Do you have adblock enabled?
 
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Salon)   Hey Trump speechwriters, you should quit unless you want to be known as the worst speech writers ever to put crayon to colored paper. Nothing about Trump will be good for your future. This is a fact for everyone in the White House   ( salon.com) divider line
    More: Fail, Trump's speechwriters, Vince McMahon, Salon.com  
•       •       •

2213 clicks; posted to Politics » on 24 Sep 2017 at 1:54 AM (4 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



60 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all

 
2017-09-23 09:12:47 PM  
Kid, I knew Ben Stein, Ben Stein was a friend of mine, and you are no  Ben Stein. Don't give up your evening job as a stand up comedian. Maybe this is the first time anybody has ever advised a joker to quit their day job for a career in amateur stand-up, but kid, the only way you are likely to make something of yourself is Hamburger University or Clown College.

Have you though of a career as a barber? It's not too late to consider a career in the lucrative field of personal service.
 
2017-09-23 09:59:50 PM  
"Nothing about Trump will be good for your future."

Normally, having a position at the White House on your resume is golden.  Somehow, I doubt it's going to work this way here.  Not only will your professional reputation likely take a beating but you're liable to be paupered by having to pay for legal representation for your future appearances before Robert Mueller and crew and a wide array of congressional committees.
 
2017-09-23 11:52:16 PM  
"So yeah, if you're writing speeches for him, go get a better job."

I don't think that's possible for someone like Stephen Miller. Before Trump he worked for Michelle Bachman and wrote speeches for Jeff Sessions. This is literally the pinnacle of his career.
 
2017-09-24 12:02:48 AM  
Like these guys care about the future.
 
2017-09-24 12:12:56 AM  

fusillade762: "So yeah, if you're writing speeches for him, go get a better job."

I don't think that's possible for someone like Stephen Miller. Before Trump he worked for Michelle Bachman and wrote speeches for Jeff Sessions. This is literally the pinnacle of his career.


It's amazing to me that Trump thinks he hires the best people.
 
2017-09-24 01:55:39 AM  
Working at the White House will be their scarlet letter.
 
2017-09-24 01:57:01 AM  
I mean that's what I thought but Spicer's already getting a few gigs.
 
2017-09-24 01:59:19 AM  
Not so much the odour that will cling to you

Must be galling to spend hours crafting a speech, weighing all the factors that need to be incorporated, and then watching as Trump dumps most of it at the last minute and goes off on some ill-considered harangue bc he saw something on Fox that annoyed him
 
2017-09-24 02:01:33 AM  

almandot: I mean that's what I thought but Spicer's already getting a few gigs.


I was at work yesterday and they had the TV on... It went from high school football highlights to Spicer and i was very confused.
 
2017-09-24 02:02:44 AM  
Whatever... I made bank writing for Carlos Mencia, it's like an Olympic gold medal in the comedy field.  People are knocking down my door to hire me.

/Anyone have some spare cat food?
 
2017-09-24 02:03:10 AM  
I don't know, writing borderline slanderous/libelous and outright racist/anti-semetic material for paranoid right wing blogs seems to be a decent gig for these assholes  fine gentlemen.
 
2017-09-24 02:03:39 AM  
It's hard to make purple crayon scrawlings look professional.
 
2017-09-24 02:05:39 AM  
Taking a job in the Trump administration is the career version of "witness me!" from the new Mad Max. I doubt many people are going to excitedly type out that bullet point onto their resumes later in life, but I could be wrong. How many Friends can fit onto the set of Fox and Friends?
 
2017-09-24 02:06:50 AM  
Trump doesn't need a speechwriter.

He's a skilled salesman, so he knows how to bluff, bluster and bullshiat. And he goes off-script all the time anyway. So don't give him any words, just put up bullet points and let him fill in the rest. Even if it's something he doesn't know anything about, he always talks as if he does.

• Talk about X

"A lot of things going on with this X, it's an issue that definitely needs to be resolved. We're looking into it really closely, and believe me, you're going to like our plan, I have the best people working on it, it's going to be absolutely tremendous, it's going to be the best X. We'll probably have something very shortly, possibly a couple weeks, but we shall see. X is really going to like what we come with. Believe me."

