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(The Tennessean)   Woman sentenced to 50 days in jail for sleeping with fiance   (tennessean.com) divider line 497
    More: Strange  
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34868 clicks; posted to Main » on 04 Jun 2004 at 10:22 AM (11 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2004-06-04 04:22:24 PM  
walkingtall
I only started it because rogue_L_chick seemed to at least be a semi-responsible person and would at least think about what I wrote.

Why is being responsible qualified by listening to you? You got a complex, bro.
 
2004-06-04 04:24:51 PM  
rogue_L_chick:
I'm with you - I was in a relationship with a single mother. Her daughter (aged 3 when we met and 6 1/2 when we split) knew full well who her "daddy" was (even though she hated him - different issue) but she loves me as a person even though I was never truely be her dad.
We took it slow to start but in the end she had no problems seeing us kiss and hug - as long as she got a hug from us too!
 
2004-06-04 04:25:27 PM  
I can tell you that you are wrong for trying to attack me not knowing what the heck you are talking about but that is different then saying you are a worthless scum who should just kill himself because you do not know what you are talking about.

I hope the people he "counsels" don't get this kind of attack.

Serious, serious mental health issues.
 
2004-06-04 04:25:43 PM  
walkingtall

Eventually, if we get a new, competent president, the economy might turn around. Eventually, we might walk on Mars. Eventually someone might invent a ketchup that doesn't stain your clothes. Lots of things might happen eventually.

However, the basic chip on your shoulder really seems to be a loathing of divorce in general, and a specific anger toward rogue_l_chick in particular because she is a woman who specifically asked for a completely unfair clause to be removed from her divorce proceedings. I am guessing that you are transferring your anger at both your mother and at your ex-wife (whom, I would also bet, sadly, you married because she reminded you of your mother) onto rogue_L_chick because she is a handy target, being a woman who stood up for her rights to continue to engage in sexual congress with new men once her divorce was through. This also reminds you of your mother and, probably, your ex-wife.

This is really very basic, classic psychology. It is very clear what is going on to me. I am quite certain that you are not convincing her of anything (thank God), and I really , REALLY hope that the people who come to you for marriage councelling figure this out early, lest you completely screw up the lives of other very vulnerable people.

I am resorting to ad hominem attacks because I am utterly frustrated with you at this point, and am frankly growing weary of this discourse. I apologize.
 
2004-06-04 04:26:05 PM  
I do not let my past define me. Nor do I martyr myself on the sins of my parents. I am my own person, who has made mistakes, because I am human.

You don't know who the f*&% I love, or have loved. You don't s*&% about my past, my marriage, or my family.

My life will go on...and so will the train wreck you call yours.

Sir, I must now respectfully bow out of this discussion...I will not argue with a madman.
It has ceased to amuse me.
 
2004-06-04 04:26:20 PM  
rogue_L_chick:

don't worry...round my office, Cube tourettes is a sign that all is normal!

i would just caution...you're sorting bearing yourself up on a farkthread - to try to talk to someone who has clearly made up his mind on the subject.

/just feel bad about it...
 
2004-06-04 04:27:08 PM  
I am not getting anything out of this exchange but being called names.

Hmm, yeah, I can see where that would be frustrating, especially as you seem not to understand why. Well, allow me to explain: You are committing at least three social violations here.

1) Directly attacking another poster's lifestyle, even though it's painfully obvious that you are not in possession of all the facts of that lifestyle.

2) Projecting your own problems onto another. In other words, because divorce was wrong for you, you are postulating that it is the wrong solution for all people.

3) Blindly fixating on one aspect of a complex situation to the exclusion of all else. Does divorce cause disruption? Absolutely. Does that mean it's always unwarranted? Not at all. In many cases, continuing the marriage can create a more poisonous atmosphere than terminating it. Furthermore, in the one case on which you are fixating at the moment, the choice to end the marriage was not made by the person you are castigating.

I hope this helps.
 
2004-06-04 04:27:18 PM  
Yellowbeard: Be prepared for this to never end. Walkingtall spent twelve hours, and the better part of the next morning defending his last thread b.s.
 
