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(Fox News)   Jesus is back. Look busy   ( foxnews.com) divider line
    More: Unlikely, Russia, Sergey Anatolyevitch Toro, Siberia, Vissarion, Red Army soldier, long white cloak, Red Army, sports long hair  
•       •       •

5101 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Oct 2017 at 2:29 AM (2 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



58 Comments     (+0 »)
 
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2017-10-05 12:28:00 AM  
m.quickmeme.com
 
2017-10-05 12:32:17 AM  
I should start a cult.  i'm just not sure what should be the focus of said cult.  sex and drugs have already been done.  murder is off the table.  salvation is almost cliche at this point.

hmm.
 
2017-10-05 12:55:34 AM  
 They are not allowed to drink, smoke or possess money"

He didn't use to have a problem with drinking before. What happened to you, Jesus? U used to be cool
 
2017-10-05 01:43:29 AM  
says he's the founder of the Church of the Last Testament

Suck it Old Testament and New Testament!
 
2017-10-05 01:44:36 AM  

Weaver95: I should start a cult.  i'm just not sure what should be the focus of said cult.  sex and drugs have already been done.  murder is off the table.  salvation is almost cliche at this point.

hmm.


img.fark.net
 
2017-10-05 02:39:13 AM  
What a scam. Then again, the roman catholic church has been playing gullible fools for millennia.

Where is the marvel aside from the extent of human stupidity?
 
2017-10-05 02:40:12 AM  
FTFA:  Reeve noted at the end of the interview Vissarion requested his followers "donate money and provide labor for his profit prophet-making businesses."
 
2017-10-05 02:42:38 AM  
im shocked to hear he has a very young wife
 
2017-10-05 02:44:14 AM  
It's always in the places where people are the least educated and the most gullible, and have nothing left to lose.

You'll never see a religious leader taking over MIT or Cambridge. They only show up in some backwoods shiathole converting illiterate peasants into obedient followers.
 
2017-10-05 02:45:27 AM  

Weaver95: I should start a cult.  i'm just not sure what should be the focus of said cult.  sex and drugs have already been done.  murder is off the table.  salvation is almost cliche at this point.

hmm.


I dunno, WarHammer is taken too.
 
2017-10-05 02:47:18 AM  

Weaver95: I should start a cult.  i'm just not sure what should be the focus of said cult.  sex and drugs have already been done.  murder is off the table.  salvation is almost cliche at this point.

hmm.


s2.quickmeme.com

/If Sex/Drugs and Murder are out, your only options are pestilence or change.
//And papa Nurgle is uuuuuuugly, just sayin'
 
2017-10-05 02:47:58 AM  

BafflerMeal: Weaver95: I should start a cult.  i'm just not sure what should be the focus of said cult.  sex and drugs have already been done.  murder is off the table.  salvation is almost cliche at this point.

hmm.

I dunno, WarHammer is taken too.


I was thinking maybe a witch cult might be worth doing.  if nothing else, i'd get TONS of free press from the christian outrage people.  But I'd want to do more than just a standard issue 'make me rich' religion.  I think if I were going to found a cult, i'd break from the past and actually HELP people with it.  I'd enjoy watching people' brain's melt when they find out my cult actually does what it says.....
 
2017-10-05 02:49:25 AM  
 
2017-10-05 02:51:54 AM  
Please that motherfarker ain't coming back here.

Preachin' peace, love and service to our fellow human beings  . . . we've graduated way past nailing people to a coupe of boards for that shiat. Now we crucify you in the media.
 
2017-10-05 03:06:56 AM  
Cults are passe. These freaks built some nice tree forts in my neighborhood when I was a kid, but that was ages ago.
 
2017-10-05 03:11:29 AM  
 
2017-10-05 03:19:30 AM  

Iczer: Jesus trifecta in play...?


In this case it's called a trinity.
 
2017-10-05 03:27:36 AM  
nesncom.files.wordpress.com

Sometimes Satan Scores.
 
