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(Huffington Post)   "I got Snickers and M&Ms What did you get?" "I got something that says 'the penalty for your crimes against God is death and eternal hell'"   ( huffingtonpost.com) divider line
    More: Stupid, new blog post, A Great Way to Care, fantastic opportunity, store-bought treats, religious pamphlets, saving gospel, fake money, sales pitch  
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6875 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Oct 2017 at 12:30 PM (9 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



172 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


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2017-10-12 09:36:58 AM  
I got a rock.
 
2017-10-12 09:47:52 AM  
"Hey Ken, how do we reach more kids and get them to embrace evangelism?"

"I have a great idea -- take away their candy!"

#moron
 
2017-10-12 10:53:02 AM  
It's called "Trick or Treat" for a reason.

/no mercy
 
2017-10-12 11:05:37 AM  
In my day (yeah, I know), that would result in an egging so bad you could scramble the house.
 
2017-10-12 11:13:47 AM  
Halloween tracts, discounts for school groups, dinosaurs, petting zoos...Amish Wolverine sure does market to children a lot...
 
2017-10-12 11:52:46 AM  
Forget razor blades, there was always somebody like this giving out anything but candy when I was a kid. We already knew them to be the weird person in the neighborhood so we weren't surprised.
 
2017-10-12 12:22:18 PM  
Creationist Ken Ham, who runs a Noah's Ark attraction in Kentucky, is calling on followers to put some Jesus into Halloween.

A bigger story would be if he put some Jesus into his beliefs.
 
2017-10-12 12:28:26 PM  
You got free tickets to Hawaii on Southwest? Nice. I got a rock.
 
2017-10-12 12:31:06 PM  

jwa007: I got a rock.


Dammit
 
2017-10-12 12:32:34 PM  
I got a job and buy my own candy.
Go do your welfare someplace else.
 
2017-10-12 12:33:10 PM  
What an *sshole.

Hopefully more will eventually come to realize that if something is divine it neither asks for nor requires worship.
 
2017-10-12 12:33:27 PM  

jwa007: I got a rock.


I wanna rock.

Twisted Sister - I Wanna Rock (Official Video)
Youtube SRwrg0db_zY
 
2017-10-12 12:33:42 PM  
Try 'reverse-trick-or-treating'

Sounds like something man friend and I do during sexay time.
 
2017-10-12 12:34:13 PM  
Oh and STFU Ham, you floppy c*nt.
 
2017-10-12 12:35:43 PM  
Christ, what an asshole.
 
2017-10-12 12:35:44 PM  
I hope his followers like cleaning eggs and toilet paper from their houses.
 
2017-10-12 12:36:20 PM  

Satanic_Hamster: jwa007: I got a rock.

I wanna rock.

[Youtube-video https://www.youtube.com/embed/SRwrg0db_zY]


Everybody wants a rock to wind a piece of string around
We Want A Rock
Youtube Jp8znvfYbow
 
2017-10-12 12:37:46 PM  
Ha!  Back when I was married to a Pentecostal, the unshaven wife and her friend wrote bible quotes on pieces of paper and gave them to the kids.

/Some did say thank you though.
 
2017-10-12 12:38:43 PM  
Religious a**holes love forcing their shiat on others don't they? I put up a no soliciting sign on my front door (underneath it says ask dog for details just so I don't come across as a total antisocial jerk) and guess who the only people are that still knock and leave fliers...

Religious a**holes. Especially Jehova Witnesses.
 
2017-10-12 12:38:46 PM  
There's a Commandment about coveting things that are not yours and this is a classic case of coveting someone else's holiday for their own pissy purposes.  Oh, and do you want your house egged, because this is how your house gets egged.
 
2017-10-12 12:38:46 PM  
Christians, apparently being the majority religion in the US isn't enough. Having signs on all your churches saying, "All are welcome" isn't enough. If your particular sect of your particular religion feels the need to trick people into accepting fake gifts to tell non-Christian (or even not your specific type of Christian) people "Follow my religion or be burned for all eternity", then maybe your sect is insecure enough to show that they don't really believe what they claim.
 
2017-10-12 12:39:01 PM  

The_Original_Roxtar: Satanic_Hamster: jwa007: I got a rock.

I wanna rock.

[Youtube-video https://www.youtube.com/embed/SRwrg0db_zY]

Everybody wants a rock to wind a piece of string around
[Youtube-video https://www.youtube.com/embed/Jp8znvfYbow]


Not for Halloween.  For Halloween, they want rock candy.

Montrose - Rock Candy
Youtube CtDO3qBo72M
 
2017-10-12 12:39:18 PM  
The worst thing I ever got was a condiment package of some malt vinegar.
 
2017-10-12 12:40:23 PM  

Satan's Bunny Slippers: Try 'reverse-trick-or-treating'

Sounds like something man friend and I do during sexay time.


Two in the trick one in the treat
 
2017-10-12 12:40:25 PM  
This will in no way backfire.
 
2017-10-12 12:41:16 PM  
Not any worse than handing out this crap:
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2017-10-12 12:41:28 PM  
that'll be nice for them to think about when they're crashing from the candy
 
2017-10-12 12:43:08 PM  
"Have you ever lied, stolen or used God's name in vain?" a message on one of the bills reads. "If so, you've broken God's law. The penalty for your crimes against God is death and eternal hell."

GOD DAMN IT!  JESUS MOTHER-farkING CHRIST!

