Geekiness indulged, I feel better now. At least I still can't pronounce Mjolnimir or whatever.

Thor is riding across the night sky on the back of his mighty steed. He hurls a thunderbolt and screams "I'm Thor!" A little time later he hurls a second thunderbolt "I'm Thor!", he yells into the darkness. Shortly after that a third thunderbolt pierces the night. Again, "I'm Thor!" echoes across the sky. At this his mighty steed turns his head and snickers back "Of courthe you're Thor thilly, you thould have worn a thaddle."

HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA

Ah, the internet. Where every 11 year old gets to publish his thoughts on that all important batman vs. captain america battle.

...put thome ithe on it, thilly

no, seriously, i am new to this whole fark thing, knocked my girlfriend out of her chair while she was total-farking, whatever that means. i don't know whose post this link originally led to, but i will happily indulge my inner and outer geek to answer this question.

if it pains you to envision a bunch of friends sitting around debating who would win questions, don't read threads like this. but to move on to my answer, the original poster "viper" was right about this one for all the wrong reasons.

in terms of pure physical strength, i think superman might come out slightly ahead ... not that it really matters. both are as invulnerable as you can imagine. i hit you with a mountain, you can only hit me with one half as big. neither one of us is hurt, who wins? in short, if you had them in a laboratory, supe could probably bench press a LITTLE more than thor, but only a little. couple hundred tons, max.

viper pointed out superman has heat vision, but thor is the god of thunder, and a lightning bolt can ruin your day faster than an exploding gas tank.

superman also has the superbreath, and superventriloquism and other silly super powers, but the bottom line is not his strengths, it's his weaknesses. notice the plural, everyone knows superman is vulnerable to kryptonite, but folks tend to overlook the fact that he has TWO main weaknesses, count 'em TWO!!! Kryptonite, AND...

AND...?

Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

magic, the man from krypton is also fully susceptible to enchantments of the mystical variety, the same variety that viper happened to mention were surrounding mjoltnir, or however you spell or say it. the magic hammer is thor's main weapon in combat, and it would easily smash in supe's skull on the first hit! Magic IGNORES supe's invulnerability, it would be like a normal hammer hitting a normal human's head. i work as a survey technician, i pound nails and spikes and stakes into the ground all day. i use a 4 pound sledge with a shortened handle and it's approximately the same length as thor's hammer in the marvel comics. it's approximately half as big, total weight, so the head of thor's hammer is much bigger. or so it appears as drawn by most artists. i think it would be safe to estimate it as a five pound sledge, which i'm sure you can imagine would cause supe quite the big owie.

Thor's hammer isn't the Only thing that would ensure his win, he would still need his strength and speed in order to get a chance to even USE mjoltnier (sp?) but once the hammer fell, it's lights out for the kryptonian.

respectfully submitted,
e0wyn's boyfriend:
railgun

Listen Betty, don't start up with your white zone stuff
again!

I picked the wrong day to stop sniffing glue.

sorry, make that TWICE as big as mine, thor's hammer is twice as big not half. that's what i get for hijacking the gf's account after too many beers.

I want the kids in bed by nine, the dog fed, the yard watered and the gate locked. And get a note to the milkman NO MORE CHEESE!

Well glory be, I actually got some of my mind-numbing nonsense onto Fark. Just my luck that it would be the one thing that really shows me for what I am...a complete and utter dork.

Ah well, carry on.

Wolverine messed up the Thing once, with one slash. It scarred his face before the Marvel Universe reset... so I think Wolverine would come out on top of that fight.

And c'mon.. Spidey vs. Batman is the one eveyrone wants to see. But Spidey would just kick Batman's ass all over.

It's all about the spider-sense.

of course thor wins. that's pretty easy. he's a god.

solid snake versus james bond? i'd say snake...

e0wyn - I pretty much guarantee you can do better.

Submitter/Greenlighter - thanks for making my day just that little bit dumber.

Nah-uh! Superman would just throw Thor into space!

...Or if he lost, he would make the world spin counter-clockwise, and it would never have happened.

/oj, and aerojockey, just taking a guess, but is that lexx?

spiderman is teh gay. batman would beat his ass just like he beat superman's ass.

Lassie vs The Littlest Hobo?

the hulk over green lantern?! surely he can't be serious

wouldnt a better matchup be wolverine vs punish and thing vs hulk???