/where X can be anything from Black Lives Matter to disaster relief to the Syrian crisis
 
2017-09-24 02:07:22 AM  
He has speech writers?
 
2017-09-24 02:08:34 AM  

Ishkur: Even if it's something he doesn't know anything about, he always talks as if he does.


And so consistently, too.
 
2017-09-24 02:09:14 AM  

brantgoose: Kid, I knew Ben Stein, Ben Stein was a friend of mine, and you are no  Ben Stein. Don't give up your evening job as a stand up comedian. Maybe this is the first time anybody has ever advised a joker to quit their day job for a career in amateur stand-up, but kid, the only way you are likely to make something of yourself is Hamburger University or Clown College.

Have you though of a career as a barber? It's not too late to consider a career in the lucrative field of personal service.


Jimmy?
 
2017-09-24 02:11:42 AM  
"Litt joined the Barack Obama campaign immediately out of college, and by 2011, he was one of the youngest speechwriters in history. Litt was Obama's source for all things comedy, and his writing was put to use both in speeches and in crafting jokes for the annual White House Correspondent's dinner."

So in a way, this is the dude responsible for Trump's decision to run.
 
2017-09-24 02:14:18 AM  

Summoner101: He has speech writers?


They should just print out children's books or baseball scores or something to fill the pages and then put on their resume that they spent a year in Europe to find themselves.
The end result would be the same except they might be able to find a job afterward.
 
2017-09-24 02:15:04 AM  

Ishkur: Trump doesn't need a speechwriter.

He's a skilled salesman, so he knows how to bluff, bluster and bullshiat. And he goes off-script all the time anyway. So don't give him any words, just put up bullet points and let him fill in the rest. Even if it's something he doesn't know anything about, he always talks as if he does.

• Talk about X

"A lot of things going on with this X, it's an issue that definitely needs to be resolved. We're looking into it really closely, and believe me, you're going to like our plan, I have the best people working on it, it's going to be absolutely tremendous, it's going to be the best X. We'll probably have something very shortly, possibly a couple weeks, but we shall see. X is really going to like what we come with. Believe me."

/where X can be anything from Black Lives Matter to disaster relief to the Syrian crisis


 Possibly the best summation of this administration I've read.
 
2017-09-24 02:19:15 AM  

dickfreckle: Ishkur: Trump doesn't need a speechwriter.

He's a skilled salesman, so he knows how to bluff, bluster and bullshiat. And he goes off-script all the time anyway. So don't give him any words, just put up bullet points and let him fill in the rest. Even if it's something he doesn't know anything about, he always talks as if he does.

• Talk about X

"A lot of things going on with this X, it's an issue that definitely needs to be resolved. We're looking into it really closely, and believe me, you're going to like our plan, I have the best people working on it, it's going to be absolutely tremendous, it's going to be the best X. We'll probably have something very shortly, possibly a couple weeks, but we shall see. X is really going to like what we come with. Believe me."

/where X can be anything from Black Lives Matter to disaster relief to the Syrian crisis

 Possibly the best summation of this administration I've read.


I was going to comment on it but I realized I couldn't add anything of value.
 
2017-09-24 02:19:24 AM  
Someone with their qualifications would have no trouble finding a top-flight job in either the food service or housekeeping industries.
 
2017-09-24 02:24:43 AM  

mithras_angel: Someone with their qualifications would have no trouble finding a top-flight job in either the food service or housekeeping industries.


I hired a guy who was a cashier at a dollar store once over someone who had a degree from Penn State.  If I ran across any of these people's resumes i would print them off specifically for the purpose of lighting it on fire and lighting my cigarette with it.
 
2017-09-24 02:29:47 AM  
Watch our full "Salon Talks" conversation on Facebook.

Was embedding the video too hard for you, Salon?

img.fark.net
 
2017-09-24 02:29:47 AM  

orangehat: dickfreckle: Ishkur: Trump doesn't need a speechwriter.

He's a skilled salesman, so he knows how to bluff, bluster and bullshiat. And he goes off-script all the time anyway. So don't give him any words, just put up bullet points and let him fill in the rest. Even if it's something he doesn't know anything about, he always talks as if he does.