/see you in hell
 
2017-10-12 12:43:20 PM  

RJReves: The worst thing I ever got was a condiment package of some malt vinegar.


Sorry about that, but I was drunk and just got back from Long John Silvers.  When you see a guy in a bathrobe on the porch eating fried fish with his hands, you shouldn't expect much anyways. Ingrate.
 
2017-10-12 12:43:34 PM  

jwa007: I got a rock.


At least the "returns" department was always open, and the process quick and straightforward.
 
2017-10-12 12:43:59 PM  

jwa007: I got a rock.


img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2017-10-12 12:44:04 PM  
Of course he's trying to sell something.
 
2017-10-12 12:44:08 PM  

ds615: I got a job and buy my own candy.
Go do your welfare someplace else.


I print that on little slips of paper that I put inside the wrappers of candybars I eat, then give them out for Halloween. I use fun-sized candy bars because *damn* is this fun. All the toilet paper in my trees the next morning helps keep the crows away so I get woken up.
 
2017-10-12 12:44:09 PM  
This happened a few years ago while taking my son across the neighborhood for trick-or-treating.

We knock on the door. Trick-or-treat. The neighbor looks me right in the eye. Maintains eye contact the entire time as she slowly reaches back for her basket. Tosses a "Jesus Loves You" sticker in my son's candy bucket.

My son was 3.
 
2017-10-12 12:44:12 PM  
memegenerator.netView Full Size
 
2017-10-12 12:44:24 PM  
Creationist Ken Ham, who runs a Noah's Ark attraction in Kentucky, is calling on followers to put some Jesus into Halloween

So is he suggesting that kids dress up as Jesus for Halloween?
 
2017-10-12 12:45:08 PM  
I used to get J. Chick tracts for tricks or treats.  I actually asked a lady for another because I already read "Condemned to Hell" or some such.

Pre-internet and it passed for entertainment.  The little red bible companion that told me I was going to hell for playing with myself was disturbing.  I think someone should have told me about this a few years earlier.  Well, in for a dime...
 
2017-10-12 12:45:52 PM  
Most Christian theology teaches that a person has to reach the age of reason before they have the capacity to commit a serious sin.  So when Hamm encourages people to hand out stuff threatening children who haven't reached the age of reason with hell fire and damnation (assuming they have been baptized) he's just being unnecessarily cruel, or a hard shell Calvinist.  But I repeat myself.
 
2017-10-12 12:45:59 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size


Used to get a few of these on Halloween. Found them amusing even as a church going child.

Nothing says loving god, like scaring children with eternal damnation.
 
2017-10-12 12:46:04 PM  
Someone in my neighborhood attaches the evangelizing stuff to the candy.  At least they learned to after cleaning their yard up from all the litter the first few times they gave out only pencils, stickers, and other non-candy items.
 
2017-10-12 12:46:23 PM  

Court Dude: What an *sshole.

Hopefully more will eventually come to realize that if something is divine it neither asks for nor requires worship.


Very akin to what I've been saying to all these country bumpkins here in rural GA: "Why in the world would a god so powerful he could create all of reality, be so petty that he's desperately worried about what you do with your genitals, and require your constant empty praise?"

Needless to say, I've become somewhat of a pariah in some circles.
 
2017-10-12 12:46:46 PM  
Show up at his house with a lighter and some gas, and yell "torch or treat" and see what he does.
 
2017-10-12 12:47:14 PM  

Fark Irony Police: This happened a few years ago while taking my son across the neighborhood for trick-or-treating.

We knock on the door. Trick-or-treat. The neighbor looks me right in the eye. Maintains eye contact the entire time as she slowly reaches back for her basket. Tosses a "Jesus Loves You" sticker in my son's candy bucket.

My son was 3.


"You know, I have no idea how that sticker ended up stuck on your windshield. Jesus works in mysterious ways, I suppose"
 
2017-10-12 12:48:21 PM  
Not even as good as Chick Tracts. We always assumed that when someone handed out something like that they really needed some toilet paper.

In their trees.
 
2017-10-12 12:48:24 PM  

edmo: Forget razor blades, there was always somebody like this giving out anything but candy when I was a kid. We already knew them to be the weird person in the neighborhood so we weren't surprised.


exlax in a Snickers wrapper
 
2017-10-12 12:48:58 PM  

UncleDirtNap: Show up at his house with a lighter and some gas, and yell "torch or treat" and see what he does.


Oh, that's your solution to everything!
 
2017-10-12 12:49:16 PM  
Nobody else got those Chick tracts at Halloween?  We used to love them because they were completely idiotic, even at like 9 or 10 we could identify that.
 
2017-10-12 12:51:10 PM  

DOCTORD000M: "Have you ever lied, stolen or used God's name in vain?" a message on one of the bills reads. "If so, you've broken God's law. The penalty for your crimes against God is death and eternal hell."

GOD DAMN IT!  JESUS MOTHER-farkING CHRIST!

/see you in hell


But don't you GET it? God loves you, that's why if you do one tiny, stupid thing wrong...you're going to HELL forever. Because love.
 
2017-10-12 12:51:14 PM  
Welp...'trick' it is.
 
2017-10-12 12:51:43 PM  

DOCTORD000M: "Have you ever lied, stolen or used God's name in vain?" a message on one of the bills reads. "If so, you've broken God's law. The penalty for your crimes against God is death and eternal hell."

GOD DAMN IT!  JESUS MOTHER-farkING CHRIST!

/see you in hell


Heaven's gonna be a pretty lonely place.
 
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