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(KSTU FOX 13)   Holding a raccoon? Betting on an election? Adultery? They're crimes that can get you jail in Utah   ( fox13now.com) divider line
    More: Amusing, Misdemeanor, jail time, Utah, Sen. Thatcher, Crime, Utah Sentencing Commission, Summary offence, six-month jail term  
•       •       •

2166 clicks; posted to Main » on 08 Aug 2017 at 12:16 PM (10 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



65 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all

 
2017-08-08 10:49:07 AM  
Of those listed, I think illegal paleontology would be the best option
 
2017-08-08 11:20:30 AM  
How about holding a trash panda?
 
2017-08-08 11:22:34 AM  
What if you get your mistress to hold the raccoon?
 
2017-08-08 11:26:42 AM  
Kevin Rose asks, "What if you're just holding it long enough to throw it?"
 
2017-08-08 11:28:50 AM  
Allowing a swine to run at large
Library theft
Picketing or parading in or near a court
Wagering on an election
Taking a toll without authorization
Livestock harassment
Abuse of a flag
Prohibited sale or gifting of clove cigarettes
Unlawful tattooing of a minor
Illegal paleontology

Other than the flag one and the court/protest one which might be First Amendment issues these all seem to be things that might reasonably carry jail time. Also it's illegal in a lot of places to keep wild animals.
 
2017-08-08 11:43:01 AM  
Voiceofreason01: Library theft

How does one steal a Library?
img.fark.net
 
2017-08-08 12:21:51 PM  
Well, 2 out of those 3 things can lead to rabies.  So I can see why they'd be outlawed.
 
2017-08-08 12:22:15 PM  
Once again, time to post my favorite advice for those seeking West Wing employment (you won't last long enough to learn these important tips on the job).  Adultry is:
Illegal in Maryland (with token fine).
Legal in DC (this means you can't take the fifth.  Ask Bill Clinton how that works).
A felony in VA (you can take the fifth, but you can also go to jail.  Try the other side of the Potomac when looking for that no-tell-hotel).
 
OOF
2017-08-08 12:24:01 PM  
img.fark.net
 
2017-08-08 12:25:54 PM  
So you're saying the extra marital affair with my beloved raccoon, that I also bet on to win the state senate seat is a bad thing?
 
2017-08-08 12:26:18 PM  
img.fark.net
 
2017-08-08 12:26:27 PM  
"Taking a toll without authorization"

Can you sue anyone for that? It happens all the time!
 
2017-08-08 12:26:54 PM  
Adultery, eh?

img.fark.net
/interspecies-romance ftw...
 
2017-08-08 12:26:58 PM  
It wasn't too long ago that your tie couldn't point to your penis.
 
2017-08-08 12:32:57 PM  

ArkAngel: Of those listed, I think illegal paleontology would be the best option


I too was struck by curiosity of and about Illegal Paleontology. Do (did they) they have problems with grave robbery in Utah. I seem to remember a story about a gentleman of the sort.

/ He had a whip and a belief that artifacts belong in museums....
 
2017-08-08 12:32:58 PM  
Apparently in Colorado you're not allowed to grab Taylor Swift's ass.
 
2017-08-08 12:34:26 PM  

Wellon Dowd: Apparently in Colorado you're not allowed to grab Taylor Swift's ass.


Well, she IS a national treasure after all...
 
2017-08-08 12:35:30 PM  
I can still go to the SL County Health Dept to renew my Recreational Gynecology license.
 
2017-08-08 12:35:57 PM  

Highroller48: Voiceofreason01: Library theft

How does one steal a Library?
[img.fark.net image 512x384]


One, maybe two books at a time.  Don't take them in order.  That Dewey Decimal System is waiting for fools like you.

First you get the books, then you get the bricks.  Now you own a library.
 
2017-08-08 12:36:08 PM  
 Sale or gifting of Clove Cigarettes? Clearly this one was enacted to crack down on Goths.
 
2017-08-08 12:36:15 PM  

Wellon Dowd: Apparently in Colorado you're not allowed to grab Taylor Swift's ass.


That's not a law law, that's a physics law. You can't grab what doesn't exist.
 
2017-08-08 12:36:58 PM  
"Don't you think the punishment should be you're holding a raccoon?"

