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(Fark)   So I fresh-grated a potato, added garlic salt and black pepper, fried in a hot skillet, and my hasbrowns still came out a bit mushy. Help me out or take the Weekly Weird News Quiz for October 1-7, hashbrown edition   ( fark.com) divider line
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3462 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Oct 2017 at 12:34 PM (8 days ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2017-10-12 12:34:38 AM  
Seriously, I consider myself to be a passable, if not especially inspired cook. I can make excellent pancakes, fried bologna, eggs about 10 different ways, I can perfectly brown sausage and bacon, I know all kinds of different omelettes, my made-from-scratch biscuits and sausage or chocolate gravies are tasty as all get out, but I just can't get the hashbrowns right.

High scores and Easiest/Hardest are in the NotNewsletter this week. If you missed it, here's a link.

A special thank thank you goes out to Farker  I Have a Bo Burnham Gif For That for his help with the quiz.

So take the quiz and then come back and tell us how to make the perfect made-from-scratch hashbrowns.
 
2017-10-12 12:37:59 AM  
You gotta press the water out.

And then put them in a food dehydrator for an hour.
 
2017-10-12 12:39:42 AM  
Pan's not hot enough, and you're a wuss.

In nonstick it will release when it's done. Poke it, but don't shove it, and it will let go of the pan when ready.
 
2017-10-12 12:40:20 AM  

libranoelrose: You gotta press the water out.

And then put them in a food dehydrator for an hour.


At the very least, press the water out. Use a paper towel or six.
 
2017-10-12 12:42:17 AM  
Grate the potatoes. Pat dry. Add gasoline. Burn everything to the ground.
 
2017-10-12 12:45:06 AM  

megarian: Grate the potatoes. Pat dry. Add gasoline. Burn everything to the ground.


That's your answer to everything.
 
2017-10-12 12:45:36 AM  
Pat dry my ass.

You gotta press the water out with a cake pan.

Paper towels and gasoline, as well, obviously.
 
2017-10-12 12:45:47 AM  

a particular individual: megarian: Grate the potatoes. Pat dry. Add gasoline. Burn everything to the ground.

That's your answer to everything.


The potatoes wouldn't be mushy.

F*ckflix, libtards.
 
2017-10-12 12:46:37 AM  
Drain potatoes, pat dry, add silica gel, use screaming hot skillet,
 
2017-10-12 12:46:40 AM  

megarian: a particular individual: megarian: Grate the potatoes. Pat dry. Add gasoline. Burn everything to the ground.

That's your answer to everything.

The potatoes wouldn't be mushy.

F*ckflix, libtards.


I stand humbled and admonished.
 
2017-10-12 12:46:53 AM  
If you don't know how to make hashbrowns...well...I'm not sure you can be saved.
 
2017-10-12 12:46:53 AM  
Maybe you just aren't meant to make hashbrowns.
Try parkour instead.
 
2017-10-12 12:47:34 AM  

Dance Party: Drain potatoes, pat dry, add silica gel, use screaming hot skillet,


How does one drain a potato?
 
2017-10-12 12:47:46 AM  

Dance Party: add silica gel


i.ytimg.com
 
2017-10-12 12:48:59 AM  

PirateKing: Pan's not hot enough, and you're a wuss.

In nonstick it will release when it's done. Poke it, but don't shove it, and it will let go of the pan when ready.


a particular individual: libranoelrose: You gotta press the water out.

And then put them in a food dehydrator for an hour.

At the very least, press the water out. Use a paper towel or six.


Okay, I will definitely try this in the morning.
 
2017-10-12 12:49:25 AM  
Bake it and fill that spud with sausage gravy.
 
2017-10-12 12:49:52 AM  

JohnnyBravo: If you don't know how to make hashbrowns...well...I'm not sure you can be saved.


I bet you can't make chocolate gravy, so nyah nyah
 
2017-10-12 12:51:01 AM  

merrillvillain: Bake it and fill that spud with sausage gravy.


Excuse me?  Sausage gravy?  Mine is the the best on the eastern seaboard.
 
