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(Slate)   "Dear Prudence: My boyfriend of ten years proposed; I accepted. He's a sexual pervert, though; he's into exhibitionism and voyeurism, homemade porn, BDSM, orgies, and wears high heels. I'm into regular sex. But, we're in love. Am I doomed?"   ( slate.com) divider line
    More: Awkward, partner, women, time, people, major firm events, ruthlessly strategic approach, time gathering evidence, best friend  
•       •       •

8407 clicks; posted to Main » on 13 Aug 2017 at 10:03 AM (17 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



151 Comments     (+0 »)
 
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2017-08-13 08:06:54 AM  
Most regular couples are doomed, darling. You two are destined for a special kind of oblivion.
 
2017-08-13 08:23:14 AM  
Not sure why she didn't answer with one one word. "Yes'.
 
2017-08-13 08:27:22 AM  
You've been with the guy for 10 years. It's not like you haven't had plenty of options before now. Clearly you're both willing to settle for each other.
 
2017-08-13 09:09:23 AM  

Ambivalence: You've been with the guy for 10 years. It's not like you haven't had plenty of options before now. Clearly you're both willing to settle for each other.


Yep.
 
2017-08-13 09:16:41 AM  
Could be worse, you could be engaged to this degenerate farker.
 
2017-08-13 09:27:32 AM  

BumpInTheNight: Could be worse, you could be engaged to this degenerate farker.


Sees what you did there
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2017-08-13 09:35:02 AM  
I didn't bother reading. I'm guessing those are his porn proclivities, which means he's no different than any other guy, more or less. If he's active in those scenes and they've been together ten years, he's made it work (maybe he disappears for hours at a time?), so, uh, go ahead. Married couples don't have sex anyway.
 
2017-08-13 09:37:53 AM  

edmo: BumpInTheNight: Could be worse, you could be engaged to this degenerate farker.

Sees what you did there
[img.fark.net image 245x139]


Cute..   +2      " It,s your thing..  do what ya wanna do"
 
2017-08-13 09:43:03 AM  

Nadie_AZ: Ambivalence: You've been with the guy for 10 years. It's not like you haven't had plenty of options before now. Clearly you're both willing to settle for each other.
Yep.


Is this real? This can't be real. How could you even go with somebody who is so different in sexual tastes? It would be like saying, "My boyfriend is gay, but we'd like to get married. This will work, won't it?"
 
2017-08-13 09:58:08 AM  
Dear Prudence: My boyfriend says to-may-to, but I say to-mah-to. Should we call the whole thing off?
 
2017-08-13 10:03:45 AM  
This fake letter was more interesting:

My fear is that I may be attracted to women for the reasons a patriarchal society tells me to be. How do I know if I am truly attracted to women when I have only coveted their bodies?

I'd say 'act like a goddamn grownup and figure out what you want, until then you aren't mature enough for sex'.
 
2017-08-13 10:07:01 AM  

Ambivalence: You've been with the guy for 10 years. It's not like you haven't had plenty of options before now. Clearly you're both willing to settle for each other.


Pretty much this, although this is more of a "Dear Penthouse" type of letter than normal. Readership must be slipping pretty bad.
 
2017-08-13 10:07:54 AM  
You had me at "voyeurism"...

... but you lost me at scat...
 
2017-08-13 10:09:02 AM  
My GF of about a year and a half and I just broke up last night, so I'm getting a kick out of this article.

/ not really
// at least we weren't married, which would have made the inevitable breakup messier
/// hoping i get back in the saddle soon
//// love sucks
 
2017-08-13 10:11:05 AM  

PhilCollinsBeatBox: My GF of about a year and a half and I just broke up last night, so I'm getting a kick out of this article.

/ not really
// at least we weren't married, which would have made the inevitable breakup messier
/// hoping i get back in the saddle soon
//// love sucks


So you were into BDSM orgies and she wasn't?
 
2017-08-13 10:11:34 AM  

BumpInTheNight: Could be worse, you could be engaged to this degenerate farker.

Ha! Nice, you had me fooled for a moment. My profile is my wholesome than Family Circus thank you.
 
2017-08-13 10:11:54 AM  

PhilCollinsBeatBox: My GF of about a year and a half and I just broke up last night, so I'm getting a kick out of this article.

