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(Daily Mail)   Neckbearded hiker who was captured in Afghanistan refused to board plane to fly home. Perhaps it's because his previous wife was a suspected terrorist   ( dailymail.co.uk) divider line
    More: Awkward, Jennifer Smith, October 12, EDT, Dailymail.com  
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8243 clicks; posted to Main » on 13 Oct 2017 at 2:48 AM (8 days ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2017-10-12 07:52:53 PM  
That changes things.
 
2017-10-13 03:02:37 AM  
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.  Like being in the trunk of a car during a gunfight while your captors scream "Kill the hostages!"
 
2017-10-13 03:02:59 AM  
Damn. I wonder if that's even remotely true.
 
2017-10-13 03:03:43 AM  
"Oh man you saved me! Five farking years I've been living in a hole! Can't wait to get home. So what's been going on in the good old USA? Do you have a summary of events I could look at or something? Ah very nice, I'll just start with the past year. Hm...hmm...huh. Wow...yikes. Well shiat. You know what I think I'll skip the trip back."
 
2017-10-13 03:06:40 AM  
He was smart for not coming back.  It would not have worked out well for him.
 
2017-10-13 03:07:34 AM  
I'm gonna start a company where customers get kidnapped in Afghanistan for years at a time in order to lose weight. Just look at those results.
 
2017-10-13 03:10:35 AM  
Leave him then.  Bring that poor woman and those kids home.  He must prefer his chances with his brethren than with the U.S. government.  He may be right about that.

Given the choice I'd take prison with hot showers, hot food, and television, over camel pi$$, baconless 'sand'-wiches, and a HAM Radio that gets " 'Allah be praised, death to the infidels radio hour', brought to you by rich, chocolate Ovaltine."
 
2017-10-13 03:15:04 AM  
Kevin Smith looked even dumber back then than he does now.
 
2017-10-13 03:20:22 AM  
This is a messed up story.

Dude takes his 5mo pregnant wife HIKING in farking Afghanistan??? I mean I know his wife is a Grown Ass Woman who can hike her grown ass wherever she wants but I would personally have Strong Reservations about my knocked-up partner going backpacking in a war zone.  Like I don't know if they were trying to do some bad/stupid stuff, or if they are actually mentally retarded (or as they say in Canada "Low Functioning").

And look, I know that "people can be healthy in all sizes" but both of them look like the the most intense hike they have been on is from their parking spot to the inside of the mall.  The picture of them with their packs on screams "We are not ready for the world!" and Afghanistan is not the place where you go skipping around.

Also, stop farking your wife while in the jail cell.  It reduces the chances of raising children that you deliver, in secret, by flashlight, in a hellish war zone; you stupid fark.
 
2017-10-13 03:26:43 AM  
I hate how much the daily fail insists on repeating the same facts over and over again in their words-repeatedly-strung-together-with-pictures links.  What an absolutely obnoxious site.  At least it had a couple nip-slip links on the right.

Oh and as for buddy:  My gut thinks he's not being entirely on the up & up over how and why they ended up in 'captivity' for that long.
 
2017-10-13 03:29:51 AM  

omg bbq: Also, stop farking your wife while in the jail cell.


I'm starting to think it wasn't a jail cell.
 
2017-10-13 03:30:56 AM  

BumpInTheNight: I hate how much the daily fail insists on repeating the same facts over and over again in their words-repeatedly-strung-together-with-pictures links.  What an absolutely obnoxious site.  At least it had a couple nip-slip links on the right.

Oh and as for buddy:  My gut thinks he's not being entirely on the up & up over how and why they ended up in 'captivity' for that long.


Call it a hunch, but he's a terrorist.
 
2017-10-13 03:30:56 AM  
Why would 'they' kidnap them?
 
2017-10-13 03:35:22 AM  

Satanic_Hamster: omg bbq: Also, stop farking your wife while in the jail cell.

I'm starting to think it wasn't a jail cell.


Maybe he's a giant cuckold who likes seeing his wife raped by terrorists. Makes more sense that way.
 
2017-10-13 03:36:43 AM  

omg bbq: This is a messed up story.

