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(Huffington Post)   "I got Snickers and M&Ms What did you get?" "I got something that says 'the penalty for your crimes against God is death and eternal hell'"   ( huffingtonpost.com) divider line
    More: Stupid, new blog post, A Great Way to Care, fantastic opportunity, store-bought treats, religious pamphlets, saving gospel, fake money, sales pitch  
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6827 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Oct 2017 at 12:30 PM (6 days ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



172 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


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2017-10-12 09:36:58 AM  
I got a rock.
 
2017-10-12 09:47:52 AM  
"Hey Ken, how do we reach more kids and get them to embrace evangelism?"

"I have a great idea -- take away their candy!"

#moron
 
2017-10-12 10:53:02 AM  
It's called "Trick or Treat" for a reason.

/no mercy
 
2017-10-12 11:05:37 AM  
In my day (yeah, I know), that would result in an egging so bad you could scramble the house.
 
2017-10-12 11:13:47 AM  
Halloween tracts, discounts for school groups, dinosaurs, petting zoos...Amish Wolverine sure does market to children a lot...
 
6 days ago  
Forget razor blades, there was always somebody like this giving out anything but candy when I was a kid. We already knew them to be the weird person in the neighborhood so we weren't surprised.
 
6 days ago  
Creationist Ken Ham, who runs a Noah's Ark attraction in Kentucky, is calling on followers to put some Jesus into Halloween.

A bigger story would be if he put some Jesus into his beliefs.
 
6 days ago  
You got free tickets to Hawaii on Southwest? Nice. I got a rock.
 
6 days ago  

jwa007: I got a rock.


Dammit
 
6 days ago  
I got a job and buy my own candy.
Go do your welfare someplace else.
 
6 days ago  
What an *sshole.

Hopefully more will eventually come to realize that if something is divine it neither asks for nor requires worship.
 
6 days ago  

jwa007: I got a rock.


I wanna rock.

Twisted Sister - I Wanna Rock (Official Video)
Youtube SRwrg0db_zY
 
6 days ago  
Try 'reverse-trick-or-treating'

Sounds like something man friend and I do during sexay time.
 
6 days ago  
Oh and STFU Ham, you floppy c*nt.
 
6 days ago  
Christ, what an asshole.
 
6 days ago  
I hope his followers like cleaning eggs and toilet paper from their houses.
 
6 days ago  

Satanic_Hamster: jwa007: I got a rock.

I wanna rock.

[Youtube-video https://www.youtube.com/embed/SRwrg0db_zY]


Everybody wants a rock to wind a piece of string around
We Want A Rock
Youtube Jp8znvfYbow
 
6 days ago  
Ha!  Back when I was married to a Pentecostal, the unshaven wife and her friend wrote bible quotes on pieces of paper and gave them to the kids.

/Some did say thank you though.
 
6 days ago  
Religious a**holes love forcing their shiat on others don't they? I put up a no soliciting sign on my front door (underneath it says ask dog for details just so I don't come across as a total antisocial jerk) and guess who the only people are that still knock and leave fliers...

Religious a**holes. Especially Jehova Witnesses.
 
6 days ago  
There's a Commandment about coveting things that are not yours and this is a classic case of coveting someone else's holiday for their own pissy purposes.  Oh, and do you want your house egged, because this is how your house gets egged.
 
6 days ago  
Christians, apparently being the majority religion in the US isn't enough. Having signs on all your churches saying, "All are welcome" isn't enough. If your particular sect of your particular religion feels the need to trick people into accepting fake gifts to tell non-Christian (or even not your specific type of Christian) people "Follow my religion or be burned for all eternity", then maybe your sect is insecure enough to show that they don't really believe what they claim.
 
6 days ago  

The_Original_Roxtar: Satanic_Hamster: jwa007: I got a rock.

I wanna rock.

[Youtube-video https://www.youtube.com/embed/SRwrg0db_zY]

Everybody wants a rock to wind a piece of string around
[Youtube-video https://www.youtube.com/embed/Jp8znvfYbow]


Not for Halloween.  For Halloween, they want rock candy.

Montrose - Rock Candy
Youtube CtDO3qBo72M
 
6 days ago  
The worst thing I ever got was a condiment package of some malt vinegar.
 
6 days ago  

Satan's Bunny Slippers: Try 'reverse-trick-or-treating'

Sounds like something man friend and I do during sexay time.


Two in the trick one in the treat
 
6 days ago  
This will in no way backfire.
 
6 days ago  
Not any worse than handing out this crap:
img.fark.net
 
6 days ago  
that'll be nice for them to think about when they're crashing from the candy
 
6 days ago  
"Have you ever lied, stolen or used God's name in vain?" a message on one of the bills reads. "If so, you've broken God's law. The penalty for your crimes against God is death and eternal hell."

GOD DAMN IT!  JESUS MOTHER-farkING CHRIST!

/see you in hell
 
6 days ago  

RJReves: The worst thing I ever got was a condiment package of some malt vinegar.