/ not really
// at least we weren't married, which would have made the inevitable breakup messier
/// hoping i get back in the saddle soon
//// love sucks


Sorry to hear. I obviously don't know the particulars but it wasn't working for at least one of you. When it's past the point of salvaging and reconciling it's time to hit the ejector handle. You'll be fine and land on your feet. No sense in being in a relationship if both parties aren't mentally or emotionally there.
 
2017-08-13 10:12:42 AM  
So he's kinky, and she's boring and/or as frigid as an iceberg. I give the prospective marriage about 3 months before he starts cheating.
 
2017-08-13 10:12:47 AM  

PhilCollinsBeatBox: My GF of about a year and a half and I just broke up last night, so I'm getting a kick out of this article.

/ not really
// at least we weren't married, which would have made the inevitable breakup messier
/// hoping i get back in the saddle soon
//// love sucks


A feeling of liberation should be on the way soon enough.
 
2017-08-13 10:15:41 AM  

thismomentinblackhistory: PhilCollinsBeatBox: My GF of about a year and a half and I just broke up last night, so I'm getting a kick out of this article.

/ not really
// at least we weren't married, which would have made the inevitable breakup messier
/// hoping i get back in the saddle soon
//// love sucks

A feeling of liberation should be on the way soon enough.


Liberation feels like a tightly gripped right hand?

(Unless, of course, he's left handed)
 
2017-08-13 10:15:55 AM  

js34603: PhilCollinsBeatBox: My GF of about a year and a half and I just broke up last night, so I'm getting a kick out of this article.

/ not really
// at least we weren't married, which would have made the inevitable breakup messier
/// hoping i get back in the saddle soon
//// love sucks

So you were into BDSM orgies and she wasn't?


Haha, we were pretty compatible there. We both got new jobs and focused on those and the relationship went on the back burner. I'm sure you can connect the dots from there.
 
2017-08-13 10:16:11 AM  
Meh. I'm into scat as well- Mel Torme, Sarah Vaughan,  Cab Calloway.  Don't shiat all over something just because you don't like it.
 
2017-08-13 10:18:29 AM  

Musikslayer: Meh. I'm into scat as well- Mel Torme, Sarah Vaughan,  Cab Calloway.  Don't shiat all over something just because you don't like it.



Scatman (ski-ba-bop-ba-dop-bop) Official Video HD -Scatman John
Youtube Hy8kmNEo1i8
 
2017-08-13 10:18:55 AM  
What is "regular sex?"  My people, we do not have this word.
 
2017-08-13 10:19:32 AM  

tarheel07: PhilCollinsBeatBox: My GF of about a year and a half and I just broke up last night, so I'm getting a kick out of this article.

/ not really
// at least we weren't married, which would have made the inevitable breakup messier
/// hoping i get back in the saddle soon
//// love sucks

Sorry to hear. I obviously don't know the particulars but it wasn't working for at least one of you. When it's past the point of salvaging and reconciling it's time to hit the ejector handle. You'll be fine and land on your feet. No sense in being in a relationship if both parties aren't mentally or emotionally there.


Thank you
 
2017-08-13 10:20:27 AM  

foo monkey: What is "regular sex?"  My people, we do not have this word.


I think it's a new kink involving Activia.
 
2017-08-13 10:20:51 AM  
Freak Flag | Here Come The Mummies
Youtube HhG2lBLCtdA


Here you go..
[ok beginning is a bit creepy but then again.. mummies..]
 
2017-08-13 10:21:23 AM  

BumpInTheNight: Could be worse, you could be engaged to this degenerate farker.


Degenerate? Moi?
 
2017-08-13 10:22:13 AM  

BumpInTheNight: Could be worse, you could be engaged to this degenerate farker.


;) I didn't know anyone knew who I was.
 
2017-08-13 10:22:56 AM  

cryinoutloud: Nadie_AZ: Ambivalence: You've been with the guy for 10 years. It's not like you haven't had plenty of options before now. Clearly you're both willing to settle for each other.
Yep.

Is this real? This can't be real. How could you even go with somebody who is so different in sexual tastes? It would be like saying, "My boyfriend is gay, but we'd like to get married. This will work, won't it?"


Not entirely like that, but difficult to resolve, yeah.  Pretty much knew 2 people in an similar sitch with the sexes reversed.  They ended up having a semi-open relationship where she got some of her kinks sorted out by others.  Seemed to work for them, although I'm pretty sure from talking to him that he'd rather it didn't have to go like that, he felt it was a big improvement over not having the relationship with her at all.   Then again, she wasn't so far down the rabbit hole that vanilla sex was pointless, so that probably helped.

