of not chocolate.
 
2018-01-01 03:02:55 PM  
Is this some sort of plot to get women to give a shiat about the climate change?
 
2018-01-01 03:03:34 PM  
It'll have had a good run. RIP Chocolate.
 
2018-01-01 03:04:34 PM  
That's gonna be the least of our worries. Water and breathing will rank over chocolate.
 
2018-01-01 03:05:23 PM  

Valiente: Jurodan: Couldn't different regions that then have the average temperature of the region where it is currently grown be able to grow it?

/Obviously we need to make sure we can grow enough food OVERALL first

You underestimate how important chocolate is to a certain sector of middle-aged white women.


I do. I used to keep a personal supply in my desk at work (along with other essentials). When word got out it wasn't uncommon for female co-workers to drop by - oh, now and then - with that hopeful/shameful junkie look.
A bonding experience.
 
2018-01-01 03:06:37 PM  
images6.fanpop.comView Full Size
 
2018-01-01 03:07:48 PM  

lindalouwho: No it won't. Just another in a long line of silly articles about this.


parasol: No it won't.
It may have to be "hand" grown in an artificial environment and affordable only for some but "extinct" is unlikely.

It's too valuable a commodity to let disappear entirely.


"Same difference" as the kids say.  Climate Change is going to turn chocolate into a luxury only the rich can afford again, which will mix in rather poetically with the neofeudalism we're headed towards.  The two possible saves are a NEW place being found to grow the chocolate or a genetically-engineered "frankenfood" (that will be fine, but scare dumb people and still be patented and expensive) version of chocolate.  Neither of these are something you want to bank on.

But hey, Daddy gets to have his coal mining job back*.

*not intended as a factual statement
 
2018-01-01 03:10:08 PM  
American chocolate or real chocolate?
 
2018-01-01 03:11:04 PM  
Decades from now we will excavate the fossilized remains of long-extinct Snickers bars. We'll examine their stomachs to find they were largely nut-eating creatures, their body shape suggesting a peaceful existence grazing across the plains, their numbers decimated by the invasive Homo sapiens rotundus.
 
2018-01-01 03:11:15 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size

RIP
 
2018-01-01 03:12:57 PM  
A spokesman for The Hershey Company said that this will not affect their product line, as they have not used cacao in their products since 1973.
 
2018-01-01 03:14:22 PM  
No it won't.

We'll breed or otherwise create viable sustainable varieties.
 
2018-01-01 03:16:28 PM  
Wow, what a bunch of horseshiat, somebody needs to have a "i wont greenlight stupid bullahiat" resolution. Meanwhile, I have just added a "i wont farking cuss so much" resolution, godammit.
 
2018-01-01 03:16:46 PM  
I'll have probably checked out by then, and if I haven't then I'd want to if chocolate didn't exist anymore.

/major chocoholic
 
2018-01-01 03:16:48 PM  
I still have half a box of chocolates, how much are they worth now?
 
2018-01-01 03:17:40 PM  

TheBigJerk: lindalouwho: No it won't. Just another in a long line of silly articles about this.

parasol: No it won't.
It may have to be "hand" grown in an artificial environment and affordable only for some but "extinct" is unlikely.

It's too valuable a commodity to let disappear entirely.

"Same difference" as the kids say.  Climate Change is going to turn chocolate into a luxury only the rich can afford again, which will mix in rather poetically with the neofeudalism we're headed towards.  The two possible saves are a NEW place being found to grow the chocolate or a genetically-engineered "frankenfood" (that will be fine, but scare dumb people and still be patented and expensive) version of chocolate.  Neither of these are something you want to bank on.

But hey, Daddy gets to have his coal mining job back*.

*not intended as a factual statement


Wrong.gif
 
2018-01-01 03:17:57 PM  

TheBigJerk: lindalouwho: No it won't. Just another in a long line of silly articles about this.

parasol: No it won't.
It may have to be "hand" grown in an artificial environment and affordable only for some but "extinct" is unlikely.

It's too valuable a commodity to let disappear entirely.

"Same difference" as the kids say.  Climate Change is going to turn chocolate into a luxury only the rich can afford again, which will mix in rather poetically with the neofeudalism we're headed towards.  The two possible saves are a NEW place being found to grow the chocolate or a genetically-engineered "frankenfood" (that will be fine, but scare dumb people and still be patented and expensive) version of chocolate.  Neither of these are something you want to bank on.

But hey, Daddy gets to have his coal mining job back*.