Dude takes his 5mo pregnant wife HIKING in farking Afghanistan??? I mean I know his wife is a Grown Ass Woman who can hike her grown ass wherever she wants but I would personally have Strong Reservations about my knocked-up partner going backpacking in a war zone.  Like I don't know if they were trying to do some bad/stupid stuff, or if they are actually mentally retarded (or as they say in Canada "Low Functioning").

And look, I know that "people can be healthy in all sizes" but both of them look like the the most intense hike they have been on is from their parking spot to the inside of the mall.  The picture of them with their packs on screams "We are not ready for the world!" and Afghanistan is not the place where you go skipping around.

Also, stop farking your wife while in the jail cell.  It reduces the chances of raising children that you deliver, in secret, by flashlight, in a hellish war zone; you stupid fark.


Those children likely won the sympathy of their captors and kept the couple from becoming a political statement.
 
2017-10-13 03:37:07 AM  

Satanic_Hamster: omg bbq: Also, stop farking your wife while in the jail cell.

I'm starting to think it wasn't a jail cell.


Yeah, there is that.
 
2017-10-13 03:37:22 AM  

farkingismybusiness: BumpInTheNight: I hate how much the daily fail insists on repeating the same facts over and over again in their words-repeatedly-strung-together-with-​pictures links.  What an absolutely obnoxious site.  At least it had a couple nip-slip links on the right.

Oh and as for buddy:  My gut thinks he's not being entirely on the up & up over how and why they ended up in 'captivity' for that long.

Call it a hunch, but he's a terrorist.


Likely a messenger.
 
2017-10-13 03:41:39 AM  

omg bbq: Satanic_Hamster: omg bbq: Also, stop farking your wife while in the jail cell.

I'm starting to think it wasn't a jail cell.

Yeah, there is that.


Between his sister, the decision to hike in farking Afghanistan, and that no one knows how they got free, AND now refusing to leave?  I wouldn't be surprised if it comes out they weren't hostages.
 
2017-10-13 03:52:44 AM  
That story makes no sense. They decide to go hiking in a warzone and then have a bunch of kids after they're captured? Who does that?!

"Boyle's parents commended their parenting techniques. 'You and Cait sound like amazing parents, holding up each other and your boys, and protecting them from their horrible reality."

Oh yeah. Sure we're being held captive under some abysmal third world sh*thole conditions but let's start a family honey! This'll be a great place to raise some kids said no one ever.

'Hey Primus! Remember that time you grew up in Taliban prison because mom and dad got captured while backpacking in Afghanistan? Good times.'

/who the fark names their kids Primus and Secondus?
//Darwin inconsolable over missing such low hanging fruit
///story makes no sense
 
2017-10-13 04:03:37 AM  
Well, the US does have that whole "black site prison and torture" thing going on. I could see him not wanting to spend the rest of his life locked up without trial and with waterboarding.


But yeah. He's totally not innocent. No one goes hiking in that part of the world with a pregnant wife for funsies.
 
2017-10-13 04:04:07 AM  
He was handed to US forces, and is at a US base, but he's scared to get on a US plane? That makes no sense. If something was going to happen to him it would have already happened. I think he has an overinflated sense of his own importance.
 
2017-10-13 04:07:58 AM  

Birnone: He was handed to US forces, and is at a US base, but he's scared to get on a US plane? That makes no sense. If something was going to happen to him it would have already happened. I think he has an overinflated sense of his own importance.


That's the other possibility; that he's just an idiot.
 
2017-10-13 04:17:51 AM  
Look, moosehead, if the CIA wanted you they'd have you bundled off to a Bulgarian prison already.
 
2017-10-13 04:24:13 AM  

sxacho: Damn. I wonder if that's even remotely true.


The Daily Mail is slightly more reputable than InfoWars. They're not claiming that the kidnapping was a false flag operation.

Oh wait...
 
2017-10-13 04:33:56 AM  
So are we talking "hostages" here or are we talking "terrorists who went to join their friends, lived in enough comfort to build a family, got tired of it and now want to come home"?
 
2017-10-13 04:38:24 AM  

MechaPyx: That story makes no sense. They decide to go hiking in a warzone and then have a bunch of kids after they're captured? Who does that?!

"Boyle's parents commended their parenting techniques. 'You and Cait sound like amazing parents, holding up each other and your boys, and protecting them from their horrible reality."

