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(Slate)   "Dear Prudence: I am underemployed and using the local food bank to help supplement my family's grocery needs. I feel anger and resentment when I see others here using iPads and wearing expensive watches. I feel they don't need it. What do I do?"   ( slate.com) divider line
    More: Sad, food bank, Sexual intercourse, Human sexuality, free food, open relationship, n't need help, local food bank, 27-year-old lesbian living  
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596 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 16 Aug 2017 at 9:50 AM (17 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2017-08-16 05:03:58 AM  
One person's circumstances are not yours, and people do abuse the system, but you may not know whom. We did a food drive at work and my coworker delivered the goods to the big food bank; she said she pulled up and there was a line of people waiting to rush in.
It was a lot, she said, and she felt sad. She spoke to a volunteer who said, "Those are people from the churches and smaller food banks. The food isn't for them; it's for the community or parish they service." She told us this and didn't think the scope of neediness was so great in the community.
 
2017-08-16 05:42:53 AM  
Be grateful for the help you do get?
 
2017-08-16 06:27:09 AM  
You know all the "eligibility" crap you had to go through to use the food bank?  These people had to go through it too.  Like you, they weren't born poor.  They probably had a decent life at some point and have fallen on hard times, just like you.  Should people be required to sell ALL of their belongings before seeking assistance?

Just be thankful that help is available when you need it instead of looking for excuses to shame others into accepting it for their circumstances.
 
2017-08-16 07:07:13 AM  
Here's something you can do: Take a deep breath. Clear your mind. Now, picture someone telling you that you're "underemployed" because you're lazy.

Then compare that mind-set to your own.
 
Ant
2017-08-16 09:18:21 AM  
Mind your own farking business. Maybe those things were gifts. Either way, knock it off.
 
2017-08-16 09:45:45 AM  
This may come as a shock, but people may have had things they treasure before they fell upon hard times suddenly, and they might want to keep those things because they're the only things they have left.  Besides, that watch... well, you don't wanna know where their father kept that watch during the war.
 
2017-08-16 10:00:25 AM  
Be angry at the sanctimonious people that tell you that those people don't exist.
 
2017-08-16 10:01:44 AM  
butt out, buttinski
 
2017-08-16 10:11:02 AM  
Oh ho ho, look who has a fancy schmancy computer, and all the time in the world to ask Dear Prudence for help.   Maybe you should have kept that long-winded sob story to three sentences, and used the rest of your time to LOOK FOR A JOB!

Or not.  I don't care.
 
2017-08-16 10:15:49 AM  
What do you do? Mind your own f*cking business. That's what you do.
People that were financially stable this year can be poor next year, but that does not mean that all they owned simply disappears. Take your food bank food, go the f*ck home, and don't be concerned about what other people have.
 
2017-08-16 10:16:11 AM  
Steal, ebay, profit.  If you get caught, then you won't have deal with those people any more.  Either way, problem solved.
 
2017-08-16 10:28:28 AM  
Dont worry hon, there are plenty of people looking at you and thinking the same things for different reasons. Maybe your hair is too nice or they noticed that expensive boob job you got back during the good times. It's amazing poor people can afford to shower don't you think. Maybe it's the fact the you own a refrigerator to store your food. You can't worry that people think you're poor because you're lazy and have loose morals.

Don't be them.
 
2017-08-16 10:29:13 AM  

rewind2846: What do you do? Mind your own f*cking business. That's what you do.
People that were financially stable this year can be poor next year, but that does not mean that all they owned simply disappears. Take your food bank food, go the f*ck home, and don't be concerned about what other people have.


While I agree with what you say, that's rich to see someone posting on Fark, a site with users notorious for being jealous of anyone having anything they don't.
 
2017-08-16 10:30:15 AM  
Those people are not the reason you are having trouble.  They are people in the life boat with you.

Those are folks fighting to survive WITH you.

Don't lash out at them because you can see them.

Go watch the folks in the rich area of your town flaunt it.  Sit down with a cup and ask them for soare change.  See how much money you raise compared to insults or threats.

Then consider carefully who you consider a problem.
 
2017-08-16 10:35:47 AM  

Carousel Beast: rewind2846: What do you do? Mind your own f*cking business. That's what you do.
People that were financially stable this year can be poor next year, but that does not mean that all they owned simply disappears. Take your food bank food, go the f*ck home, and don't be concerned about what other people have.

While I agree with what you say, that's rich to see someone posting on Fark, a site with users notorious for being jealous of anyone having anything they don't.