Is this guy a libertarian? Cause that doesn't sound like something a republican or democrat would say.
 
2017-08-08 12:37:25 PM  
Clove cigarette smokers are also more at risk for getting into fights, carrying weapons, high risk sexual behavior leading to unwanted pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases, depression and suicide.
The more ya know!
They forgot dancing.
http://www.livestrong.com/article/200307-dangers-of-djarum-black-clov​e​-cigarettes/
 
2017-08-08 12:39:38 PM  
Polygamy. Still ok.
 
2017-08-08 12:39:57 PM  
Holding a raccoon?
How's Dr. Pol gonna fix em?
 
2017-08-08 12:40:28 PM  
I got to hold a raccoon many years ago. It was an amazing experience.
Actually it kinda climbed all over me and checked my face and head out with it's little hands.
Thank god I wasn't in Ewetah
 
2017-08-08 12:45:07 PM  
This raccoon is a wanted in 7 states and Puerto Rico
0.tqn.com
 
2017-08-08 12:55:37 PM  

Wellon Dowd: Apparently in Colorado you're not allowed to grab Taylor Swift's ass.


What about Becky's ass?
 
2017-08-08 12:58:58 PM  
You will get my Raccoon when you pry it from my cold dead hands Utah.
 
2017-08-08 01:00:20 PM  

Voiceofreason01: Allowing a swine to run at large
Library theft
Picketing or parading in or near a court
Wagering on an election
Taking a toll without authorization
Livestock harassment
Abuse of a flag
Prohibited sale or gifting of clove cigarettes
Unlawful tattooing of a minor
Illegal paleontology

Other than the flag one and the court/protest one which might be First Amendment issues these all seem to be things that might reasonably carry jail time. Also it's illegal in a lot of places to keep wild animals.


The pig law is antiquated. I doubt many, if any, have pigs running amok. That can go.
Library theft shouldn't result in jail time, unless it's of a significant value, say, greater than or equal $5k in thefts. The reason for this is to protect people who are forgetful and simply forget to take a book back.
Abuse of flag should be protected by the 1st amendment.
I'm curious why the cigarette law specifies cloves?

The rest seem reasonable as minor offenses worth a few days in jail at worst.
 
2017-08-08 01:01:44 PM  
Not being Mormon gets you flogged and then jailed there.
 
2017-08-08 01:02:45 PM  

Wellon Dowd: Apparently in Colorado you're not allowed to grab Taylor Swift's ass.


Punishable by song.
 
2017-08-08 01:04:32 PM  

Harry Freakstorm: Highroller48: Voiceofreason01: Library theft

How does one steal a Library?
[img.fark.net image 512x384]

One, maybe two books at a time.  Don't take them in order.  That Dewey Decimal System is waiting for fools like you.

First you get the books, then you get the bricks.  Now you own a library.


i.ytimg.com
 
2017-08-08 01:05:36 PM  

Cthulhu Theory: Voiceofreason01: Allowing a swine to run at large
Library theft
Picketing or parading in or near a court
Wagering on an election
Taking a toll without authorization
Livestock harassment
Abuse of a flag
Prohibited sale or gifting of clove cigarettes
Unlawful tattooing of a minor
Illegal paleontology

Other than the flag one and the court/protest one which might be First Amendment issues these all seem to be things that might reasonably carry jail time. Also it's illegal in a lot of places to keep wild animals.

The pig law is antiquated. I doubt many, if any, have pigs running amok. That can go.
Library theft shouldn't result in jail time, unless it's of a significant value, say, greater than or equal $5k in thefts. The reason for this is to protect people who are forgetful and simply forget to take a book back.
Abuse of flag should be protected by the 1st amendment.
I'm curious why the cigarette law specifies cloves?


How is a "abuse of flag" a first amendment issue?
Before this law, Utahans could have been ripping down the McDonald's flag and sexually molesting it.  That, my good sir, is no constitutional issue.
 
2017-08-08 01:06:02 PM  

iheartscotch: ArkAngel: Of those listed, I think illegal paleontology would be the best option

I too was struck by curiosity of and about Illegal Paleontology. Do (did they) they have problems with grave robbery in Utah. I seem to remember a story about a gentleman of the sort.

/ He had a whip and a belief that artifacts belong in museums....


