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(Fark)   Shouldn't pregnant people be worried that their babies might eat their way out?   ( fark.com) divider line
    More: Scary  
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2203 clicks; posted to Geek » on 29 Sep 2017 at 10:33 PM (2 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



228 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2017-09-29 09:11:32 PM  
I wish this would be greened to Geek tab.
 
2017-09-29 09:13:06 PM  
Well I guess now we know the reason for babies' teeth not coming in for a few months after they're born.
 
2017-09-29 09:13:36 PM  
Well, placenta sandwiches are apparently a thing, so if the baby's hungry enough.
 
2017-09-29 09:14:49 PM  
Oh my gosh, that explains so much of Trump's bejaviour
 
2017-09-29 09:15:44 PM  
No teeth, dummy. Can't gum your way out of a uterus.
 
2017-09-29 09:15:49 PM  
I used to be friends with a guy in high school who was nicknamed Carcass because it was his favorite band and he wore one of his many Carcass shirts probably 80% of the time. Every single pic of him in the yearbooks he had a Carcass shirt on. Anyway, he was a talented artist who could draw gore very well. I was super impressed when he drew an incredibly realistic drawing of a naked pregnant woman being hung by her ankles as a man ripped the baby out of her stomach. We were amazed that he didn't even flip the paper upside down to draw it. I hadn't seen him in over a decade when I last ran into him at a Carcass show in Baltimore of all places. He now draws horror comics professionally. If I ever need an album cover he's me go to guy.
 
2017-09-29 09:17:16 PM  
Babies are barely-sentient parasites who are continually fed and resting quite comfortably (in most circumstances). Birth is basically the landlady evicting a freeloading tenant. On other words, why would they want to ruin such a good thing?
 
2017-09-29 09:17:39 PM  
Womb stew.
 
2017-09-29 09:18:01 PM  
I'll bet subby doesn't even know how babby is fromed.
 
2017-09-29 09:18:41 PM  
Well, let the fun begin. Green.
 
2017-09-29 09:18:44 PM  

Chris Ween: I wish this would be greened to Geek tab.


Looks like you wish was granted
 
2017-09-29 09:18:46 PM  
a.ltrbxd.com
 
2017-09-29 09:18:54 PM  
Geek tab we need your scientific help.
 
2017-09-29 09:19:00 PM  
Well...Ween's drunk.
 
2017-09-29 09:19:10 PM  
They're pretty lazy.
 
2017-09-29 09:19:38 PM  
And eating out likely lead to this mess.
 
2017-09-29 09:19:40 PM  

no1curr: Chris Ween: I wish this would be greened to Geek tab.

Looks like you wish was granted


Heh.
 
2017-09-29 09:19:52 PM  

Moderator: Geek tab we need your scientific help.


No, we don't.
 
2017-09-29 09:20:18 PM  

Badafuco: Womb stew.


It's Uterus, not Uterstew.
 
2017-09-29 09:20:18 PM  

no1curr: Babies are barely-sentient parasites who are continually fed and resting quite comfortably (in most circumstances). Birth is basically the landlady evicting a freeloading tenant. On other words, why would they want to ruin such a good thing?


Babies constantly eat?  I figured they got fed when the woman eats and it just goes down the umbilical cord?
 
2017-09-29 09:20:34 PM  
Babies really shouldn't eat solid foods till like 3 months.
 
2017-09-29 09:21:17 PM  

italie: Babies really shouldn't eat solid foods till like 3 months.


Wouldn't a uterus and the womb technically be solid food?
 
2017-09-29 09:21:54 PM  

Helen Keller's Moaning Hand: italie: Babies really shouldn't eat solid foods till like 3 months.

Wouldn't a uterus and the womb technically be solid food?


Kinda my point. They shouldnt do that.

Bad baby.
 
2017-09-29 09:22:06 PM  
img.fark.net
 
2017-09-29 09:22:07 PM  
Damn.  I never thought of the real risk of a pregnancy.
 
2017-09-29 09:22:18 PM  

Helen Keller's Moaning Hand: no1curr: Babies are barely-sentient parasites who are continually fed and resting quite comfortably (in most circumstances). Birth is basically the landlady evicting a freeloading tenant. On other words, why would they want to ruin such a good thing?

Babies constantly eat?  I figured they got fed when the woman eats and it just goes down the umbilical cord?


That's how they're fed in the womb, yes
 
2017-09-29 09:23:04 PM  
Isn't this a plot point in every zombie movie?
 
2017-09-29 09:23:19 PM  

Helen Keller's Moaning Hand: italie: Babies really shouldn't eat solid foods till like 3 months.

Wouldn't a uterus and the womb technically be solid food?


Stop eating those save some for your little brother!
 
2017-09-29 09:23:25 PM  

farkingismybusiness: I used to be friends with a guy in high school who was nicknamed Carcass because it was his favorite band and he wore one of his many Carcass shirts probably 80% of the time. Every single pic of him in the yearbooks he had a Carcass shirt on. Anyway, he was a talented artist who could draw gore very well. I was super impressed when he drew an incredibly realistic drawing of a naked pregnant woman being hung by her ankles as a man ripped the baby out of her stomach. We were amazed that he didn't even flip the paper upside down to draw it. I hadn't seen him in over a decade when I last ran into him at a Carcass show in Baltimore of all places. He now draws horror comics professionally. If I ever need an album cover he's me go to guy.


that's impressive. there's a metric farkton of people who are good at art and very few get to draw comics for a living.
 
2017-09-29 09:23:32 PM  

Old Man Winter: Damn.  I never thought of the real risk of a pregnancy.


Kinda makes the womenfolk seem more heroic.
 
2017-09-29 09:23:48 PM  
THIS got a green?  Mods trying to make us look special ed?  WTF?  To answer subby's question, babby is fed quite adequately through the umbilical cord, unless it is an undead zom baby and are you watching the Dawn of the Dead remake?  Is that it?

/cranky
 
2017-09-29 09:23:52 PM  
Please, babies don't have teeth yet. They just gum the inside of the uterus raw.
 
