Do you have adblock enabled?
 
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Yahoo)   Australian surfer shows a shark who is boss   ( yahoo.com) divider line
    More: Scary, Fry, surfer Mick Fanning, great white shark, superficial puncture wounds, Charlie Fry, Shark, Australian Broadcasting Corp., surfing competition  
•       •       •

4766 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Nov 2017 at 2:50 PM (8 days ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



32 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2017-11-14 08:37:10 AM  
Other tips in dealing with vicious wild animals...

1.  When attacked by a crocodile, stick your finger or thumb into its eye.  It will still eat you but it will think twice before attacking anyone else.

2.  Bears won't attack dead animals.  Do your best to play dead when attacked by a bear.  If your performance doesn't work at first, it will become more believable as the attack continues.

3.  Pumas often mistake joggers as fleeing prey.  If jogging in puma country, run backwards.

4.  Keep in mind that snakes don't want to bite you.  So, if you are bitten, it might help to remember that the snake didn't enjoy it very much.

5.  A rhinoceros has very poor vision. If you stand perfectly still and don't make a sound, it will think it has charged, trampled and gored a tree or bush... so... the jokes on him, I guess.

6.  A healthy wolf will not attack a human being.  So, if you hear a howl, followed by a wet nasty-sounding cough, your number is definitely up...

7.  If you are caught in a closed area with an angry bull, start talking like Christopher Walken.  Bulls will not attack Christopher Walken because he is a national treasure...

8.  A puff adder can be tricked into striking at a balloon filled with warm air.  If you don't have a balloon filled with warm air, then play dead.  It won't fool the puff adder but, if any bears are wandering the area, you might keep them from attacking....

9.  If you are attacked by a mountain gorilla, you probably deserve it.

10.  Scorpions can be grabbed from just behind the stinger and handled safely if that's something you're into...
 
2017-11-14 09:06:47 AM  
Sometimes the shark would go away; sometimes he wouldn't go away.
 
2017-11-14 09:42:03 AM  
media.giphy.comView Full Size


Holy Safe's Up Batman! Sounds like this novice surfer could have used some Bat Shark Repellent and The Joker's "Surfing Experience & Ability Transferometer"  and avoided this whole mess.
 
2017-11-14 10:58:51 AM  
Sharks are notoriously bashful; a stern look would have been sufficient.

lawlz.orgView Full Size
 
2017-11-14 02:19:04 PM  
You can always call a nurse shark.

img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2017-11-14 02:52:37 PM  
In other words: "Australian Australians".
 
2017-11-14 02:57:28 PM  
From the comments:

img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2017-11-14 02:57:46 PM  
Dude, I was just being a shark.  No need to bring violence in to this.
 
2017-11-14 02:58:33 PM  
Um, subby, I know reading's hard, but:

"A British doctor who arrived in Australia two months ago to work, "

it's not THAT hard.
 
2017-11-14 02:59:53 PM  

Priapetic: Um, subby, I know reading's hard, but:

"A British doctor who arrived in Australia two months ago to work, "

it's not THAT hard.


Once someone's gone to Australia, they officially count as Australian until their sentence is up.
 
2017-11-14 03:03:27 PM  
Better shark than prime minister i suppose

/blimey
 
2017-11-14 03:15:30 PM  
What's he the boss of?  That's really quite an achievement for a shark, even in today's progressive corporate cultures...
 
2017-11-14 03:20:32 PM  

bigfatbuddhist: Other tips in dealing with vicious wild animals...

1.  When attacked by a crocodile, stick your finger or thumb into its eye.  It will still eat you but it will think twice before attacking anyone else.

2.  Bears won't attack dead animals.  Do your best to play dead when attacked by a bear.  If your performance doesn't work at first, it will become more believable as the attack continues.

3.  Pumas often mistake joggers as fleeing prey.  If jogging in puma country, run backwards.

4.  Keep in mind that snakes don't want to bite you.  So, if you are bitten, it might help to remember that the snake didn't enjoy it very much.

5.  A rhinoceros has very poor vision. If you stand perfectly still and don't make a sound, it will think it has charged, trampled and gored a tree or bush... so... the jokes on him, I guess.

6.  A healthy wolf will not attack a human being.  So, if you hear a howl, followed by a wet nasty-sounding cough, your number is definitely up...

7.  If you are caught in a closed area with an angry bull, start talking like Christopher Walken.  Bulls will not attack Christopher Walken because he is a national treasure...

8.  A puff adder can be tricked into striking at a balloon filled with warm air.  If you don't have a balloon filled with warm air, then play dead.  It won't fool the puff adder but, if any bears are wandering the area, you might keep them from attacking....

9.  If you are attacked by a mountain gorilla, you probably deserve it.

10.  Scorpions can be grabbed from just behind the stinger and handled safely if that's something you're into...


for once my daughter laughed at 7/10 of the jokes
 
2017-11-14 03:24:18 PM  

bigfatbuddhist: 3. Pumas often mistake joggers as fleeing prey. If jogging in puma country, run backwards.