2004-06-04 04:29:16 PM  
m00: For example, say you and your partner get married in the church of cthulu by a giant crystal. You don't have any marriage liscence because those no longer exist in this hypothetical. You haven't yet entered into a "contract" yet to determine any of the stuff we were talking about.

Just to be clear, what was it that we were talking about, specifically? The "contract" relating to jointly-owned property has already been entered into at the time it was purchased. Taking that as a given then, I'll assume you're referring to the will.

You get hit by car a week later.

Your partner can't see you (hospitals have "family members only" rules for critical care patients) unless you have that contact.

How is this handled? Just "too bad, you should have gotten the contract"?


Well, here you're not specifically talking about a government problem, but more of a problem with a hospital rule--a rule that is presumably made by a private entity. I'm not trying to dodge your question--in the case you mention specifically, I'd expect my common-law wife to be justifiably pissed-off at the hospital and even seek damages from them in the event that she can show she was harmed by their rules/policies. So no, I don't think the answer is "too bad, you should have gotten the contract." It's more like: "hospitals shouldn't make crappy policies that wrongfully exclude family members (de facto, by marriage or otherwise) from seeing their sick or injured kin."

Incidentally, state marriages are no guarantee against ambiguity of this kind when relatives have disputes. Look no further than the Terri Schiavo case in Florida for a perfect illustration of this point.
 
2004-06-04 04:29:52 PM  
zabadu

Thank you for the warning, sir.

Luckily, after years of practice, I have learned that my tolerance for banging my head against a wall is only 8 hours or so.
 
2004-06-04 04:32:04 PM  
zabadu

My deepest apologies. Change that "sir" to "ma'am."

I should have checked your profile first. For some reason "zabadu" sounded masculine to me.
 
2004-06-04 04:32:51 PM  
Well, actually, it's "ma'am", but I'll let you slide on that one. :)
 
2004-06-04 04:32:51 PM  
willywanka

Before I answer understand I know the trap you are trying to lead me to. I get this question all the time. You are not dealing with some neophyte here. Before I answer I qualify it by saying that love is, for the most part, a choice. Not the lovey dovey feeling of a new relationship but TRUE love is a choice. If you have two people who loved each other enough to get married, decide to still love each other even after the feeling ends then love will return. What happens in most divorces is that one or both simply give up and start looking for someone else to have that lovey dovey feeling with because that is what they associate with love. Once it goes away, and it ALWAYS does, then the cycle repeats itself. So in answer to your question is a BIG FAT YES but with the understanding that feelings will follow actions. Not the other way around. Love can be rebuilt.
 
2004-06-04 04:33:52 PM  
Sloth_DC, my brother lives in DC and I come there a couple of times a year on business or for personal reasons. I hope that you will consider letting me buy you a beer (or other beverage of your choice) the next time I am in town.
 
2004-06-04 04:35:22 PM  
Walkingtall: So then why do you tell someone who disagrees with you to "go kill themselves"?

You haven't even come close to addressing your "credentials" for the so-called counseling you provide. Is it because you have none?

I know, from past experience, that you love to fight on these threads. You will never give in, in fact, you will never even concede that the other person may have a point.

You wonder why your wife broke up your home? I can tell you in one word. YOU.
 
2004-06-04 04:35:40 PM  
Be prepared for this to never end. Walkingtall spent twelve hours, and the better part of the next morning defending his last thread b.s.

Sweet Jebus! I realize this is only a few posts up but it's worthy of repetition.
 
2004-06-04 04:38:48 PM  
Sloth_DC, my brother lives in DC and I come there a couple of times a year on business or for personal reasons. I hope that you will consider letting me buy you a beer (or other beverage of your choice) the next time I am in town.

Make it a cider, or, really, any non-beer alcoholic drink, and you've got a deal. I would highly recommend sometime around Halloween - we get a pretty biatchin' party cranked up for that one.
 
2004-06-04 04:42:30 PM  
zabadu and Ol'Doc Washburn?