• Talk about X

"A lot of things going on with this X, it's an issue that definitely needs to be resolved. We're looking into it really closely, and believe me, you're going to like our plan, I have the best people working on it, it's going to be absolutely tremendous, it's going to be the best X. We'll probably have something very shortly, possibly a couple weeks, but we shall see. X is really going to like what we come with. Believe me."

/where X can be anything from Black Lives Matter to disaster relief to the Syrian crisis

 Possibly the best summation of this administration I've read.

I was going to comment on it but I realized I couldn't add anything of value.


Just like Trump, then.
 
2017-09-24 02:34:50 AM  

Gyrfalcon: orangehat: dickfreckle: Ishkur: Trump doesn't need a speechwriter.

He's a skilled salesman, so he knows how to bluff, bluster and bullshiat. And he goes off-script all the time anyway. So don't give him any words, just put up bullet points and let him fill in the rest. Even if it's something he doesn't know anything about, he always talks as if he does.

• Talk about X

"A lot of things going on with this X, it's an issue that definitely needs to be resolved. We're looking into it really closely, and believe me, you're going to like our plan, I have the best people working on it, it's going to be absolutely tremendous, it's going to be the best X. We'll probably have something very shortly, possibly a couple weeks, but we shall see. X is really going to like what we come with. Believe me."

/where X can be anything from Black Lives Matter to disaster relief to the Syrian crisis

 Possibly the best summation of this administration I've read.

I was going to comment on it but I realized I couldn't add anything of value.

Just like Trump, then.


 Except I've got larger hands than him... when I played piano I could span 11 keys.
I haven't played piano since I was 12 years old.
 
2017-09-24 02:36:43 AM  

Gyrfalcon: orangehat: dickfreckle: Ishkur: Trump doesn't need a speechwriter.

He's a skilled salesman, so he knows how to bluff, bluster and bullshiat. And he goes off-script all the time anyway. So don't give him any words, just put up bullet points and let him fill in the rest. Even if it's something he doesn't know anything about, he always talks as if he does.

• Talk about X

"A lot of things going on with this X, it's an issue that definitely needs to be resolved. We're looking into it really closely, and believe me, you're going to like our plan, I have the best people working on it, it's going to be absolutely tremendous, it's going to be the best X. We'll probably have something very shortly, possibly a couple weeks, but we shall see. X is really going to like what we come with. Believe me."

/where X can be anything from Black Lives Matter to disaster relief to the Syrian crisis

 Possibly the best summation of this administration I've read.

I was going to comment on it but I realized I couldn't add anything of value.

Just like Trump, then.


Plus Trump would just comment on it anyway since he doesn't have the presence of mind to realize that anything he says just makes the situation worse.
 
2017-09-24 02:41:31 AM  
Trump's speechwriters. That's like saying the guys in charge of assembling and delivering the gift baskets for Nixon's sexual conquests. Not the kind of thing you would expect a need for based on observations.
 
2017-09-24 02:59:40 AM  

Ishkur: Trump doesn't need a speechwriter.

He's a skilled salesman, so he knows how to bluff, bluster and bullshiat. And he goes off-script all the time anyway. So don't give him any words, just put up bullet points and let him fill in the rest. Even if it's something he doesn't know anything about, he always talks as if he does.

• Talk about X

"A lot of things going on with this X, it's an issue that definitely needs to be resolved. We're looking into it really closely, and believe me, you're going to like our plan, I have the best people working on it, it's going to be absolutely tremendous, it's going to be the best X. We'll probably have something very shortly, possibly a couple weeks, but we shall see. X is really going to like what we come with. Believe me."

/where X can be anything from Black Lives Matter to disaster relief to the Syrian crisis


except for the skilled part.
he's basically gil gunderson, but turns out 40% of our electorate are bone-stupid, racists or bone-stupid racists.
 
2017-09-24 03:01:57 AM  
images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com
 
2017-09-24 03:09:32 AM  

Toxophil: [images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com image 350x350]


For older people who won't wear their glasses?
 
2017-09-24 03:19:08 AM  

Ishkur: Trump doesn't need a speechwriter.