Wasn't there some article, I don't even remember how long ago, about people wearing masks on the back of their heads when jogging for this reason? It may have even been the Onion but I don't think it was.
 
2017-11-14 03:25:28 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2017-11-14 03:25:38 PM  

brap: [media.giphy.com image 500x375]

Holy Safe's Up Batman! Sounds like this novice surfer could have used some Bat Shark Repellent and The Joker's "Surfing Experience & Ability Transferometer"  and avoided this whole mess.


It don't always work.  :/

media.giphy.comView Full Size
 
2017-11-14 03:26:58 PM  

Loaf's Tray: What's he the boss of?  That's really quite an achievement for a shark, even in today's progressive corporate cultures...


I was wondering why the sentence cut off so oddly.  I'm assuming he or she is a lawyer.
 
2017-11-14 03:34:26 PM  
If you examine frames 231-233, you can clearly see the surfer forcing his thumb into the shark's butthole.
 
2017-11-14 03:53:10 PM  

mrparks: If you examine frames 231-233, you can clearly see the surfer forcing his thumb into the shark's butthole.


Was he packing his balls in there? Like a pipe?
 
2017-11-14 04:27:36 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2017-11-14 04:27:59 PM  
Tony Danza?
 
2017-11-14 04:28:21 PM  

Monkeyfark Ridiculous: [img.fark.net image 224x300]


Dammit
 
2017-11-14 04:29:09 PM  

Harry Wagstaff: Monkeyfark Ridiculous: [img.fark.net image 224x300]

Dammit


img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2017-11-14 04:33:05 PM  
A 25-year old surfer, doctor in Australia with a pair of big brass ones.

World is his oyster
 
2017-11-14 05:03:11 PM  
Welcome to Destinatiom F@&ked!
 
2017-11-14 05:25:33 PM  
Let's not start sucking each other's dicks yet.
 
2017-11-14 05:28:03 PM  

FlameDuck: bigfatbuddhist: Other tips in dealing with vicious wild animals...

1.  When attacked by a crocodile, stick your finger or thumb into its eye.  It will still eat you but it will think twice before attacking anyone else.

2.  Bears won't attack dead animals.  Do your best to play dead when attacked by a bear.  If your performance doesn't work at first, it will become more believable as the attack continues.

3.  Pumas often mistake joggers as fleeing prey.  If jogging in puma country, run backwards.

4.  Keep in mind that snakes don't want to bite you.  So, if you are bitten, it might help to remember that the snake didn't enjoy it very much.

5.  A rhinoceros has very poor vision. If you stand perfectly still and don't make a sound, it will think it has charged, trampled and gored a tree or bush... so... the jokes on him, I guess.

6.  A healthy wolf will not attack a human being.  So, if you hear a howl, followed by a wet nasty-sounding cough, your number is definitely up...

7.  If you are caught in a closed area with an angry bull, start talking like Christopher Walken.  Bulls will not attack Christopher Walken because he is a national treasure...

8.  A puff adder can be tricked into striking at a balloon filled with warm air.  If you don't have a balloon filled with warm air, then play dead.  It won't fool the puff adder but, if any bears are wandering the area, you might keep them from attacking....

9.  If you are attacked by a mountain gorilla, you probably deserve it.

10.  Scorpions can be grabbed from just behind the stinger and handled safely if that's something you're into...

for once my daughter laughed at 7/10 of the jokes


I'll take a C- any day...
 
2017-11-14 06:15:55 PM  
Australian shark, and it took this long?

img.fark.netView Full Size


I am disappoint.
 
2017-11-14 08:28:27 PM  
That guy's gonna need a bigger scrote.

/credit to original poster from an ancient shark fighting thread
 
2017-11-14 08:43:15 PM  
Perhaps had he utilized vertical leaping he could have avoided the altercation altogether.
 
2017-11-14 09:52:27 PM  
One day on an Oz beach, a little Ozzie lad was attacked by a Great White Shark.
A great hulking beach-type ran into the water, grabbed the shark and with one punch knocked the shark out cold.
A journalist saw the action, and interviewed the hero. He said, "Sir! That was incredible! Tomorrow the headlines will read "Local Mate Saves Young Lad From Great White Shark!"
"Well, actually, I'm not from around here."
"No matter!. The headlines will read Ozzie Mate Saves Lad From Certain Death!"
"Well, actually, I'm from the UK".
"Oh. Well, that makes a difference. Tomorrow the headlines will read Pommy Bastard Kills Boy's Pet!"
 
2017-11-15 08:11:36 AM  
clanpot.comView Full Size
 
Displayed 32 of 32 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking

On Twitter





Top Commented
Javascript is required to view headlines in widget.

In Other Media
  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report