Thos is stronger than superman. His belt ensures that he is the strongest creature in the universe. So If Superman is the stronger sans belt, then Thor would be able to bench half a kilo extra with the belt.

ANd now that I've opened my inner geek; Superman vs. Spiderman? I know that Spideys' supposed to be chanceless, but he's pulled through everything in the series. Including Firestorm or whatever it was that was the vasall of Galacticus.

Damn, gotta start spending money on something else than comics. More beer. Thats it. Off to buy more beer.

http://www.majordamage.org/heroes.swf

Anybody think that it's weak that Superman's powers stem from merely being born on another planet? Apparently that planet (Krypton) had a red sun or something to the effect that it was impeding the true potential of its inhabitants. If Krypton hadn't blown up, there'd be like billions of potential Supermen. I could see a Kryptonian being maybe slightly more powerful than the average Joe under a yellow sun, but having god-like powers (so far as I know, Superman is at the top of the DC pantheon in terms of brute strength) is just stupid. My votes's for Thor. At least you've got the devotion of bloodthirsty Vikings or some shiat like that fueling your power, not just the dumb luck of being one person out of billions on some farked-up planet.

Been done already, go on

I had a subscription to Thor from 1981 to 1983 (about the time I discovered girls). I particularly enjoyed Thor, because his background wasn't some accidental radiation exposure or whacky need to overcompensate for murdered parents or something, it was the whole friggin' Norse mythology.

Thor comic books used to go off on all sorts of Ragnarok-based scenarios, complete with Odin, Loki and the rest of the Scandanavian bunch. Then he'd come back to earth and potter around with a bunch of dipshiat heroes in colored tights.

Thor would pound Spiderman in 2 Mjolnir hammer strokes. Once to mash him, and the second to mash him even harder, but with that classic cape-billowing, dynamic action pose.

But Thor would never do such a thing. Why should he?

thanks JeffJones. THat was hilarious :D

Batman would have no problem crushing any of the superheros. He beat Joker, the best bad guy to ever grace the big screen.

Fantastic avatar

Batgirl vs. Cat Woman.

In jello.

Naked.

Please?

I've always had a problem with the assemblies of super-heroes, how some of whom were born with apparently interminable powers, some who picked up enormous strength by quirk -- and a few folks who were just really, really determined to fight crime and didn't have anything more than a thighmaster and a utility belt. Like Captain America. God love him, but didn't he pretty much just have a shield and a patriotically puffed up chest? (Him vs. the Red Skull -- good stuff).

And any major attack he could conjure up would only stun the big guy since he heals in a matter of seconds.

Did I miss a series or something?? When did the Hulk get the ability to heal himself, in seconds no less.

Anyone remember "The Unknown Soldier" from the 1970s, maybe early 80s DC Comics? It was all WWII spy and Sgt. Rock-type stuff, with absolutely horrific graphics and storylines, and the hero was a mauled-up American who wore bandages all over his face, and usually rubber masks, and put the Nazis in their place.

Hulk has always been able to heal himself much faster than wolverine. Atleast since late 80's when I started reading shiat.

Come to think of it, I have a rare "Superman Versus Spiderman" DC/Marvel collaboration oversize comic from around 1981. I can't remember who wins.

How empty must a life be to go such lengths as to analyse the potential outcome of a ficitous battle between two comic book characters and then publish it on the internet?

Sad. Sad indeed.

Cormee
How empty must a life be to go such lengths as to analyse the potential outcome of a ficitous battle between two comic book characters and then publish it on the internet?

Sad. Sad indeed.

So, uh ... you're out of the pool?

e0wyn's boyfriend: railgun

You pretty much took the words right out of my mouth. Supes, magic, feh. My question is how would John Constantine fark Superman over? That'd be a pretty funny issue of HellBlazer.

Viper's analysis really isn't very geeky at all, and he obviously didn't even do the slightest bit of research.

Captain American versus Batman: Any fight involving batman depends heavily on how long he has been aware of his opponent. While Superman is often referred to as the 'Boyscout', it is batman that is always prepared. However, Captain America is from another Universe, so Batman might not have much time to prepare and gather information. He would still probably pull a victory however, due to the versatility of his vaunted utility belt, preferably the classic brown leather version, not the bright yellow plastic one.

