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(Fark)   Shouldn't pregnant people be worried that their babies might eat their way out?   ( fark.com) divider line
    More: Scary  
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2257 clicks; posted to Geek » on 29 Sep 2017 at 10:33 PM (16 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2017-09-29 10:01:37 PM  
18 votes:
So, uhhhh...

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2017-09-29 09:53:57 PM  
11 votes:

raerae1980: Some days im comfortable with not having kids.   Other days i feel regretful.   (._. )


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2017-09-29 09:34:40 PM  
10 votes:
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2017-09-29 09:28:45 PM  
9 votes:
I LOVE FARK FOOD THREADS
2017-09-29 09:18:01 PM  
9 votes:
I'll bet subby doesn't even know how babby is fromed.
2017-09-29 09:58:18 PM  
7 votes:

Helen Keller's Moaning Hand: wizden: Dance Party: The uterus is a very tough organ, and a small baby can't manage to chew threw it with bony little gums.

Well, that baby Alien thing could.

Babies are worthless at chewing.

Well they have the time. What do you think the baby's going to do?  MacGuyver his way out with an a Fallopian tube, amniotic fluid, and an IUD?


img.fark.netView Full Size
2017-09-29 09:13:06 PM  
7 votes:
Well I guess now we know the reason for babies' teeth not coming in for a few months after they're born.
2017-09-29 09:24:52 PM  
6 votes:

daphne: THIS got a green?  Mods trying to make us look special ed?  WTF?  To answer subby's question, babby is fed quite adequately through the umbilical cord, unless it is an undead zom baby and are you watching the Dawn of the Dead remake?  Is that it?

/cranky


You sound hormonal. Are you pregnant?
2017-09-29 10:27:05 PM  
5 votes:

italie: Striper no striping. Striper no striping.



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2017-09-29 09:11:32 PM  
5 votes:
I wish this would be greened to Geek tab.
2017-09-29 10:52:37 PM  
4 votes:

Kittypie070: Helen Keller's Moaning Hand: Kittypie070: Moderator: Geek tab we need your scientific help.


Why. This. Subject.


The phenomenon in the headline has never occurred and never will occur.

So.

WHY.

You don't think there's a single baby out there that's not waiting to take a bite out of Mom?

No, I don't. The ...............why the hell must I repeat myself?

Can you...not...um.

Read my post....?


Look, we already have nine year olds in college. Some day a baby's going to be all super smart and develop teeth early and go, "this lollipop is good, but I wonder what'll happen if I bite and get to the chewy center."
2017-09-29 10:23:21 PM  
4 votes:
Striper no striping. Striper no striping.
2017-09-29 10:17:09 PM  
4 votes:

Helen Keller's Moaning Hand: birdmanesq: Chiara if she's a girl.

And a stripper.


That's my daughter's name.
2017-09-29 09:34:27 PM  
4 votes:

birdmanesq: The Geek Tab?

Well, this will dissolve into cunnilingus jokes in under 50 posts.


Do twin girls occasionally flip flop in the womb and, ya know...
2017-09-29 09:18:54 PM  
4 votes:
Geek tab we need your scientific help.
2017-09-29 10:17:41 PM  
3 votes:

birdmanesq: Helen Keller's Moaning Hand: birdmanesq: Chiara if she's a girl.

And a stripper.

That's my daughter's name.


You named your daughter Stripper?  Man, we have to talk.
2017-09-29 10:14:18 PM  
3 votes:

flucto: Keep in mind I've delivered babies. You know, just in case.


Like, with your car? Grubhub has really expanded
2017-09-29 10:11:13 PM  
3 votes:

mikaloyd: [www.fukarf.com image 474x349]


Damn, grandma was a freak.
2017-09-29 10:02:39 PM  
3 votes:

mitchcumstein1: Can we suggest names?


Permanent Sharpier
2017-09-29 09:31:53 PM  
3 votes:

Helen Keller's Moaning Hand: birdmanesq: The Geek Tab?

Well, this will dissolve into cunnilingus jokes in under 50 posts.

Should it go into Politics then?


Those guys know nothing about cunnilingus.
2017-09-29 09:23:48 PM  
3 votes:
THIS got a green?  Mods trying to make us look special ed?  WTF?  To answer subby's question, babby is fed quite adequately through the umbilical cord, unless it is an undead zom baby and are you watching the Dawn of the Dead remake?  Is that it?

/cranky
2017-09-29 11:20:42 PM  
2 votes:

Moderator: Dammit.  We have a chance to shine and our scientists are AWOL?


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2017-09-29 11:05:39 PM  
2 votes:
Fark really is a special place.
2017-09-29 09:57:51 PM  
2 votes:

Mrs.Sharpier: Sorry to threadjack. I'll post a follow up if this invasive species begins gnawing at my uterine wall.