2017-10-05 03:29:58 AM  
img.fark.net

Gregory: Could you be quiet, please? (to Cheeky Man) What was that?
Cheeky Man: I don't know...I was too busy talking to Big-nose.
Man Further Forward: I think it was "Blessed are the Cheesemakers."
Wife: What's so special about the cheesemakers?
Gregory: It's not meant to be taken literally. Obviously it refers to any manufacturers of dairy products.
 
2017-10-05 03:32:41 AM  
I half expected this to be about a Hispanic man who had gone missing.
 
2017-10-05 03:33:25 AM  
Meanwhile, Uncle Joe smiles sovietly.

img.fark.net
 
2017-10-05 03:51:21 AM  
To be fair, getting 5,000 Russians to swear off alcohol seems pretty miraculous.
 
2017-10-05 03:51:22 AM  
He can't be Jesus. He's white.
 
2017-10-05 04:05:46 AM  

davidphogan: [nesncom.files.wordpress.com image 400x225]

Sometimes Satan Scores.


img.fark.netBut sometimes Jesus saves
 
2017-10-05 04:07:48 AM  
Damn it, Ivan, claiming to be a prophet with new revelations about the apocalypse as an excuse to set up an enclave to enslave and rape women is our thing.  We've been doing it since the early 1800s, get your own schtick.  Was it not enough to steal our elections, you farkers have to steal our most treasured traditions, too?

Next thing you know you'll be legitimizing one of these cults and giving them a state so long as they promise not to actually file more than one sex-slave as their official 'wife' at one.  The world is not ready for Utahstan.
 
2017-10-05 04:24:36 AM  
"Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravenous wolves. You will know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes from thornbushes or figs from thistles? Even so, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Therefore by their fruits you will know them.
 
2017-10-05 04:25:30 AM  
www.cavemancircus.com
 
2017-10-05 04:49:45 AM  

fusillade762: Weaver95: I should start a cult.  i'm just not sure what should be the focus of said cult.  sex and drugs have already been done.  murder is off the table.  salvation is almost cliche at this point.

hmm.

[img.fark.net image 673x408]


There's nothing bacon can't fix!
Rub Some Bacon on It
Youtube wSReSGe200A
 
2017-10-05 05:22:08 AM  

Weaver95: I should start a cult.  i'm just not sure what should be the focus of said cult.  sex and drugs have already been done.  murder is off the table.  salvation is almost cliche at this point.

hmm.


Make it about laundry detergent.
 
2017-10-05 05:25:20 AM  

Weaver95: I should start a cult.  i'm just not sure what should be the focus of said cult.  sex and drugs have already been done.  murder is off the table.  salvation is almost cliche at this point.

hmm.


Fruit rollups.
 
2017-10-05 06:30:20 AM  
Drogo is going to give him a golden crown, so no, he's not Jesus.
 
2017-10-05 06:36:09 AM  

thecactusman17: FTFA:  Reeve noted at the end of the interview Vissarion requested his followers "donate money and provide labor for his profit prophet-making businesses."


Indeed

1. Start "religion"
2. There is no step 2
3. Prophet
 
2017-10-05 06:43:16 AM  

Weaver95: BafflerMeal: Weaver95: I should start a cult.  i'm just not sure what should be the focus of said cult.  sex and drugs have already been done.  murder is off the table.  salvation is almost cliche at this point.

hmm.

I dunno, WarHammer is taken too.

I was thinking maybe a witch cult might be worth doing.  if nothing else, i'd get TONS of free press from the christian outrage people.  But I'd want to do more than just a standard issue 'make me rich' religion.  I think if I were going to found a cult, i'd break from the past and actually HELP people with it.  I'd enjoy watching people' brain's melt when they find out my cult actually does what it says.....


Remind me again, why is sex off the table?
 
2017-10-05 06:45:24 AM  

Smoking GNU: Weaver95: BafflerMeal: Weaver95: I should start a cult.  i'm just not sure what should be the focus of said cult.  sex and drugs have already been done.  murder is off the table.  salvation is almost cliche at this point.

hmm.

I dunno, WarHammer is taken too.

