Do you have adblock enabled?
 
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(The Awl)   Idiot hipster (but we repeat ourselves) raises chickens in Oakland, thinks possums are pests rather than tick-destroying avengers, decides killing them makes for some fine literature   ( theawl.com) divider line
    More: Sick, possum, dead possum, sound possum joeys, tiny sneezing possum, enormous possum, possum litter, possum attacks, night  
•       •       •

4766 clicks; posted to Main » on 16 Sep 2017 at 7:53 PM (12 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



107 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Newest | Show all

 
2017-09-16 02:32:15 PM  
Buy a .22 pistol and a trigger lock.
 
2017-09-16 03:06:39 PM  
Ok, between subby and TFA, now I know that opossums eat ticks and chicks. Yay?
 
2017-09-16 03:28:38 PM  
I'm with idiot hipster. We had a possum living on our deck (under a pile of my mother's junk) for two years. Eating the food we put out for the cats. The place stank like hell. Finally killed it. Finally.
 
2017-09-16 03:52:11 PM  
"some fine literature"

still warm from being nestled in the deep, downy folds of poultry pussy
 
2017-09-16 04:04:25 PM  
That was very difficult to masturbate to.
 
2017-09-16 04:17:04 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2017-09-16 04:37:32 PM  
Exaggerating the use of possums.
 
2017-09-16 05:21:48 PM  
What I realized is this: it's very difficult to whack, burn, stab, or shoot the life out of a wild creature.

img.fark.netView Full Size


Pounding a nail is virtually impossible if using a watermelon.
 
2017-09-16 05:49:07 PM  
i.pinimg.comView Full Size
 
2017-09-16 06:09:41 PM  
i.imgur.comView Full Size
 
2017-09-16 06:54:46 PM  
Every grocery store in the Bay Area is stocked with about 25 different brands of free-range, locally sourced, fertile eggs.

Um, are you supposed to eat those?
 
2017-09-16 07:54:28 PM  

Scorpitron is reduced to a thin red paste: Exaggerating the use of possums.


Difficult, but not impossible.  Amirite?
 
2017-09-16 07:55:01 PM  
Damn it, wrong post.

BumpInTheNight: That was very difficult to masturbate to.


Difficult, but not impossible.  Amirite?
 
2017-09-16 07:58:17 PM  
As long as they don't gain access to jetpacks and medieval gear.
img.fark.netView Full Size

...farkballs.
 
2017-09-16 07:59:00 PM  
Cool story bro time.

Last summer are German Sheppard brought us a treat when we let him in the house.. A baby possum in its jaws.. He dropped it at our feet before walking in.. Good boy? lol. Anyway. The thing looked like it was on its death bed. Not moving, tongue hanging out and a little blood.. I did what I thought was the most humane thing I could do at the time to put it out of its misery..  I will not go into detail but..  Then shoveled it into a trash bag and disposed of it.

The next morning I took the trash out and opened the lid to the can, and low and behold the little farker chewed its way out of the bag and was alive... I tipped the trash can over and he ran away like nothing happened..
 
2017-09-16 08:01:43 PM  

styckx: Cool story bro time.

Last summer are German Sheppard brought us a treat when we let him in the house.. A baby possum in its jaws.. He dropped it at our feet before walking in.. Good boy? lol. Anyway. The thing looked like it was on its death bed. Not moving, tongue hanging out and a little blood.. I did what I thought was the most humane thing I could do at the time to put it out of its misery..  I will not go into detail but..  Then shoveled it into a trash bag and disposed of it.

The next morning I took the trash out and opened the lid to the can, and low and behold the little farker chewed its way out of the bag and was alive... I tipped the trash can over and he ran away like nothing happened..


Its called playing possum for a reason.
 
2017-09-16 08:04:26 PM  

dsmith42: styckx: Cool story bro time.

Last summer are German Sheppard brought us a treat when we let him in the house.. A baby possum in its jaws.. He dropped it at our feet before walking in.. Good boy? lol. Anyway. The thing looked like it was on its death bed. Not moving, tongue hanging out and a little blood.. I did what I thought was the most humane thing I could do at the time to put it out of its misery..  I will not go into detail but..  Then shoveled it into a trash bag and disposed of it.