2017-09-29 09:23:57 PM  
img.fark.net
 
2017-09-29 09:24:29 PM  

farkingismybusiness: I used to be friends with a guy in high school who was nicknamed Carcass because it was his favorite band and he wore one of his many Carcass shirts probably 80% of the time. Every single pic of him in the yearbooks he had a Carcass shirt on. Anyway, he was a talented artist who could draw gore very well. I was super impressed when he drew an incredibly realistic drawing of a naked pregnant woman being hung by her ankles as a man ripped the baby out of her stomach. We were amazed that he didn't even flip the paper upside down to draw it. I hadn't seen him in over a decade when I last ran into him at a Carcass show in Baltimore of all places. He now draws horror comics professionally. If I ever need an album cover he's me go to guy.


Sweet!

Got a link to any of his work?
 
2017-09-29 09:24:52 PM  

daphne: THIS got a green?  Mods trying to make us look special ed?  WTF?  To answer subby's question, babby is fed quite adequately through the umbilical cord, unless it is an undead zom baby and are you watching the Dawn of the Dead remake?  Is that it?

/cranky


You sound hormonal. Are you pregnant?
 
2017-09-29 09:24:53 PM  

rcf1105: Please, babies don't have teeth yet. They just gum the inside of the uterus raw.


You know this how?
 
2017-09-29 09:25:40 PM  

daphne: THIS got a green?  Mods trying to make us look special ed?  WTF?  To answer subby's question, babby is fed quite adequately through the umbilical cord, unless it is an undead zom baby and are you watching the Dawn of the Dead remake?  Is that it?

/cranky


Simmer down.  Come sit by me.
 
2017-09-29 09:26:12 PM  
I was a pregnant person, once.

Once.
 
2017-09-29 09:26:26 PM  

unsolicited dick pic: rcf1105: Please, babies don't have teeth yet. They just gum the inside of the uterus raw.

You know this how?


With his baby face....he has seen some things
 
2017-09-29 09:26:52 PM  

Chris Ween: unsolicited dick pic: rcf1105: Please, babies don't have teeth yet. They just gum the inside of the uterus raw.

You know this how?

With his baby face....he has seen some things


And have you seen those teeth?
 
2017-09-29 09:27:19 PM  

Earthworm Jim Jones: farkingismybusiness: I used to be friends with a guy in high school who was nicknamed Carcass because it was his favorite band and he wore one of his many Carcass shirts probably 80% of the time. Every single pic of him in the yearbooks he had a Carcass shirt on. Anyway, he was a talented artist who could draw gore very well. I was super impressed when he drew an incredibly realistic drawing of a naked pregnant woman being hung by her ankles as a man ripped the baby out of her stomach. We were amazed that he didn't even flip the paper upside down to draw it. I hadn't seen him in over a decade when I last ran into him at a Carcass show in Baltimore of all places. He now draws horror comics professionally. If I ever need an album cover he's me go to guy.

Sweet!

Got a link to any of his work?


I'd rather not.
 
2017-09-29 09:27:31 PM  
RCF, the mama eater

Wait...
 
2017-09-29 09:28:45 PM  
I LOVE FARK FOOD THREADS
 
2017-09-29 09:29:05 PM  
The Geek Tab?

Well, this will dissolve into cunnilingus jokes in under 50 posts.
 
2017-09-29 09:29:33 PM  

birdmanesq: The Geek Tab?

Well, this will dissolve into cunnilingus jokes in under 50 posts.


Should it go into Politics then?
 
2017-09-29 09:30:16 PM  
Seriously, though. The REAL question is how come women's guts don't slide out.
 
2017-09-29 09:30:26 PM  
babies don't have teef, subs.  that's why they wait a while and then headbutt their way out.
 
2017-09-29 09:30:53 PM  

Helen Keller's Moaning Hand: birdmanesq: The Geek Tab?

Well, this will dissolve into cunnilingus jokes in under 50 posts.

Should it go into Politics then?


Do you want answers or arguments?
 
2017-09-29 09:30:54 PM  

Earthworm Jim Jones: Sweet!

Got a link to any of his work?


This is just the thread you want to read before tomorrow.
 
2017-09-29 09:31:53 PM  

Helen Keller's Moaning Hand: birdmanesq: The Geek Tab?

Well, this will dissolve into cunnilingus jokes in under 50 posts.

Should it go into Politics then?


Those guys know nothing about cunnilingus.
 
2017-09-29 09:31:57 PM  

vudukungfu: Seriously, though. The REAL question is how come women's guts don't slide out.


That actually is a good question. You'd figure when they fish out all that afterbirth that an intestine or two would slide on out.
 
2017-09-29 09:32:31 PM  

Brawndo: Earthworm Jim Jones: Sweet!

Got a link to any of his work?

This is just the thread you want to read before tomorrow.


Lol
 
2017-09-29 09:33:07 PM  

unsolicited dick pic: RCF, the mama eater

Wait...


"It's been three hours, shouldn't the placenta be out by now?"
 
2017-09-29 09:33:10 PM  
The grasp of biology in this thread, it troubles me.
 
2017-09-29 09:34:27 PM  

birdmanesq: The Geek Tab?

Well, this will dissolve into cunnilingus jokes in under 50 posts.


Do twin girls occasionally flip flop in the womb and, ya know...
 
2017-09-29 09:34:40 PM  
img.fark.net
 
2017-09-29 09:34:46 PM  
But when they do get teeth they will try to bite you.
 
2017-09-29 09:35:45 PM  
img.fark.net
 
2017-09-29 09:36:34 PM  
(._.)
 
2017-09-29 09:36:44 PM  
The uterus is a very tough organ, and a small baby can't manage to chew threw it with bony little gums.

Well, that baby Alien thing could.
 
2017-09-29 09:36:49 PM  

EggFool: But when they do get teeth they will try to bite you.


Well, I imagine when they get their fingers, they just drag them along the inside of the belly. It's gotta hurt a little when the fetus gets his fingernails.
 