I was thinking maybe a witch cult might be worth doing.  if nothing else, i'd get TONS of free press from the christian outrage people.  But I'd want to do more than just a standard issue 'make me rich' religion.  I think if I were going to found a cult, i'd break from the past and actually HELP people with it.  I'd enjoy watching people' brain's melt when they find out my cult actually does what it says.....

Remind me again, why is sex off the table?


because sex cults are BORING.  *everyone* does sex cults.  they're all over the ancient world.  sex as mystery religion works great but...eventually you end up with a LOT of kids and then ya gotta find a use for 'em.  therein lies the problem....
 
2017-10-05 06:46:59 AM  

Weaver95: Smoking GNU: Weaver95: BafflerMeal: Weaver95: I should start a cult.  i'm just not sure what should be the focus of said cult.  sex and drugs have already been done.  murder is off the table.  salvation is almost cliche at this point.

hmm.

I dunno, WarHammer is taken too.

I was thinking maybe a witch cult might be worth doing.  if nothing else, i'd get TONS of free press from the christian outrage people.  But I'd want to do more than just a standard issue 'make me rich' religion.  I think if I were going to found a cult, i'd break from the past and actually HELP people with it.  I'd enjoy watching people' brain's melt when they find out my cult actually does what it says.....

Remind me again, why is sex off the table?

because sex cults are BORING.  *everyone* does sex cults.  they're all over the ancient world.  sex as mystery religion works great but...eventually you end up with a LOT of kids and then ya gotta find a use for 'em.  therein lies the problem....


Why not make the focus sex AND contraception then?
 
2017-10-05 06:51:39 AM  
www.craveonline.com
Cult chick: "He has the Stigmata!"
Cornholio "Stigmatatata from Lake Titicaca!"
 
2017-10-05 06:54:31 AM  

Smoking GNU: Weaver95: Smoking GNU: Weaver95: BafflerMeal: Weaver95: I should start a cult.  i'm just not sure what should be the focus of said cult.  sex and drugs have already been done.  murder is off the table.  salvation is almost cliche at this point.

hmm.

I dunno, WarHammer is taken too.

I was thinking maybe a witch cult might be worth doing.  if nothing else, i'd get TONS of free press from the christian outrage people.  But I'd want to do more than just a standard issue 'make me rich' religion.  I think if I were going to found a cult, i'd break from the past and actually HELP people with it.  I'd enjoy watching people' brain's melt when they find out my cult actually does what it says.....

Remind me again, why is sex off the table?

because sex cults are BORING.  *everyone* does sex cults.  they're all over the ancient world.  sex as mystery religion works great but...eventually you end up with a LOT of kids and then ya gotta find a use for 'em.  therein lies the problem....

Why not make the focus sex AND contraception then?


it would still be boring.  sex cults have been done to death.  EVERYONE has done a sex cult - pagans, christians, scientologists, jews....its all bee done before.  if i'm going to found a cult, I want it to be at least different than all the other ones out there.
 
2017-10-05 06:58:00 AM  
He's just in it for the pussy, like all those who came before.
 
2017-10-05 07:01:57 AM  

Weaver95: Smoking GNU: Weaver95: Smoking GNU: Weaver95: BafflerMeal: Weaver95: I should start a cult.  i'm just not sure what should be the focus of said cult.  sex and drugs have already been done.  murder is off the table.  salvation is almost cliche at this point.

hmm.

I dunno, WarHammer is taken too.

I was thinking maybe a witch cult might be worth doing.  if nothing else, i'd get TONS of free press from the christian outrage people.  But I'd want to do more than just a standard issue 'make me rich' religion.  I think if I were going to found a cult, i'd break from the past and actually HELP people with it.  I'd enjoy watching people' brain's melt when they find out my cult actually does what it says.....

Remind me again, why is sex off the table?

because sex cults are BORING.  *everyone* does sex cults.  they're all over the ancient world.  sex as mystery religion works great but...eventually you end up with a LOT of kids and then ya gotta find a use for 'em.  therein lies the problem....

Why not make the focus sex AND contraception then?

it would still be boring.  sex cults have been done to death.  EVERYONE has done a sex cult - pagans, christians, scientologists, jews....its all bee done before.  if i'm going to found a cult, I want it to be at least different than all the other ones out there.