The next morning I took the trash out and opened the lid to the can, and low and behold the little farker chewed its way out of the bag and was alive... I tipped the trash can over and he ran away like nothing happened..

Its called playing possum for a reason.


Oh I was impressed.. The little critters never bothered me before, I know they do good for us.. I was trying to do the right thing because I thought it was suffering..  Only thing I did was waste a night of him eating pests.
 
2017-09-16 08:04:44 PM  

Lee451: I'm with idiot hipster. We had a possum living on our deck (under a pile of my mother's junk) for two years. Eating the food we put out for the cats. The place stank like hell. Finally killed it. Finally.


Or instead of feeding strays and helping increase the stray population you could keep cats inside where they belong, not feed strays, take said strays and get them spayed/neutered and find them homes. Cats belong inside. They live longer that way and don't end up damaging the environment and spreading disease. Possums are of enormous benefit and belong outside. Domestic cats don't.

As far as this hipster goes there are plenty of ways to avoid ending up with possums messing with your chickens. From the sound of it they preferred to use cruel methods and slaughter them instead of trapping them and relocating them to the woods. Douche move.
 
2017-09-16 08:05:49 PM  
I have friends who have chickens and they killed a possum last night.  It had killed 4 of their chickens.  Which animals should have lived, pussmitter?
 
2017-09-16 08:08:05 PM  
Im not going to read all that.  Did she finally choke the chicken or what?
 
2017-09-16 08:10:03 PM  
i.imgur.comView Full Size

i.imgur.comView Full Size
 
2017-09-16 08:10:17 PM  
"What I realized is this: it's very difficult to whack, burn, stab, or shoot the life out of a wild creature"

Eh? A 12 gauge will kill the fark out of a possum.
 
2017-09-16 08:15:15 PM  
There was a hole in a screen leading to the crawlspace under my house.  I did not know about that hole.  One day a possum, we'll call him Jim, crawled under my house and died.  For whatever reason, Jim picked a spot directly below my shower drain to stop breathing.

My shower drain had a bit of a leak resulting in a slow drip under the house.  This too was something I didn't know about.  All kinds of stuff happens under my house without knowing it, apparently.  I'm afraid to even look in the crawl space these days because anything could be happening under there.  Cock fights, Satan worship, meetings of the Young Republicans, who knows.

One day I was in the shower and smelled a terrible thing.  I couldn't figure out where it was coming from and over the course of the day it gradually faded.  By the next morning I hardly smelled anything.  Then I hopped in the shower and the smell came back as strong as ever.  For the next week or so, every time somebody took a shower, the house smelled like a rendering plant.

Finally I found the hole in the screen, scooted under my house with a flashlight for a look around, and learned that during the day Jim would mostly dry out but whenever somebody turned on the shower, the leak would moisten him up and he would again start rotting with gusto.

One of the worst things I've ever had to do was slosh Jim's liquidy carcass into a Hefty bag with an old hockey stick.  I still have bad dreams about it.

That's my story.  Thanks for reading.
 
2017-09-16 08:18:20 PM  

Lee451: I'm with idiot hipster. We had a possum living on our deck (under a pile of my mother's junk) for two years. Eating the food we put out for the cats. The place stank like hell. Finally killed it. Finally.


Yes, you're with the hipster in being an idiot. The food you left out attracted wild life, but somehow that's the possum's fault.
 
2017-09-16 08:18:33 PM  

Louisiana_Sitar_Club: There was a hole in a screen leading to the crawlspace under my house.  I did not know about that hole.  One day a possum, we'll call him Jim, crawled under my house and died.  For whatever reason, Jim picked a spot directly below my shower drain to stop breathing.

My shower drain had a bit of a leak resulting in a slow drip under the house.  This too was something I didn't know about.  All kinds of stuff happens under my house without knowing it, apparently.  I'm afraid to even look in the crawl space these days because anything could be happening under there.  Cock fights, Satan worship, meetings of the Young Republicans, who knows.

One day I was in the shower and smelled a terrible thing.  I couldn't figure out where it was coming from and over the course of the day it gradually faded.  By the next morning I hardly smelled anything.  Then I hopped in the shower and the smell came back as strong as ever.  For the next week or so, every time somebody took a shower, the house smelled like a rendering plant.