2017-09-29 09:37:04 PM  

EggFool: But when they do get teeth they will try to bite you.


Bite the handbreast that feeds you
 
2017-09-29 09:38:13 PM  
img.fark.net
 
2017-09-29 09:38:31 PM  

Helen Keller's Moaning Hand: EggFool: But when they do get teeth they will try to bite you.

Well, I imagine when they get their fingers, they just drag them along the inside of the belly. It's gotta hurt a little when the fetus gets his fingernails.


Why do you think the babies are trying to hurt their mommies?
 
2017-09-29 09:39:22 PM  
img.fark.net
Some babies have teeth.
 
2017-09-29 09:39:26 PM  

Chris Ween: Helen Keller's Moaning Hand: birdmanesq: The Geek Tab?

Well, this will dissolve into cunnilingus jokes in under 50 posts.

Should it go into Politics then?

Do you want answers or arguments?


Yessss.... Because science is what's required here...
 
2017-09-29 09:39:27 PM  

EggFool: Helen Keller's Moaning Hand: EggFool: But when they do get teeth they will try to bite you.

Well, I imagine when they get their fingers, they just drag them along the inside of the belly. It's gotta hurt a little when the fetus gets his fingernails.

Why do you think the babies are trying to hurt their mommies?


Because they're children and therefore evil.
 
2017-09-29 09:39:33 PM  

Bathia_Mapes: EggFool: But when they do get teeth they will try to bite you.

Bite the handbreast that feeds you


Or their brother's finger.
 
2017-09-29 09:39:37 PM  

Mrs.Sharpier: (._.)


So...
 
2017-09-29 09:39:40 PM  

Bathia_Mapes: EggFool: But when they do get teeth they will try to bite you.

Bite the handbreast that feeds you


Wait, they latch on like with their teeth?
 
2017-09-29 09:40:30 PM  

EggFool: Helen Keller's Moaning Hand: EggFool: But when they do get teeth they will try to bite you.

Well, I imagine when they get their fingers, they just drag them along the inside of the belly. It's gotta hurt a little when the fetus gets his fingernails.

Why do you think the babies are trying to hurt their mommies?


I think they don't know where they are and are just exploring.
 
2017-09-29 09:40:46 PM  

no1curr: Babies are barely-sentient parasites who are continually fed and resting quite comfortably (in most circumstances). Birth is basically the landlady evicting a freeloading tenant. On other words, why would they want to ruin such a good thing?

just draw an arrow to the answer already provided in your question
 
2017-09-29 09:41:07 PM  

birdmanesq: Mrs.Sharpier: (._.)

So...


April 18, 2018

I'm *thrilled*
 
2017-09-29 09:41:35 PM  

EggFool: Bathia_Mapes: EggFool: But when they do get teeth they will try to bite you.

Bite the handbreast that feeds you

Or their brother's finger.


Chaaaaalie bit meee. That really houttts.
 
2017-09-29 09:41:37 PM  
Y'all are focused on teeth? The real tool of escape would be their tiny goddamn razor blade fingernails.

I was sliced up immediately after the twins arrived. Vicious little jerks.
 
2017-09-29 09:42:32 PM  
All of you have just made Jesus cry. All of you.
 
2017-09-29 09:42:47 PM  

Mrs.Sharpier: birdmanesq: Mrs.Sharpier: (._.)

So...

April 18, 2018

I'm *thrilled*


Really?!?  In that case you need to have the baby a week earlier so we could have the same birthday!
 
2017-09-29 09:43:17 PM  

Mrs.Sharpier: birdmanesq: Mrs.Sharpier: (._.)

So...

April 18, 2018

I'm *thrilled*


Counts on hand....


WHOOT!  \o/
 
2017-09-29 09:43:28 PM  
How stoned do you have to be to worry about this? Eggy stoned or all the way to Rae?
 
2017-09-29 09:43:40 PM  

italie: All of you have just made Jesus cry. All of you.


His tears fuel my soul.
 
2017-09-29 09:43:57 PM  

Helen Keller's Moaning Hand: Bathia_Mapes: EggFool: But when they do get teeth they will try to bite you.

Bite the handbreast that feeds you

Wait, they latch on like with their teeth?


It's not uncommon for babies to get their first tooth while they're still being breastfed. Sometimes baby bites mommy's boob, but not to intentionally hurt their mother.
 
2017-09-29 09:44:16 PM  

Mrs.Sharpier: birdmanesq: Mrs.Sharpier: (._.)

So...

April 18, 2018

I'm *thrilled*


I like babies so much. Appoint me official spoiling uncle.
 
2017-09-29 09:44:39 PM  
Every family needs a middle child.  Right?
 
2017-09-29 09:44:48 PM  

Helen Keller's Moaning Hand: Mrs.Sharpier: birdmanesq: Mrs.Sharpier: (._.)

So...

April 18, 2018

I'm *thrilled*

Really?!?  In that case you need to have the baby a week earlier so we could have the same birthday!


Fark that. Mines on the 19th.

//We're playing by Price is right rules, correct?
 
2017-09-29 09:45:02 PM  

Helen Keller's Moaning Hand: vudukungfu: Seriously, though. The REAL question is how come women's guts don't slide out.

That actually is a good question. You'd figure when they fish out all that afterbirth that an intestine or two would slide on out.


I'll leave you to google images of uterine prolapse.
 
2017-09-29 09:45:15 PM  

Mr. Fuzzypaws: italie: All of you have just made Jesus cry. All of you.

His tears fuel my soul.


Fair enough.
 
2017-09-29 09:45:25 PM  
*schedules vasectomy*
 
2017-09-29 09:45:31 PM  

Bathia_Mapes: Helen Keller's Moaning Hand: Bathia_Mapes: EggFool: But when they do get teeth they will try to bite you.

Bite the handbreast that feeds you

Wait, they latch on like with their teeth?

It's not uncommon for babies to get their first tooth while they're still being breastfed. Sometimes baby bites mommy's boob, but not to intentionally hurt their mother.


I just figured they sucked on like lampreys to sharks.
 
