"You're just like you're father! A complete failure!"

and my other personal favourite

"I hope you die."

/at least i'm honest

"What's the hold up - bandits?"
"You'll go blind sitting in the dark like that."
"Hast du 'ne jacke an?" ('are you wearing a jacket?')

"ohhh shut your festering gob!"
basically shut the hell up...only nicer!

Phillip your going to hurt yourself...


usually followed by a quick bandaging or a trip to the ER...

"Maybe" which meant, "No."

"Your girlfriend walks like a plow jockie"

to which I responded: "Why do you think that is?"

She shut up.

fark-a-duck!
and
A kurva anyad!
(She's Hungarian...)

Wakey-wakey rise and shi-eeeene!

Oh, and the ever delightful -

'You are a jizz-rag' (she actually said this to me - she learned this from my friends)

"well... things work out for the best."

this usually follows some tragic accident, like a triple suicide or something.

i'll also have one of what land is having and will punch you perhaps even harder if you do the rise and shine thing OR tell me that naps are a waste of time by saying "i wish *I* had time to take a nap....".

no, skip the punching. i'll just kill you.

"If you use it, it will be gone."

"Oh, you've got something on your face...", reaches into her purse, brings out prehistoric tissue, and, YES, spits in it and uses it to clean my face.

That is when I learned the definition of *vurp*.

You're getting on my nerves.

I still cringe when I hear those words.

All I wanted was a little love!! MOMMY WHY??

Once I was out partying in 8th or 9th grade. Me and my buds were riding the neighbors mopeds all around my front yard at something like 11pm and my mom comes into the yard, with that weird assed drunken look. She stares at me for a couple of seconds and then staggers back to the trailer. She was so farked up that she didn't even notice that we were doing moped brodies on the front lawn. Hell, she didn't even know where we got them. Favorite Mom story. Screw it, I'm just gonna start burning my penis with cigarettes and listen to the soundtrack from Beaches.

"I never liked her anyway."
"Oh Sugarjets!" (religious-type)
"You know, you can be replaced." (Joking... I think)
"Really? I kinda like Bill O'Reilly."

"Where did you see it last?" If I knew or if it was there, I wouldn't be looking for it.

"Well, it has to be somewhere." If I rule out the possibility of it having vaporized, yes.

"It will be in the last place you look." Yes, because when I find it, I'll stop looking.

"If wishes were horses then beggers would ride."

Everytime I said "I wish..."

What the hell does that mean!?!

"I hope you grow up to have kids just like you!"

The sad thing is that I did.

2004-05-27 11:59:01 PM Nishi_Kawaguchi _Style
"OR tell me that naps are a waste of time by saying "i wish *I* had time to take a nap....". "

You know, I've noticed that the people who say that to me tend to be people who DO have time to take a nap... but have filled their time with activities only they deem important.

I always say, oh hell, have a nap. It'll help with that uptight thing you got goin'.

I remember once when I was about 13 my mom looked at me and said "You better straighten up because you are acting like a little biatch"

I was scarred and there were many tears.

"Don't bleed on the furniture."

"When are you ever going to make me a grandmother."

This haunts me. Always nagging with a wine glass in her hand, and all I wanted was love....

:sniffle:

Jeebus, charmed, your mom makes me want to shoot myself.

that's funny, tom - i was just thinking that her mother was making me want to shoot her mother....

Well, yeah, but my mom taught me good about Guilt, Kawaguchi-san, so I blame myself first.

oh!! how could i forget??? the classic (used on seeing the color i've painted my living room, a new pair of glasses, my favorite sweater, a painting):

well. it's.... different.

gah. i must now go stomp around the room, much like calvin pretending to be a dinosaur.

are you Catholic tom... or just Sorry?

My mom, when I was bad , would always say " I`ll kick you in the ass so hard your nose will bleed ".

She never did.

Now I say to my kids "You want me to beat you "

"I swear, I can't take you kids anywhere!"

Nishi- Reformed Catholic, thanks. Some things you just can't shake.

Sammy, my dad used to say he'd flip me like a cheese omelette... which usually made us both giggle.

What about, "Jesus, Tom! Quit that! Not in public!"

TomFoolery , something tells me you got the " Do you think your funny " scold a lot.

"Not in my hair! Not in my hair!!!"

"And don't forget to turn Voting-Enabled option on dear."

"Goddammit, quit crying! I'll give you something to cry about!"

or

"No, you can't have one of those. What do you think, money grows on trees?"

Sammy, why, yes! What makes you think that?

"if everyone else wanted to jump off a cliff, would you do it too?"

god yes. especially if it meant that i wouldn't have to hear you say that again.

Just a lucky guess TomFoolery :)

Funny thing is, Mom said that to me this morning about an email I sent out to her and all her co-workers in reply to chain letter she sent.

Been ten years+ since I moved out of the house, and I still get it.

"Sigh. No, its not that big of a deal, but I guess I'm just disappointed." (in you.. being implied of course)

What do you think, money grows on trees?

As a mother, I've expanded on that one.

"Sure, I'll just go and pluck a $20 off that money tree growing in the back yard. Should be ripe enough by now."