Finally I found the hole in the screen, scooted under my house with a flashlight for a look around, and learned that during the day Jim would mostly dry out but whenever somebody turned on the shower, the leak would moisten him up and he would again start rotting with gusto.

One of the worst things I've ever had to do was slosh Jim's liquidy carcass into a Hefty bag with an old hockey stick.  I still have bad dreams about it.

That's my story.  Thanks for reading.


Go on.......
 
2017-09-16 08:20:50 PM  
First she couldn't kill it with a shovel (how weak are you lady?) then she shot it 30 farking times with a BB gun. What was it, a Daisy Red Rider? I've been shot in the ass with one from about 10 feet & while it stung like hell, it didn't penetrate my jeans. Then she stabbed it however many times with a makeshift spear, WTF? At that point it becomes animal cruelty.

Next time, just call Animal Control. Or buy a real pellet gun, I've taken rabbits with my Crosman 2250 at 25 yards, one shot.
 
2017-09-16 08:23:30 PM  
Do city folks not own pitchforks? Stick em to the ground with the pitchfork and then one shot to the back of the neck with a flat blade shovel is all it takes.
The dumb arse in the article turned a 2 minute problem into a 4 hour ordeal.
 
2017-09-16 08:23:51 PM  

Frantic Freddie: First she couldn't kill it with a shovel (how weak are you lady?) then she shot it 30 farking times with a BB gun. What was it, a Daisy Red Rider? I've been shot in the ass with one from about 10 feet & while it stung like hell, it didn't penetrate my jeans. Then she stabbed it however many times with a makeshift spear, WTF? At that point it becomes animal cruelty.

Next time, just call Animal Control. Or buy a real pellet gun, I've taken rabbits with my Crosman 2250 at 25 yards, one shot.


Seconded. I think her hesitancy is what really prolonged the suffering there. Jesus christ. I feel nauseated just reading that article.
 
2017-09-16 08:25:55 PM  
I don't think they're native to the west coast


They're just giant rats
 
2017-09-16 08:25:59 PM  
Toss it out of your coop then fix your coop so that critters can't get into it.  This is apparently hard for some people.
 
2017-09-16 08:28:15 PM  

zidders: Lee451: I'm with idiot hipster. We had a possum living on our deck (under a pile of my mother's junk) for two years. Eating the food we put out for the cats. The place stank like hell. Finally killed it. Finally.

Or instead of feeding strays and helping increase the stray population you could keep cats inside where they belong, not feed strays, take said strays and get them spayed/neutered and find them homes. Cats belong inside. They live longer that way and don't end up damaging the environment and spreading disease. Possums are of enormous benefit and belong outside. Domestic cats don't.

As far as this hipster goes there are plenty of ways to avoid ending up with possums messing with your chickens. From the sound of it they preferred to use cruel methods and slaughter them instead of trapping them and relocating them to the woods. Douche move.


It sounds like she's too dumb to properly secure the coop, so she kills the enemy. She will be president soon.
 
2017-09-16 08:29:30 PM  
A bb gun? Really? I suppose any chicken farm is probably outside city limits, and ought to have a .22 handy for varmints.
 
2017-09-16 08:33:58 PM  
Shot one in the head once with a 22. Just pissed it off.
 
2017-09-16 08:36:19 PM  

oldernell: Buy a .22 pistol and a trigger lock.


^^THIS^^

Or, even better, a .22 rifle with a trigger lock and .22 hollow point ammo (yes, they make that specifically for terminating varmints like possums and ground squirrels)

Stop trying to find the 'most humane' way outside of a gun to kill these things. A bullet to the head ends the animal's life quicker and more humanely than a hipster screaming in terror trying to pummel it with a baseball bat will. And as an added bonus: you don't get close enough to the possum for it to POTENTIALLY BITE YOU AND INFECT YOU WITH A RANDOM NUMBER OF DISEASES THAT ARE AT THE VERY LEAST HIGHLY UNCOMFORTABLE TO SUFFER THROUGH AND EXPENSIVE TO TREAT, IF NOT OUTRIGHT FATAL.

Stop being a dumb-ass fark about this.
 