2017-09-29 09:45:44 PM  
Italie is a great name for a baby.
 
2017-09-29 09:46:03 PM  
shiat. I forgot this is a greened thread.
 
2017-09-29 09:46:10 PM  

flucto: Mrs.Sharpier: birdmanesq: Mrs.Sharpier: (._.)

So...

April 18, 2018

I'm *thrilled*

I like babies so much. Appoint me official spoiling uncle.


And I'll teach him French and economics.
 
2017-09-29 09:46:28 PM  

Ow! That was my feelings!: I was a pregnant person, once.

Once.


i.imgur.com
 
2017-09-29 09:47:13 PM  

italie: Helen Keller's Moaning Hand: Mrs.Sharpier: birdmanesq: Mrs.Sharpier: (._.)

So...

April 18, 2018

I'm *thrilled*

Really?!?  In that case you need to have the baby a week earlier so we could have the same birthday!

Fark that. Mines on the 19th.

//We're playing by Price is right rules, correct?


*throws down gloves*

She'll squirt that baby out on the 19th over my dead body.
 
2017-09-29 09:47:29 PM  

Mrs.Sharpier: Every family needs a middle child.  Right?


You can't have a middle child last.  It doesn't work that way.

Congrats.
 
2017-09-29 09:47:41 PM  

harleyquinnical: Badafuco: Womb stew.

It's Uterus, not Uterstew.


Lol!

And kinda gross.
 
2017-09-29 09:47:46 PM  

EggFool: Bathia_Mapes: EggFool: But when they do get teeth they will try to bite you.

Bite the handbreast that feeds you

Or their brother's finger.


It's a natural reflex

img.fark.netOMNOMNOM
 
2017-09-29 09:47:54 PM  

birdmanesq: *schedules vasectomy*


I once knew a guy who scheduled a vasectomy 3 times. Each time, he ended up at the bar across the street.

Wife went with the fourth time.

// He had 3 kids. Not sure if there is a connection.
 
2017-09-29 09:47:54 PM  

birdmanesq: *schedules vasectomy*


We figure this is a souvenir from our Sonoma trip. Where we, haha, incidentally enough, were having a talk about Mr. S  scheduling a vasectomy.

/sobs
//pukes
 
2017-09-29 09:47:58 PM  

Mrs.Sharpier: birdmanesq: Mrs.Sharpier: (._.)

So...

April 18, 2018

I'm *thrilled*


Congratulations!
 
2017-09-29 09:48:30 PM  
*crosses her legs*
 
2017-09-29 09:48:42 PM  

italie: birdmanesq: *schedules vasectomy*

I once knew a guy who scheduled a vasectomy 3 times. Each time, he ended up at the bar across the street.

Wife went with the fourth time.

// He had 3 kids. Not sure if there is a connection.


That's a bad pun.
 
2017-09-29 09:48:47 PM  

Bathia_Mapes: Mrs.Sharpier: birdmanesq: Mrs.Sharpier: (._.)

So...

April 18, 2018

I'm *thrilled*

Congratulations!


Can you delete all the posts that reference this, since it's a greened thread?

Thanks!
 
2017-09-29 09:48:49 PM  

Helen Keller's Moaning Hand: italie: Helen Keller's Moaning Hand: Mrs.Sharpier: birdmanesq: Mrs.Sharpier: (._.)

So...

April 18, 2018

I'm *thrilled*

Really?!?  In that case you need to have the baby a week earlier so we could have the same birthday!

Fark that. Mines on the 19th.

//We're playing by Price is right rules, correct?

*throws down gloves*

She'll squirt that baby out on the 19th over my dead body.


This can be arranged.

// grabs a car battery and jumper cables.
 
2017-09-29 09:49:52 PM  

italie: birdmanesq: *schedules vasectomy*

I once knew a guy who scheduled a vasectomy 3 times. Each time, he ended up at the bar across the street.

Wife went with the fourth time.

// He had 3 kids. Not sure if there is a connection.


Best 30 bucks I ever spent. Light duty at work, good pills, and even a single valium to take the morning of. Apparently the valium reduces the amount of men fleeing to the bar across the street.
 
2017-09-29 09:50:01 PM  
Whoa! Mini Helen Keller! Awesome!
 
2017-09-29 09:50:07 PM  

italie: Helen Keller's Moaning Hand: italie: Helen Keller's Moaning Hand: Mrs.Sharpier: birdmanesq: Mrs.Sharpier: (._.)

So...

April 18, 2018

I'm *thrilled*

Really?!?  In that case you need to have the baby a week earlier so we could have the same birthday!

Fark that. Mines on the 19th.

//We're playing by Price is right rules, correct?

*throws down gloves*

She'll squirt that baby out on the 19th over my dead body.

This can be arranged.

// grabs a car battery and jumper cables.


Can we at least agree on Danger as the middle name for the baby?
 
2017-09-29 09:50:50 PM  

Mrs.Sharpier: birdmanesq: *schedules vasectomy*

We figure this is a souvenir from our Sonoma trip. Where we, haha, incidentally enough, were having a talk about Mr. S  scheduling a vasectomy.

/sobs
//pukes


Oh shiat. I just got it.

Congrats on embarking on this journey!
 
2017-09-29 09:50:50 PM  

Mrs.Sharpier: birdmanesq: *schedules vasectomy*

We figure this is a souvenir from our Sonoma trip. Where we, haha, incidentally enough, were having a talk about Mr. S  scheduling a vasectomy.

/sobs
//pukes


Does adding wine help get babby formed?
 
2017-09-29 09:50:54 PM  

raerae1980: *crosses her legs*


It's the only way to sex them
 
2017-09-29 09:51:11 PM  

birdmanesq: Whoa! Mini Helen Keller! Awesome!


o/
 
2017-09-29 09:51:14 PM  
Some days im comfortable with not having kids.   Other days i feel regretful.   (._. )
 
2017-09-29 09:51:43 PM  

harleyquinnical: Mrs.Sharpier: birdmanesq: *schedules vasectomy*

We figure this is a souvenir from our Sonoma trip. Where we, haha, incidentally enough, were having a talk about Mr. S  scheduling a vasectomy.

