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(New York Daily News)   Queens man's mom doubts he could take stolen "huge ass turtle" to train station by bus   ( nydailynews.com) divider line
    More: Amusing, Criminal law, Shawn Waters, Turtle, tortoise, rare tortoise surrenders, Suspect Shawn Waters, tortoise named Millennium, Crime  
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2986 clicks; posted to Main » on 07 Aug 2017 at 3:20 PM (10 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



39 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2017-08-07 02:45:22 PM  
aaaaaass turtles

sounds painful
 
2017-08-07 02:56:52 PM  
imgs.xkcd.com
 
2017-08-07 02:57:33 PM  
Princess Alice of Battenberg is dead, isn't she?
 
2017-08-07 03:20:57 PM  
Well if he rode his bicycle....
 
2017-08-07 03:25:38 PM  
The poor guy had 36 prior misunderstandings on his record.
 
2017-08-07 03:26:41 PM  
And the security company who employs a man with a 36 arrest record will be losing a lot of contracts.
 
2017-08-07 03:29:51 PM  
static.superdeluxe.com
 
2017-08-07 03:29:52 PM  
img.fark.net
Looks like he's playing the ol' "stuffed shells" game.

Oh, who's too sexy for his shell?  Too sexy, too sexy....
 
2017-08-07 03:32:50 PM  
Just one huge ass?  Meh.

img.fark.net
 
2017-08-07 03:33:30 PM  
img.fark.net
 
2017-08-07 03:33:57 PM  
Was it only me that nearly had an aneurysm reading that headline?
 
2017-08-07 03:34:27 PM  
img.fark.net
"I'm the king of the wooorld!"
 
2017-08-07 03:36:22 PM  
African or European bus?
 
2017-08-07 03:37:20 PM  
That's a big snapper.
 
2017-08-07 03:37:39 PM  
assets.nydailynews.comBehold the face of "WHAAAAA???"
 
2017-08-07 03:38:52 PM  
That face when you get caught with a huge ass-turtle:

img.fark.net
 
2017-08-07 03:40:11 PM  

fluffy_pope: The poor guy had 36 prior misunderstandings on his record.


But he loves animals! Don't you get it?

This guy has issues, but his mom sure isn't helping him.
 
2017-08-07 03:40:35 PM  
Mom sounds like a real enabler.
 
2017-08-07 03:41:02 PM  
Rare? That's a sulcata. Go to any reptile expo and you'll probably find five dealers selling babies and at least one with an adult.

And thereby hangs the problem: the babies are cute li' things about the size of golf balls with serious expressions. A 300-pound tortoise can lay a lot of eggs, and does. So the babies are cheap. People buy them with no comprehension of what they just did, and a few years later discover they now own something that resembles an animated hassock and wants to redo their landscaping tortoise-style. That one in the picture isn't even close to as big as they get.
 
2017-08-07 03:42:05 PM  
img.fark.net
 
2017-08-07 03:43:13 PM  

common sense is an oxymoron: fluffy_pope: The poor guy had 36 prior misunderstandings on his record.

But he loves animals! Don't you get it?

This guy has issues, but his mom sure isn't helping him.


I wonder how many species he went thru before he decided tortoises were within his skills set.
 
2017-08-07 03:43:55 PM  

adj_m: [img.fark.net image 750x589]
"I'm the king of the wooorld!"


i.imgflip.com
 
2017-08-07 03:54:00 PM  
img.fark.net
 
2017-08-07 04:01:28 PM  

Warthog: [img.fark.net image 750x589]


needs the Brazzers overlay.
 
2017-08-07 04:04:41 PM  
Prince Charles inconsolable.
 
2017-08-07 04:04:50 PM  

fluffy_pope: Warthog: [img.fark.net image 750x589]

needs the Brazzers overlay.


Not a snowball's chance in hell am I searching for the source material I'd need to do that from the office.  If someone else wants to do so, have at it.
 
2017-08-07 04:30:55 PM  
img.fark.net

FTA: "A 100-pound turtle... If he took it on the bus or something, wouldn't somebody notice that? That turtle was huge. So that's another thing that's odd, because this is a huge a-- turtle from what I saw."
 
2017-08-07 04:48:33 PM  

LordOfThePings: [img.fark.net image 650x443]


So... the baby turtles turn into elephants?
 
2017-08-07 05:01:41 PM  
img.fark.net
 
2017-08-07 05:16:24 PM  

SoupGuru: [imgs.xkcd.com image 500x342]


so did the headline(s) get changed? i see zero hyphens in either but there is an improper asspostrophe in both headlines;

Suspected Queens tortoise *thief's* mom says case is being blown out of proportion
Queens *man's* mom doubts he could take stolen "huge ass turtle" to train station by bus

not that there *is* anything wrong with a queens man being a mom but i think that would probably be the more interesting story...
 
2017-08-07 05:23:28 PM  
i assume he smuggled it on the train in one of those wheeled suitcases. Odd that nobody noticed when he made the exchange at Fairfield, though.
 
2017-08-07 05:43:10 PM  
c1.staticflickr.com
He grew up!
assets.nydailynews.com
 
2017-08-07 05:48:16 PM  
img.fark.net

"Let me tell you about my mother..."
 
2017-08-07 05:52:54 PM  
img.fark.net
 
2017-08-07 06:39:54 PM  
Oblig.
i0.kym-cdn.com

That said, that dude is way stronger than he looks if he's hauling around a 150+lb tortoise without help.
 
2017-08-07 07:03:14 PM  
The only thing missing is a rainstorm and pickup truck.
 
2017-08-07 09:10:08 PM  

i.r.id10t: LordOfThePings: [img.fark.net image 650x443]

So... the baby turtles turn into elephants?


Sulcatas? Pretty much. Which gets to be a problem when their owners realize they didn't actually want something the size of a smallish piece of furniture, with the brains of a similarly-sized rock, which tends not to notice when it's about to knock over things.
 
2017-08-07 10:11:16 PM  
img.fark.net

The Queen's man's ass turtle? Thanks to Google Image Search for clearing things up.
 
2017-08-07 11:52:34 PM  

rev.love_revolver: [img.fark.net image 500x485]

The Queen's man's ass turtle? Thanks to Google Image Search for clearing things up.


their expressions are priceless.
or should i say, spot-on!
 
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