2017-09-16 08:36:33 PM  

Dr.Fey: Damn it, wrong post.

BumpInTheNight: That was very difficult to masturbate to.

Difficult, but not impossible.  Amirite?


it's inconceivable.
 
2017-09-16 08:39:13 PM  

Ocean_Pimp: I don't think they're native to the west coast

They're just giant rats


I believe that they are native. I had one (or more, they are kind of shy) living in my ivy covered fence in Daly City. I'd see it from time to time after sunset. The raccoons were a bigger problem and the skunks were barely around. I think that the possum(s) kept the local rodent population (mice, gophers and the occasional rat) under control.
 
2017-09-16 08:40:11 PM  
I would rather have one opossum in my backyard than the countless ticks the opossum would have otherwise eaten.
 
2017-09-16 08:45:08 PM  
I live in the bay area and there are a lot of possums here. Had a problem with a family getting into my backyard last year. Didn't mind them stopping by, but didn't appreciate the many droppings they left behind. I just watched for a while. They came by at the same time every night, about an hour after sunset. Probably slept nearby. It was funny when we changed the clocks for daylight saving time, they showed up exactly an hour earlier. Apparently they're very predictable and don't believe in DST.

I got rid of them very easily. I either covered (with small pieces of wood) or filled in with dirt all the holes under the fence. Problem solved. Even the little ones couldn't get in. Hipster lady is doing it all wrong. If you have chickens in Oakland, you have a fence around your yard. Fix the holes in your fence, dumbass.
 
2017-09-16 08:45:52 PM  

Radioactive Ass: I believe that they are native. I had one (or more, they are kind of shy) living in my ivy covered fence in Daly City. I'd see it from time to time after sunset. The raccoons were a bigger problem and the skunks were barely around. I think that the possum(s) kept the local rodent population (mice, gophers and the occasional rat) under control.


its an invasive species in the west coast
 
2017-09-16 08:46:48 PM  

jiesenPSD: Dr.Fey: Damn it, wrong post.

BumpInTheNight: That was very difficult to masturbate to.

Difficult, but not impossible.  Amirite?

it's inconceivable.


img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2017-09-16 08:47:06 PM  
tse3.mm.bing.netView Full Size

call the owner.
 
2017-09-16 08:48:56 PM  

RoyFokker'sGhost: oldernell: Buy a .22 pistol and a trigger lock.

^^THIS^^

Or, even better, a .22 rifle with a trigger lock and .22 hollow point ammo (yes, they make that specifically for terminating varmints like possums and ground squirrels)

Stop trying to find the 'most humane' way outside of a gun to kill these things. A bullet to the head ends the animal's life quicker and more humanely than a hipster screaming in terror trying to pummel it with a baseball bat will. And as an added bonus: you don't get close enough to the possum for it to POTENTIALLY BITE YOU AND INFECT YOU WITH A RANDOM NUMBER OF DISEASES THAT ARE AT THE VERY LEAST HIGHLY UNCOMFORTABLE TO SUFFER THROUGH AND EXPENSIVE TO TREAT, IF NOT OUTRIGHT FATAL.

Stop being a dumb-ass fark about this.


Interestingly, one thing you DON'T have to worry about from 'possums is rabies. Their body temperature is too low for the virus to replicate properly, so they're not capable of carrying or spreading it.
 
2017-09-16 08:49:09 PM  

styckx: I did what I thought was the most humane thing I could do at the time to put it out of its misery..  I will not go into detail but..  Then shoveled it into a trash bag and disposed of it.


You won't go into details about how you thought you "put it out of it's misery" but then it was somehow still alive and uninjured? Did you take a dump on it or something?
 
2017-09-16 08:49:14 PM  

gregscott: A bb gun? Really? I suppose any chicken farm is probably outside city limits, and ought to have a .22 handy for varmints.


It's not a farm, she's a hobbyist raising chickens, lots of urban areas allow it.
 
2017-09-16 08:50:07 PM  

Frantic Freddie: First she couldn't kill it with a shovel (how weak are you lady?) then she shot it 30 farking times with a BB gun. What was it, a Daisy Red Rider? I've been shot in the ass with one from about 10 feet & while it stung like hell, it didn't penetrate my jeans. Then she stabbed it however many times with a makeshift spear, WTF? At that point it becomes animal cruelty.

