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(KTVO Kirksville)   "Another bear sighting in SE Iowa: Can Goldilocks be far behind?", asks TV station not familiar with the chronological order of the story   ( ktvo.com) divider line
    More: Fail, Police, Mahaska County, Iowa, Poweshiek County Sheriff, Keokuk County, Iowa, Wapello County naturalist, Iowa, Coroner, Poweshiek County, Iowa  
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1686 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Sep 2017 at 9:20 AM (13 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



38 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2017-09-14 08:22:09 AM  
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2017-09-14 08:43:53 AM  

RJReves: [img.fark.net image 425x239][img.fark.net image 425x239]


My brain read the lower gif as "we're in bat country" when I quickly opened this thread.
 
2017-09-14 08:49:05 AM  
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He lied to me!
 
2017-09-14 09:21:41 AM  
Betsy DeVos warned us about this.
 
2017-09-14 09:30:03 AM  
Alternate story version: Goldilocks is held hostage and forced into servitude by the bears. She is made to follow them as they wander the woods and they feed her scraps of bugs and offal. Then the bears go home and eat porridge while she cleans.

Later she stumbles across a gingerbread house in the woods in which her fairy godmother lives and Goldilocks is granted some wishes, which she uses to go to a fancy ball while wearing glass slippers. At the stroke of midnight she runs down the stairs, trips, and shatters the glass - slicing open her femoral artery. The bears eat her because she tastes just right.
 
2017-09-14 09:30:44 AM  
Wow! The pickup truck accident rate is gonna soar in SE Iowa!
 
2017-09-14 09:32:13 AM  
I'm rusty on my children's stories, but doesn't she get pooped out at the end?
 
2017-09-14 09:33:31 AM  
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I had no idea that Iowa's state motto was "Do Not Resuscitate".
 
2017-09-14 09:33:33 AM  

tarheel07: I'm rusty on my children's stories, but doesn't she get pooped out at the end?


Actually it's "on", and that's just in the German version.
 
2017-09-14 09:36:16 AM  
Goldilocks isn't far behind. It takes time to digest everything.
 
2017-09-14 09:36:33 AM  

Louisiana_Sitar_Club: [static-12.sinclairstoryline.com image 850x478]I had no idea that Iowa's state motto was "Do Not Resuscitate".


Have you ever resided in Iowa?
 
2017-09-14 09:37:06 AM  
Um, subby... The bears were there first, it was there house. Then they went out walkabout, so they were also on the move first. So Goldilocks came by after the bears had already been there in both situations. The TV station seems to be more with it than you,
 
2017-09-14 09:39:57 AM  

PoweredByIrony: Alternate story version: Goldilocks is held hostage and forced into servitude by the bears. She is made to follow them as they wander the woods and they feed her scraps of bugs and offal. Then the bears go home and eat porridge while she cleans.

Later she stumbles across a gingerbread house in the woods in which her fairy godmother lives and Goldilocks is granted some wishes, which she uses to go to a fancy ball while wearing glass slippers. At the stroke of midnight she runs down the stairs, trips, and shatters the glass - slicing open her femoral artery. The bears eat her because she tastes just right.


vignette4.wikia.nocookie.netView Full Size
That's what the patriarchy wants you to believe
 
2017-09-14 09:42:18 AM  
The article says "call law enforcement".  So it's illegal to be a bear in Iowa?
 
2017-09-14 09:47:57 AM  

Lorenzo Von Matterhorn: The article says "call law enforcement".  So it's illegal to be a bear in Iowa?


Only for black bears.
 
jbc [TotalFark]
2017-09-14 09:52:42 AM  

tarheel07: I'm rusty on my children's stories, but doesn't she get pooped out at the end?


Do you not know where poop exits the body?
 
2017-09-14 09:55:07 AM  
A large bear-like creature, possibly a bear, has wandered down from Mount Springfield in search of food, or perhaps employment,
 
2017-09-14 09:56:29 AM  
They probably just didn't put as much thought into it, as you did obsessomitter
 
jbc [TotalFark]
2017-09-14 09:56:56 AM  

Mikey1969: Um, subby... The bears were there first, it was there house.


Um, Mikey... Goldilocks thinks your English teacher was too soft.
 
2017-09-14 10:02:53 AM  
There are people in SE Iowa?
 
2017-09-14 10:02:55 AM  

tarheel07: I'm rusty on my children's stories, but doesn't she get pooped out at the end?