Tell me more.
2017-09-29 09:52:29 PM  
2 votes:

raerae1980: Some days im comfortable with not having kids.   Other days i feel regretful.   (._. )


If you're not doing anything on Thursday/Friday, we need a stand-in nanny.
2017-09-29 09:49:52 PM  
2 votes:

italie: birdmanesq: *schedules vasectomy*

I once knew a guy who scheduled a vasectomy 3 times. Each time, he ended up at the bar across the street.

Wife went with the fourth time.

// He had 3 kids. Not sure if there is a connection.


Best 30 bucks I ever spent. Light duty at work, good pills, and even a single valium to take the morning of. Apparently the valium reduces the amount of men fleeing to the bar across the street.
2017-09-29 09:48:30 PM  
2 votes:
*crosses her legs*
2017-09-29 09:45:25 PM  
2 votes:
*schedules vasectomy*
2017-09-29 09:39:22 PM  
2 votes:
img.fark.netView Full Size

Some babies have teeth.
2017-09-29 09:29:33 PM  
2 votes:

birdmanesq: The Geek Tab?

Well, this will dissolve into cunnilingus jokes in under 50 posts.


Should it go into Politics then?
2017-09-29 09:19:52 PM  
2 votes:

Moderator: Geek tab we need your scientific help.


No, we don't.
2017-09-29 09:18:46 PM  
2 votes:
a.ltrbxd.comView Full Size
2017-09-30 03:29:00 PM  
1 vote:

raerae1980: Chris Ween: sarahthustra: i have to image i'm delicious.

I think I'm marbled or just engorged like veal.

Bacon.  I bet we taste like bacon.....


Not really. But if you did, guys would be spending a lot more time down there.
2017-09-30 09:48:08 AM  
1 vote:
I've been trying to eat my way in for years.
2017-09-30 09:09:53 AM  
1 vote:

IvyLady: So, uhhhh...

[img.fark.net image 425x356]


Those cats!
2017-09-30 01:09:57 AM  
1 vote:

Chris Ween: We are made of meat.


We are friend to all children.
433 [TotalFark] [BareFark]
2017-09-30 12:18:26 AM  
1 vote:

drjekel_mrhyde: Is that their baby?


Hey man, I'm reaching back into the lands of long ago threads, but, I have a farky/favorite for you that tells me to ask you if that Nintendo 3ds you found in a puddle ever got around to working.  So, did it work?

mesmer242: Knowing how much danger my nipples are in is extremely important to me.


What's so great about your nipples, mesmer242?  Why are you so protective?  Maybe your nipples could be a public service, did you ever think about that?  You probably didn't, you're so selfish with your nipples.  Your nipples aren't having their own episode of Parks and Rec, there's no debate here, put your nipples out into the public sphere, let the public decide their importance, don't be a prude, don't be a jerk, set your body free, bro.  Bro?  Bra?  Just be cool.
2017-09-29 11:59:56 PM  
1 vote:

433: mesmer242: Babies usually don't get teeth until they're six months out of the womb.

Everybody look at this guy, and his facts.  What does he know, anyway?


Knowing how much danger my nipples are in is extremely important to me.
2017-09-29 11:32:42 PM  
1 vote:

make me some tea: Children taste like veal


That's threadjacking.  This is about moms
2017-09-29 11:31:02 PM  
1 vote:
img.fark.netView Full Size
2017-09-29 10:41:36 PM  
1 vote:

Kittypie070: Moderator: Geek tab we need your scientific help.


Why. This. Subject.

The phenomenon in the headline has never occurred and never will occur.

So.

WHY.


You don't think there's a single baby out there that's not waiting to take a bite out of Mom?
2017-09-29 10:39:11 PM  
1 vote:

Moderator: Geek tab we need your scientific help.



Why. This. Subject.

The phenomenon in the headline has never occurred and never will occur.

So.

WHY.
2017-09-29 10:21:09 PM  
1 vote:
It's pronounced "stripe-er"
2017-09-29 10:15:07 PM  
1 vote:

flucto: Keep in mind I've delivered babies. You know, just in case.


pre15.deviantart.netView Full Size
2017-09-29 10:14:27 PM  
1 vote:

birdmanesq: Chiara if she's a girl.


And a stripper.
2017-09-29 10:09:57 PM  
1 vote:
Mitch Bird Sharpier.

A nod to Fark. A nod to LBJ.  And a surname.
2017-09-29 10:09:37 PM  
1 vote:

IvyLady: Ohmerda..

Which loosely translates to "oh sh*t" in Italian....right?


img.fark.netView Full Size
2017-09-29 10:07:24 PM  
1 vote:
Ohmerda..

Which loosely translates to "oh sh*t" in Italian....right?
2017-09-29 10:06:45 PM  
1 vote:

birdmanesq: Chiara if she's a girl.


Xan if it's a plant?
2017-09-29 10:04:08 PM  
1 vote:

flucto: mitchcumstein1: Can we suggest names?

