Do you have adblock enabled?
 
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(BBC)   The best joke of this year's Edinburgh fringe has been announced, what's your best one liner?   ( bbc.co.uk) divider line
    More: Amusing, BBC, new pound coin, BBC Radio 4, Ken Cheng, Joke, The Funniest Joke in the World, Edinburgh Festival Fringe, Funniest Joke  
•       •       •

697 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 22 Aug 2017 at 10:50 AM (16 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



54 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all

 
2017-08-22 07:56:37 AM  
s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.comView Full Size
 
2017-08-22 09:14:30 AM  
And then the murders began...

/got nothing
 
2017-08-22 10:02:05 AM  
I have an awesome Alzheimer's joke but I forgot it.
 
2017-08-22 10:30:40 AM  
My best one-liners are situation/subject specific

/ya kinda gotta be there
 
2017-08-22 10:49:52 AM  
Maybe it's because of my math degree, but I think they should give a small prize to the people who nominated the winning joke, with a certificate that says, "greatest comedy nominator."
 
2017-08-22 10:51:14 AM  
"YER FACE!"
 
2017-08-22 10:52:38 AM  
I won't tell you the joke about paper.  It's tearable.
 
2017-08-22 10:58:12 AM  
I used to be scared of negative numbers, I'd stop at nothing to avoid them.
 
2017-08-22 10:58:44 AM  
President Trump.

/topical!
 
2017-08-22 11:00:36 AM  
Had to explain the joke to my SO.

After playing the audio twice.
 
2017-08-22 11:02:03 AM  
I submitted my ten best jokes to this competition, I thought at least one of them might get a prize but no pun in ten did.
 
2017-08-22 11:04:13 AM  
When stuck for something funny to say I usually just fart. It's called a 'gag'.
 
2017-08-22 11:04:48 AM  
Making America Grate Again
 
2017-08-22 11:07:33 AM  
A guy walks into a bar.  Ouch.

Two guys walk into a bar.  You'd think one of them would have seen it.
 
2017-08-22 11:08:28 AM  
You really gotta hand it to short people.
 
2017-08-22 11:12:43 AM  
Who are you gonna believe, me or your own eyes?
 
2017-08-22 11:17:59 AM  
Two Amish men walk into a barn.
 
2017-08-22 11:31:47 AM  
Two peanuts were walking down the street, one was assaulted.
 
2017-08-22 11:33:41 AM  
Jokes are no longer hate-speech? And hate-speech stopped passing for jokes now? I sincerely doubt it.

Therefore I'll keep my jokes to myself. If you want hate-speech passing as jokes, try late night TV. I don't have the energy or desire to keep that kind of hate going for that long.
 
2017-08-22 11:42:41 AM  
All I have are endless Simpsons references, with a handful of Family Guy, Futurama and Archer thrown in for good measure.
 
2017-08-22 11:49:31 AM  
The Dalai Lama walks up to the hot dog vendor and says "make me one with everything"
 
2017-08-22 11:55:56 AM  
Each day is better than the next.
 
2017-08-22 12:19:51 PM  
Thank you, I'm here all week, remember to tip your cows.
 
2017-08-22 12:26:32 PM  
I'd rather have a bottle front of me than a frontal lobotomy.
 
2017-08-22 12:27:18 PM  
Ed Byrne's.
 
2017-08-22 12:28:57 PM  

johnny_vegas: The Dalai Lama walks up to the hot dog vendor and says "make me one with everything"


He pays the vendor with a $20 and asks for change, the vendor replies "change comes from within"
 
2017-08-22 12:29:28 PM  
Why Russians fly Americans to space?
So when is time to land, someone still sober.
 
2017-08-22 12:29:50 PM  
Oh my one liner ---

/ Fb is the father
 
2017-08-22 12:39:22 PM  
My favorite joke has always been:

What's prettier than my roses on your piano?

Your tulips on my organ.

It's terse, crass, and easy to remember.    Plus it lets the audience know I want my hoagie slurped.

I also have a fondness for "How many ____s does it take to screw in a lightbulb"  jokes, which I don't fully understand.
 
2017-08-22 12:55:31 PM  
Most of above seem more like dad jokes

I used to collect amusing Fark remarks - better quality oneliners

Why yes, I do hold festering grudges, why do you ask?

She'd be described as good looking in any language, particularly braille.

Like a good neighbor, I do not care

I recommend psychotics. Approaching sanity from the other side is probably the shorter route.

Nepotism is only kin deep

Alcohol may have benefactor.

I threw a boomerang a few years ago. I now live in constant fear.

I, for one, like Roman numerals.

It's a naked woman, not a Swastika formed from aborted fetuses lit on fire.
         Now I have to get you a new birthday surprise.

I bet she farks like a racehorse, eats like a plowhorse, and farts like a Clydesdale.

I don't need you! I have a HUGE TV!