He's a skilled salesman, so he knows how to bluff, bluster and bullshiat. And he goes off-script all the time anyway. So don't give him any words, just put up bullet points and let him fill in the rest. Even if it's something he doesn't know anything about, he always talks as if he does.

• Talk about X

"A lot of things going on with this X, it's an issue that definitely needs to be resolved. We're looking into it really closely, and believe me, you're going to like our plan, I have the best people working on it, it's going to be absolutely tremendous, it's going to be the best X. We'll probably have something very shortly, possibly a couple weeks, but we shall see. X is really going to like what we come with. Believe me."

/where X can be anything from Black Lives Matter to disaster relief to the Syrian crisis


It could even be X:img.fark.net
 
2017-09-24 04:00:33 AM  

DeadPhelps: Ishkur: Trump doesn't need a speechwriter.

He's a skilled salesman, so he knows how to bluff, bluster and bullshiat. And he goes off-script all the time anyway. So don't give him any words, just put up bullet points and let him fill in the rest. Even if it's something he doesn't know anything about, he always talks as if he does.

• Talk about X

"A lot of things going on with this X, it's an issue that definitely needs to be resolved. We're looking into it really closely, and believe me, you're going to like our plan, I have the best people working on it, it's going to be absolutely tremendous, it's going to be the best X. We'll probably have something very shortly, possibly a couple weeks, but we shall see. X is really going to like what we come with. Believe me."

/where X can be anything from Black Lives Matter to disaster relief to the Syrian crisis

It could even be X:[img.fark.net image 425x282]


x farking rules
 
2017-09-24 04:00:42 AM  

Prey4reign: "Nothing about Trump will be good for your future."

Normally, having a position at the White House on your resume is golden.  Somehow, I doubt it's going to work this way here.  Not only will your professional reputation likely take a beating but you're liable to be paupered by having to pay for legal representation for your future appearances before Robert Mueller and crew and a wide array of congressional committees.


There will always be a market for people that are willing to sell America down the river in the name of conservatism.
 For citation: http://www.foxnews.com/person/n/oliver-north.html
 
2017-09-24 04:51:27 AM  

fusillade762: "So yeah, if you're writing speeches for him, go get a better job."

I don't think that's possible for someone like Stephen Miller. Before Trump he worked for Michelle Bachman and wrote speeches for Jeff Sessions. This is literally the pinnacle of his career.


The fact someone who is part earthworm is even finding work is a feat in and of itself.
 
2017-09-24 05:00:03 AM  

Ishkur: Trump doesn't need a speechwriter.

He's a skilled salesman, so he knows how to bluff, bluster and bullshiat. And he goes off-script all the time anyway. So don't give him any words, just put up bullet points and let him fill in the rest. Even if it's something he doesn't know anything about, he always talks as if he does.

• Talk about X

"A lot of things going on with this X, it's an issue that definitely needs to be resolved. We're looking into it really closely, and believe me, you're going to like our plan, I have the best people working on it, it's going to be absolutely tremendous, it's going to be the best X. We'll probably have something very shortly, possibly a couple weeks, but we shall see. X is really going to like what we come with. Believe me."

/where X can be anything from Black Lives Matter to disaster relief to the Syrian crisis


Pro tip: Trump doesn't finish all his sentences/thoughts. But what do I know, maybe you were going for comprehensiblity.
 
2017-09-24 05:34:28 AM  

Ishkur: Trump doesn't need a speechwriter.

He's a skilled salesman, so he knows how to bluff, bluster and bullshiat.


I dispute that claim. He couldn't sell steaks to Americans, for farks sake.
 
2017-09-24 06:13:56 AM  
I get it now.

Democrats should like Trump so they can win elections.
 
2017-09-24 06:22:27 AM  
Too late
 
2017-09-24 07:08:08 AM  
What's the worry?
That Rupert Murdoch is going to go broke after hiring all these a**holes?
Especially with the revolving door the administration has.
 
2017-09-24 07:20:28 AM  

Anastacya: Working at the White House will be their scarlet letter.


The blue dress was the beginning of the end.
 
2017-09-24 07:20:50 AM  

dickfreckle: Ishkur: Trump doesn't need a speechwriter.

