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(Onion AV Club)   Quentin Tarantino is developing a Star Trek movie, which is expected to consist of 10 minutes of blowing shiat up, 5 minutes of Uhura slicing some poor green dude to ribbons, and 90 minutes of Bones and Scotty cursing   ( avclub.com) divider line
    More: Unlikely  
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1046 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 05 Dec 2017 at 2:05 AM (10 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2017-12-04 08:58:55 PM  
Pretty sure it will blow Seth McFarland's Star Trek rip off out of the Neutral Zone.
 
2017-12-04 09:11:42 PM  
Well, man what can you do?  Scotty just got back from Amsterdam, some asshole just scratched his starship, and now he has to take Tiberious Kirk's wife out while the dude is out doing Starfleet shiat.

/And don't talk to him about tentacle massages.Eatin' a biatch out, and givin' a biatch a tentacle massage ain't even the same farkin' thing.
 
2017-12-04 09:29:13 PM  
You're still about 60-90 minutes short there, subby.
 
2017-12-04 09:37:00 PM  
You know what they put on French fries on Klingon instead of ketchup?  Blood.  I've seen 'em do it, man. They farkin' drown 'em in that shiat.
 
2017-12-04 09:47:41 PM  

scottydoesntknow: You're still about 60-90 minutes short there, subby.


Women talking.
Close ups of women's feet
Something from AMI you can dance to
And Samuel L Jackson. Monkeyfeathers.
 
2017-12-04 09:54:39 PM  

scottydoesntknow: You're still about 60-90 minutes short there, subby.


Pad it to length with outdated pop culture references. Done!
 
2017-12-04 10:28:37 PM  

bloobeary: scottydoesntknow: You're still about 60-90 minutes short there, subby.

Pad it to length with outdated pop culture references. Done!


The Orville is way ahead on that one.
 
2017-12-04 10:32:08 PM  
If you're casting Uma Thurman in any role at all, then shut up and take my money. If you (Tarantino) are appearing, well, we can talk.
 
2017-12-04 10:52:50 PM  
I'd watch it.
 
2017-12-04 11:12:13 PM  
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2017-12-04 11:13:20 PM  
Zed's dead, Jim.
 
2017-12-04 11:22:48 PM  
No time travel, no blowing up the enterprise and callbacks to the original series have to fit organically with the story, no shoehorning shiat in.
 
2017-12-04 11:25:12 PM  
Do I have a sign on my bridge that says Dead Klingon Storage?
 
2017-12-04 11:28:31 PM  
Hand me my phaser.

It's the one that says "bad mother*cker" on it.
 
2017-12-05 12:03:58 AM  
This is totally a bookmark. I'm sick, It's bedtime and I don't have any popcorn for this motherf*cker.
 
2017-12-05 12:10:43 AM  
If I'm curt with you it's because time is a factor. I think fast, I talk fast and I need you guys to act fast if you wanna get out of this. So, pretty please... with sugar on top. Clean the farking Jeffries tube.
 
2017-12-05 12:19:07 AM  
I'd watch.
 
2017-12-05 12:25:33 AM  
Don't forget that it ends in bloodbath, because all their phasers quit so they knifed each other to death
 
2017-12-05 12:40:50 AM  
I'm going to get bashed for this, but I don't care:

I don't like Tarantino. I don't like most of what he's done. His whole aesthetic is just anathema to what I like in film. I tried to watch Pulp Fiction several times because it came so highly recommended. I never got past 15 minutes or so. I did think Reservoir Dogs was pretty good. But not fantastic.

I know some of his fans are basically a cult, but I really don't get it.
 
2017-12-05 12:48:37 AM  
Also, borrowed dialogue / scenes from other films, lifted characters, and a general feeling that you've seen it all somewhere else.
 
2017-12-05 01:10:29 AM  
Does Khan Noonien Singh look like a biatch?
 
2017-12-05 01:30:45 AM  
Royale with Cheese.
 
2017-12-05 01:47:14 AM  

ecmoRandomNumbers: I'm going to get bashed for this, but I don't care:

I don't like Tarantino. I don't like most of what he's done. His whole aesthetic is just anathema to what I like in film. I tried to watch Pulp Fiction several times because it came so highly recommended. I never got past 15 minutes or so. I did think Reservoir Dogs was pretty good. But not fantastic.

I know some of his fans are basically a cult, but I really don't get it.


See, I loved Pulp Fiction and Reservoir Dogs but thought Jackie Brown was just "Meh". I also enjoyed Kill Bill, though I don't think it really needed to be two movies. Then I was baffled by Death Proof. Inglorious Basterds was another "Meh" and it had the Raiders of the Lost Ark problem (the heroes could have all stayed home and the end result would have been the same). Didn't like Django and never saw Hateful Eight.

So basically if you couldn't get into Pulp Fiction don't bother with his other stuff, is what I'm saying.
 
2017-12-05 02:09:32 AM  
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2017-12-05 02:14:58 AM  
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2017-12-05 02:18:39 AM  

fusillade762: but thought Jackie Brown was just "Meh".


img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2017-12-05 02:43:25 AM  

North_Central_Positronics: You know what they put on French fries on Klingon Kronos instead of ketchup?  Blood.  I've seen 'em do it, man. They farkin' drown 'em in that shiat.