2017-10-12 12:51:14 AM  

merrillvillain: Maybe you just aren't meant to make hashbrowns.
Try parkour instead.


I've seen someone far better at parkour than I will ever be make better hasbrowns than I can.
 
2017-10-12 12:51:21 AM  

a particular individual: Dance Party: add silica gel

[i.ytimg.com image 850x478]


You know all those annoying little packets you get in pill bottles (vitamins, aspirin, etc.) and other products?  I throw them in a zippy bag.  Once I plugged in my phone to the charger and it said something something 'moisture detected.'  So I tossed it into the zip bag and left it for a few hours.  Problem solved -- moisture gone.
 
2017-10-12 12:51:53 AM  

ox45tallboy: JohnnyBravo: If you don't know how to make hashbrowns...well...I'm not sure you can be saved.

I bet you can't make chocolate gravy, so nyah nyah


chocolate gravy?  Is this chuck e. cheese?
 
2017-10-12 12:52:33 AM  

JohnnyBravo: merrillvillain: Bake it and fill that spud with sausage gravy.

Excuse me?  Sausage gravy?  Mine is the the best on the eastern seaboard.


I don't like biscuits and gravy or most breakfast food.
 
2017-10-12 12:52:35 AM  

libranoelrose: Dance Party: Drain potatoes, pat dry, add silica gel, use screaming hot skillet,

How does one drain a potato?


i.pinimg.com
 
2017-10-12 12:54:01 AM  

ox45tallboy: PirateKing: Pan's not hot enough, and you're a wuss.

In nonstick it will release when it's done. Poke it, but don't shove it, and it will let go of the pan when ready.

a particular individual: libranoelrose: You gotta press the water out.

And then put them in a food dehydrator for an hour.

At the very least, press the water out. Use a paper towel or six.

Okay, I will definitely try this in the morning.


Another trick is to use a baked potato (from last night). Slice it thin instead of grating it. So, not really hash browns. They get nice and brown and crisp, and you can still add onions and bacon and eggs and whatnot.
 
2017-10-12 12:54:18 AM  

JohnnyBravo: ox45tallboy: JohnnyBravo: If you don't know how to make hashbrowns...well...I'm not sure you can be saved.

I bet you can't make chocolate gravy, so nyah nyah

chocolate gravy?  Is this chuck e. cheese?


It's a Southern thing, mostly from areas around the Mississippi river.

cf.callmepmc.com
 
2017-10-12 12:54:23 AM  

ox45tallboy: PirateKing: Pan's not hot enough, and you're a wuss.

In nonstick it will release when it's done. Poke it, but don't shove it, and it will let go of the pan when ready.

a particular individual: libranoelrose: You gotta press the water out.

And then put them in a food dehydrator for an hour.

At the very least, press the water out. Use a paper towel or six.

Okay, I will definitely try this in the morning.


Shred them onto a cookie sheet covered in a thick blanket if paper towels.

Cover the with another blanket.

Get a cake pan and set that on top.

Put ten pounds of cat food on top to apply pressure for 10 minutes.
 
2017-10-12 12:54:44 AM  

merrillvillain: JohnnyBravo: merrillvillain: Bake it and fill that spud with sausage gravy.

Excuse me?  Sausage gravy?  Mine is the the best on the eastern seaboard.

I don't like biscuits and gravy or most breakfast food.


Well sausage biscuits and gravy is like religion down here.
 
2017-10-12 12:55:14 AM  

ox45tallboy: merrillvillain: Maybe you just aren't meant to make hashbrowns.
Try parkour instead.

I've seen someone far better at parkour than I will ever be make better hasbrowns than I can.


Buy these and rehydrate them since the opposite isn't working.
img.fark.net
 
2017-10-12 12:55:55 AM  

ox45tallboy: JohnnyBravo: ox45tallboy: JohnnyBravo: If you don't know how to make hashbrowns...well...I'm not sure you can be saved.

I bet you can't make chocolate gravy, so nyah nyah

chocolate gravy?  Is this chuck e. cheese?

It's a Southern thing, mostly from areas around the Mississippi river.

