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(Yahoo)   Former 300-pound QB Jared Lorenzen now weighs 500 pounds   ( sports.yahoo.com) divider line
    More: Sad, American football, National Football League, Indianapolis Colts  
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3057 clicks; posted to Sports » on 01 Aug 2017 at 7:20 PM (18 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



50 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2017-08-01 06:27:45 PM  
Gundy FAT!
Youtube Hm-_Cnyk3u0
 
2017-08-01 06:54:53 PM  
I remember the glimmer of hope that the Round Mound of Touchdown would somehow supplant Eli as the Giants starter.
 
2017-08-01 07:42:51 PM  
He Ate Me

/lulz
 
2017-08-01 07:44:42 PM  
Jared Lorenzen ate... Jared Lorenzen!
 
2017-08-01 07:54:22 PM  
the pillsbury throwboy
 
2017-08-01 08:06:57 PM  
Hopefully he doesn't go down the path that the original weight losing Jared did.
 
2017-08-01 08:08:58 PM  
You know who else was named Jared and lost a lot of ...

davidphogan: Hopefully he doesn't go down the path that the original weight losing Jared did.


DAMN YOU!!!
 
2017-08-01 08:10:12 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2017-08-01 08:14:06 PM  
I bet he is a regular on the politics tab
 
2017-08-01 08:17:12 PM  
When's his tryouts for the Browns?
 
2017-08-01 08:26:53 PM  
All jokes aside, there was no college quarterback I ever enjoyed more. Especially when he knew that a defender had jumped offside, and he had a free play. It didn't matter where the line of scrimmage was, that ball was going to the end zone.

"F**k it, chuck it."
 
2017-08-01 08:40:32 PM  

Iczer: When's his tryouts for the Browns?


After Kaepernick's.
 
2017-08-01 08:46:56 PM  

machoprogrammer: I bet he is a regular on the politics entertainment tab


FTFY.

The tab where women's looks and comic books are someithing to legitimately get angry over is the stuff of fat neckbeards. Why should we care though? We're all svelte on the sports tab. A fat DH making millions would NEVER make us mad!
 
2017-08-01 08:58:03 PM  
i.ytimg.comView Full Size
 
2017-08-01 08:58:50 PM  
Wow. I thought the first pic of him in the article was startling as I thought that was him at 500lbs. Then I scrolled down. MAN ALIVE!
 
2017-08-01 09:08:48 PM  

Wadded Beef: Wow. I thought the first pic of him in the article was startling as I thought that was him at 500lbs. Then I scrolled down. MAN ALIVE!


His head alone looks like it weighs about as much as I do right now.
 
2017-08-01 09:33:02 PM  
That Arkansas game is still painful for me, but the dude left every single ounce of everything he had on the field that night.  You do your thing J-Load...we'll be here for you.
 
2017-08-01 10:11:39 PM  
Damn, I looked at his facebook link from the article.  I hope his plan works out for him.  I knew a couple of guys who were large SEC lineman.  They didnt make the NFL and when they got out they shrank to less than 220lbs once they were off the bulk up program.  I saw one of them at a wedding a year or so ago and I barely recognized him.

/Really hope he can drop that weight.  Andre the Giant weighed about the same as him now and  than him and Andre was 7'+
//and yes Lorenzen was a QB but he weighed as much as his lineman.
 
2017-08-01 10:12:20 PM  
Random side-question relating to fantasy football.

If anyone knows Skrame or can contact him for me, I'd really appreciate it.  He's the commish in a Fark fantasy football league and he gave me co-commish permissions last year but it seems that my co-commish permissions went away with the new season. :(

I've emailed him with the email addy I have but haven't heard back so thought I'd post here just in case.
 
2017-08-01 10:28:46 PM  

Cataholic: That Arkansas game is still painful for me, but the dude left every single ounce of everything he had on the field that night.


There was a moment in the ESPN broadcast of that game- memory tells me it was the third quarter, but I could be wrong- where the cameras caught Lorenzen on the sidelines, looking at some fans leaving. And he said, simply, "Where are you going? Y'all gonna miss one Hell of a ballgame!"

And he was right.
 
2017-08-01 10:43:50 PM  
Best of luck to him. No sarcasm.
 
2017-08-01 10:44:27 PM  
Let's just get this out of the way. ..

Hefty Lefty
Round Mound of Touchdown
Pillsbury Throwboy
Quarter Got Back
The Abominable Throwman
J Load
Fat Ass

Now, I loved watching him play and I wish him luck.
 
2017-08-01 10:57:29 PM  

mybulkaddress: Let's just get this out of the way. ..

Hefty Lefty
Round Mound of Touchdown
Pillsbury Throwboy
Quarter Got Back
The Abominable Throwman
J Load
Fat Ass

Now, I loved watching him play and I wish him luck.


The Battleship Lorenzen

Now we're done.
 
