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(Fark)   So I fresh-grated a potato, added garlic salt and black pepper, fried in a hot skillet, and my hasbrowns still came out a bit mushy. Help me out or take the Weekly Weird News Quiz for October 1-7, hashbrown edition   ( fark.com) divider line
    More: Strange  
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3457 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Oct 2017 at 12:34 PM (6 days ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



279 Comments     (+0 »)
 
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6 days ago  
Seriously, I consider myself to be a passable, if not especially inspired cook. I can make excellent pancakes, fried bologna, eggs about 10 different ways, I can perfectly brown sausage and bacon, I know all kinds of different omelettes, my made-from-scratch biscuits and sausage or chocolate gravies are tasty as all get out, but I just can't get the hashbrowns right.

High scores and Easiest/Hardest are in the NotNewsletter this week. If you missed it, here's a link.

A special thank thank you goes out to Farker  I Have a Bo Burnham Gif For That for his help with the quiz.

So take the quiz and then come back and tell us how to make the perfect made-from-scratch hashbrowns.
 
6 days ago  
You gotta press the water out.

And then put them in a food dehydrator for an hour.
 
6 days ago  
Pan's not hot enough, and you're a wuss.

In nonstick it will release when it's done. Poke it, but don't shove it, and it will let go of the pan when ready.
 
6 days ago  

libranoelrose: You gotta press the water out.

And then put them in a food dehydrator for an hour.


At the very least, press the water out. Use a paper towel or six.
 
6 days ago  
Grate the potatoes. Pat dry. Add gasoline. Burn everything to the ground.
 
6 days ago  

megarian: Grate the potatoes. Pat dry. Add gasoline. Burn everything to the ground.


That's your answer to everything.
 
6 days ago  
Pat dry my ass.

You gotta press the water out with a cake pan.

Paper towels and gasoline, as well, obviously.
 
6 days ago  

a particular individual: megarian: Grate the potatoes. Pat dry. Add gasoline. Burn everything to the ground.

That's your answer to everything.


The potatoes wouldn't be mushy.

F*ckflix, libtards.
 
6 days ago  
Drain potatoes, pat dry, add silica gel, use screaming hot skillet,
 
6 days ago  

megarian: a particular individual: megarian: Grate the potatoes. Pat dry. Add gasoline. Burn everything to the ground.

That's your answer to everything.

The potatoes wouldn't be mushy.

F*ckflix, libtards.


I stand humbled and admonished.
 
6 days ago  
If you don't know how to make hashbrowns...well...I'm not sure you can be saved.
 
6 days ago  
Maybe you just aren't meant to make hashbrowns.
Try parkour instead.
 
6 days ago  

Dance Party: Drain potatoes, pat dry, add silica gel, use screaming hot skillet,


How does one drain a potato?
 
6 days ago  

Dance Party: add silica gel


i.ytimg.com
 
6 days ago  

PirateKing: Pan's not hot enough, and you're a wuss.

In nonstick it will release when it's done. Poke it, but don't shove it, and it will let go of the pan when ready.


a particular individual: libranoelrose: You gotta press the water out.

And then put them in a food dehydrator for an hour.

At the very least, press the water out. Use a paper towel or six.


Okay, I will definitely try this in the morning.
 
6 days ago  
Bake it and fill that spud with sausage gravy.
 
6 days ago  

JohnnyBravo: If you don't know how to make hashbrowns...well...I'm not sure you can be saved.


I bet you can't make chocolate gravy, so nyah nyah
 
6 days ago  

merrillvillain: Bake it and fill that spud with sausage gravy.


Excuse me?  Sausage gravy?  Mine is the the best on the eastern seaboard.
 
6 days ago  

merrillvillain: Maybe you just aren't meant to make hashbrowns.
Try parkour instead.


I've seen someone far better at parkour than I will ever be make better hasbrowns than I can.
 
6 days ago  

a particular individual: Dance Party: add silica gel

[i.ytimg.com image 850x478]


You know all those annoying little packets you get in pill bottles (vitamins, aspirin, etc.) and other products?  I throw them in a zippy bag.  Once I plugged in my phone to the charger and it said something something 'moisture detected.'  So I tossed it into the zip bag and left it for a few hours.  Problem solved -- moisture gone.
 
6 days ago  

ox45tallboy: JohnnyBravo: If you don't know how to make hashbrowns...well...I'm not sure you can be saved.

I bet you can't make chocolate gravy, so nyah nyah


chocolate gravy?  Is this chuck e. cheese?
 
6 days ago  

JohnnyBravo: merrillvillain: Bake it and fill that spud with sausage gravy.

Excuse me?  Sausage gravy?  Mine is the the best on the eastern seaboard.


I don't like biscuits and gravy or most breakfast food.
 
6 days ago  

libranoelrose: Dance Party: Drain potatoes, pat dry, add silica gel, use screaming hot skillet,

How does one drain a potato?


i.pinimg.com
 
6 days ago  

ox45tallboy: PirateKing: Pan's not hot enough, and you're a wuss.