Everything I have written is the truth. I am sorry if the truth hurts but that is not my fault. rogue_L_chick stated she was well adjusted and I simply countered that assertion based on what she has written. I have no idea about her life and circumstances I can only go by what she has written and she has written she married a man she does not love and does not love her BY HER OWN ADMISSION. She then had a child and put that child through the trauma of a DIVORCE which by any measure is not a good thing. To then stand up and say she is well adjusted is folly and untrue. I do not need to know all the details to state that fact. So you can attack me all you want and you can bring other threads into it if you want but I live in reality and see what the destruction of families TRULY means. Not just what you have seen in your limited experience.
 
2004-06-04 04:43:13 PM  
Sloth_DC

I will keep this in mind and try to e-mail you the next time I am in town. My brother works for Aernt Fox. Do you know the firm? He just had his first baby, and as Uncle I should really get up there this summer some time to see him. If not, then I am almost always in DC in February on business. I'll make a mental note (though I have been known to lose those) to e-mail you and we can meet at some neutral location where I will buy you a cider or something else if you wish.

Thanks for the lesson in argument. It was edifying.
 
2004-06-04 04:47:25 PM  
For what it's worth, I think she deserved it.
Unless you guys have decided to turn your back on
Christ, you will also think like me.
Knowing what her responsibilities where, the
END is waiting for her if she turns her back on the
Divine scriptures.

Unless she wants to be in hell, then,
PERHAPS, her wish will be granted.

Can no one still care about our religious values ?
Or is it that every single person living in the
US has turned his/her back on God ?
No mercy should be given to sinners. I am quite
TOTALLY happy with what has befallen her, and
REALISE that unless you don't think like I do,
YOU shall also burn in hell.
 
2004-06-04 04:49:50 PM  
There once was a child who was fathered by one but raised by another, a hard working decent blue collar chap this step-father was. Yet the child had all sorts of daddy issues that followed him through life that eventually led to his basically committing suicide by cop. But it turned out OK as he rose from the dead a few days later.
 
2004-06-04 04:50:49 PM  
Yellowbeard

Yeah, drop me a line when you're out this way - I'm sure you can be pulled into whatever activity is going on that weekend.
 
2004-06-04 04:53:24 PM  
Hidden Message

I hope that post was just a joke because that is a REAL example of being judgmental. The only one qualified to judge where someone spends eternity is God. Neither you nor I can make that determination and that post is a very nasty immature thing to write.
 
2004-06-04 04:55:58 PM  
walkingtall:

OK, so I revised my statement based on your feedback. Let me know if it requires further revision:

A husband and wife who have children should stay together under almost all circumstances regardless of their feelings for each other under the auspices that it is putting the stability of their family as a priority over themselves.

This can acheived through the active self-manipulation of feelings by one or both parties in the marriage. The emotional bond shared by both husband and wife, commonly referred to as "love" can willfully be maintained by choice, and by mutually executing said will, both husband and wife should be able to overcome ancillary issues regarding the marriage and maintain a happy, healthy and permanent union.

Exceptions to this rule are extreme circumstances, limited to:
Physical Abuse
Sexual Abuse
 
2004-06-04 04:56:30 PM  
Notice how Walkingtall NEVER EVER will answer a question about his credentials?

You are not the only one who has been through this, but you obviously have delusions of grandeur, think you are an authority, and yet cannot see your own bitter remarks to your children. I swear, if I were your ex-wife, I'd have those kids out of your house so fast, your head would spin.

Walkingtall is nothing but a bitter, angry man.
 
2004-06-04 04:57:28 PM  
Yeah, that Christ was all about no mercy for sinners wasn't he? Remember when he said he was TOTALLY happy at that stoning of the prostitute?
 
2004-06-04 05:03:44 PM  
Yeah, that Christ was all about no mercy for sinners wasn't he? Remember when he said he was TOTALLY happy at that stoning of the prostitute?

And he was totally into traditional family values, which is why he renounced his family in favor of his friends.
 