[cf.callmepmc.com image 850x670]


Why would you ruin biscuits like that?
 
2017-10-12 12:56:22 AM  

ox45tallboy: JohnnyBravo: ox45tallboy: JohnnyBravo: If you don't know how to make hashbrowns...well...I'm not sure you can be saved.

I bet you can't make chocolate gravy, so nyah nyah

chocolate gravy?  Is this chuck e. cheese?

It's a Southern thing, mostly from areas around the Mississippi river.

[cf.callmepmc.com image 850x670]


That's not very appetizing, but I'll try damn near any gravy once.

Red eye gravy was about the most disgusting thing ever though.
 
2017-10-12 12:57:08 AM  

libranoelrose: Put ten pounds of cat food on top to apply pressure for 10 minutes.


Is capybara food OK?
 
2017-10-12 12:57:15 AM  

libranoelrose: ox45tallboy: PirateKing: Pan's not hot enough, and you're a wuss.

In nonstick it will release when it's done. Poke it, but don't shove it, and it will let go of the pan when ready.

a particular individual: libranoelrose: You gotta press the water out.

And then put them in a food dehydrator for an hour.

At the very least, press the water out. Use a paper towel or six.

Okay, I will definitely try this in the morning.

Shred them onto a cookie sheet covered in a thick blanket if paper towels.

Cover the with another blanket.

Get a cake pan and set that on top.

Put ten pounds of cat food on top to apply pressure for 10 minutes.


I don't have a cat, so I don't exactly have cat food lying around. Would an HP Proliant server work?
 
2017-10-12 12:58:51 AM  

merrillvillain: ox45tallboy: merrillvillain: Maybe you just aren't meant to make hashbrowns.
Try parkour instead.

I've seen someone far better at parkour than I will ever be make better hasbrowns than I can.

Buy these and rehydrate them since the opposite isn't working.
[img.fark.net image 237x355]


img.fark.net
 
2017-10-12 12:58:53 AM  
It is just bechemel with sausage.  You put it on my shoe and I'd eat it.
 
2017-10-12 12:59:47 AM  

ox45tallboy: libranoelrose: ox45tallboy: PirateKing: Pan's not hot enough, and you're a wuss.

In nonstick it will release when it's done. Poke it, but don't shove it, and it will let go of the pan when ready.

a particular individual: libranoelrose: You gotta press the water out.

And then put them in a food dehydrator for an hour.

At the very least, press the water out. Use a paper towel or six.

Okay, I will definitely try this in the morning.

Shred them onto a cookie sheet covered in a thick blanket if paper towels.

Cover the with another blanket.

Get a cake pan and set that on top.

Put ten pounds of cat food on top to apply pressure for 10 minutes.

I don't have a cat, so I don't exactly have cat food lying around. Would an HP Proliant server work?


Probably don't have a Capybara either, I take it?
 
2017-10-12 01:00:26 AM  

JohnnyBravo: ox45tallboy: JohnnyBravo: ox45tallboy: JohnnyBravo: If you don't know how to make hashbrowns...well...I'm not sure you can be saved.

I bet you can't make chocolate gravy, so nyah nyah

chocolate gravy?  Is this chuck e. cheese?

It's a Southern thing, mostly from areas around the Mississippi river.

[cf.callmepmc.com image 850x670]

Why would you ruin biscuits like that?


Ruin? That's the whole point of making crumbly (non-flaky) biscuits. And you have to break them up so you can stab chunks with your fork, not just split them in half.
 
2017-10-12 01:00:35 AM  
Learning how to make good sausage biscuits and gravy....makes the women hot.
 
2017-10-12 01:01:44 AM  

libranoelrose: Probably don't have a Capybara either, I take it?


I'm trying to lure one into my compound.
 
2017-10-12 01:02:22 AM  

merrillvillain: ox45tallboy: merrillvillain: Maybe you just aren't meant to make hashbrowns.
Try parkour instead.

I've seen someone far better at parkour than I will ever be make better hasbrowns than I can.

