Do you have adblock enabled?
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Some Guy)   I saw a turtle - it's mine, and I am taking it home   ( divider line
    More: Obvious  
•       •       •

15254 clicks; posted to Main » on 04 Jun 2004 at 11:19 AM (13 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

117 Comments     (+0 »)

Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Newest | Show all

2004-06-04 11:40:57 AM  
Shut up dukefluke, you limey bastard.

/new hottne$$
2004-06-04 11:43:14 AM  
2004-06-04 11:39:07 AM StarManta
In other news, I met a possum.

oww ! my stomach lining !

2004-06-04 11:43:26 AM  
[image from too old to be available]

Wanted for questioning.
2004-06-04 11:43:30 AM  

I saved a turtle once. Stopped my car on the median strip, lifted him off the highway and put him back in the grass near the sump pipes.

That's it? I thought you were going to end with: "Minutes later the highway crew came to mow the right-of-way..."
2004-06-04 11:44:06 AM  
Had a turtle come to my door one night for a visit. Kept banging at my door. I'd peek out of my window, and not see anything. 'damn' I thought. Then finally I jumped up, swung the door open, ready to punch the perp. 'What the?' I said. Was just sitting there, trying to crawl into my doorway. 'Hey, turtle dude' I said. It never spoke to me.

Played with it for a while, seeing if it would bite my hand. It didn't. Fed it. It didn't like my carrots. Thought of keeping it in the tub as a pet, but since it was so large, I knew it would not survive very well.

I decided to put it back outside. If it was there in the morning, I'd keep it. It wasn't. I didn't. End of story.

/ until the sequel, that is...
2004-06-04 11:45:57 AM  
I have a turtles head.
/right now.
2004-06-04 11:46:57 AM  
'Hey, turtle dude' I said. It never spoke to me.

dude -- mr. turtle is my father ... call me crush

2004-06-04 11:47:00 AM  

tastes like chicken. well, exotic african chicken.
2004-06-04 11:47:06 AM  
Meanwhile, Delaquil has filed a police report alleging theft.

I'm glad to see another simple misunderstanding between neighbors will end up in court.
2004-06-04 11:48:15 AM  
I bet it was your tire that met the possum. I happen to like possums, from a distance.

I saw a turtle - it's mine, and I am taking it home
Submitter conveniently omitted '...for hot turtle lovin'

Did someone say projection?
2004-06-04 11:50:10 AM  
One time I went into a pet store to by food for my turtle. But all I had was a $2 bill. The guy at the pet store said that it wasn't real money.

I never got any turtle food and the turtle starved. Absolutely true story.
2004-06-04 11:54:40 AM  
[image from too old to be available]

Back off, meatbags!
2004-06-04 11:56:51 AM  
Turtle Soup
[image from too old to be available]

 1    Snapping Turtle

  Any old soup recipe will work for (snapping) turtle soup. The main problem 
with turtle soup is cleaning the turtle. You have to be certain that every  last
speck of fat is removed from the meat before cooking. This is not too  difficult
because the fat is between the skin and the flesh.
  To butcher a turtle you start by chopping off the turtle's head. Be careful 
because the head will still bite even after it is removed from the body and  the body
will still crawl away after the head is removed. Turtles don't die  right away.
  When the body stops trying to crawl away, dip it in boiling water and  scrape
off the exterior layer of skin, including the shell. The result will  be a bright
white carcus, compared to the muddy brown-green you started  with.
  Next step is to remove the shell. Cut along grove on each side between the 
front and back legs. It is the narrowest part of the shell. The tail, neck  and all
four legs are attached to the top of the shell. Remove from shell  and you have the
bulk of the meat. However, there will be some meat on the  bottom shell and top
  It is at this point that you remove the fat. Just roll back the skin and  with
a paring knife and your index finger scrape out the fat.
  I learned about turtles from my parents who learned from their German 
immigrant fathers. It has been told in family circles that my maternal  grandfather
would catch snapping turtles by hand. I never saw him do it  because he was hit and
killed by a truck when I was about nine years old.  It was a big loss for me because
he was just starting to teach me about  turtles, wild mushrooms, dandelions and other
natural things. He made the greatest doughnuts I ever ate.
  Good luck with your turtle soup. Just cook it long with lots of vegetables 
and it will be good if you removed all of the fat.
2004-06-04 11:57:45 AM  
The husband who "recovered" the turtle should be in jail for breaking and entering.
2004-06-04 11:58:50 AM  
I once saw about 7 turtles, all together, on a log.