"Jealous?"

Speaking as a lawyer who is pretty much set for life, I have never seen "jealousy."

I have regularly seen people articulate a legitimate concern over the structural ways that help the wealthy get more at the expense of others.

I have seen hostility to the indifferent callousness of wealth.

I have seen partisans of wealth claim to be supwrior simply because of the size of their wallets.

But trust me, no one is jealous of you.  You are safe.  No one at all wants to have anything you have..or be anything like you.
 
2017-08-16 10:35:59 AM  
I just bought a Coach purse at the thrift store yesterday. I don't generally wear anything that my black Coach purses don't match, but I've been needing a tan one. Found a nice tan and white one for $28, took it home and spent an hour giving it a thorough cleaning, now I have another Coach purse. These purses are usually about $100+, but a good deal, and some cleaning, and I can carry it like I do my $250 Coach. Just because you don't have a lot of money, doesn't mean you can't fake it.
 
2017-08-16 10:39:15 AM  
Sounds so much like the idiots that freak out when they see people park in handicap stalls and then walk into a store. They're just too stupid to comprehend that someone could be disabled and also be able to farking walk. There's a chance they're abusing the system but you certainly can't tell from outward appearances. You shouldn't expect people to sell everything they own the second they fall on hard times.
 
2017-08-16 10:43:18 AM  
"Considering you're posting this question from a computer with an Internet connection, maybe you should get off your high horse, Judgy McJudgenstein."
 
2017-08-16 10:43:35 AM  
Vote republican so the entire safety net is removed and you and your family starve to death, but at least you're stigginit to the other.
 
2017-08-16 10:44:30 AM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2017-08-16 10:46:01 AM  

seriously.though: I just bought a Coach purse at the thrift store yesterday.... I can carry it like I do my $250 Coach.


img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2017-08-16 10:46:56 AM  
Maybe you just STFU and keep on doing your own thing. Do you think these things disappear when people lose jobs? And I'm curious how you know the watches are "expensive"? Flash isn't actual value.

And no, don't tell these people to pawn their shiat, either. That's a farking ripoff right there.
 
2017-08-16 10:50:48 AM  

Theaetetus: seriously.though: I just bought a Coach purse at the thrift store yesterday.... I can carry it like I do my $250 Coach.

[img.fark.net image 388x500]


To be fair, I got my $250 bag for almost half price due to a black friday deal, and a coupon. I don't pay full price for anything if I can help it.
 
2017-08-16 10:51:15 AM  
Maybe the person with the iPad is using it to search for a job.
 
2017-08-16 11:04:58 AM  
Maybe you should speculate on other peoples' life circumstances less and spend more time reading recipes on how to make your rice and beans palatable, Judgie Judy.
 
2017-08-16 11:07:58 AM  
Allow me, the self appointed Dear Sarcasmy, to improve the responses to the fake letters:

1) Mention it loudly to anyone within earshot. You're so much more deserving than everyone else and they need to be aware of this fact. You haven't spent your money on knockoff purses at the flea market or spent your entertainment budget on one luxury item. No, you are a wiser economic mind as evidenced by your clear understanding of your own underemployment. You see, you're so much better than your lot in life and all circumstances are beyond your control. Make sure, through your attitude and comments, that everybody present knows you're just a temporarily embarrassed millionaire. They'll be sure to give you the respect you so richly deserve.

2) My God, men are hitting on an attractive woman who appears to be available? This is the patriarchy inherent in the system. You need to throw off the shackles of the cisgender heteronormative system. Cut your hair short. Gain 80 pounds (or 50 kilos, whichever comes first). Make sure every piece of clothing reflects your sexual orientation and begin lecturing your friends about the indecency of these "men" and their toxic masculinity. Make sure they understand how they are supporting a corrupt and oppressive system by their behavior. Explain it to them at every opportunity and ask, no, DEMAND that they attend venues that are clearly safe spaces for womyn like you. Believe me, this problem you have with their behavior on your nights out will go away in short order if you take my advice.

3) Why would you shrink back from working on this project? You need to be invested in your career. Just because you'll be occasionally dreaming about the salt and pepper hair on your coworker, wondering if it's the same way on his muscled chest, shouldn't hold you back. No, you should work with him, enjoying his worldly wisdom that your husband clearly has not had the time to develop. You deserve some time to be in the presence of this much more affluent worker, because his years in the workforce have rewarded him with the material goods you and your husband have yet to accumulate... after all, he might suggest taking you to lunch at nicer restaurants than your husband can afford on his entry level salary. You deserve it! At no point will this fantasy of yours travel from being between you and the pulse setting on your shower head to being in your mind as your young husband inexpertly manhandles your tight and nubile young body in bed. No, you won't be wondering how an experienced man can give expert pleasure to a desirable young woman such as yourself. There's no reason to redouble your efforts in your own marriage, to redirect your fantasies toward the one you promised to love and cherish! That's silly talk. You need to seek your own career and fulfillment, and if your husband really loved you, he'd say this to you directly.