Old people drive too close to the car behind them

If you teach a man to fish, he'll sit in a boat drinking a beer

Life is sacred. Until you're born. Then you're farked."

Holy shiat where did those goalposts go?!

This is the feces of the bull

Every sentence is a sexual innuendo if you think long and hard about it

a little from column A, a little from column B

I was a hardened criminal once. Stole a whole crate of viagra.

By that I mean I'd penis her until she was disappointed

Subject was then euthanized with a brief burst of automatic weapons fire.

Just wait until President Madagascar hears about this

He's one of them swarthy races, I understand

These people are on the wrong end of the digestive process..

I don't always wrestle with my demons. Sometimes we cuddle
 
2017-08-22 01:00:16 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2017-08-22 01:04:05 PM  
How is a penis like a testicle?

It's not.  In fact, there's a vas deferens between them.
 
2017-08-22 01:12:06 PM  
Nothing rhymes with Orange.
No it doesn't.
 
2017-08-22 01:26:09 PM  
So do they let Frankie Howard out of the BBC bunker one week every year to tell a joke and then push him back in before he has a chance to insult more people?

I miss him on Mock the Week.
 
Boe [TotalFark] [BareFark]
2017-08-22 01:44:32 PM  

This text is now purple: Ed Byrne's.


He told one of my favorite jokes on Mock the Week:

Papa Bear said "someone's been sleeping in MY bed.  Mama Bear said "It was probably your whore Linda."

/Frankie Boyle's joke was better than the winner
 
2017-08-22 01:53:53 PM  
dialbforblog.comView Full Size
 
2017-08-22 02:44:09 PM  
They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comic. But no one is laughing now.
 
2017-08-22 02:49:22 PM  

3. "I've given up asking rhetorical questions. What's the point?" - Alexei Sayle


There's a name I've not heard in a long time.

Or since 2014, when Rik Mayall died.
 
2017-08-22 03:25:16 PM  

mjjt: Most of above seem more like dad jokes


You say that likes it a bad thing.

I woke up to a tap on the door this morning, my plumbers got a really odd sense of humour. 

/what do i know, i like puns
//a groan is a win
///got nuthin'
 
2017-08-22 03:44:42 PM  

rjakobi: So do they let Frankie Howard out of the BBC bunker one week every year to tell a joke and then push him back in before he has a chance to insult more people?

I miss him on Mock the Week.


Frankie Howerd.

/titter ye not
 
2017-08-22 03:46:53 PM  
What's brown and sticky? A stick.

/no-one here wanted me to follow up on the Knock-Knock joke I borrowed from the UK's National Poo Museum, so here it is
 
2017-08-22 04:22:48 PM  
Hear about the agnostic dyslexic insomniac? He stays awake nights wondering if there's a Dog.
 
2017-08-22 04:36:49 PM  

theDesertHamster: mjjt: Most of above seem more like dad jokes

You say that likes it a bad thing.

I woke up to a tap on the door this morning, my plumbers got a really odd sense of humour. 

/what do i know, i like puns
//a groan is a win
///got nuthin'


yeah I love puns too, but only when I'm the one dealing them
 
2017-08-22 05:49:37 PM  

Danger Mouse: Nothing rhymes with Orange.
No it doesn't.


sporange
 
2017-08-22 06:24:42 PM  
What's the connection between Donald Trump and the shutdown of Big Ben?

Nobody wanted to hear the bell end.
 
2017-08-22 06:36:20 PM  
"It's actually true that NASA hired Kubrick to fake the moon landings, but he's such a perfectionist he filmed on location."
 
2017-08-22 07:10:10 PM  
I thought I would be an astronaut one day. The teacher said I was taking up space.
 
2017-08-22 08:08:30 PM  
Like I used to tell my kids, I really love Cheese Nips but Mom has trouble getting the slices to stay on.
 
2017-08-22 09:42:29 PM  
What's the one thing you must never saying a Victoria's Secret?
Does this come in kid's sizes?

Also read this week:
HR interviewer to an elderly applicant: What is your greatest weakness?
Old man: My honesty.
HR interviewer: I wouldn't consider that a weakness.
Old man: I don't give a damn what you think.
 
2017-08-22 10:19:08 PM  

brap: My favorite joke has always been:

What's prettier than my roses on your piano?

Your tulips on my organ.

It's terse, crass, and easy to remember.    Plus it lets the audience know I want my hoagie slurped.

I also have a fondness for "How many ____s does it take to screw in a lightbulb"  jokes, which I don't fully understand.


CSB: The first time I met my future mother in law, she looks at me, shakes my hand with a big smile, says "hi, nice to meet you, want to hear a joke?"  Then she comes out with that one.

Me wife still reminices about all the many shades of red my face turned in the next few moments.
 
Displayed 50 of 54 comments


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all


View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking

On Twitter





Top Commented
Javascript is required to view headlines in widget.
  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report