Do I win?
2004-06-04 11:58:54 AM  
A couple of weeks ago, I saw a turtle crossing the road, I stopped, got out to help it off so nobody ran over it. Turns out it was a snapping turtle. Those things are mean as hell and I didn't want to lose a finger so I just went on my way. btw the thing was the size of a large frisbee.
2004-06-04 12:00:58 PM  
Did anyone notice that the URL contains the phrase "local tortoise?" I think The Onion has a new shirt to print up...
2004-06-04 12:01:04 PM  
The other week, we pulled in a relative's driveway and there was a huge turtle. This was odd.. I hadn't seen a turtle in years.

Then, the other day, my cat found a turtle in the driveway.. a baby turtle. It was no bigger than a penny. I've never seen a turtle that small.
2004-06-04 12:01:26 PM  

I would have taken the turtle out of the back, replaced it with a bar of soap, and smacked the woman upside the head with it. I would like to think that there's a special place in hell for people who are cruel to their pets.

A cat followed me home in January when it was about 10 degrees outside that had been abandoned by a neighbor that moved and couldn't be bothered to at least take him to a shelter. He was so starved and exhausted that he fell asleep with his face in the food dish after eating for an hour straight when we brought him in. We thought he was deaf because he wouldn't respond to clapping or making any noise, he just went out. I still have him and he's the most loving pet I've ever had.

I'd like to find the person who did this and make him or her sit out in the 10 degree cold a few days naked.
2004-06-04 12:02:06 PM  
I picked up one last week, same size...

just grab 'em from behind around the middle.
oh and be sure to keep an eye on the turtle head poken out.
2004-06-04 12:02:24 PM  
[image from too old to be available]

Wondering if the pet's name is Flo or Eddie?
2004-06-04 12:03:52 PM  
I saw an

[image from too old to be available]
2004-06-04 12:04:20 PM  
I never saw him do it because he was hit and killed by a truck...

Was he reaching for a turtle on the road at the time?

Sorry. It had to be asked. Go ahead, flame me.
2004-06-04 12:05:43 PM  
Recidivist : I have to agree with you on that. I also found it idiotic that she credited a "higher power for helping bring her loved one home", instead of her husband, who went looking for it and the guys at the pet shop that found out the address for them.
2004-06-04 12:15:13 PM  
Speakign of turtles, I feel a dump coming on.
2004-06-04 12:21:33 PM  
2004-06-04 12:05:43 PM BigW

Recidivist : I have to agree with you on that. I also found it idiotic that she credited a "higher power for helping bring her loved one home", instead of her husband, who went looking for it and the guys at the pet shop that found out the address for them.

No, you see, shes just really really submissive as a wife. To her, her husbend IS a higher power.
2004-06-04 12:23:55 PM  
"he fell asleep with his face in the food dish"

That is just about the saddest and cutest thing i've ever heard. Simultaneously, no less.
2004-06-04 12:24:18 PM  
Did you know that turtles are nature's suction cup?
2004-06-04 12:25:06 PM  
[image from too old to be available]

Gamera is really neat!
He is filled with turtle meat!
We all love you GA-MER-AAAAAAAAAA!
2004-06-04 12:29:46 PM  
I saw a turtle on a plate...

[image from too old to be available]
2004-06-04 12:30:19 PM  

My fiance saw that movie recently for the first time. She could not stop laughing at 'Raul's Wild Kingdom, coming to you live, from my apartment'

Today, we are teaching poodles to fly. Come here Fifi. Are you psyched? Here you go..... 'ar-ar-ar-ar-ar-ar-ar-ar' .... oh man!

2004-06-04 12:32:37 PM  
2004-06-04 12:01:26 PM UncleFriendly
I got my dog the same way. He was a Christmas gift to some kid and after three weeks the kid's mother didn't want to take care of him anymore, so she left him on the train tracks. I almost hit him with my car that night while driving home. I ended up with a three-month-old black lab puppy that ate my furniture, clothes, shoes and wallet. Thank god he grew up into a responsible adult black lab.
2004-06-04 12:33:20 PM  
There are a great many shelly things (what is the diff between a turtle and a tortoise?) that keep trying to crawl across the road by Shaker lake (Shaker Heights, OH). They do not make effective speed bumps. Apparently.