The Thing versus Wolverine: As mentioned above, this has already happened at least once, with those claws doing a nasty number on Grimm's face. Ben's only realy hope would have been to crush Wolverine arm muscles around his bones, but even that wouldn't stop him for long. Of course, after that little encounter up in Space with Magneto, Wolverine was no longer much of a threat to those in the Thing's power class.

Green Lantern versus The Hulk: This fight would depend heavily on which version of Hulk, and which Green lantern, we are dealing with, because some are more intelligent than others. The current green lantern, while creative, is not the brightest lamp on the street, so he might waste ring power with rigid defenses, instead of encasing the Hulk in an elsastic bubble and then flinging him out into space. And Grey Hulk would probably find a way to turn himself yellow, if only temporarily, or in some other way use yellow, against the earlier versions of Lantern, ,and just outsmart the current one, who I believe is no longer weak against yellow.

Collosuss versus Punisher: This isn't really a fair fight, especially since Viper assumed a straight fight. The Punisher can be pretty crafty, but I don't think he has much of a chance unless he snipes Colossus before the transformation, which is certainly something that the Punisher would do if he sees a need.

Superman versus Thor: Viper doesn't mention magic as one of Superman's weaknesses, but others above do. However, if the fight takes place in the DC unniverse, or on neutral ground, I am not sure that all of Thor's magical equipment would work, since the 'rules' that they enforce might only hold power in the Marvel Universe.

Well that was fun.

"How empty must a life be to go such lengths as to analyse the potential outcome of a ficitous battle between two comic book characters and then publish it on the internet?"

...oh wait, you're *not* refering to Bush/Kerry?

Halfmast Trousers, Spider man Vs Superman ended up with superman fighting the hulk and the two superheroes getting along fine.

And Hellblazer would fark superman up so bad...oh so bad.
Love the one where he takes on the Devil in ireland. classic way to get someone to ingest holywater.

Lateral Elevation
Viper's analysis really isn't very geeky at all, and he obviously didn't even do the slightest bit of research.


Should I be happy or offended?

Offended would be my guess.

What about comic book heroes vs. the Dragonball universe?

Discuss...

I cannot tell you how many times I've seen people so geeky that they make me look like The Fonz fight for hours about how powerfull Dragonball characters are compared to DC and Marvel.

ahhh!! Mighty Mouse could kck both of their asses

Lets seee...

The Turtle Hermit vs. the Hulk
now, I know the hulk is tough but.....an attack that can blow the moon not only in two, but to little pieces of dust. I dont know if the Hulk'd survive that one.

Dragon Ball Goku vs Spiderman
Although goku is ridiculously fast, I dont know if he's faster than spidey. And when it comes to strength I also here wonder if they're evenly matched. Physically equal I think it comes down to brains over brawns, and goku is as stupid as they come. Spidey winz.

Ah, comics. How I love them. Hence my handle. (From Grant Morrison's "Marvel Boy" comics).

I will say, though...Batman vs Cap is interesting. I can see their point, BUT...I think it depends on which Cap. Normal mainstream? Perhaps Batman might win. But if you're an Ultimates fan like I am...I think Ultimate Cap is a little more hardcore.

"Surrender? Surrender??!! You think this letter on my head stands for France?!"

That said, Thor could beat Superman like a redheaded stepchild. But I'm a little biased for Marvel.

I have a grief with the Captain American vs. Batman Scenario.

Basically he admits that the Cap is stronger, faster, and immune to Batman's ranged attacks. But somehow "he's at a huge disadvantage here." and Batman will "find away to disable the American hero."

Be prepared for a fight all you want. If I'm prepared to get hit by a Mac Truck that doesn't mean I'll survive when it happens. Batman is stronger and faster than the average Joe because he trained to be that way. Steve Rogers has military training ontop of his other enhancements. Captain American fought against Nazi's in World War II but Batman will win because he's "always prepared for a fight."

My God Lateral Elevation... and I thought I was a geek.

If all of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles had to fight, which one would win? (This includes splinter and shredder)

I would like Raphael to win (The red ninja turtle), but I think splinter would emerge victorious.

DC Comics hasn't been relevant in years, Superman hangs out with Jerry farking Seinfeld for the love of Vertigo. Any Marvel character would win. Now if 2 Marvel characters came up against eachother we'd have something to release our inner geek for. Maybe I could let my inner geek battle my inner sports fan...