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(KATU)   Somewhere, a package thief has just realized they've fallen for the classic 'never steal a box full of used diapers' blunder   ( katu.com) divider line
    More: Amusing, Christmas baby pajamas, dirty diapers, Theft, Hillsboro police spokesman, so-called porch pirates, Boliek, scheduled delivery date, English-language films  
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5744 clicks; posted to Main » on 07 Dec 2017 at 1:10 PM (10 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



79 Comments     (+0 »)
 
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2017-12-07 11:33:49 AM  
What a shiatty surprise for the thieves.

Hey, mama? Are you here on FARK™?
 
2017-12-07 12:03:19 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2017-12-07 12:06:36 PM  
I swear, the Portland Area must lead the country in package thieves per capita.
 
2017-12-07 01:12:34 PM  
i.imgflip.comView Full Size
 
2017-12-07 01:15:42 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size

Every time I see this commercial, I chuckle at the knowledge that boxes of poop crisscrossing our roads and skies.
 
2017-12-07 01:16:20 PM  
I hope for her sake she was smart enough to put a fake address on the box, else mr/ms thief is apt to double down.
 
2017-12-07 01:17:33 PM  

Thosw: I hope for her sake she was smart enough to put a fake address on the box, else mr/ms thief is apt to double down.


Well they stole the box from in front of their house so the thieves kind of know where they live
 
2017-12-07 01:17:35 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2017-12-07 01:17:57 PM  

Thosw: I hope for her sake she was smart enough to put a fake address on the box, else mr/ms thief is apt to double down.


My impression was it was stolen from her porch, sooooooo seems like kind of a dumb move since they know where you live.
Unless this thief just runs around grabbing boxes and most likely won't remember in which case, yes... hope she didn't leave any identifying marks.
 
2017-12-07 01:18:18 PM  
Yeah, then the thief gets some disease and sues the family.
Fark lawyers.
 
2017-12-07 01:19:02 PM  
Her newsletter, I'd like to subscribe.
 
2017-12-07 01:19:12 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2017-12-07 01:20:46 PM  
Maybe that's not a prize to *you* subby..
img.fark.netView Full Size


img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2017-12-07 01:21:18 PM  

Rapmaster2000: [img.fark.net image 480x480][View Full Size image _x_]
Every time I see this commercial, I chuckle at the knowledge that boxes of poop crisscrossing our roads and skies.


What can Brown do for you today?
 
2017-12-07 01:21:25 PM  
I don't mind the shiat surprise idea, but....A box of hand grenades with one rigged to have the pin fall out when the box is opened would have been better....

/yes, I know, lot of logistics to that scenario
//don't care, all thieves should die a painful death
 
2017-12-07 01:21:28 PM  
Speaking of box grabbers, has anyone mentioned Do-

Ow! Who threw that diaper?
 
2017-12-07 01:22:30 PM  
Up your game, lady. Talk to a local nursing home and get adult diapers.
 
2017-12-07 01:24:24 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2017-12-07 01:24:59 PM  
i.pinimg.comView Full Size


funcatpictures.comView Full Size
 
2017-12-07 01:26:41 PM  
an exploding box of poop is even better (still not as good as the box of grenades, but...)

https://youtu.be/TQmlUAIbcXA
 
2017-12-07 01:26:41 PM  

chevydeuce: //don't care, all thieves should die a painful death


Yes, petty theft of easily replaceable items billed to megacorps should be a capital offence.
 
2017-12-07 01:27:12 PM  
Give me several dye bags timed to explode in succession. So the perp gets a facefull or two, then runs around with the box in the house (a couple more bags explode, spraying the entire interior) then runs out the front door with the box (a couple more bags explode, dousing the entire outside of the house).

Or similar events inside the car.

Hee hee hee. Ghetto Blue Man Group.

Oh and plus poo, of course. You gotta have poo in there too.
 
2017-12-07 01:27:20 PM  

abhorrent1: Thosw: I hope for her sake she was smart enough to put a fake address on the box, else mr/ms thief is apt to double down.

Well they stole the box from in front of their house so the thieves kind of know where they live


I doubt they're targeting just the one house.
 
2017-12-07 01:27:50 PM  
The article's use of the phrase "the No. 2 package" ought to earn them an award.


Poolitzer prize, anyone?
 
2017-12-07 01:28:10 PM  
Poop Pirates, heh.
 
2017-12-07 01:28:34 PM  

IRQ12: chevydeuce: //don't care, all thieves should die a painful death

Yes, petty theft of easily replaceable items billed to megacorps should be a capital offence.


Glad you agree with me. Thanks.
 
2017-12-07 01:28:50 PM  
People love stealing shiat.
 
2017-12-07 01:39:50 PM  
My daughter's diaper pail is how we also dispose of credit card statements or anything else you'd usually shred.

/Theif steals that, he's farking earned it.
 
2017-12-07 01:45:01 PM  

Thosw: I hope for her sake she was smart enough to put a fake address on the box, else mr/ms thief is apt to double down.


And that's a great way to catch them. Hell, to make it look real some address needed to be put on it. And if it gets the crooks thrown in jail all the better. I'm thinking of Arlo Guthrie on the Group W bench explaining why he got arrested. Stealing poop has got to be worse than littering. Although I imagine the actual charge would be trespassing, as stealing dirty diapers probably isn't a crime.
 