So you'd be a Hipster Cultist? Cultist Hipster?

Maybe you should focus your cult on erasing stupidity from the human race.
 
2017-10-05 07:48:59 AM  
Is not amused:
img.fark.net
 
2017-10-05 08:08:14 AM  
How did this guy get 5000 followers?  I have a hard time rounding up friends to go to out for Taco Tuesday.
 
2017-10-05 08:21:41 AM  

American Decency Association: im shocked to hear he has a very young wife


Two, in fact :-)
 
2017-10-05 08:23:18 AM  

darrenhusz: davidphogan: [nesncom.files.wordpress.com image 400x225]

Sometimes Satan Scores.

[img.fark.net image 425x319]But sometimes Jesus saves

...and Esposito scores on the rebound!
 
2017-10-05 08:35:00 AM  

Mega Steve: fusillade762: Weaver95: I should start a cult.  i'm just not sure what should be the focus of said cult.  sex and drugs have already been done.  murder is off the table.  salvation is almost cliche at this point.

hmm.

[img.fark.net image 673x408]

There's nothing bacon can't fix!
[YouTube video]


"Rub bacon on it" also is used as a way to remove New World screwworm, a particularly nasty version of the botfly. It lays its eggs on unsuspecting victims (on open wounds or in the worst cases, the larva chew an opening into you) and the maggots hatch inside your flesh where they proceed to eat you alive. Not on dead, rotting flesh like most maggots, but on healthy flesh. This causes extreme pain. Some, like the screwworm, will munch all the way down to the Bone, enter blood vessels, and migrate into other parts of your body. This may require CT scans and MRIs to discover where they might have ended up at.
The resulting infections and damage done to the body means an 8% mortality rate if left untreated. Here is a wonderful article on the joys of the New World screwworm fly.
So yes, rub bacon on it can cure a lot of things. Because nobody wants hundreds of fly larva eating you from the inside out.
Enjoy the rest of your day.
 
2017-10-05 08:35:25 AM  
img.fark.net
 
2017-10-05 08:56:27 AM  
It can't be the real messiah, because Fox isn't calling for his imprisonment and execution.
 
2017-10-05 09:11:15 AM  

OneFretAway: It can't be the real messiah, because Fox isn't calling for his imprisonment and execution.


You mean Republican Jesus isn't feeling threatened?
 
2017-10-05 09:30:30 AM  
ic.pics.livejournal.com

Also,  cult in Russia That worships a Disney cartoon mouse
https://www.themarysue.com/gadget-rescue-rangers-cult/
 
2017-10-05 09:32:51 AM  

Weaver95: Smoking GNU: Weaver95: Smoking GNU: Weaver95: BafflerMeal: Weaver95: I should start a cult.  i'm just not sure what should be the focus of said cult.  sex and drugs have already been done.  murder is off the table.  salvation is almost cliche at this point.

hmm.

I dunno, WarHammer is taken too.

I was thinking maybe a witch cult might be worth doing.  if nothing else, i'd get TONS of free press from the christian outrage people.  But I'd want to do more than just a standard issue 'make me rich' religion.  I think if I were going to found a cult, i'd break from the past and actually HELP people with it.  I'd enjoy watching people' brain's melt when they find out my cult actually does what it says.....

Remind me again, why is sex off the table?

because sex cults are BORING.  *everyone* does sex cults.  they're all over the ancient world.  sex as mystery religion works great but...eventually you end up with a LOT of kids and then ya gotta find a use for 'em.  therein lies the problem....

Why not make the focus sex AND contraception then?

it would still be boring.  sex cults have been done to death.  EVERYONE has done a sex cult - pagans, christians, scientologists, jews....its all bee done before.  if i'm going to found a cult, I want it to be at least different than all the other ones out there.


Homo-gay sex cult?  Everybody gets to nail the Prophet instead of the Prophet getting to nail everyone?  Ookie Cookie is the sacrament?
 
2017-10-05 09:52:30 AM  
Poser.
 
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