/sobs
//pukes

Does adding wine help get babby formed?


Depends where you add it.
 
2017-09-29 09:51:47 PM  

harleyquinnical: Does adding wine help get babby formed?


Unqualified yes.

Correlation is not causation, however, except when it is.
 
2017-09-29 09:52:29 PM  

raerae1980: Some days im comfortable with not having kids.   Other days i feel regretful.   (._. )


If you're not doing anything on Thursday/Friday, we need a stand-in nanny.
 
2017-09-29 09:52:48 PM  

farkingismybusiness: [img.fark.net image 122x432]
Some babies have teeth.


If it were a man it wouldn't be crying. He'd be getting ready for his double shift at the coal mine.
 
2017-09-29 09:53:16 PM  

Dance Party: The uterus is a very tough organ, and a small baby can't manage to chew threw it with bony little gums.

Well, that baby Alien thing could.


Babies are worthless at chewing.
 
2017-09-29 09:53:33 PM  
Jonathan Swift disapproves of this thread.
 
2017-09-29 09:53:37 PM  

harleyquinnical: Mrs.Sharpier: birdmanesq: *schedules vasectomy*

We figure this is a souvenir from our Sonoma trip. Where we, haha, incidentally enough, were having a talk about Mr. S  scheduling a vasectomy.

/sobs
//pukes

Does adding wine help get babby formed?


Let's find out.
 
2017-09-29 09:53:57 PM  

raerae1980: Some days im comfortable with not having kids.   Other days i feel regretful.   (._. )


img.fark.net
 
2017-09-29 09:54:14 PM  

birdmanesq: harleyquinnical: Does adding wine help get babby formed?

Unqualified yes.

Correlation is not causation, however, except when it is.


I got a ridiculously good tannat in the mail the other day.
 
2017-09-29 09:54:53 PM  

wizden: Dance Party: The uterus is a very tough organ, and a small baby can't manage to chew threw it with bony little gums.

Well, that baby Alien thing could.

Babies are worthless at chewing.


Well they have the time. What do you think the baby's going to do?  MacGuyver his way out with an a Fallopian tube, amniotic fluid, and an IUD?
 
2017-09-29 09:55:27 PM  

wizden: Dance Party: The uterus is a very tough organ, and a small baby can't manage to chew threw it with bony little gums.

Well, that baby Alien thing could.

Babies are worthless at chewing.


With as strong of a grip as they have, I figure they just rip the uterus out from the inside if they wanted too.
 
2017-09-29 09:56:51 PM  

raerae1980: Some days im comfortable with not having kids.   Other days i feel regretful.   (._. )


The wife is fine until she holds a baby, and then the clock strikes again.
 
2017-09-29 09:57:03 PM  
Sorry to threadjack. I'll post a follow up if this invasive species begins gnawing at my uterine wall.
 
2017-09-29 09:57:24 PM  

birdmanesq: raerae1980: Some days im comfortable with not having kids.   Other days i feel regretful.   (._. )

If you're not doing anything on Thursday/Friday, we need a stand-in nanny.


*backs up slowly*
 
2017-09-29 09:57:39 PM  

flucto: birdmanesq: harleyquinnical: Does adding wine help get babby formed?

Unqualified yes.

Correlation is not causation, however, except when it is.

I got a ridiculously good tannat in the mail the other day.


Tell me more.
 
2017-09-29 09:57:51 PM  

Mrs.Sharpier: Sorry to threadjack. I'll post a follow up if this invasive species begins gnawing at my uterine wall.


Tell me more.
 
2017-09-29 09:58:07 PM  

Helen Keller's Moaning Hand: daphne: THIS got a green?  Mods trying to make us look special ed?  WTF?  To answer subby's question, babby is fed quite adequately through the umbilical cord, unless it is an undead zom baby and are you watching the Dawn of the Dead remake?  Is that it?

/cranky

You sound hormonal. Are you pregnant?


PMS. But I do not have a womb to gestate a cannibal embryo. So bitter
 
2017-09-29 09:58:18 PM  

Helen Keller's Moaning Hand: wizden: Dance Party: The uterus is a very tough organ, and a small baby can't manage to chew threw it with bony little gums.

Well, that baby Alien thing could.

Babies are worthless at chewing.

Well they have the time. What do you think the baby's going to do?  MacGuyver his way out with an a Fallopian tube, amniotic fluid, and an IUD?


img.fark.net
 
2017-09-29 09:58:46 PM  

EggFool: daphne: THIS got a green?  Mods trying to make us look special ed?  WTF?  To answer subby's question, babby is fed quite adequately through the umbilical cord, unless it is an undead zom baby and are you watching the Dawn of the Dead remake?  Is that it?

/cranky

Simmer down.  Come sit by me.


No onions please
 
2017-09-29 09:58:52 PM  
Can we suggest names?
 
2017-09-29 09:59:02 PM  
how is prangent formed
Youtube EShUeudtaFg
 
2017-09-29 09:59:06 PM  

Mrs.Sharpier: shiat. I forgot this is a greened thread.


You can  report comments you want deleted.
 
2017-09-29 09:59:15 PM  

harleyquinnical: wizden: Dance Party: The uterus is a very tough organ, and a small baby can't manage to chew threw it with bony little gums.

Well, that baby Alien thing could.

Babies are worthless at chewing.

With as strong of a grip as they have, I figure they just rip the uterus out from the inside if they wanted too.


BABY HULK SMASH!
img.fark.net
 
2017-09-29 09:59:26 PM  

Ow! That was my feelings!: raerae1980: Some days im comfortable with not having kids.   Other days i feel regretful.   (._. )

[img.fark.net image 800x350]


Ha!
 
2017-09-29 10:00:44 PM  

mitchcumstein1: Can we suggest names?


Danger has to be the middle name.
 
2017-09-29 10:01:33 PM  

valanienna: [YouTube video]


PrrrrreGANTE!
 
