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(Slate)   "Dear Prudence: I am a second-generation American. I met someone and we started dating. Eventually, we realized we're distantly related -- third cousins -- and it's common in our culture, but Americans view us with disgust. How do we explain it?"   ( slate.com) divider line
    More: Awkward, unusual job opportunity, back-to-back contested meetings, horrible law firm, religious institution, likely transphobic business, new professional venture, actual educational material, business partnership  
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614 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 13 Sep 2017 at 8:50 AM (12 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2017-09-13 08:21:08 AM  
Date other people.
 
2017-09-13 08:29:32 AM  
Why would they tell

And that kind of thing happens all too frequently, especially in small towns in the US
 
2017-09-13 08:37:47 AM  
What's a 3rd cousin. Genuine question (I'm not my mother so I don't know how this works)

But given I'm Irish, 3rd cousin sounds like a close enough relation to connect everyone to everyone else.
 
2017-09-13 08:39:58 AM  
Really?  Third cousin?  Who gives a crap?
 
2017-09-13 08:40:50 AM  

Gubbo: What's a 3rd cousin. Genuine question (I'm not my mother so I don't know how this works)

But given I'm Irish, 3rd cousin sounds like a close enough relation to connect everyone to everyone else.


https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cousin#Third_cousins
 
2017-09-13 08:43:16 AM  

dittybopper: Gubbo: What's a 3rd cousin. Genuine question (I'm not my mother so I don't know how this works)

But given I'm Irish, 3rd cousin sounds like a close enough relation to connect everyone to everyone else.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cousin#Third_cousins


That genuinely didn't help with my confusion. Except that I'm now even more convinced they can fark all they want.
 
2017-09-13 08:43:35 AM  
Drink bleach, it will dilute the gene pool.
 
2017-09-13 08:43:41 AM  

Gubbo: What's a 3rd cousin. Genuine question (I'm not my mother so I don't know how this works)


You share common great-great grandparents.

Siblings - Common Parents
Cousins - Common Grandparents
2nd Cousins - Common Great-Grandparents
3rd Cousins - Common Great-Great Grandparents
Etc.
 
2017-09-13 08:53:40 AM  
Hillbilly problems.
 
2017-09-13 08:54:34 AM  
Cousins are far enough away that inbreeding risk is minimal. With third cousins that risk is non-existent.
Fark away.
 
2017-09-13 08:55:10 AM  
Don't bring it up to anyone? That might be a solution. Although methinks that cat is already out of the bag.
 
2017-09-13 08:56:26 AM  
1)  Why are you telling people anyway, it's non of their business
2)  Fark all you want, the gene pool ties are so faint there's a minuscule chance of anything bad happening

Enjoy.
 
2017-09-13 09:02:31 AM  
Ted Cruz is cool with it.
 
2017-09-13 09:03:38 AM  
Oh FFS. It's not close enough to matter. People in small communities where everybody is related have little choice.
 
2017-09-13 09:05:58 AM  

Gubbo: What's a 3rd cousin. Genuine question (I'm not my mother so I don't know how this works)


If your parent is a sibling to another person's parent = 1st cousins
If your parent is a 1st cousin to another person's parent = 2nd cousins
If your parent is 2nd cousin to another person's parent = 3rd cousins
 
2017-09-13 09:09:43 AM  

Gubbo: dittybopper: Gubbo: What's a 3rd cousin. Genuine question (I'm not my mother so I don't know how this works)

But given I'm Irish, 3rd cousin sounds like a close enough relation to connect everyone to everyone else.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cousin#Third_cousins

That genuinely didn't help with my confusion. Except that I'm now even more convinced they can fark all they want.


OK, if you're first cousins, you share a set of grandparents.

If you're second cousins, you share a set of great-grandparents.

If you're third cousins, you share a set of great-great-grandparents.

Does that make it more clear?
 
2017-09-13 09:09:49 AM  
I doubt it comes up in conversation but most Americans don't even know who their 3rd or (sometimes) even second cousins are so it really doesn't matter.
 
2017-09-13 09:11:52 AM  

Subtonic: Ted Cruz is cool with it.


With third cousins, who wouldn't be?
 
2017-09-13 09:12:46 AM  
A third cousin is the person you marry after your first two divorces in the hills.
 
2017-09-13 09:14:22 AM  
If you have to go back probably over a century it is no big deal.  Dont bring it up.
 
2017-09-13 09:15:17 AM  
Move to West Virginia, where you'll be less distantly related than the neighbors are to each other.
 
2017-09-13 09:16:14 AM  
Less meaning more.