Oh yeah. Sure we're being held captive under some abysmal third world sh*thole conditions but let's start a family honey! This'll be a great place to raise some kids said no one ever.

'Hey Primus! Remember that time you grew up in Taliban prison because mom and dad got captured while backpacking in Afghanistan? Good times.'

/who the fark names their kids Primus and Secondus?
//Darwin inconsolable over missing such low hanging fruit
///story makes no sense


Primus and Secondus are at least better names than "Number One" and "Number Two."  Although the latter would be interesting names to have at a Trekkie convention.
 
2017-10-13 04:49:37 AM  
If he was married to a terrorist and then went over there...he's probably a terrorist.  Let's not bring him back.  Just sayin'
 
2017-10-13 04:51:09 AM  
They both seem like morons for what they did. Hope the grandparents raise the kids while they go on their next adventure, skydiving into a live volcano.
 
2017-10-13 05:38:10 AM  

MechaPyx: That story makes no sense. They decide to go hiking in a warzone and then have a bunch of kids after they're captured? Who does that?!

"Boyle's parents commended their parenting techniques. 'You and Cait sound like amazing parents, holding up each other and your boys, and protecting them from their horrible reality."

Oh yeah. Sure we're being held captive under some abysmal third world sh*thole conditions but let's start a family honey! This'll be a great place to raise some kids said no one ever.

'Hey Primus! Remember that time you grew up in Taliban prison because mom and dad got captured while backpacking in Afghanistan? Good times.'

/who the fark names their kids Primus and Secondus?
//Darwin inconsolable over missing such low hanging fruit
///story makes no sense


Romans?
 
2017-10-13 05:42:30 AM  
Even if he himself is not a terrorist by bring married to one who is a suspected terrorist, he provided material support. The US looks down on that. He knows he's looking at many years in federal prison.

Maybe if he made better life decisions, like not marrying into a known terrorist family and going "hiking" in Taliban country, he wouldn't have this problem.

Also, why are these captured people always hiking in these dangerous areas? People have been hiking and been caught in other places like Iran and North Korea. Is that code for something, kind of like "hiking the Appalachian trail" is now?
 
2017-10-13 05:43:45 AM  

MechaPyx: That story makes no sense. They decide to go hiking in a warzone and then have a bunch of kids after they're captured? Who does that?!

"Boyle's parents commended their parenting techniques. 'You and Cait sound like amazing parents, holding up each other and your boys, and protecting them from their horrible reality."

Oh yeah. Sure we're being held captive under some abysmal third world sh*thole conditions but let's start a family honey! This'll be a great place to raise some kids said no one ever.

'Hey Primus! Remember that time you grew up in Taliban prison because mom and dad got captured while backpacking in Afghanistan? Good times.'

/who the fark names their kids Primus and Secondus?
//Darwin inconsolable over missing such low hanging fruit
///story makes no sense


How about Primus and Tool?
 
2017-10-13 05:46:18 AM  
"When they were abducted, the couple's relatives said they were innocent but naive adventure seekers. "

Next adventure : 'The Waterboard' at Guantanamo Park.
 
2017-10-13 05:48:01 AM  

omg bbq: This is a messed up story.

Dude takes his 5mo pregnant wife HIKING in farking Afghanistan??? I mean I know his wife is a Grown Ass Woman who can hike her grown ass wherever she wants but I would personally have Strong Reservations about my knocked-up partner going backpacking in a war zone.  Like I don't know if they were trying to do some bad/stupid stuff, or if they are actually mentally retarded (or as they say in Canada "Low Functioning").

And look, I know that "people can be healthy in all sizes" but both of them look like the the most intense hike they have been on is from their parking spot to the inside of the mall.  The picture of them with their packs on screams "We are not ready for the world!" and Afghanistan is not the place where you go skipping around.

Also, stop farking your wife while in the jail cell.  It reduces the chances of raising children that you deliver, in secret, by flashlight, in a hellish war zone; you stupid fark.


it is farked up, and they have some farked up history in their lives. i think the story we are being told has to be taken with a large grain of salt.
 
2017-10-13 07:01:38 AM  

sxacho: Damn. I wonder if that's even remotely true.


He was 14 in GITMO.
A young Canadian.

We were so terrified of a young hoser we had to hide him in a not so secret prison.
Stuffed him in there with terrorists.