I don't think it's to do with grave digging but preserving the natural beauty of the area and ecosystems. I'm sure lots of states have laws pertaining to paleontology that require permits to legally go digging up areas looking for fossils.
 
2017-08-08 01:07:10 PM  
I swear I thought the 'L' in election was an 'R'
 
2017-08-08 01:07:46 PM  
I also need more information on the "harassing livestock" law.
What went on that caused someone to author this law?

Did someone moon his cows?
 
2017-08-08 01:08:04 PM  
Other crimes that can get you jail time in Utah include:

Allowing a swine to run at large - does Trump count as swine?
Library theft - I still have that book I stole in grade 7
Picketing or parading in or near a court - jumpfarkers.jpg
Wagering on an election - I bet'cha Trumplethinskin doesn't make it to 2020
Taking a toll without authorization - I admit I am innocent in this regard
Livestock harassment - does Kelly Ann Conway count as livestock?
Abuse of a flag - I burned a MAGA hat once...
Prohibited sale or gifting of clove cigarettes - what's the thing with clove cigarettes?
Unlawful tattooing of a minor - I hurt someone's feelings once...
Illegal paleontology - oh look, this fossil appears to be AT LEAST 7000 years old!
 
2017-08-08 01:08:22 PM  

GalFriday: Cthulhu Theory: Voiceofreason01: Allowing a swine to run at large
Library theft
Picketing or parading in or near a court
Wagering on an election
Taking a toll without authorization
Livestock harassment
Abuse of a flag
Prohibited sale or gifting of clove cigarettes
Unlawful tattooing of a minor
Illegal paleontology

Other than the flag one and the court/protest one which might be First Amendment issues these all seem to be things that might reasonably carry jail time. Also it's illegal in a lot of places to keep wild animals.

The pig law is antiquated. I doubt many, if any, have pigs running amok. That can go.
Library theft shouldn't result in jail time, unless it's of a significant value, say, greater than or equal $5k in thefts. The reason for this is to protect people who are forgetful and simply forget to take a book back.
Abuse of flag should be protected by the 1st amendment.
I'm curious why the cigarette law specifies cloves?

How is a "abuse of flag" a first amendment issue?
Before this law, Utahans could have been ripping down the McDonald's flag and sexually molesting it.  That, my good sir, is no constitutional issue.


Could be considered a form of protest against McDonald's treatment of employees, low wages, and/or terribly unhealthy food. Besides, flags aren't people like us.
 
2017-08-08 01:09:12 PM  

Dripdry: I swear I thought the 'L' in election was an 'R'


Nah, L + R = J confirmed
 
2017-08-08 01:15:47 PM  
This takes all the fun out of paleontology.
 
2017-08-08 01:19:18 PM  

ArkAngel: Of those listed, I think illegal paleontology would be the best option


Came here to wonder what that is.  What defines "illegal"?  Do you have to have a degree?  Practicing paleontology with nefarious intent?
 
2017-08-08 01:24:02 PM  
Unlawful tattooing of a minor

Lawful tattooing of a minor is still legal right?
 
2017-08-08 01:26:44 PM  

iheartscotch: Wellon Dowd: Apparently in Colorado you're not allowed to grab Taylor Swift's ass.

Well, she IS a national treasure after all...


So it's cool if Nic Cage does it?
 
2017-08-08 01:27:09 PM  
"holding a racoon" is a euphemism, I presume?
 
2017-08-08 01:30:01 PM  

Highroller48: What if you get your mistress to hold the raccoon?


I'm not sure I even want to know what that sexual practice involves.
 
2017-08-08 01:31:03 PM  
What defines "holding" a raccoon?  What if I'm just cuddling?
 
2017-08-08 01:39:01 PM  

Dripdry: I swear I thought the 'L' in election was an 'R'


What the hell is "wageling"?
 
2017-08-08 01:40:24 PM  

GalFriday: How is a "abuse of flag" a first amendment issue?
Before this law, Utahans could have been ripping down the McDonald's flag and sexually molesting it.  That, my good sir, is no constitutional issue.


That would be theft of a flag. Uthards can and should be legally permitted to molest any flag which is their own legal property.
 
2017-08-08 01:42:57 PM  

GalFriday: How is a "abuse of flag" a first amendment issue?


I refer to a great quote I once heard: Everything is a dildo ... if she's brave enough.
 
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