2017-09-29 10:01:37 PM  
So, uhhhh...

img.fark.net
 
2017-09-29 10:01:48 PM  

birdmanesq: flucto: birdmanesq: harleyquinnical: Does adding wine help get babby formed?

Unqualified yes.

Correlation is not causation, however, except when it is.

I got a ridiculously good tannat in the mail the other day.

Tell me more.


Markham 2014 Tannat. They sent me a bottle and it was so good I have to wonder if it was due to the cheese I was eating or the meal or maybe cosmic rays or something. It was so, so good. So I bought a few more to make sure. If it's as good as I thought I'll load up a truck full.
 
2017-09-29 10:02:04 PM  

Chris Ween: Mrs.Sharpier: shiat. I forgot this is a greened thread.

You can  report comments you want deleted.


That's okay. Fark.com has all of what, eleventeen users?
 
2017-09-29 10:02:17 PM  

mitchcumstein1: Can we suggest names?


Not Mitch.
 
2017-09-29 10:02:38 PM  

IvyLady: So, uhhhh...

[img.fark.net image 425x356]


Lol
 
2017-09-29 10:02:39 PM  

mitchcumstein1: Can we suggest names?


Permanent Sharpier
 
2017-09-29 10:03:00 PM  
i.pinimg.com
 
2017-09-29 10:03:32 PM  

flucto: mitchcumstein1: Can we suggest names?

Permanent Sharpier


*golf clap*
 
2017-09-29 10:03:58 PM  

Mrs.Sharpier: mitchcumstein1: Can we suggest names?

Not Mitch.


Oh god no.
 
2017-09-29 10:03:58 PM  
Chiara if she's a girl.
 
2017-09-29 10:04:08 PM  

flucto: mitchcumstein1: Can we suggest names?

Permanent Sharpier


Surprise Announcement....but with a French accent.  So it sound more like Sous Vide Andouile.
 
2017-09-29 10:04:16 PM  

Helen Keller's Moaning Hand: italie: Helen Keller's Moaning Hand: italie: Helen Keller's Moaning Hand: Mrs.Sharpier: birdmanesq: Mrs.Sharpier: (._.)

So...

April 18, 2018

I'm *thrilled*

Really?!?  In that case you need to have the baby a week earlier so we could have the same birthday!

Fark that. Mines on the 19th.

//We're playing by Price is right rules, correct?

*throws down gloves*

She'll squirt that baby out on the 19th over my dead body.

This can be arranged.

// grabs a car battery and jumper cables.

Can we at least agree on Danger as the middle name for the baby?


High motherfarking five on that.
 
2017-09-29 10:05:12 PM  
www.fukarf.com
 
2017-09-29 10:05:13 PM  
Ignatius!
 
2017-09-29 10:05:38 PM  

mitchcumstein1: Can we suggest names?


Way ahead of you mitch.
 
2017-09-29 10:06:45 PM  

birdmanesq: Chiara if she's a girl.


Xan if it's a plant?
 
2017-09-29 10:07:24 PM  
Ohmerda..

Which loosely translates to "oh sh*t" in Italian....right?
 
2017-09-29 10:07:29 PM  

Chris Ween: birdmanesq: Chiara if she's a girl.

Xan if it's a plant?


Lily
 
2017-09-29 10:07:44 PM  
Chisedale if it's a possum.
 
2017-09-29 10:08:16 PM  
Mitchell is a cool name.

Just sayin'.
 
2017-09-29 10:08:54 PM  

flucto: Chisedale if it's a possum.


Dinsdale if it's a hedgehog.
 
2017-09-29 10:09:37 PM  

IvyLady: Ohmerda..

Which loosely translates to "oh sh*t" in Italian....right?


img.fark.net
 
2017-09-29 10:09:57 PM  
Mitch Bird Sharpier.

A nod to Fark. A nod to LBJ.  And a surname.
 
2017-09-29 10:10:06 PM  

mikaloyd: [www.fukarf.com image 474x349]


img.fark.net
 
2017-09-29 10:11:13 PM  

mikaloyd: [www.fukarf.com image 474x349]


Damn, grandma was a freak.
 
2017-09-29 10:12:45 PM  

croesius: mikaloyd: [www.fukarf.com image 474x349]

Damn, grandma was a freak.


i.pinimg.com
 
2017-09-29 10:13:31 PM  
Keep in mind I've delivered babies. You know, just in case.
 
2017-09-29 10:14:18 PM  

flucto: Keep in mind I've delivered babies. You know, just in case.


Like, with your car? Grubhub has really expanded
 
2017-09-29 10:14:27 PM  

birdmanesq: Chiara if she's a girl.


And a stripper.
 
2017-09-29 10:15:07 PM  

flucto: Keep in mind I've delivered babies. You know, just in case.


pre15.deviantart.net
 
2017-09-29 10:17:09 PM  

Helen Keller's Moaning Hand: birdmanesq: Chiara if she's a girl.

And a stripper.


That's my daughter's name.
 
2017-09-29 10:17:27 PM  

flucto: Keep in mind I've delivered babies. You know, just in case.


There's a pizza joke I want to make and I just can't do it.
 
2017-09-29 10:17:41 PM  

birdmanesq: Helen Keller's Moaning Hand: birdmanesq: Chiara if she's a girl.

And a stripper.

That's my daughter's name.


You named your daughter Stripper?  Man, we have to talk.
 
2017-09-29 10:19:47 PM  
Creativity in names should be banned. There should be a list like there was in Switzerland. "Please choose one boys name and one girls name from following list..."
 
2017-09-29 10:20:14 PM  

Chris Ween: birdmanesq: Helen Keller's Moaning Hand: birdmanesq: Chiara if she's a girl.

And a stripper.

That's my daughter's name.

You named your daughter Stripper?  Man, we have to talk.


birds is hard corpse.
 
2017-09-29 10:21:09 PM  
It's pronounced "stripe-er"
 
2017-09-29 10:22:07 PM  

birdmanesq: It's pronounced "stripe-er"


Like a candy striper?
 