If we had locked him up with beagles...
He would have come out barking.

Pavlov's dogs didn't salivate because they were hungry.
They drooled because they were locked up away from food.

We did things to him
Bad things

And he rightfully fears the good old US of A because we lock up kids with hardened criminals then say they are bad people for what we have made them become.

But keep on waving that flag, patriots.
 
2017-10-13 07:09:02 AM  
he was married to my ex?

'ducks
 
2017-10-13 07:10:10 AM  

HungLow: If he was married to a terrorist and then went over there...he's probably a terrorist.  Let's not bring him back.  Just sayin'


Exactly.  Taxpayers can't afford $10,000,000 for every terrorist that repatriates.

img.fark.net
/ I don't care that he was a teenager when he did his killing.
 
2017-10-13 07:14:17 AM  

sinko swimo: omg bbq: This is a messed up story. . . .

it is farked up, and they have some farked up history in their lives. i think the story we are being told has to be taken with a large grain of salt.


Amen.  I know when it comes to living my own life, the stories I tell are always shaded to be as positive as possible, or put us in a better light.  Like I hit that squirrel, not because I was driving distracted, but because I was multitasking.  Not my fault, really, blah, blah, blah.  I can see bits and pieces of that kind of scenario in this whole tale.  As for this dude's refusal to man up and get his family back to North America, I hope some member of her family steps in and just grabs her and the kids and flies away.  He wants to stay, leave his worthless behind there.
 
2017-10-13 07:15:34 AM  
I don't know about him, but she is definitely busted.
 
2017-10-13 07:20:21 AM  
I'm thinking those kids should stay away from that ancestry.com thing. I'm guessing one or two of them might not be his. Just a hunch though. Especially since I'm guessing the kid's names are Chad, Ryan, and Ahmed.
 
2017-10-13 07:21:36 AM  

vudukungfu: sxacho: Damn. I wonder if that's even remotely true.

He was 14 in GITMO.
A young Canadian.

We were so terrified of a young hoser we had to hide him in a not so secret prison.
Stuffed him in there with terrorists.

If we had locked him up with beagles...
He would have come out barking.

Pavlov's dogs didn't salivate because they were hungry.
They drooled because they were locked up away from food.

We did things to him
Bad things

And he rightfully fears the good old US of A because we lock up kids with hardened criminals then say they are bad people for what we have made them become.

But keep on waving that flag, patriots.


Do you know what you're talking about? Doesn't look that way.

He wasn't in gitmo.

He is a terrorist lover who married a terrorist lover. His earlier marriage was to a terrorist lover whose family was close to bin laden, and that's where the 14 year old grenade thrower comes in to play.

The Canadian terrorist lover who was certainly not 'hiking', who didn't want to get on the us plane, was not in gitmo. Though I think it would be funny if he was sent there, so he could sit and rot with those who clap and cheer about 9/11.
 
2017-10-13 07:29:00 AM  

omg bbq: This is a messed up story.

Dude takes his 5mo pregnant wife HIKING in farking Afghanistan??? I mean I know his wife is a Grown Ass Woman who can hike her grown ass wherever she wants but I would personally have Strong Reservations about my knocked-up partner going backpacking in a war zone.  Like I don't know if they were trying to do some bad/stupid stuff, or if they are actually mentally retarded (or as they say in Canada "Low Functioning").

And look, I know that "people can be healthy in all sizes" but both of them look like the the most intense hike they have been on is from their parking spot to the inside of the mall.  The picture of them with their packs on screams "We are not ready for the world!" and Afghanistan is not the place where you go skipping around.

Also, stop farking your wife while in the jail cell.  It reduces the chances of raising children that you deliver, in secret, by flashlight, in a hellish war zone; you stupid fark.


No, but he's stuck with that story now. I suspect he has extremely valid reasons for not wanting to put himself within arm's reach of law enforcement.
 
2017-10-13 07:37:33 AM  
Let's just clarify.  Brown people happen to be born in countries where a terrorist once lived, and they can not come into America because they might be terrorist, and neither can their elderly grandmothers or small children.  White people have proven ties to an actual terrorist group, then actually lived among a terrorist group, had kids, started raising a family, among terrorist, were well treated by those terrorist, and again have a history of being in a relationship with terrorist, but somehow these white people are not only good to come back to America, but we roll the red carpet out for them, and actually calls it a win that we are doing so.  There you go folks, Trump actually does use the Peter Griffin terrorist detection test folks.
 