*not intended as a factual statement


One of the best sci-fi short stories I've read was about the entire world's edible plants developing sentience and self-defense mechanisms (camouflage, movement) to protect themselves from harvesting after mankind moved to global vegetarianism. The world depended on a type of algae for food.
One character learned the art of befriending fruiting plants that would, sometimes, offer her a single fruit in friendship - a very wealthy woman wanted a deal for 100 raspberries for a society wedding - one berry per guest as a show of status.
Not much into sci-fi but the plant angle made it a fascinating little read.
The ending, which had vats of suddenly self-aware algae forming messages in the tanks is why I sometimes find sci-fi silly.
 
2018-01-01 03:18:11 PM  
So will I
 
2018-01-01 03:18:12 PM  
The chocolate issue will be resolved long before global warming.
 
2018-01-01 03:19:06 PM  

RodneyToady: Then it's carob for everybody!


img.fark.netView Full Size


img.fark.netView Full Size


Carob: Treating diarrhea in hippies.
Chocolate: Causing diarrhea in yuppies.

Choose your own path to the toilet
#woke
 
2018-01-01 03:19:28 PM  
It won't be grown in Africa anymore, probably, but it will still grow just fine in the place it has spent most of its existence - Central America.  More specifically, my retirement home in Costa Rica, which will have plenty of cocoa as well as coffee (which means I need a strip of land running up a mountain, I guess - maybe near Monteverde somewhere?).

It's not native to Africa, and shouldn't really be grown there.  Where it's native, it will still be doing fine in 30 years.
 
2018-01-01 03:20:39 PM  

parasol: Jurodan: Couldn't different regions that then have the average temperature of the region where it is currently grown be able to grow it?

/Obviously we need to make sure we can grow enough food OVERALL first

iirc, regions where it can be grown (or is maybe already moving to on it's own) aren't suitable for harvesting it.

Something like the movie "Medicine Man" - where you want a thing to grow for your ease isn't always where it will grow, without serious effort that damages something else or is prohibitively expensive.

I imagine there will be a push for synthetic and we'll get to "real" chocolate for the haves and "ersatz" for the nots - i.e. - that Betty Crocker brownie mix will remain affordable and contain a lot of not chocolate.


Similar to cloud berries and paw paws. Some things just do poorly outside of their home biome.
 
2018-01-01 03:23:33 PM  

WelldeadLink: American chocolate or real chocolate?


*rolls eyes* is this some sort of stupid shiat about adding milk to chocolate or something?  Because I get chocolate from places straight from Central America, and I only do very dark chocolate.  I've had the crap in France and Switzerland, and it's all doused with milk.
 
2018-01-01 03:24:09 PM  
By just mixing the most important flavor components out of a lab you can get the basic taste of chocolate down but just quite.  Real cacao is an incredibly complex mixture of flavonoids and sulphenes the candy manufacturers can't be arsed to synthesize.  All I'm saying is in the dire future we may have chocolate but it'll never be the original thing. That said
Hot Chocolate- You Sexy Thing (original)
Youtube YUY9Y9RFiHY
 
2018-01-01 03:24:22 PM  

WelldeadLink: American chocolate or real chocolate?


Real chocolate disappeared at least a decade ago.
 
2018-01-01 03:27:03 PM  
Mocklate for all!
i.ytimg.comView Full Size

/aka most products made by Hershey
 
2018-01-01 03:28:22 PM  
Good, I always wanted to know what the Spice Wars were like.
 
2018-01-01 03:28:36 PM  

WelldeadLink: American chocolate or real chocolate?


Sorry but that's about as outdated a joke as American beer.

Plenty of decent chocolate is made in the US.
 
2018-01-01 03:28:55 PM  
We will than have a majority of white chocolate. ARE YOU SEEING A PATTERN HERE?
 
2018-01-01 03:29:31 PM  

IamAwake: It won't be grown in Africa anymore, probably, but it will still grow just fine in the place it has spent most of its existence - Central America.  More specifically, my retirement home in Costa Rica, which will have plenty of cocoa as well as coffee (which means I need a strip of land running up a mountain, I guess - maybe near Monteverde somewhere?).

It's not native to Africa, and shouldn't really be grown there.  Where it's native, it will still be doing fine in 30 years.


Maybe?
On the assumption the environment where it is native to doesn't change too rapidly or that the other parts of nature (bugs, fungus and viruses) don't evolve - or a foreign, non-native be introduced - that decimates the native plants.
Happens quite often.
Florida is no longer the citrus state for that reason - and it's losing, very quickly, it's avocado groves due to a wilting disease that isn't curable. Current option is to remove infected trees and burn them on site as fast as possible.
There is also the danger of a single event (flood, fire, frost) that can decimate a region as well as soil changes brought on by the crop itself - which can render the soil too poor to offer nutrients.
It's best to diversify and not rely on a single region where possible and keep viable samples out of harm's way.
Costa Rica is a rich location but it'd be a shame if it was the world's only source.
 
2018-01-01 03:31:01 PM  
It's nice to know exactly when the world will end.
 
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