2017-09-29 10:22:09 PM  
Stripier Sharpier.
 
2017-09-29 10:23:21 PM  
Striper no striping. Striper no striping.
 
2017-09-29 10:23:41 PM  
They don't have teeth
 
2017-09-29 10:24:59 PM  
PNSFW

Birth - Monty Python's The Meaning of Life
Youtube NcHdF1eHhgc
 
2017-09-29 10:27:05 PM  

italie: Striper no striping. Striper no striping.



img.fark.net
 
2017-09-29 10:27:52 PM  
I was here.
 
2017-09-29 10:29:19 PM  
This thread will be stone cold dead by the time the geeks get here.
 
2017-09-29 10:33:04 PM  

flucto: This thread will be stone cold dead by the time the geeks get here.


I'm right on time then.
 
2017-09-29 10:33:45 PM  

birdmanesq: Whoa! Mini Helen Keller! Awesome!


Will this one not be defective out of the box?
 
2017-09-29 10:37:31 PM  

Incorrigible Astronaut: birdmanesq: Whoa! Mini Helen Keller! Awesome!

Will this one not be defective out of the box?


*spittake*
 
2017-09-29 10:38:13 PM  
I saw this when first hit the page with 0 comments.
Come back and it's green and, we'll, of course it is.
How and, or, why?
And, more importantly, what how will it evolve...
 
2017-09-29 10:39:11 PM  

Moderator: Geek tab we need your scientific help.



Why. This. Subject.

The phenomenon in the headline has never occurred and never will occur.

So.

WHY.
 
2017-09-29 10:39:49 PM  

NSFW.

Stryper-To Hell With The Devil
Youtube RsNhNdnwgZg

 
2017-09-29 10:41:36 PM  

Kittypie070: Moderator: Geek tab we need your scientific help.


Why. This. Subject.

The phenomenon in the headline has never occurred and never will occur.

So.

WHY.


You don't think there's a single baby out there that's not waiting to take a bite out of Mom?
 
2017-09-29 10:42:57 PM  

IvyLady: Incorrigible Astronaut: birdmanesq: Whoa! Mini Helen Keller! Awesome!

Will this one not be defective out of the box?

*spittake*


It popped in my head when reading that and was so, so terrible that I needed to get it out.
 
2017-09-29 10:48:21 PM  

Helen Keller's Moaning Hand: Kittypie070: Moderator: Geek tab we need your scientific help.


Why. This. Subject.


The phenomenon in the headline has never occurred and never will occur.


So.

WHY.

You don't think there's a single baby out there that's not waiting to take a bite out of Mom?


No, I don't. The ...............why the hell must I repeat myself?

Can you...not...um.

Read my post....?
 
2017-09-29 10:50:39 PM  
We are made of meat.
 
2017-09-29 10:52:37 PM  

Kittypie070: Helen Keller's Moaning Hand: Kittypie070: Moderator: Geek tab we need your scientific help.


Why. This. Subject.


The phenomenon in the headline has never occurred and never will occur.

So.

WHY.

You don't think there's a single baby out there that's not waiting to take a bite out of Mom?

No, I don't. The ...............why the hell must I repeat myself?

Can you...not...um.

Read my post....?


Look, we already have nine year olds in college. Some day a baby's going to be all super smart and develop teeth early and go, "this lollipop is good, but I wonder what'll happen if I bite and get to the chewy center."
 
2017-09-29 10:54:58 PM  

Chris Ween: We are made of meat.


Long pig
 
2017-09-29 11:01:59 PM  
i have to image i'm delicious.
 
2017-09-29 11:04:39 PM  

sarahthustra: i have to image i'm delicious.


Is there a sampler?
 
2017-09-29 11:05:36 PM  

Chris Ween: We are made of meat.


img.fark.net
 
2017-09-29 11:05:39 PM  
Fark really is a special place.
 
2017-09-29 11:06:05 PM  

sarahthustra: i have to image i'm delicious.


I think I'm marbled or just engorged like veal.
 
2017-09-29 11:06:10 PM  

Mr. Fuzzypaws: Is there a sampler?


no, but i'll let you know when one is available.  one of my chef friends has specific instructions to curry me upon my death, untimely or otherwise.
 
2017-09-29 11:09:56 PM  

Chris Ween: sarahthustra: i have to image i'm delicious.

I think I'm marbled or just engorged like veal.


Bacon.  I bet we taste like bacon.....
 
2017-09-29 11:13:52 PM  
what if we all taste like different meats and we never even know it?
 
2017-09-29 11:15:07 PM  
Dammit.  We have a chance to shine and our scientists are AWOL?
 
2017-09-29 11:15:49 PM  
I thought I was going to throw my baby up when I was pregnant. It seemed counterproductive to what my body was trying to do.
 
2017-09-29 11:18:32 PM  

Moderator: Dammit.  We have a chance to shine and our scientists are AWOL?


I believe I, at least, gave answer to the question in the headline.

Granted, endoparasitism isn't my field of expertise.
 
2017-09-29 11:20:42 PM  

Moderator: Dammit.  We have a chance to shine and our scientists are AWOL?


img.fark.net
 
2017-09-29 11:23:37 PM  

Helen Keller's Moaning Hand: no1curr: Babies are barely-sentient parasites who are continually fed and resting quite comfortably (in most circumstances). Birth is basically the landlady evicting a freeloading tenant. On other words, why would they want to ruin such a good thing?

Babies constantly eat?  I figured they got fed when the woman eats and it just goes down the umbilical cord?


Just like your other organs constantly do their job. There isn't an "on" cycle for this...
 
2017-09-29 11:23:54 PM  

Moderator: Geek tab we need your scientific help.


Babies usually don't get teeth until they're six months out of the womb.
Babies do not understand cause and effect until they're out of the womb a bit as well. They rely on reflexes early on to open their mouths and eat.
They are fed through the umbilical cord while in utero and therefore do not experience hunger.
The amniotic sac is surprisingly strong, and despite popular belief, usually (90% of the time) doesn't rupture until after labor has started.
Even if the sac is broken somehow, the cervix must also dilate. Sometimes doctors are able to keep the cervix from dilating, and other times, the sac can leak but the cervix will stay closed.