FTFY
 
2017-12-05 02:44:18 AM  
If you ever wondered what the bare feet of Klingon, Romulan, Ferengei, Cardassian, Bajoran, and Vulcan women looked like, you're about to find out.

/dude loves him some feetsies
 
2017-12-05 03:14:11 AM  
Vaporware. He's promised to only make a few movies in his career, and this would be divergent from his world.
 
2017-12-05 03:20:14 AM  

batlock666: North_Central_Positronics: You know what they put on French fries on Klingon Kronos Qo'noS instead of ketchup?  Blood.  I've seen 'em do it, man. They farkin' drown 'em in that shiat.

FTFY


Fixed that for YOU
 
2017-12-05 03:29:13 AM  
An excerpt from the Quentin Tarantino Adaptation of "The Trouble with Tribbles":

(There are tribbles, like furry little balls of coont hairs, on the walls, the floor, the tables, even as chess pieces. Kirk gets a tray from the food dispenser. It has tribbles on it.) 

KIRK: My farkin' chicken sandwich and coffee. This is my muthafarkin' chicken sandwich and coffee. 

SPOCK: Fascinating. 

KIRK: I want these muthafarkers off the muthafarkin' ship. I don't farkin' care if it takes every muthafarkin' man we've got, I want them off the muthafarkin' ship. 

(Scott enters, carrying an armful of balls of coont hair.) 
SCOTT: They're into the goddamned muthafarkin' machinery, all right, like in like Flynn and they're probably in all the other food processors too all jammed up like a furry cooze machine.

KIRK: Farkin' how? 

SCOTT: Probably through one of the goddamned muthafarkin' air vents. Either that or they farkin' got smuggled in one of those weird briefcases that emit a weird golden glow when you open it.

SPOCK: Captain, there are vents of that type on the space station. 

KIRK: And in the muthafarkin' storage compartments. (goes to a table monitor) This is Kirk. Contact those muthafarkin' shiatstains Manager Lurry and Nilz Baris. Have them meet us near the muthafarkin' storage compartments. We're farkin' beaming down. Come on, Spock, you farkin' pointy-eared half-breed mutt.

(Fade to Black with "Stuck in the Middle with You" playing)
 
2017-12-05 03:53:14 AM  

ecmoRandomNumbers: I'm going to get bashed for this, but I don't care:

I don't like Tarantino. I don't like most of what he's done. His whole aesthetic is just anathema to what I like in film. I tried to watch Pulp Fiction several times because it came so highly recommended. I never got past 15 minutes or so. I did think Reservoir Dogs was pretty good. But not fantastic.

I know some of his fans are basically a cult, but I really don't get it.


I won't bash you now,  but what do you like? Give me 10 movies that you hold in esteem.
 
2017-12-05 04:27:45 AM  
fusillade762:  never saw Hateful Eight.

You should remedy that. I finally watched it a couple weeks ago and would put it right up there with Reservoir Dogs and Kill Bill.
 
2017-12-05 07:20:15 AM  

Brawndo: Does Khan Noonien Singh look like a biatch?


Wwww what?
 
2017-12-05 07:20:15 AM  

BalugaJoe: Royale with Cheese.


img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2017-12-05 07:33:56 AM  

zamboni: Brawndo: Does Khan Noonien Singh look like a biatch?

Wwww what?


DO THEY SPEAK ENGLISH IN WHAT?
 
2017-12-05 07:34:17 AM  
They are going to replace rather than recast Chekov. A woman will take his place and she will spend most of her scenes with her bare feet on the console.  Every single shot of the viewscreen will feature those feet prominently.
 
2017-12-05 07:55:10 AM  
ctrl-f "feet"

5 found

/Goob job, farkers! I'm proud of you
 
2017-12-05 07:57:00 AM  
Reservoir Dogs in space as all red shirt ensigns

This could work
 
2017-12-05 08:10:25 AM  
Star Trek would be awesome, again, and Fark would be thread after thread after thread of intense, morbid, unhinged loathing and accusing Tarantino of being a pedophile or something.
 
2017-12-05 08:22:51 AM  

interstitialofficial: Star Trek would be awesome, again, and Fark would be thread after thread after thread of intense, morbid, unhinged loathing and accusing Tarantino of being a pedophile or something.


Pedi-phile.
 
2017-12-05 08:38:42 AM  
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2017-12-05 09:00:17 AM  
To quote a fellow Friend of Desoto: "I cannot imagine a worse director for Trek that I want to see a Trek movie from more."
 
2017-12-05 09:24:02 AM  

Archie Goodwin: Zed's dead, Jim.


I funnied a lot of comments in this thread, but you win the Internet for the day.
 
2017-12-05 09:35:27 AM  
The way subby describes it, could be the best Star Trek film in...like, ever.
 
2017-12-05 09:39:16 AM  
Good. I was hoping that SOMEBODY would make a film where a red shirt holds a phaser sideways, gangster-style.
 
2017-12-05 09:43:58 AM  

interstitialofficial: Star Trek would be awesome, again, and Fark would be thread after thread after thread of intense, morbid, unhinged loathing and accusing Tarantino of being a pedophile or something.


QT has a thing for feet.

That's podiatry, Dr. Freud.
 
2017-12-05 09:46:49 AM  
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2017-12-05 09:55:38 AM  
So Star Trek is basically a joke now?

That's unfortunate.
 
2017-12-05 10:03:36 AM  
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