Permanent Sharpier


Surprise Announcement....but with a French accent.  So it sound more like Sous Vide Andouile.
2017-09-29 09:59:15 PM  
1 vote:

harleyquinnical: wizden: Dance Party: The uterus is a very tough organ, and a small baby can't manage to chew threw it with bony little gums.

Well, that baby Alien thing could.

Babies are worthless at chewing.

With as strong of a grip as they have, I figure they just rip the uterus out from the inside if they wanted too.


BABY HULK SMASH!
img.fark.netView Full Size
2017-09-29 09:57:39 PM  
1 vote:

flucto: birdmanesq: harleyquinnical: Does adding wine help get babby formed?

Unqualified yes.

Correlation is not causation, however, except when it is.

I got a ridiculously good tannat in the mail the other day.


Tell me more.
2017-09-29 09:52:48 PM  
1 vote:

farkingismybusiness: [img.fark.net image 122x432]
Some babies have teeth.


If it were a man it wouldn't be crying. He'd be getting ready for his double shift at the coal mine.
2017-09-29 09:48:47 PM  
1 vote:

Bathia_Mapes: Mrs.Sharpier: birdmanesq: Mrs.Sharpier: (._.)

So...

April 18, 2018

I'm *thrilled*

Congratulations!


Can you delete all the posts that reference this, since it's a greened thread?

Thanks!
2017-09-29 09:47:54 PM  
1 vote:

birdmanesq: *schedules vasectomy*


We figure this is a souvenir from our Sonoma trip. Where we, haha, incidentally enough, were having a talk about Mr. S  scheduling a vasectomy.

/sobs
//pukes
2017-09-29 09:46:28 PM  
1 vote:

Ow! That was my feelings!: I was a pregnant person, once.

Once.


i.imgur.comView Full Size
2017-09-29 09:43:28 PM  
1 vote:
How stoned do you have to be to worry about this? Eggy stoned or all the way to Rae?
2017-09-29 09:43:17 PM  
1 vote:

Mrs.Sharpier: birdmanesq: Mrs.Sharpier: (._.)

So...

April 18, 2018

I'm *thrilled*


Counts on hand....


WHOOT!  \o/
2017-09-29 09:42:32 PM  
1 vote:
All of you have just made Jesus cry. All of you.
2017-09-29 09:41:35 PM  
1 vote:

EggFool: Bathia_Mapes: EggFool: But when they do get teeth they will try to bite you.

Bite the handbreast that feeds you

Or their brother's finger.


Chaaaaalie bit meee. That really houttts.
2017-09-29 09:38:13 PM  
1 vote:
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2017-09-29 09:35:45 PM  
1 vote:
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2017-09-29 09:30:26 PM  
1 vote:
babies don't have teef, subs.  that's why they wait a while and then headbutt their way out.
2017-09-29 09:30:16 PM  
1 vote:
Seriously, though. The REAL question is how come women's guts don't slide out.
2017-09-29 09:29:05 PM  
1 vote:
The Geek Tab?

Well, this will dissolve into cunnilingus jokes in under 50 posts.
2017-09-29 09:27:31 PM  
1 vote:
RCF, the mama eater

Wait...
2017-09-29 09:26:26 PM  
1 vote:

unsolicited dick pic: rcf1105: Please, babies don't have teeth yet. They just gum the inside of the uterus raw.

You know this how?


With his baby face....he has seen some things
2017-09-29 09:26:12 PM  
1 vote:
I was a pregnant person, once.

Once.
2017-09-29 09:25:40 PM  
1 vote:

daphne: THIS got a green?  Mods trying to make us look special ed?  WTF?  To answer subby's question, babby is fed quite adequately through the umbilical cord, unless it is an undead zom baby and are you watching the Dawn of the Dead remake?  Is that it?

/cranky


Simmer down.  Come sit by me.
2017-09-29 09:23:57 PM  
1 vote:
img.fark.netView Full Size
2017-09-29 09:20:34 PM  
1 vote:
Babies really shouldn't eat solid foods till like 3 months.
2017-09-29 09:19:40 PM  
1 vote:

no1curr: Chris Ween: I wish this would be greened to Geek tab.

Looks like you wish was granted


Heh.
2017-09-29 09:19:38 PM  
1 vote:
And eating out likely lead to this mess.
2017-09-29 09:15:49 PM  
1 vote:
I used to be friends with a guy in high school who was nicknamed Carcass because it was his favorite band and he wore one of his many Carcass shirts probably 80% of the time. Every single pic of him in the yearbooks he had a Carcass shirt on. Anyway, he was a talented artist who could draw gore very well. I was super impressed when he drew an incredibly realistic drawing of a naked pregnant woman being hung by her ankles as a man ripped the baby out of her stomach. We were amazed that he didn't even flip the paper upside down to draw it. I hadn't seen him in over a decade when I last ran into him at a Carcass show in Baltimore of all places. He now draws horror comics professionally. If I ever need an album cover he's me go to guy.
2017-09-29 09:14:49 PM  
1 vote:
Oh my gosh, that explains so much of Trump's bejaviour
 
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