In the Alaskan version she has little bells with her and she smells like pepper spray.

There's also an updated version   "Goldilocks and Triumph the Insult Comedy Dog" and she gets pooped on
 
2017-09-14 10:03:03 AM  

Eli WhiskeyDik: Lorenzo Von Matterhorn: The article says "call law enforcement".  So it's illegal to be a bear in Iowa?

Only for black bears.


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2017-09-14 10:03:38 AM  

Mikey1969: Um, subby... The bears were there first, it was there house. Then they went out walkabout, so they were also on the move first. So Goldilocks came by after the bears had already been there in both situations. The TV station seems to be more with it than you,


*their
their house
 
2017-09-14 10:04:17 AM  

jbc: Mikey1969: Um, subby... The bears were there first, it was there house.

Um, Mikey... Goldilocks thinks your English teacher was too soft.


Yeah, just noticed that. This week is killing me. I'm walking around half asleep.
 
2017-09-14 10:21:35 AM  
Yea, Subby. Everyone knows that Goldilocks came first. It's always a good idea to make sure she comes first.
 
2017-09-14 10:24:06 AM  

Voiceofreason01: There are people in SE Iowa?


Sort of.
 
2017-09-14 10:35:18 AM  

ElwoodCuse: A large bear-like creature, possibly a bear, has wandered down from Mount Springfield in search of food, or perhaps employment,


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2017-09-14 10:37:22 AM  
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2017-09-14 10:52:49 AM  
To be followed by reports to police of chows, Newfoundlands, black Labradors etc galore
 
2017-09-14 11:56:22 AM  
You cant (very often) accuse Brantgoose of not doing his research.

Here is a map of the ranges of North American bears. I am somewhat surprised to see that Iowa is not covered in bears.

Don't bears like corn?

http://geology.com/stories/13/bear-areas/
 
2017-09-14 11:58:14 AM  

Snarfangel: Eli WhiskeyDik: Lorenzo Von Matterhorn: The article says "call law enforcement".  So it's illegal to be a bear in Iowa?

Only for black bears.

[img.fark.net image 500x375]


Very true. Polar bears are big MoFu's. You don't give a polar bear a ticket. You call in the SWAT team.
 
2017-09-14 12:02:46 PM  
And here, back by no demand at all, just like Hillary and the Donald, is my bear song, to the tune of the American National Anthem, one of the world's least singable songs:

Oh, say when you pee, by the dawn's early light
Keep a look-out for bears, in the darkness they're roamin'
Keep a look out for bears, for they are short of sight
Keep a look out for bears, when you pee in the gloaming
Keep a look out for bears, when in twilight you pee
Keep a look out for bears (switch to alto) or you'll sing just like me!

Thank you. Thank you. Don't forget to stiff your dumbass wait person on the tip! If he or she can't pour a cup of coffee without slopping, she deserves nada.
 
2017-09-14 12:17:47 PM  

brantgoose: Here is a map of the ranges of North American bears. I am somewhat surprised to see that Iowa is not covered in bears.


Bears (and mountain lions) have no protection in Iowa; they're considered a non-native species. It is legal to "shoot on sight" for either animal and as you can imagine that pretty much guarantees that those species will never be found in Iowa or anywhere nearby.
 
2017-09-14 01:18:53 PM  

Lorenzo Von Matterhorn: The article says "call law enforcement".  So it's illegal to be a bear in Iowa?


Book 'em, Lou. One count of being a bear and one count of being an accessory to being a bear.
 
2017-09-14 01:30:58 PM  
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2017-09-14 02:07:14 PM  

Gordon Bennett: [img.fark.net image 450x321]


Aside from having facial hair, I don't see what's so "bear-y" about Bearforce One...
 
2017-09-14 03:24:43 PM  
Simpsons did it in "Much Apu about Nothing", with the famous anti-Tiger rock analogy.

"In the episode, after the creation of the Bear Patrol, bear sightings decrease to zero, so Homer concludes that the Bear Patrol must be working. Lisa attempts to demonstrate Homer's logical fallacy by the example of a tiger-repellent rock, but it goes over his head."

Bear Patrol
Youtube OkV_ztynYDM
 
2017-09-14 07:27:56 PM  

Voiceofreason01: There are people in SE Iowa?


Not that many. That's why this made the local news.

/went to school in NE MO and watched KTVO all the time
 
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