2017-12-07 01:49:36 PM  

Jiro Dreams Of McRibs: Give me several dye bags timed to explode in succession. So the perp gets a facefull or two, then runs around with the box in the house (a couple more bags explode, spraying the entire interior) then runs out the front door with the box (a couple more bags explode, dousing the entire outside of the house).

Or similar events inside the car.

Hee hee hee. Ghetto Blue Man Group.

Oh and plus poo, of course. You gotta have poo in there too.


Just cut to the chase, no exploding dye bags, just exploding poo.
 
2017-12-07 01:54:17 PM  
I wonder if you could box up the plague or leprosy.
 
2017-12-07 01:55:49 PM  

fsufan: I wonder if you could box up the plague or leprosy.


Sure. Just put it on a blanket.
 
2017-12-07 02:04:40 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size

My favorite kind of Fark thread.

/redheads
//what did you think I meant?
 
2017-12-07 02:07:37 PM  

priapic_abandon2: Jiro Dreams Of McRibs: Give me several dye bags timed to explode in succession. So the perp gets a facefull or two, then runs around with the box in the house (a couple more bags explode, spraying the entire interior) then runs out the front door with the box (a couple more bags explode, dousing the entire outside of the house).

Or similar events inside the car.

Hee hee hee. Ghetto Blue Man Group.

Oh and plus poo, of course. You gotta have poo in there too.

Just cut to the chase, no exploding dye bags, just exploding poo.


It's been my experience that no matter how extensive the poo, it can be washed off. Permanent dye, not so much. Now, if my lawyer/doggo Buttons could eat permanent dye....

Oh Taco Bell, I wish I could quit you.
 
2017-12-07 02:09:05 PM  

gerbilpox: [img.fark.net image 425x248][View Full Size image _x_]
My favorite kind of Fark thread.

/redheads
//what did you think I meant?


Depressing that I immediately recognize the ad that's from?
 
2017-12-07 02:17:10 PM  

IRQ12: chevydeuce: //don't care, all thieves should die a painful death

Yes, petty theft of easily replaceable items billed to megacorps should be a capital offence.


Apparently you've never heard of hyperbole. While I doubt anyone truly thinks thieves should be put to death, I think anyone who's experienced the situation knows where the statement comes from. People who steal from others are one of the lowest forms of human scum. They're absolute pieces of shiat who rarely ever face any consequences for their crimes.
 
2017-12-07 02:23:18 PM  
WHAR "HERO" TAG??? WHAR???!!!
 
2017-12-07 02:24:07 PM  

RJReves: What a shiatty surprise for the thieves.

Hey, mama? Are you here on FARK™?



This is not me - MY kids outgrew their diapers quite a few years back. But thanks for asking.
 
2017-12-07 02:34:23 PM  

CoysOdie: Yeah, then the thief gets some disease and sues the family.
Fark lawyers.


After having my bike stolen a couple years ago I devised a "deterrent" that involved a high-voltage charged capacitor but fear of legal entanglements made me rethink my plan. Shame really because the design was such that the voltage dump would have been straight to the thief's ass which I'm sure would have been an entertaining sight.
 
2017-12-07 02:40:01 PM  

ReapTheChaos: IRQ12: chevydeuce: //don't care, all thieves should die a painful death

Yes, petty theft of easily replaceable items billed to megacorps should be a capital offence.

Apparently you've never heard of hyperbole. While I doubt anyone truly thinks thieves should be put to death, I think anyone who's experienced the situation knows where the statement comes from. People who steal from others are one of the lowest forms of human scum. They're absolute pieces of shiat who rarely ever face any consequences for their crimes.


Is the HyperBole related to the Portal Tree?
 
2017-12-07 02:54:55 PM  
How do news people get stories like these?
 
2017-12-07 03:07:07 PM  

almejita: How do news people get stories like these?


They sniff them out, of course.
 
2017-12-07 03:07:34 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2017-12-07 03:07:55 PM  

Tyrosine: CoysOdie: Yeah, then the thief gets some disease and sues the family.
Fark lawyers.

After having my bike stolen a couple years ago I devised a "deterrent" that involved a high-voltage charged capacitor but fear of legal entanglements made me rethink my plan. Shame really because the design was such that the voltage dump would have been straight to the thief's ass which I'm sure would have been an entertaining sight.


There are some great videos on YouTube with a very similar theme, with a taser in the seat that zaps the bike thief.
 
2017-12-07 03:08:45 PM  

IRQ12: chevydeuce: //don't care, all thieves should die a painful death

Yes, petty theft of easily replaceable items billed to megacorps should be a capital offence.


I don't know about 'should be', but I know my sympathy drops to zero if it happens.  fark thieves.
 
2017-12-07 03:09:16 PM  

Solid State Vittles: I swear, the Portland Area must lead the country in package thieves per capita.


Baltimore could give them a run for their money.
 
2017-12-07 03:12:05 PM  
This happens in Springfield Oregon too. Lol.
 
2017-12-07 03:13:53 PM  
The really need to make box traps legal.. I would love to rig up a box with skunk scent and leave it on my porch for someone to steal.

Added bonus, they'd be realllllllllll easy to track down after the theft.
 
2017-12-07 03:24:27 PM  
I suspect that she's gonna get a flaming bag of used baby diapers on her porch,
one of these nights....
 
2017-12-07 03:25:51 PM  

GrailOfThunder: The really need to make box traps legal.. I would love to rig up a box with skunk scent and leave it on my porch for someone to steal.

Added bonus, they'd be realllllllllll easy to track down after the theft.


If it doesn't cause physical damage, why not ?
 
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