Next time, just call Animal Control. Or buy a real pellet gun, I've taken rabbits with my Crosman 2250 at 25 yards, one shot.


Possums are hardy. As in hard to kill. I had one in a trap in the rabbit shed when I was 16 (they were eating the rabbit food) and tried to dispatch it with a metal fencepost....harder than it sounds. But once you start you kind of have to follow through.

Much easier is to put your foot on their neck to suffocate them. They're gone in about 30 seconds. Not sure it's any more humane, though.
 
2017-09-16 08:54:17 PM  

hobnail: Frantic Freddie: First she couldn't kill it with a shovel (how weak are you lady?) then she shot it 30 farking times with a BB gun. What was it, a Daisy Red Rider? I've been shot in the ass with one from about 10 feet & while it stung like hell, it didn't penetrate my jeans. Then she stabbed it however many times with a makeshift spear, WTF? At that point it becomes animal cruelty.

Next time, just call Animal Control. Or buy a real pellet gun, I've taken rabbits with my Crosman 2250 at 25 yards, one shot.

Possums are hardy. As in hard to kill. I had one in a trap in the rabbit shed when I was 16 (they were eating the rabbit food) and tried to dispatch it with a metal fencepost....harder than it sounds. But once you start you kind of have to follow through.

Much easier is to put your foot on their neck to suffocate them. They're gone in about 30 seconds. Not sure it's any more humane, though.


30 seconds is more humane than what this coont did.
 
2017-09-16 08:54:42 PM  

RoyFokker'sGhost: oldernell: Buy a .22 pistol and a trigger lock.

^^THIS^^

Or, even better, a .22 rifle with a trigger lock and .22 hollow point ammo (yes, they make that specifically for terminating varmints like possums and ground squirrels)

Stop trying to find the 'most humane' way outside of a gun to kill these things. A bullet to the head ends the animal's life quicker and more humanely than a hipster screaming in terror trying to pummel it with a baseball bat will. And as an added bonus: you don't get close enough to the possum for it to POTENTIALLY BITE YOU AND INFECT YOU WITH A RANDOM NUMBER OF DISEASES THAT ARE AT THE VERY LEAST HIGHLY UNCOMFORTABLE TO SUFFER THROUGH AND EXPENSIVE TO TREAT, IF NOT OUTRIGHT FATAL.

Stop being a dumb-ass fark about this.


Yes, the best response to a possum is a felony charge for discharging a firearm within city limits.

Talk about being a dumb-ass
 
2017-09-16 08:59:04 PM  
Or your could put hardware cloth all the way around your chicken enclosure and never have anything bigger than 1/4" going in there.

But if clubbing opossums to death after they eat your chickens is where you find your fun, I guess go for it.
 
2017-09-16 08:59:42 PM  
What an insufferable twat. too bad she reproduced.
Build a proper coop and secure your garage, and the possums won't be a problem.

You have a farking masters degree, but you make $22.5/hr and think you can kill a possum with a BB gun by shooting it 50 times? Like all of them add up to one real bullet or something? How farking useless are you?
You take 15 minutes to dispatch a possum with young with some pathetic home made weapon? That isn't "controlling pests", that is torturing an animal with your own stupidity.
You are exactly what is wrong with the Bay Area these days. I hope that the next time you go out for overpriced coffee, you get hit by BART and linger for 15 minutes, then someone drowns your spawn since they are orphaned. (not really but you get the point)

I have had several possums in my yard, one living under a shed, and I just leave them the fark alone. They do far more good than any problems they might cause, so who cares.

/Allison Stockman in Oakland is one seriously stupid coont
 
2017-09-16 09:02:28 PM  
In my tiny little city backyard the size of a postage stamp I have had freaking wild kingdom: possums, raccoons, squirrels, hawks (not joking they nest in one of our trees), songbirds, let alone the feral cats.  We even had deer wandering through here a few years ago, they followed the train tracks in and then got confused.
 
Displayed 50 of 107 comments


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Newest | Show all


View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking

On Twitter





Top Commented
Javascript is required to view headlines in widget.
  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report