He's a skilled salesman, so he knows how to bluff, bluster and bullshiat. And he goes off-script all the time anyway. So don't give him any words, just put up bullet points and let him fill in the rest. Even if it's something he doesn't know anything about, he always talks as if he does.

• Talk about X

"A lot of things going on with this X, it's an issue that definitely needs to be resolved. We're looking into it really closely, and believe me, you're going to like our plan, I have the best people working on it, it's going to be absolutely tremendous, it's going to be the best X. We'll probably have something very shortly, possibly a couple weeks, but we shall see. X is really going to like what we come with. Believe me."

/where X can be anything from Black Lives Matter to disaster relief to the Syrian crisis

 Possibly the best summation of this administration I've read.


Agreed, but for completeness it needs to mention how the previous administration was a disaster at X, the worst you've ever seen, folks.
 
2017-09-24 07:55:31 AM  

Mister Buttons: Whatever... I made bank writing for Carlos Mencia, it's like an Olympic gold medal in the comedy field.  People are knocking down my door to hire me.

/Anyone have some spare cat food?


it's always been my understanding that anyone who has ever written a joke that was performed by a comedian on stage is inadvertently a joke writer for Carlos Mencia.
 
2017-09-24 07:58:17 AM  
Are they afraid they'll have up get real jobs like a disgusting tax paying peasant?
 
2017-09-24 08:47:37 AM  

fusillade762: "So yeah, if you're writing speeches for him, go get a better job."

I don't think that's possible for someone like Stephen Miller. Before Trump he worked for Michelle Bachman and wrote speeches for Jeff Sessions. This is literally the pinnacle of his career.


I think we should take a page from Favreau and Lovett and only refer to him as "C+ Santa Monica fascist Steven Miller."

/Like "convicted felon Dinesh D'Souza"
 
Rat [TotalFark]
2017-09-24 08:56:07 AM  
It's no wonder that Hillary's concession speech writer went from 'one off' gig to a more permanent job with benefits.
 
2017-09-24 08:57:15 AM  

monoski: The blue dress was the beginning of the end.


And, you pull a 20 year old reference out yer ass.  Let's go for 50....what about Kennedy?  I hear that John Adams was quite the meat swordsman as well, you should come up with a funny reference to him too.
 
2017-09-24 09:12:36 AM  

firemanbuck: monoski: The blue dress was the beginning of the end.

And, you pull a 20 year old reference out yer ass.  Let's go for 50....what about Kennedy?  I hear that John Adams was quite the meat swordsman as well, you should come up with a funny reference to him too.


I feel like the term "meat swordsman" doesnt get as much love as it deserves.
 
2017-09-24 09:29:35 AM  

theborg1of4: dickfreckle: Ishkur: Trump doesn't need a speechwriter.

He's a skilled salesman, so he knows how to bluff, bluster and bullshiat. And he goes off-script all the time anyway. So don't give him any words, just put up bullet points and let him fill in the rest. Even if it's something he doesn't know anything about, he always talks as if he does.

• Talk about X

"A lot of things going on with this X, it's an issue that definitely needs to be resolved. We're looking into it really closely, and believe me, you're going to like our plan, I have the best people working on it, it's going to be absolutely tremendous, it's going to be the best X. We'll probably have something very shortly, possibly a couple weeks, but we shall see. X is really going to like what we come with. Believe me."

/where X can be anything from Black Lives Matter to disaster relief to the Syrian crisis

 Possibly the best summation of this administration I've read.

Agreed, but for completeness it needs to mention how the previous administration was a disaster at X, the worst you've ever seen, folks.


You also need to throw in at least one "lots of people are saying" and a also name drop reference like, "I just spoke to [insert name here], who by the way is a terrific person."
 
2017-09-24 09:49:10 AM  
These really have not been good speeches. Disorganised, poorly structured, and of course minimally spoken.

If this is Steve Miller mostly, God he's bad at this. I get the idea that Trump does last minute editorials even without the ad libs, but those are fairly obvious. Take those out and it still sucks.
 
Displayed 50 of 60 comments


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all


View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking

On Twitter





Top Commented
Javascript is required to view headlines in widget.
  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report