/yes, she did overshare drastically - how did you guess?
//still, they seemed pretty happy - still together far as I know
///people are strange, but sometimes it's a strange that can be accommodated one way or another
 
2017-08-13 10:23:10 AM  

BumpInTheNight: Could be worse, you could be engaged to this degenerate farker.


Uh, thanks?
 
2017-08-13 10:23:11 AM  
OOOOOoooooohhhhhhhh

shiat.


aw fark beans, moar coffee
 
2017-08-13 10:24:07 AM  

NOLAhd: BumpInTheNight: Could be worse, you could be engaged to this degenerate farker.

Uh, thanks?


Oh, Jesus, I'm not smart.
 
2017-08-13 10:24:54 AM  

NOLAhd: NOLAhd: BumpInTheNight: Could be worse, you could be engaged to this degenerate farker.

Uh, thanks?

Oh, Jesus, I'm not smart.


(hands over a cup of coffee)
 
2017-08-13 10:25:20 AM  

BumpInTheNight: Could be worse, you could be engaged to this degenerate farker.


Oyy slut bunch. I only do more monogamous relationships.
 
2017-08-13 10:26:12 AM  
Well, one of you is.
 
2017-08-13 10:26:17 AM  
Dear Doomed,

Could you send some pictures to illustrate, possibly documenting each of the 10 years and changes. Also send pictures of normal sex, for comparison.
 
2017-08-13 10:27:18 AM  

BumpInTheNight: Could be worse, you could be engaged to this degenerate farker.


Wow, thanks dude
 
2017-08-13 10:29:28 AM  
Unless she changes her sexual preferences or allows him to get some action on the side (and, Yes, open relationships do sometimes work) then, Yes, their marriage is doomed to fail.
 
2017-08-13 10:31:32 AM  

Crewmannumber6: BumpInTheNight: Could be worse, you could be engaged to this degenerate farker.

Wow, thanks dude


Missed the joke, you may have.
 
2017-08-13 10:32:21 AM  
I mean, I'll stick my finger up my ass every now and again when I'm feeling squirrely, but that's about the extent of it.
 
2017-08-13 10:33:02 AM  
Miss Inhibited, you're such a prude you didn't say what was proposed.

\ tl;dr
 
2017-08-13 10:33:49 AM  

BumpInTheNight: Could be worse, you could be engaged to this degenerate farker.


You just scared the hell out of me.

Nicely done.
 
2017-08-13 10:34:53 AM  
Your anus is doomed
 
2017-08-13 10:35:03 AM  

foo monkey: What is "regular sex?"  My people, we do not have this word.


One presumes it's "one man, one woman, within the confines of a church-sanctioned marriage, missionary position, for procreation only".

The usual term for this in our culture appears to be "vanilla".
 
2017-08-13 10:36:39 AM  

Mock26: Unless she changes her sexual preferences or allows him to get some action on the side (and, Yes, open relationships do sometimes work) then, Yes, their marriage is doomed to fail.


Yes, I love you and I'll marry you... now just drop all these silly things that you like, but I don't.. m'kay?

Whatever happened to just accepting who they are?  Everyone finds something out about a spouse/partner when they move in together that they don't like.  In this case, everything is out in the open, and wants him to change?
 
2017-08-13 10:37:41 AM  

AquaTatanka: Crewmannumber6: BumpInTheNight: Could be worse, you could be engaged to this degenerate farker.

Wow, thanks dude

Missed the joke, you may have.


Good, I was thinking back on things I may have said and deleting my profile.
 
2017-08-13 10:39:14 AM  
Dear Prudence,

I am a mousy and repressed virgin who blushes when I hear words like "nookie" or "whoopie" or "se sse se se (sorry can't spell the whole thing it's you know that word)

My boyfriend of ten years is the real-life inspiration for the BDSM enthusiast from the Shades of Grey books, he lives on a diet of fresh hobo poop and hookers' tears, always dresses like the Lipstick Demon from the Insidious movies, and likes to say things like "It isn't true love if it doesn't leave a scar or rip off some skin and hair" and "A day without shame, degradation, and forcible insertion of vegetables and rusty antique dental tools is a day I must be out of the house and back in prison again."

Do you think our relationship can last?
 
2017-08-13 10:39:29 AM  
Seems like this question would be better suited for Dan Savage.
 
2017-08-13 10:41:07 AM  
Marriage is not about sex.

Well, at least it never was for me.

And for most people I know.
 
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