In nonstick it will release when it's done. Poke it, but don't shove it, and it will let go of the pan when ready.

a particular individual: libranoelrose: You gotta press the water out.

And then put them in a food dehydrator for an hour.

At the very least, press the water out. Use a paper towel or six.

Okay, I will definitely try this in the morning.


Another trick is to use a baked potato (from last night). Slice it thin instead of grating it. So, not really hash browns. They get nice and brown and crisp, and you can still add onions and bacon and eggs and whatnot.
 
6 days ago  

JohnnyBravo: ox45tallboy: JohnnyBravo: If you don't know how to make hashbrowns...well...I'm not sure you can be saved.

I bet you can't make chocolate gravy, so nyah nyah

chocolate gravy?  Is this chuck e. cheese?


It's a Southern thing, mostly from areas around the Mississippi river.

cf.callmepmc.com
 
6 days ago  

ox45tallboy: PirateKing: Pan's not hot enough, and you're a wuss.

In nonstick it will release when it's done. Poke it, but don't shove it, and it will let go of the pan when ready.

a particular individual: libranoelrose: You gotta press the water out.

And then put them in a food dehydrator for an hour.

At the very least, press the water out. Use a paper towel or six.

Okay, I will definitely try this in the morning.


Shred them onto a cookie sheet covered in a thick blanket if paper towels.

Cover the with another blanket.

Get a cake pan and set that on top.

Put ten pounds of cat food on top to apply pressure for 10 minutes.
 
6 days ago  

merrillvillain: JohnnyBravo: merrillvillain: Bake it and fill that spud with sausage gravy.

Excuse me?  Sausage gravy?  Mine is the the best on the eastern seaboard.

I don't like biscuits and gravy or most breakfast food.


Well sausage biscuits and gravy is like religion down here.
 
6 days ago  

ox45tallboy: merrillvillain: Maybe you just aren't meant to make hashbrowns.
Try parkour instead.

I've seen someone far better at parkour than I will ever be make better hasbrowns than I can.


Buy these and rehydrate them since the opposite isn't working.
img.fark.net
 
6 days ago  

ox45tallboy: JohnnyBravo: ox45tallboy: JohnnyBravo: If you don't know how to make hashbrowns...well...I'm not sure you can be saved.

I bet you can't make chocolate gravy, so nyah nyah

chocolate gravy?  Is this chuck e. cheese?

It's a Southern thing, mostly from areas around the Mississippi river.

[cf.callmepmc.com image 850x670]


Why would you ruin biscuits like that?
 
6 days ago  

ox45tallboy: JohnnyBravo: ox45tallboy: JohnnyBravo: If you don't know how to make hashbrowns...well...I'm not sure you can be saved.

I bet you can't make chocolate gravy, so nyah nyah

chocolate gravy?  Is this chuck e. cheese?

It's a Southern thing, mostly from areas around the Mississippi river.

[cf.callmepmc.com image 850x670]


That's not very appetizing, but I'll try damn near any gravy once.

Red eye gravy was about the most disgusting thing ever though.
 
6 days ago  

libranoelrose: Put ten pounds of cat food on top to apply pressure for 10 minutes.


Is capybara food OK?
 
6 days ago  

libranoelrose: ox45tallboy: PirateKing: Pan's not hot enough, and you're a wuss.

In nonstick it will release when it's done. Poke it, but don't shove it, and it will let go of the pan when ready.

a particular individual: libranoelrose: You gotta press the water out.

And then put them in a food dehydrator for an hour.

At the very least, press the water out. Use a paper towel or six.

Okay, I will definitely try this in the morning.

Shred them onto a cookie sheet covered in a thick blanket if paper towels.

Cover the with another blanket.

Get a cake pan and set that on top.

Put ten pounds of cat food on top to apply pressure for 10 minutes.


I don't have a cat, so I don't exactly have cat food lying around. Would an HP Proliant server work?
 
6 days ago  

merrillvillain: ox45tallboy: merrillvillain: Maybe you just aren't meant to make hashbrowns.
Try parkour instead.

I've seen someone far better at parkour than I will ever be make better hasbrowns than I can.

Buy these and rehydrate them since the opposite isn't working.
[img.fark.net image 237x355]


img.fark.net
 
6 days ago  
It is just bechemel with sausage.  You put it on my shoe and I'd eat it.
 
6 days ago  

ox45tallboy: libranoelrose: ox45tallboy: PirateKing: Pan's not hot enough, and you're a wuss.

In nonstick it will release when it's done. Poke it, but don't shove it, and it will let go of the pan when ready.

a particular individual: libranoelrose: You gotta press the water out.

And then put them in a food dehydrator for an hour.

At the very least, press the water out. Use a paper towel or six.

Okay, I will definitely try this in the morning.

Shred them onto a cookie sheet covered in a thick blanket if paper towels.

Cover the with another blanket.

Get a cake pan and set that on top.

Put ten pounds of cat food on top to apply pressure for 10 minutes.