Sorry about that, but I was drunk and just got back from Long John Silvers.  When you see a guy in a bathrobe on the porch eating fried fish with his hands, you shouldn't expect much anyways. Ingrate.
 
6 days ago  

jwa007: I got a rock.


At least the "returns" department was always open, and the process quick and straightforward.
 
6 days ago  

jwa007: I got a rock.


img.fark.net
 
6 days ago  
Of course he's trying to sell something.
 
6 days ago  

ds615: I got a job and buy my own candy.
Go do your welfare someplace else.


I print that on little slips of paper that I put inside the wrappers of candybars I eat, then give them out for Halloween. I use fun-sized candy bars because *damn* is this fun. All the toilet paper in my trees the next morning helps keep the crows away so I get woken up.
 
6 days ago  
This happened a few years ago while taking my son across the neighborhood for trick-or-treating.

We knock on the door. Trick-or-treat. The neighbor looks me right in the eye. Maintains eye contact the entire time as she slowly reaches back for her basket. Tosses a "Jesus Loves You" sticker in my son's candy bucket.

My son was 3.
 
6 days ago  
memegenerator.net
 
6 days ago  
Creationist Ken Ham, who runs a Noah's Ark attraction in Kentucky, is calling on followers to put some Jesus into Halloween

So is he suggesting that kids dress up as Jesus for Halloween?
 
6 days ago  
I used to get J. Chick tracts for tricks or treats.  I actually asked a lady for another because I already read "Condemned to Hell" or some such.

Pre-internet and it passed for entertainment.  The little red bible companion that told me I was going to hell for playing with myself was disturbing.  I think someone should have told me about this a few years earlier.  Well, in for a dime...
 
6 days ago  
Most Christian theology teaches that a person has to reach the age of reason before they have the capacity to commit a serious sin.  So when Hamm encourages people to hand out stuff threatening children who haven't reached the age of reason with hell fire and damnation (assuming they have been baptized) he's just being unnecessarily cruel, or a hard shell Calvinist.  But I repeat myself.
 
6 days ago  
img.fark.net

Used to get a few of these on Halloween. Found them amusing even as a church going child.

Nothing says loving god, like scaring children with eternal damnation.
 
6 days ago  
Someone in my neighborhood attaches the evangelizing stuff to the candy.  At least they learned to after cleaning their yard up from all the litter the first few times they gave out only pencils, stickers, and other non-candy items.
 
6 days ago  

Court Dude: What an *sshole.

Hopefully more will eventually come to realize that if something is divine it neither asks for nor requires worship.


Very akin to what I've been saying to all these country bumpkins here in rural GA: "Why in the world would a god so powerful he could create all of reality, be so petty that he's desperately worried about what you do with your genitals, and require your constant empty praise?"

Needless to say, I've become somewhat of a pariah in some circles.
 
6 days ago  
Show up at his house with a lighter and some gas, and yell "torch or treat" and see what he does.
 
6 days ago  

Fark Irony Police: This happened a few years ago while taking my son across the neighborhood for trick-or-treating.

We knock on the door. Trick-or-treat. The neighbor looks me right in the eye. Maintains eye contact the entire time as she slowly reaches back for her basket. Tosses a "Jesus Loves You" sticker in my son's candy bucket.

My son was 3.


"You know, I have no idea how that sticker ended up stuck on your windshield. Jesus works in mysterious ways, I suppose"
 
6 days ago  
Not even as good as Chick Tracts. We always assumed that when someone handed out something like that they really needed some toilet paper.

In their trees.
 
6 days ago  

edmo: Forget razor blades, there was always somebody like this giving out anything but candy when I was a kid. We already knew them to be the weird person in the neighborhood so we weren't surprised.


exlax in a Snickers wrapper
 
6 days ago  

UncleDirtNap: Show up at his house with a lighter and some gas, and yell "torch or treat" and see what he does.


Oh, that's your solution to everything!
 
6 days ago  
Nobody else got those Chick tracts at Halloween?  We used to love them because they were completely idiotic, even at like 9 or 10 we could identify that.
 
6 days ago  

DOCTORD000M: "Have you ever lied, stolen or used God's name in vain?" a message on one of the bills reads. "If so, you've broken God's law. The penalty for your crimes against God is death and eternal hell."

GOD DAMN IT!  JESUS MOTHER-farkING CHRIST!

/see you in hell


But don't you GET it? God loves you, that's why if you do one tiny, stupid thing wrong...you're going to HELL forever. Because love.
 
6 days ago  
Welp...'trick' it is.
 
6 days ago  

DOCTORD000M: "Have you ever lied, stolen or used God's name in vain?" a message on one of the bills reads. "If so, you've broken God's law. The penalty for your crimes against God is death and eternal hell."

GOD DAMN IT!  JESUS MOTHER-farkING CHRIST!

/see you in hell


Heaven's gonna be a pretty lonely place.
 
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