4) Bugger off, I'm the answer giver here.

5) Is an open relationship the answer? Why are you even asking the question? If your partner can't give you the fantastic sex you deserve, there's no reason to continue working on it. Go find your orgasms elsewhere. Don't worry- your partner won't be left feeling insecure and inadequate. This suggestion certainly hasn't planted that seed in the relationship- perish the thought! Your problem is sexual boredom, and Dr. Sarcasmy has one prescription- strange dick. Go get filled!

6) I said, I'M THE ANSWER GIVER HERE. Why would you perpetuate structures of oppression like a piece of jewelry to show someone's ownership of you? Get woke, nazi.

7) Snitches get stitches. I hope you have a good health insurance plan.

8) Learn to drive a stick properly, moron.

9) Your friend is just confused. She yearns for the dirtbag because she's never seen true love, the love you so badly want to provide. You've seen it in her eyes. Sit next to her on the couch, put on some weepy romance. Have her lean into you as you massage her shoulders. Keep moving your hands down her back and to her sides. Gradually slip them under her arms, then onto her... (ahem). You get the idea. I'd suggest wine, but you let her go get knocked up before trying this, and pregnant women should NOT consume alcohol.

10) Fark his dad.
 
2017-08-16 11:14:01 AM  
The thing about expensive watches and I-Pads is that even with the proper seasoning, they don't taste very good,
 
2017-08-16 11:36:55 AM  

brap: The thing about expensive watches and I-Pads is that even with the proper seasoning, they don't taste very good,


You're not breaking them down enough.  Try marinating them in a vinegar based marinade for a few days to tenderize and allow the flavor to really work in there.  Kind of like a sauerbraten.
 
2017-08-16 11:47:03 AM  
I like watching the VICE channel. You want to see what 'poor' is really like:

https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/ppvd4y/the-kiwi-photographer-who-l​i​ved-in-a-filipino-graveyard


Living Amid Graves & Bones: The Philippines' Cemetery Slums
Youtube 166eY5_hn1I
 
2017-08-16 12:13:52 PM  

Ant: Mind your own farking business. Maybe those things were gifts. Either way, knock it off.


This ^^.  Seems like me minding my own business or you minding yours is a concept as obsolete as (insert name of electronic device or analog or manual device here).
 
2017-08-16 12:14:28 PM  
When I volunteered I helped more than a couple of people load groceries into their Mercedes, BMWs, etc. I figured they maybe fell on hard times. This was during the recession. And in Seattle. If you can live with yourself to take a few bags of moldering grocieries, there is nothing I could do but withhold judgement. I too needed the help and traded my service for food. I would probably still go as minimum wage in Seattle goes just so far. I just don't have the time to volunteer or stand in line.
 
2017-08-16 12:25:05 PM  

brap: The thing about expensive watches and I-Pads is that even with the proper seasoning, they don't taste very good,


It's called "tough love".

/ The secret ingredient is phone
 
2017-08-16 12:25:50 PM  

Theaetetus: "Considering you're posting this question from a computer with an Internet connection, maybe you should get off your high horse, Judgy McJudgenstein."


Libraries offer both for free.
Try to move a bit beyond the early 90's in your thinking.
 
2017-08-16 12:28:23 PM  
Be thankful that even though you are down on your luck, you still have the luxury to get outraged at what other people do. True survival doesn't leave time for outrage.
 
2017-08-16 12:31:49 PM  

ds615: Theaetetus: "Considering you're posting this question from a computer with an Internet connection, maybe you should get off your high horse, Judgy McJudgenstein."

Libraries offer both for free.
Try to move a bit beyond the early 90's in your thinking.


Pff, libraries are where homeless people go to masturbate.
 
2017-08-16 12:37:53 PM  

wejash: Carousel Beast: rewind2846: What do you do? Mind your own f*cking business. That's what you do.
People that were financially stable this year can be poor next year, but that does not mean that all they owned simply disappears. Take your food bank food, go the f*ck home, and don't be concerned about what other people have.