I don't have a cat, so I don't exactly have cat food lying around. Would an HP Proliant server work?


Probably don't have a Capybara either, I take it?
 
6 days ago  

JohnnyBravo: ox45tallboy: JohnnyBravo: ox45tallboy: JohnnyBravo: If you don't know how to make hashbrowns...well...I'm not sure you can be saved.

I bet you can't make chocolate gravy, so nyah nyah

chocolate gravy?  Is this chuck e. cheese?

It's a Southern thing, mostly from areas around the Mississippi river.

[cf.callmepmc.com image 850x670]

Why would you ruin biscuits like that?


Ruin? That's the whole point of making crumbly (non-flaky) biscuits. And you have to break them up so you can stab chunks with your fork, not just split them in half.
 
6 days ago  
Learning how to make good sausage biscuits and gravy....makes the women hot.
 
6 days ago  

libranoelrose: Probably don't have a Capybara either, I take it?


I'm trying to lure one into my compound.
 
6 days ago  

merrillvillain: ox45tallboy: merrillvillain: Maybe you just aren't meant to make hashbrowns.
Try parkour instead.

I've seen someone far better at parkour than I will ever be make better hasbrowns than I can.

Buy these and rehydrate them since the opposite isn't working.
[img.fark.net image 237x355]


I once found one of those that was shaped like a perfect miniature spoon.

It didn't last very long, but damn was it fun and tasty.
 
6 days ago  
I'm not kidding.  You make sausage biscuits and gravy for your lady....it is an aphrodisiac.
 
6 days ago  
I have three kids and I've been married for 21 years.
 
6 days ago  

ox45tallboy: libranoelrose: Dance Party: Drain potatoes, pat dry, add silica gel, use screaming hot skillet,

How does one drain a potato?

[i.pinimg.com image 493x429]


Damn I was gunna sayif ...... dunna summon and Irishman to a potatoe thread after midnight but I see this has been covered. Carry on

n' pease heathens
 
6 days ago  

JohnnyBravo: I have three kids and I've been married for 21 years.


child
 
6 days ago  
I'm still trying to figure out how I can flashfry garlic cloves so that they're browned, carmelized and crispy on the outside yet still slighyly al dente inside.

They do this at a restaurant on Long Island called Umberto's and its amazing in a plate of penne marinara.
 
6 days ago  
Slightly*
 
6 days ago  

assalon5: JohnnyBravo: I have three kids and I've been married for 21 years.

child


It is true.  You make sausage biscuits....(I bet yours suck)  but I'm telling you....try it.
 
6 days ago  

ox45tallboy: JohnnyBravo: ox45tallboy: JohnnyBravo: If you don't know how to make hashbrowns...well...I'm not sure you can be saved.

I bet you can't make chocolate gravy, so nyah nyah

chocolate gravy?  Is this chuck e. cheese?

It's a Southern thing, mostly from areas around the Mississippi river.

[cf.callmepmc.com image 850x670]


That is PUDDING
 
6 days ago  

libranoelrose: merrillvillain: ox45tallboy: merrillvillain: Maybe you just aren't meant to make hashbrowns.
Try parkour instead.

I've seen someone far better at parkour than I will ever be make better hasbrowns than I can.

Buy these and rehydrate them since the opposite isn't working.
[img.fark.net image 237x355]

I once found one of those that was shaped like a perfect miniature spoon.

It didn't last very long, but damn was it fun and tasty.


Chocolate gravy is just pudding with a different name.
I'm a pudding expert.
 
6 days ago  

JohnnyBravo: assalon5: JohnnyBravo: I have three kids and I've been married for 21 years.

child

It is true.  You make sausage biscuits....(I bet yours suck)  but I'm telling you....try it.


You got me need your elixir recipe sir. It will be 41 in a month. I have real brats the are close to your age ;) But one still lives at home hence I do not.
 
6 days ago  

libranoelrose: ox45tallboy: JohnnyBravo: ox45tallboy: JohnnyBravo: If you don't know how to make hashbrowns...well...I'm not sure you can be saved.

I bet you can't make chocolate gravy, so nyah nyah

chocolate gravy?  Is this chuck e. cheese?

It's a Southern thing, mostly from areas around the Mississippi river.

[cf.callmepmc.com image 850x670]

That's not very appetizing, but I'll try damn near any gravy once.

Red eye gravy was about the most disgusting thing ever though.


Not much for red-eye myself. Here's the way it's done:

In a medium skillet, toss in about half a cup of of sugar and about a tablespoon of cocoa powder as you're warming up the skillet on the stove to about medium heat. Stir until it starts getting warm, but not to the point that the sugar starts melting. Stir in a tablespoon of self-rising flour, and keep mixing. Once the skillet is up to temperature, add in about a cup of milk and keep stirring. Once everything is mixed, stir every 30 seconds or so until it barely starts to thicken. Turn off the stove but don't remove it from the burner. Add two tablespoons of butter and put a lid on it. It will be ready in about 10 minutes.
 
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