2017-10-13 08:04:28 AM  
Ive had sex during some odd maybe inappropriate times, but being held hostage would never be one of those times.  They do have some 'splainin to do about conceiving two kids while captive.
 
2017-10-13 08:09:48 AM  
There's some confusion here. Omar Khadr (neckbeard dude's former brother in law) was a child soldier in Afghanistan. He was wrongly tried as an adult and received compensation from the Canadian government for his treatment.

I'm not aware that Zaynab, this dude's ex, has ever been in trouble with the law but her (and Omar's) dad has.
 
2017-10-13 08:10:44 AM  

The Alpacalips: MechaPyx: That story makes no sense. They decide to go hiking in a warzone and then have a bunch of kids after they're captured? Who does that?!

"Boyle's parents commended their parenting techniques. 'You and Cait sound like amazing parents, holding up each other and your boys, and protecting them from their horrible reality."

Oh yeah. Sure we're being held captive under some abysmal third world sh*thole conditions but let's start a family honey! This'll be a great place to raise some kids said no one ever.

'Hey Primus! Remember that time you grew up in Taliban prison because mom and dad got captured while backpacking in Afghanistan? Good times.'

/who the fark names their kids Primus and Secondus?
//Darwin inconsolable over missing such low hanging fruit
///story makes no sense

Primus and Secondus are at least better names than "Number One" and "Number Two."  Although the latter would be interesting names to have at a Trekkie convention.


I haven't been to a Trek convention but this has me wondering. Are there pictures of Riker over the urinals? Because if not there should be.
 
2017-10-13 08:18:38 AM  

sxacho: Damn. I wonder if that's even remotely true.


IT seems to have legs.  His first, brief, marriage was to the sister of Omar Khadar https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Omar_Khadr , who spent some time at guantanamo.  Who is a shady dude, but probably not the worst 'o the worst.  I see his point, frankly.  I might want to go directly home to Canada if I were him.   The US has made some crazy reactions to people with shaky links, he's probably about half crazy from his time in Pakistani Taliban jail, and we have a damned lunatic running things.
 
2017-10-13 08:29:43 AM  
 Nothing stated in this article rings true or passes a mild sniff test.
 
151 [TotalFark]
2017-10-13 08:34:02 AM  
All the bs aside, this reminds me of one of my favorite stories my sister told me, of when she was studying abroad, at Haifa university in Israel. She and a few friends decided to go to Jordan for the weekend, alcohol was a factor, long story short they ended up camped out in some random cave in Jordan, and got arrested, because white women in Jordan.

I'm unsure of Jordan's rules then or now, but they probably could've been beheaded or stoned or raped or whatever, but as my sister tells the story, they were let go because it was the kings birthday.  And I wholeheartedly believe most of her story.

/she has a lot of stories from her time there
//this is one of the least unbelievable ones
///I believe 85% of all of her stories, only 15% I don't believe is left out facts, not embellishments
 
2017-10-13 08:46:41 AM  

Satanic_Hamster: Birnone: He was handed to US forces, and is at a US base, but he's scared to get on a US plane? That makes no sense. If something was going to happen to him it would have already happened. I think he has an overinflated sense of his own importance.

That's the other possibility; that he's just an idiot.


I think him being an idiot is the ONLY possibility.  Everything else is just minutiae.
 
2017-10-13 08:51:11 AM  

vudukungfu: sxacho: Damn. I wonder if that's even remotely true.

He was 14 in GITMO.
A young Canadian.

We were so terrified of a young hoser we had to hide him in a not so secret prison.
Stuffed him in there with terrorists.

If we had locked him up with beagles...
He would have come out barking.

Pavlov's dogs didn't salivate because they were hungry.
They drooled because they were locked up away from food.

We did things to him
Bad things

And he rightfully fears the good old US of A because we lock up kids with hardened criminals then say they are bad people for what we have made them become.

But keep on waving that flag, patriots.


You're right.  Chris Speers no longer fears him.  Poor widdle terrorist, being demonized like that.
 
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