2004-06-04 05:04:23 PM  
Wait for it...
 
2004-06-04 05:06:24 PM  
Wow, did Walkingtall actually walk away?
 
2004-06-04 05:07:40 PM  
zabadu

You have no idea who I am. You have no idea what my situation is. If I was truly a bitter man my words would be much different then what I write. I see bitter quite often and I am not bitter or angry anymore. I most certainly was at one point but that is what I had to deal with. Your post just shows I have hit a nerve and people react when I hit a nerve by attacking me. Nothing new there. I did the same thing when I had to face things in my past and choices I have made. Always blame the messenger. My credentials are not in question. This is not therapy. I use truth and all I do is try to get people to think. I am not here to diagnose and solve problems. If what I write is wrong ignore it. I ignore 99% of what I read on Fark. It is only when I feel I can help that I jump in. I could spend my day attacking people like you do but that is not my goal. That is what makes a bitter and angry person and you might want to look in the mirror.
 
2004-06-04 05:13:56 PM  
which is why he renounced his family in favor of his friends.

Typical child of a broken home acting out and trying to be like his biological pappy.
 
2004-06-04 05:14:09 PM  
sounds like some of that faith-based crap-o-la. someone in my family is a counselor using that stuff. scares the shiat out of the entire family when he rants.
 
2004-06-04 05:15:18 PM  
Hmmm. She violated a court order and lied about it.

WTF is wrong with that state?
She should have received a tougher punishment.
 
2004-06-04 05:15:51 PM  
I am not here to diagnose and solve problems.

It is only when I feel I can help that I jump in.


Reconcile, sil vous plait.
 
2004-06-04 05:16:24 PM  
Typical child of a broken home acting out and trying to be like his biological pappy.

Well, at least he laid off the smiting tradition.
 
2004-06-04 05:17:16 PM  
willywanka

I still think you are trying to lead me into a trap but you seem to have a good grasp on what I am saying. If you are not willing to put others feelings above your own DO NOT GET MARRIED AND FOR HEAVENS SAKE DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN. Once you have children you lose the right to only think about yourself. So yes I hesitantly agree with your post, and wait for the explosive return volley I feel is coming back at me. Addictions are also something that a divorce may be warranted for. Addiction can only be dealt with by the addicted. It should not be automatic divorce but addiction is tough to deal with.
 
2004-06-04 05:17:48 PM  
Flipper: Either read the article more carefully or read the thread before throwing well-covered BS out there, please.
 
2004-06-04 05:21:53 PM  
When I see someone say "I don't love her/him anymore" I wonder if it is a case of "He didn't drop everything to satisfy my every whim" or "We have spoken maybe five words to each other in a three-month span."

The first is indicative of a very selfish person, the second is indicative of a marriage that has severe problems and may be better off ended.

A good marriage simply does not descend from Heaven.

Effort must be made to actively maintain it.
 
2004-06-04 05:23:41 PM  
Well, at least he laid off the smiting tradition.

There's a reason his adolescence was not recorded: Teenage smiting. Sure it began innocently enough, a few kittens here and there like any normal hot blooded Nazarene youth but his mid-teens were.. Well, the records are still sealed.
 
2004-06-04 05:25:31 PM  
SherKhan

Nobody here is paying me to help them so they have no interest in listening to me. rogue_L_chick just left disgusted and could care less what I think but I hope someday the concepts I tried to get through to her will surface. I have no hope of fixing anything only planting seeds. Sometimes that is all you get. Sometimes people simply hate you just for trying to help them. They pat each other on the back for making fun of you and calling you names but that is just the way it is. I have been through worse but I have also seen what can happen if I do get through. If someone will listen to me. That is why I keep trying despite being hated and reviled.
 
2004-06-04 05:28:27 PM  
SherKhan
The Infancy Gospel of Thomas.

II. 1 This little child Jesus when he was five years old was playing at the ford of a brook: and he gathered together the waters that flowed there into pools, and made them straightway clean, and commanded them by his word alone. 2 And having made soft clay, he fashioned thereof twelve sparrows. And it was the Sabbath when he did these things (or made them). And there were also many other little children playing with him.