Last year while on a bike ride, I stopped when I saw a big ole bastich in the middle of the road. Cars were missing him, but not by much.

Was he grateful for the rescue? Not hardly. But fortunately he was so large, and I held him far enough back along the shell that he couldn't reach back to take off a finger, though he certainly looked like he would die happy if he could.

I have heard that there were absolutely HUGE ones (width > 3 feet) found in the lake when it was drained and rehabilitated a couple of years ago.
2004-06-04 12:33:23 PM  
a turtle bit me once, i bit it back
2004-06-04 12:37:46 PM  

Christians are so lame.
2004-06-04 12:49:51 PM  
The Turtle Moves........
2004-06-04 12:50:24 PM  
"Surprisingly, Sulcatas like to climb, but if they flip onto their backs they could die of hyperthermia if exposed to the sun."

what? can someone explain that to me
2004-06-04 12:50:29 PM  
Did you hear about when the truck load of tortoises crashed into the truck load of terrapins ?

It was a turtle disaster!

2004-06-04 12:51:58 PM  
I saw turtle underwater and on the ground and eating and moving and I loved and squeezed it and called it George.
2004-06-04 12:53:35 PM  
= too hot, as opposed to hypothermia, which is too cold.

Errrr..... Does that answer your question?
2004-06-04 01:10:15 PM  

That cat is very lucky to have followed someone like you.
2004-06-04 01:13:22 PM  
I saw a turtle - it's mine, and I am taking it home
I've been here an hour and didn't see this headline. I was taking a big sip of brandy when it hit me. Damn near choked to death.
2004-06-04 01:16:23 PM  
What exactly is the difference between a turtle and a tortoise? Aside from the water/non-water thing. Is that it? I don't know turtles.

PS Turtles are cool.

PPS People who are cruel to animals should be shot. Right after they're subjected to whatever they did to the animal.
2004-06-04 01:17:06 PM  
Lots of turtles and lots of UFOs. Is there a connection? News at 10.
2004-06-04 01:21:04 PM  
[image from too old to be available]

Turtle, turtle, turtle...
I made you out of clay...
2004-06-04 01:22:53 PM  
Save the tortoise!!!!

DirkNiggla you are WRONG for that.

/scarred for life

//changing name to Traumatized Turtle
2004-06-04 01:23:17 PM  
Mmmmmmmmmmmm. Pie.
2004-06-04 01:27:54 PM  
Actually snappers aren't ALWAYS mean bastards. My friend Lynn has a pet Snapping Turtle that is about 12-13 years old, and he's the gentlest pet I've ever seen, so long as he's out of the water. He's huge, about 2 1/2 feet from nose to the tip of his tail. His name is "Mikey"...yes, short for Michaelangelo, Lynn was like 12 when she got him. But he only bites if he's in the water, because he thinks your finger is food. If you come up behind him, you can pick him up and put him on dry land, and he's really gentle. You can rub his nose and all he'll do is extend his neck so you can get a better reach. He loves people, and follows you if you walk around. She raised him from egghood, and I guess he's just become accustomed to being around people. Hell, Mikey is even gentle with the cats (Who don't like him very much).
2004-06-04 01:27:58 PM  
maybe they were wrong for taking the turtle back (B&E?) but it is possible that if they did not the turtle may have suffered the consequenses if he weren't properly taken care of.
2004-06-04 01:29:13 PM  
Tibby, my Tibby,
Your blood may be cold,
But I know that your heart
Burns as hot as a coal!
It burns with the love
Only turtles can feel!

Is our love real?

My Tibby, I'll never let the dog nose around your bowl, but you know that don't you? I can see it in your beady, little eyes! If you high-center on your rock, Tibby, I'll be there to help you down!

The toilet's not your fate, friend!
You'll always run freeeeeee!
Long as you have meeeeeeeeeeee!
Displayed 50 of 117 comments

Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Newest | Show all

This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
On Twitter

Top Commented
Javascript is required to view headlines in widget.

In Other Media
  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.