While I agree with what you say, that's rich to see someone posting on Fark, a site with users notorious for being jealous of anyone having anything they don't.

"Jealous?"

Speaking as a lawyer who is pretty much set for life, I have never seen "jealousy."

I have regularly seen people articulate a legitimate concern over the structural ways that help the wealthy get more at the expense of others.

I have seen hostility to the indifferent callousness of wealth.

I have seen partisans of wealth claim to be supwrior simply because of the size of their wallets.

But trust me, no one is jealous of you.  You are safe.  No one at all wants to have anything you have..or be anything like you.


Can't tell if you're stupid or putting on a beautiful performance piece. Kudos if the latter.

/That you're paying for a free message forum does make me lean toward the former, though
 
2017-08-16 12:38:15 PM  

Theaetetus: ds615: Theaetetus: "Considering you're posting this question from a computer with an Internet connection, maybe you should get off your high horse, Judgy McJudgenstein."

Libraries offer both for free.
Try to move a bit beyond the early 90's in your thinking.

Pff, libraries are where homeless people go to masturbate.


I already told you, I'm not homeless!
 
2017-08-16 12:49:16 PM  
It's not troll make. It's probably stolen.
 
2017-08-16 12:53:20 PM  
You should continue to be a judgemental busybody. But don't limit it to just the food bank, be sure to openly and loudly criticize everyone you meet! It's a sure-fire way to either get lots of new friends, or a lonely unmourned death!
 
2017-08-16 01:08:04 PM  
This is actually something that genuinely perplexes me. I have seen homeless folks with a nicer phone than mine, although it's often damaged (cracked screen usually). Sometimes, I fix the things for free, when I can spare the time. 3-4 people who I occasionally help out (to the tune of a shower or a load of laundry, etc.) keep having a nicer phone than mine, as in, they will manage to replace it every 3-6 months. It's usually an iphone or a samsung. They generally tell me that they get it free with a phone contract, but I've never been able to get a good deal in that sense.
 
2017-08-16 01:15:34 PM  
CSB - I work at a free lunch for the needy place most Saturdays. So one Saturday we were serving and the local Universities were having a "Day of Service" day for students.  These kids, mostly fraternity and sorority types, roll up in Jeeps, BMWs, expensive SUVs and such to spend the morning painting run down shacks, raking leaves, etc. So this older woman who was herding the group comes over to our tables where we have prepared hot meals for the poor (I mean, dirt poor). So she says she needs 20 go boxes of food. So I'm like who for? and she goes it is for these kids who have been working so hard (maybe 90 minutes).  I tell her this food is for the poor. There is a McD's about 4-5 blocks away, they have $1 burgers, go buy a few sacks. Smoke is coming off of my head the whole time.
 
2017-08-16 02:21:47 PM  
Know how I know this letter's made up? Because I know people who use food banks, and most of them have all sorts of things like iPads, designer clothes and expensive(-looking) watches, because they can afford those things on their limited income and they understand that looking nice and feeling like you're not dirt poor is more pleasant than living a miserly life in squalor trying to get ahead.

At the same time, these folks struggle with equitable housing, educational opportunities, job availability and food deserts. Many don't have much in the way of overhead because they can't afford to own vehicles or homes. A lot of them are also averse to using banks, and they'd rather put their money into things they can have now than sock away cash that can be stolen from them by friends, relatives or burglars. (Things can be stolen too, but they're easier to track down or replace than cash.)

The idea that poor people have to look poor is a holdover from imagery of the Great Depression when there was no work and when possessions were, in general, very expensive to own. In Postwar America, things became a lot cheaper, to the point that even our poorest citizens today can afford what would have seemed like luxuries to people of the past since so much of what we consume today is made cheaply and marketed for relatively quick sale.

There's been a lot of research done on what it means to live in poverty in America. Having a few nice things doesn't make anyone rich or poor in anything but spirit - it's the bigger issue of not being able to find stability and opportunities to grow, and then being more susceptible to cheap thrill behaviors that are ultimately destructive (alcoholism, drug use, gambling and so forth) or more vulnerable to crime.
 
2017-08-16 02:43:04 PM  

Carousel Beast: rewind2846: What do you do? Mind your own f*cking business. That's what you do.
People that were financially stable this year can be poor next year, but that does not mean that all they owned simply disappears. Take your food bank food, go the f*ck home, and don't be concerned about what other people have.

While I agree with what you say, that's rich to see someone posting on Fark, a site with users notorious for being jealous of anyone having anything they don't.