Buy these and rehydrate them since the opposite isn't working.
[img.fark.net image 237x355]


I once found one of those that was shaped like a perfect miniature spoon.

It didn't last very long, but damn was it fun and tasty.
 
2017-10-12 01:02:36 AM  
I'm not kidding.  You make sausage biscuits and gravy for your lady....it is an aphrodisiac.
 
2017-10-12 01:03:46 AM  
I have three kids and I've been married for 21 years.
 
2017-10-12 01:04:01 AM  

ox45tallboy: libranoelrose: Dance Party: Drain potatoes, pat dry, add silica gel, use screaming hot skillet,

How does one drain a potato?

[i.pinimg.com image 493x429]


Damn I was gunna sayif ...... dunna summon and Irishman to a potatoe thread after midnight but I see this has been covered. Carry on

n' pease heathens
 
2017-10-12 01:04:33 AM  

JohnnyBravo: I have three kids and I've been married for 21 years.


child
 
2017-10-12 01:05:14 AM  
I'm still trying to figure out how I can flashfry garlic cloves so that they're browned, carmelized and crispy on the outside yet still slighyly al dente inside.

They do this at a restaurant on Long Island called Umberto's and its amazing in a plate of penne marinara.
 
2017-10-12 01:05:34 AM  
Slightly*
 
2017-10-12 01:06:49 AM  

assalon5: JohnnyBravo: I have three kids and I've been married for 21 years.

child


It is true.  You make sausage biscuits....(I bet yours suck)  but I'm telling you....try it.
 
2017-10-12 01:10:04 AM  

ox45tallboy: JohnnyBravo: ox45tallboy: JohnnyBravo: If you don't know how to make hashbrowns...well...I'm not sure you can be saved.

I bet you can't make chocolate gravy, so nyah nyah

chocolate gravy?  Is this chuck e. cheese?

It's a Southern thing, mostly from areas around the Mississippi river.

[cf.callmepmc.com image 850x670]


That is PUDDING
 
2017-10-12 01:10:17 AM  

libranoelrose: merrillvillain: ox45tallboy: merrillvillain: Maybe you just aren't meant to make hashbrowns.
Try parkour instead.

I've seen someone far better at parkour than I will ever be make better hasbrowns than I can.

Buy these and rehydrate them since the opposite isn't working.
[img.fark.net image 237x355]

I once found one of those that was shaped like a perfect miniature spoon.

It didn't last very long, but damn was it fun and tasty.


Chocolate gravy is just pudding with a different name.
I'm a pudding expert.
 
2017-10-12 01:12:22 AM  

JohnnyBravo: assalon5: JohnnyBravo: I have three kids and I've been married for 21 years.

child

It is true.  You make sausage biscuits....(I bet yours suck)  but I'm telling you....try it.


You got me need your elixir recipe sir. It will be 41 in a month. I have real brats the are close to your age ;) But one still lives at home hence I do not.
 
2017-10-12 01:19:07 AM  

libranoelrose: ox45tallboy: JohnnyBravo: ox45tallboy: JohnnyBravo: If you don't know how to make hashbrowns...well...I'm not sure you can be saved.

I bet you can't make chocolate gravy, so nyah nyah

chocolate gravy?  Is this chuck e. cheese?

It's a Southern thing, mostly from areas around the Mississippi river.

[cf.callmepmc.com image 850x670]

That's not very appetizing, but I'll try damn near any gravy once.

Red eye gravy was about the most disgusting thing ever though.


Not much for red-eye myself. Here's the way it's done:

In a medium skillet, toss in about half a cup of of sugar and about a tablespoon of cocoa powder as you're warming up the skillet on the stove to about medium heat. Stir until it starts getting warm, but not to the point that the sugar starts melting. Stir in a tablespoon of self-rising flour, and keep mixing. Once the skillet is up to temperature, add in about a cup of milk and keep stirring. Once everything is mixed, stir every 30 seconds or so until it barely starts to thicken. Turn off the stove but don't remove it from the burner. Add two tablespoons of butter and put a lid on it. It will be ready in about 10 minutes.
 
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