There. Science'd.

Pregnant women do need to fear being kicked by the baby in the bladder and the ribs though. It hurts.
 
2017-09-29 11:25:58 PM  
Children taste like veal
 
2017-09-29 11:31:02 PM  
img.fark.net
 
2017-09-29 11:32:42 PM  

make me some tea: Children taste like veal


That's threadjacking.  This is about moms
 
433 [TotalFark] [BareFark]
2017-09-29 11:43:11 PM  

mesmer242: Babies usually don't get teeth until they're six months out of the womb.


Everybody look at this guy, and his facts.  What does he know, anyway?
 
2017-09-29 11:46:36 PM  
img.fark.net

Did somebody say babies?
 
2017-09-29 11:59:44 PM  

Fingerware Error: [img.fark.net image 228x222]


Is that their baby? NSFW https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yOaTKoG09lQ
 
2017-09-29 11:59:56 PM  

433: mesmer242: Babies usually don't get teeth until they're six months out of the womb.

Everybody look at this guy, and his facts.  What does he know, anyway?


Knowing how much danger my nipples are in is extremely important to me.
 
433 [TotalFark] [BareFark]
2017-09-30 12:18:26 AM  

drjekel_mrhyde: Is that their baby?


Hey man, I'm reaching back into the lands of long ago threads, but, I have a farky/favorite for you that tells me to ask you if that Nintendo 3ds you found in a puddle ever got around to working.  So, did it work?

mesmer242: Knowing how much danger my nipples are in is extremely important to me.


What's so great about your nipples, mesmer242?  Why are you so protective?  Maybe your nipples could be a public service, did you ever think about that?  You probably didn't, you're so selfish with your nipples.  Your nipples aren't having their own episode of Parks and Rec, there's no debate here, put your nipples out into the public sphere, let the public decide their importance, don't be a prude, don't be a jerk, set your body free, bro.  Bro?  Bra?  Just be cool.
 
2017-09-30 12:38:35 AM  

cryinoutloud: I thought I was going to throw my baby up when I was pregnant. It seemed counterproductive to what my body was trying to do.


Not really.  Your body spent the entire nine-or-so months butting heads with a manipulative asshole fetus that attempted to hijack your body and its functions and largely succeeded:

War in the Womb

The cells of the human endometrium are tightly aligned, creating a fortress-like wall around the inside of the uterus. That barrier is packed with lethal immune cells. As far back as 1903, researchers observed embryos 'invading' and 'digesting' their way into the uterine lining. In 1914, R W Johnstone described the implantation zone as 'the fighting line where the confiict between the maternal cells and the invading trophoderm takes place'. It was a battlefield 'strewn with... the dead on both sides'.

When scientists tried to gestate mice outside the womb, they expected the embryos to wither, deprived of the surface that had evolved to nurture them. To their shock they found instead that - implanted in the brain, testis or eye of a mouse - the embryo went wild. Placental cells rampaged through surrounding tissues, slaughtering everything in their path as they hunted for arteries to sate their thirst for nutrients. It's no accident that many of the same genes active in embryonic development have been implicated in cancer. Pregnancy is a lot more like war than we might care to admit.


/sleep tight!
 
2017-09-30 01:03:13 AM  
Well. That's how I got here. Mom has been getting treated for a sucking chest wound ever since. She's so good to me!

/The answer is chicken, moms taste like chicken.
 
2017-09-30 01:09:57 AM  

Chris Ween: We are made of meat.


We are friend to all children.
 
2017-09-30 01:10:10 AM  

Chris Ween: make me some tea: Children taste like veal

That's threadjacking.  This is about moms


They're worthless.  We've had no less than three attempted child suicides tonight, and I'm the one not in bed.

I might be doing this wrong.
 
2017-09-30 01:38:46 AM  

433: drjekel_mrhyde: Is that their baby?

Hey man, I'm reaching back into the lands of long ago threads, but, I have a farky/favorite for you that tells me to ask you if that Nintendo 3ds you found in a puddle ever got around to working.  So, did it work?

mesmer242: Knowing how much danger my nipples are in is extremely important to me.

What's so great about your nipples, mesmer242?  Why are you so protective?  Maybe your nipples could be a public service, did you ever think about that?  You probably didn't, you're so selfish with your nipples.  Your nipples aren't having their own episode of Parks and Rec, there's no debate here, put your nipples out into the public sphere, let the public decide their importance, don't be a prude, don't be a jerk, set your body free, bro.  Bro?  Bra?  Just be cool.


Oh good, we figured out which thread the ghost of Hugh Hefner is posting on.
 
2017-09-30 01:54:45 AM  

Mrs.Sharpier: birdmanesq: Mrs.Sharpier: (._.)

So...

April 18, 2018

I'm *thrilled*


My condolences.
 
2017-09-30 01:55:17 AM  
If a fetus or newborn started eating its umbilical cord, would it eventually get to the end and start eating itself?
 
2017-09-30 02:44:55 AM  

mikaloyd: [i.pinimg.com image 278x400]

I'd seen that photo before. I'd always wondered how many vaginas that woman had.
 
2017-09-30 07:37:03 AM  
Shouldn't pregnant pragnent people be worried that their babies might eat their way out?

Babbys cant frigth back.
 
2017-09-30 09:04:17 AM  
I hope we solved submitters question
 
2017-09-30 09:09:53 AM  

IvyLady: So, uhhhh...

[img.fark.net image 425x356]


Those cats!
 
2017-09-30 09:48:08 AM  
I've been trying to eat my way in for years.
 
2017-09-30 03:29:00 PM  

raerae1980: Chris Ween: sarahthustra: i have to image i'm delicious.

I think I'm marbled or just engorged like veal.

Bacon.  I bet we taste like bacon.....


Not really. But if you did, guys would be spending a lot more time down there.
 
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