*yoink*

I'm stealing that post for later.
 
2017-08-16 08:39:52 PM  

wejash: Those people are not the reason you are having trouble.  They are people in the life boat with you.

Those are folks fighting to survive WITH you.

Don't lash out at them because you can see them.

Go watch the folks in the rich area of your town flaunt it.  Sit down with a cup and ask them for soare change.  See how much money you raise compared to insults or threats.

Then consider carefully who you consider a problem.


No don't sit down with a cup and ask for change. Have some self respect.

I crashed and burned a couple years ago. Lost everything. Moved my broke ass across the county on borrowed money to take a job paying less than I made 20 years earlier. Had to wear a tie to work again. Beggars saw me and hit me up. A few got pissed because I didn't give them anything despite me having nothing I'm my wallet and being tens of thousands in debt (counting a house I couldn't sell or rent).

Days I had a couple bucks, I gave to the guy with no hands that sold or gave away flowers. If I had use of the shared car instead of the bus I would help out at the food bank or homeless shelter
 
2017-08-16 10:26:56 PM  
My neighbors are shameless scammers of the food bank.  They used to brag that they grabbed so much food, it would probably go bad before they could use it.  They managed to also get free firewood delivered, new windows and a second refrigerator from the county to store all the extra food (no kids, just them).  But somehow they have enough money to buy food for their 6 dogs.

While they were grabbing as much goodies as they possibly could and bragging to anyone who would listen, I got laid off and was selling my shiat on ebay to try to keep the bills paid.   My husband called around to tree service businesses to see if he could pick up some firewood and I keep a towel stuffed under my fridge because it leaks massive puddles.  I learned how to get by on $2 of food a day.  My neighbors were so shameless it made me that much more motivated to not stoop to their level.

I know most the people who go to food banks actually need to and they'd much rather not have to do it, but the ones who take advantage like my neighbors push my rage button to 11.

I loved that humblebrag purse story from up in the thread.  Someone bought me a $34 purse from JC Penny's 10 years ago and I'm still using it.  I can't imagine having $250 to throw away on a purse.  Or even caring if it's designer for that matter.
 
2017-08-16 10:35:14 PM  
I'm glad nobody on Fark has shiftless mooching shiatbag acquaintances or relatives.
 
2017-08-17 09:26:07 AM  

spiritplumber: This is actually something that genuinely perplexes me. I have seen homeless folks with a nicer phone than mine, although it's often damaged (cracked screen usually). Sometimes, I fix the things for free, when I can spare the time. 3-4 people who I occasionally help out (to the tune of a shower or a load of laundry, etc.) keep having a nicer phone than mine, as in, they will manage to replace it every 3-6 months. It's usually an iphone or a samsung. They generally tell me that they get it free with a phone contract, but I've never been able to get a good deal in that sense.


That's because those "free phone with contract" things are never actually good deals.  Because it's not Get this $600 phone free, it's Get this $600 phone free*

*Not actually free - no money down, $40 monthly payment for 36 months

But that payment is just bundled in with the cost of service, and people don't think about the cost of the phone as a separate expense, and the cell service "costs what it costs"
 
2017-08-17 09:31:50 AM  

hobbes0022: Vote republican so the entire safety net is removed and you and your family starve to death, but at least you're stigginit to the other.


harlee has spoken with people who think that private food banks should be outlawed because "privately run food distribution by do-gooders merely encourages people to be lazy and get free handouts." That is an actual quote.
 
2017-08-17 09:38:29 AM  

ds615: Theaetetus: "Considering you're posting this question from a computer with an Internet connection, maybe you should get off your high horse, Judgy McJudgenstein."

Libraries offer both for free.
Try to move a bit beyond the early 90's in your thinking.


When harlee and Mrs' harlee were living in their truck, the local library decided to limit computer time to 45 minutes per session, with a maximum of two sessions per day. This was to keep homeless people from monopolizing the computers.
 
2017-08-17 09:41:21 AM  

spiritplumber: This is actually something that genuinely perplexes me. I have seen homeless folks with a nicer phone than mine, although it's often damaged (cracked screen usually). Sometimes, I fix the things for free, when I can spare the time. 3-4 people who I occasionally help out (to the tune of a shower or a load of laundry, etc.) keep having a nicer phone than mine, as in, they will manage to replace it every 3-6 months. It's usually an iphone or a samsung. They generally tell me that they get it free with a phone contract, but I've never been able to get a good deal in that sense.


The Samsungs are probably Obamaphones.
 
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