...as in how much coffee i need.
 
2017-09-13 09:17:25 AM  

dittybopper: Gubbo: What's a 3rd cousin. Genuine question (I'm not my mother so I don't know how this works)

But given I'm Irish, 3rd cousin sounds like a close enough relation to connect everyone to everyone else.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cousin#Third_cousins


Huh I have been calling my first cousins once removed incorrectly as 2nd cousins.  Dad was the youngest of a large close nit brood and waited to have me.  Everyone else got to work.  Just about all of them are about my age.
 
2017-09-13 09:27:00 AM  
To start with, why are you bothering to tell people this?
 
2017-09-13 09:34:38 AM  
If this is even real 3rd cousins are far enough away that any risk of genetic issues is practically non-existent. Just don't tell anyone.

Hell, a look at Icelandic genealogy records claimed that 4th cousins was the ideal match, it was fark enough away to prevent defects but promote positive traits.
 
2017-09-13 09:36:16 AM  

shortymac: Hell, a look at Icelandic genealogy records claimed that 4th cousins was the ideal match, it was fark enough away to prevent defects but promote positive traits.


Now that's a felicitous typo.
 
2017-09-13 09:37:11 AM  
FTFA: there is a lot of disgust associated with cousin relationships in this country, especially in the region where we live

Where is this?
 
2017-09-13 09:48:59 AM  
Just tell them you are European Royalty and are both members of the Habsburg family.
 
2017-09-13 09:50:52 AM  
It's not a big deal.  I don't know why a third cousin relationship would be considered too close.

My mom tried to get me to take my second-cousin to her prom because she didn't have a date.  I said no because that was too close of a relationship and if I was going to prom, I was going to get some tail - not from family.

/South
//Georgia
///Wouldn't have been illegal, but no.  Just no.
 
2017-09-13 09:59:26 AM  
That's not even remotely a big deal and I don't think many people at all would think it is.
 
2017-09-13 10:04:54 AM  
img.fark.netView Full Size

nice.
 
2017-09-13 10:11:51 AM  
If you've never heard the phrase "Git off your sister" it's probably all good
 
2017-09-13 10:15:23 AM  

Ambivalence: I doubt it comes up in conversation but most Americans don't even know who their 3rd or (sometimes) even second cousins are so it really doesn't matter.



I must have close to a hundred first cousins (mom was one of ten, and most of them had large broods and Dads side was still very irish in size)

Second cousins would be orders of magnitude worse (figuratively)

By third cousin, I may be approaching the population of a small country.... possibly Ireland
 
2017-09-13 10:17:10 AM  
Just a thought but how about you stop introducing your date this way "This is my third cousin and boyfriend, Scott"?

If you don't bring it up, how the fark would anybody know?
 
2017-09-13 10:22:44 AM  

Yellow Beard: Just a thought but how about you stop introducing your date this way "This is my third cousin and boyfriend, Scott"?

If you don't bring it up, how the fark would anybody know?


Exactly. It'd be awkward if you're the type to have large family reunions, but just don't go. Otherwise, it'll never come up in conversation with anyone except your closest friends. I doubt there's any real genetic risk with reproducing, so the only other issue is the "ickiness" and since you didn't know each other as cousins, it's not as if the family relationship somehow became corrupted.
 
2017-09-13 10:25:59 AM  

Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: Gubbo: What's a 3rd cousin. Genuine question (I'm not my mother so I don't know how this works)

You share common great-great grandparents.

Siblings - Common Parents
Cousins - Common Grandparents
2nd Cousins - Common Great-Grandparents
3rd Cousins - Common Great-Great Grandparents
Etc.


FYI: The coefficient of relatedness (% shared DNA) is 0.78% for third cousins. That's less than 1% DNA identical by descent.
 
2017-09-13 10:28:22 AM  
 
2017-09-13 10:34:50 AM  

dukeblue219: Yellow Beard: Just a thought but how about you stop introducing your date this way "This is my third cousin and boyfriend, Scott"?

If you don't bring it up, how the fark would anybody know?

Exactly. It'd be awkward if you're the type to have large family reunions, but just don't go. Otherwise, it'll never come up in conversation with anyone except your closest friends. I doubt there's any real genetic risk with reproducing, so the only other issue is the "ickiness" and since you didn't know each other as cousins, it's not as if the family relationship somehow became corrupted.


Although really - who has a family reunion of everyone all the way down from Great-Great-Granparents? Maybe in a family where everyone has kids so young that the Great-Greats are still alive?

My Great-Great Grandparents weren't even born in Canada because it didnt exist yet.
 