3 And a certain Jew when he saw what Jesus did, playing upon the Sabbath day, departed straightway and told his father Joseph: Lo, thy child is at the brook, and he hath taken clay and fashioned twelve little birds, and hath polluted the Sabbath day. 4 And Joseph came to the place and saw: and cried out to him, saying: Wherefore doest thou these things on the Sabbath, which it is not lawful to do? But Jesus clapped his hands together and cried out to the sparrows and said to them: Go! and the sparrows took their flight and went away chirping. 5 And when the Jews saw it they were amazed, and departed and told their chief men that which they had seen Jesus do.

III. 1 But the son of Annas the scribe was standing there with Joseph; and he took a branch of a willow and dispersed the waters which Jesus had gathered together. 2 And when Jesus saw what was done, he was wroth and said unto him: O evil, ungodly, and foolish one, what hurt did the pools and the waters do thee? behold, now also thou shalt be withered like a tree, and shalt not bear leaves, neither root, nor fruit. 3 And straightway that lad withered up wholly, but Jesus departed and went unto Joseph's house. But the parents of him that was withered took him up, bewailing his youth, and brought him to Joseph, and accused him 'for that thou hast such a child which doeth such deeds.'

However, he gets a bit nicer toward the end.
 
2004-06-04 05:29:11 PM  
Walkingtall, reread Hidden Message's post, but just read the first letter of every line...
 
2004-06-04 05:29:30 PM  
Vinegar, honey, and flies come to mind.
 
2004-06-04 05:31:23 PM  
Boy am I glad Killroy was here because that flew right by me. Seriously. ;-)
 
2004-06-04 05:31:25 PM  
For every point, WalkingTall, there is a counterpoint. *My* reaction to my parents' divorce and subsequent remarriages when I was about 8 was "yay! I get two houses, 4 parents, and 6 more brothers and sisters!" I loved it. My parents never spoke badly of each other, and I grew up knowing I was loved and that my family was happy and healthy, just much bigger. So, this bullshiat of yours has to be coming from *your* reaction to *your* situation. I am sorry for your son that you say things to him like "your mom loves you, she just loves herself more." You are setting him up to be just as bitter and disillusioned as you are and have been.
 
2004-06-04 05:33:24 PM  
Vinegar, honey, and flies come to mind.

OK, leave your kinky fantasies out of this, m'kay?
 
2004-06-04 05:34:57 PM  
stpickrell

By this passage are you implying that Jesus was just very powerful but not perfect? Are you saying he killed this other child and that made it murder? This gospel of Thomas is not in the Bible for very good reasons. I have read it and it has some good passages but I question the motives of the person that wrote it.
 
2004-06-04 05:39:38 PM  
lastewie

I cannot comment on your situation because I have never heard from you before that I remember but I thought as you did also until later in my marriage when things really went downhill. Sometimes it takes some very powerful shaking of your life before things come to the surface. I was in my 30s before the full effects revealed themselves and I could deal with them so I could make better choices. If I had known then what I know now and all that. Your post was good and I hope you feel better attacking me but I call shenanigans.
 
2004-06-04 05:45:30 PM  
Wow, walkingtall, that's arrogant, even for you. You call shenanigans because his response wasn't the same as yours, and obviously yours is the one true response. Rogue was right, man, it is a complete and utter waste of time to talk with you once the entertainment factor has worn off. FWIW, my parents divorced when I was 6. Did it destabilize my life? Actually, the net result was _more_ stability - my mother was far too young and disinterested in parenthood, and I was far better off without the constant high tension levels around the house.
 
2004-06-04 05:46:46 PM  
SherKhan

People receive enough honey in today's world. rogue_L_chick had two people sticking up for her and she could have raped and killed 22 children for all they knew. They simply took her side based on very shallow reasons. I was simply playing devil's advocate and trying to get her to see things from a point of view she had not considered before. Maybe my approach was wrong but I did what I thought I had to do to make a point.
 
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