2017-09-13 10:39:27 AM  

Gubbo: What's a 3rd cousin. Genuine question (I'm not my mother so I don't know how this works)

But given I'm Irish, 3rd cousin sounds like a close enough relation to connect everyone to everyone else.


Your answer is this: 

dittybopper: Really?  Third cousin?  Who gives a crap?


Third cousins share so little genetic material that it's not worth worrying about. Basically they had the same great-great-grandparents. So their great-grandparents were siblings.
 
2017-09-13 10:40:00 AM  
My grandparents were first cousins, and it didn't have any deleterious effects on me.  Not only that, but my grandparents were first cousins, and it didn't have any deleterious effects on me.
 
2017-09-13 10:44:17 AM  

Ambivalence: I doubt it comes up in conversation but most Americans don't even know who their 3rd or (sometimes) even second cousins are so it really doesn't matter.


Ouch. So true. I'm not even sure I know ANY of my second cousins.
 
2017-09-13 10:45:00 AM  
Drtfa.
But recommend changing name... to Targaryen.
 
2017-09-13 10:47:46 AM  
Loved my sister all my life
That is why she's now my wife....
 
2017-09-13 10:54:14 AM  

edmo: A third cousin is the person you marry after your first two divorces in the hills.


In "the hills" you have to go plenty of towns over to meet anyone who isn't a third cousin.
/My dad's cousin married a gal who turned out to be fourth cousins or something (common great-grandparents for him, common great-great-grandparents for her).
//Expect any two Icelandic people to be that closely related
///"Hey, Baby.  I'm not related to you at all" in an American (or really anything non-scandavain) accent should be a reasonably good pickup line in Iceland.
 
2017-09-13 11:10:03 AM  

montreal_medic: Ambivalence: I doubt it comes up in conversation but most Americans don't even know who their 3rd or (sometimes) even second cousins are so it really doesn't matter.


I must have close to a hundred first cousins (mom was one of ten, and most of them had large broods and Dads side was still very irish in size)

Second cousins would be orders of magnitude worse (figuratively)

By third cousin, I may be approaching the population of a small country.... possibly Ireland


Yeah, both sides of my family has the same Irish-super-big family issue. After 1st cousin we just keep to "cousin" because it's simpler. Both my parents have about 100 first cousins.

Add in the fact that my Mom has double-first cousins (A couple's siblings married each other) which makes it more complicated. The age ranges are funny too, her oldest cousin is approaching 70 while the youngest ("Little" Erin) is almost my age at 35.
 
2017-09-13 11:17:31 AM  

yet_another_wumpus: edmo: A third cousin is the person you marry after your first two divorces in the hills.

In "the hills" you have to go plenty of towns over to meet anyone who isn't a third cousin.
/My dad's cousin married a gal who turned out to be fourth cousins or something (common great-grandparents for him, common great-great-grandparents for her).
//Expect any two Icelandic people to be that closely related
///"Hey, Baby.  I'm not related to you at all" in an American (or really anything non-scandavain) accent should be a reasonably good pickup line in Iceland.


My boss told me a story the other day.  He was travelling for business and they were staying in a small town for a few days.  On the first night he said a woman walked up and asked if she could be his girlfriend.  Not being particularly interested he blew her off.  Over the course of the stay he realized that almost everyone in town had the same last name like in Blazing Saddles.  Women kept hitting on him blatantly, desperately, and explicitly.  None of them were particularly attractive- in fact they all looked alike.  He thinks the whole town was related and these women desperately wanted babies with whoever WASN'T third generation inbred.

/He very tactfully did not comment on the behavior of his traveling partner
 
2017-09-13 11:32:59 AM  
Butt stuff.  The answer is always butt stuff.
 
2017-09-13 11:36:19 AM  

Gubbo: What's a 3rd cousin. Genuine question (I'm not my mother so I don't know how this works)

But given I'm Irish, 3rd cousin sounds like a close enough relation to connect everyone to everyone else.


1/8th of their DNA smoothie comes from the same set of two people, assuming no other relationships anywhere in their family tree.
 
2017-09-13 11:51:30 AM  
I think they can easily tell the story by saying their families come from the same town in the Old Country.  3rd cousin stuff shouldn't even get into it, unless they were both born with the same family name.
 
2017-09-13 11:59:26 AM  

Aidan: Ambivalence: I doubt it comes up in conversation but most Americans don't even know who their 3rd or (sometimes) even second cousins are so it really doesn't matter.

Ouch. So true. I'm not even sure I know ANY of my second cousins.


I don't even know all my first cousins on my dad's side of the family.
 
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