2017-08-01 11:04:16 PM  

holdmybones: mybulkaddress: Let's just get this out of the way. ..

Hefty Lefty
Round Mound of Touchdown
Pillsbury Throwboy
Quarter Got Back
The Abominable Throwman
J Load
Fat Ass

Now, I loved watching him play and I wish him luck.

The Battleship Lorenzen

Now we're done.


Battleship is how I remember him.
 
2017-08-01 11:28:06 PM  
His t-shirt company recently made a mint selling these to the locals.
usatodaysports.files.wordpress.comView Full Size



Screw him.

Enjoy having to just put on one shoe, fat-ass.
 
2017-08-02 12:02:16 AM  

davidphogan: Hopefully he doesn't go down the path that the original weight losing Jared did.


He did say a lot of walking was part of how he lost weight.  He didn't say it was from walking around playgrounds.

Obviously playing football isn't enough activity to lose weight.
 
2017-08-02 12:36:39 AM  

lack of warmth: davidphogan: Hopefully he doesn't go down the path that the original weight losing Jared did.

He did say a lot of walking was part of how he lost weight.  He didn't say it was from walking around playgrounds.

Obviously playing football isn't enough activity to lose weight.


cdn-s3.si.comView Full Size


Great read.
 
2017-08-02 03:00:02 AM  

EyeballKid: His t-shirt company recently made a mint selling these to the locals.
[usatodaysports.files.wordpress.com image 800x602]

Screw him.

Enjoy having to just put on one shoe, fat-ass.


I'm not sure which side of the wall I'm supposed to laugh at.
 
2017-08-02 05:12:49 AM  
That would make him a 41.67 cents back.
 
2017-08-02 06:23:01 AM  
Jared you fat lard come here and eat some ham!!


/EAT THE FOOD!
 
2017-08-02 07:31:28 AM  
I believe that during his senior season at KY his listed weight had him heavier than every defensive starter in the SEC.  That's impressive for a QB, but I truly hope he gets his act together healthwise and loses the weight.
 
2017-08-02 07:54:17 AM  

holdmybones: mybulkaddress: Let's just get this out of the way. ..

Hefty Lefty
Round Mound of Touchdown
Pillsbury Throwboy
Quarter Got Back
The Abominable Throwman
J Load
Fat Ass

Now, I loved watching him play and I wish him luck.

The Battleship Lorenzen

Now we're done.


QBese
BBQ (Big Beautiful Quarterback)
 
2017-08-02 08:08:58 AM  

Igor Jakovsky: Damn, I looked at his facebook link from the article.  I hope his plan works out for him.  I knew a couple of guys who were large SEC lineman.  They didnt make the NFL and when they got out they shrank to less than 220lbs once they were off the bulk up program.


If you only stop the exercise part and not the food part you will blow up fast.
 
2017-08-02 08:45:39 AM  

EyeballKid: His t-shirt company recently made a mint selling these to the locals.
[usatodaysports.files.wordpress.com image 800x602]


Screw him.

Enjoy having to just put on one shoe, fat-ass.


In fairness, Mitch McConnell lives in Louisville, and anywhere would be better off without that guy.
 
2017-08-02 08:48:18 AM  

tommyl66: holdmybones: mybulkaddress: Let's just get this out of the way. ..

Hefty Lefty
Round Mound of Touchdown
Pillsbury Throwboy
Quarter Got Back
The Abominable Throwman
J Load
Fat Ass

Now, I loved watching him play and I wish him luck.

The Battleship Lorenzen

Now we're done.

QBese
BBQ (Big Beautiful Quarterback)


Hell, at 500 lbs he's a Quarter-ton-back
 
2017-08-02 09:23:19 AM  

EyeballKid: His t-shirt company recently made a mint selling these to the locals.
[usatodaysports.files.wordpress.com image 800x602]


Screw him.

Enjoy having to just put on one shoe, fat-ass.


So you are hoping a man gets diabetes just because he likes Trump?

Stay classy
 
2017-08-02 09:41:59 AM  

machoprogrammer: EyeballKid: His t-shirt company recently made a mint selling these to the locals.
[usatodaysports.files.wordpress.com image 800x602]


Screw him.

Enjoy having to just put on one shoe, fat-ass.

So you are hoping a man gets diabetes just because he likes Trump?

Stay classy


i0.kym-cdn.comView Full Size


Your fee-fees hurt? Sorry, but we in Louisville just had a white nationalist go to court for assaulting a black teenager at a Trump rally. The Trumpsters want to act like they're the toughest guy in the room because they expect their opponents to be singing "Kumbaya," and their lederhosen gets all bunched up when it turns out bullied people fight back. So, no, when somebody wants to exploit and extol a continued tribalist disdain for the people of the county whose revenues bankroll the rest of the state for some tired "THOSE PEOPLE think they're better'n'you!" styled baiting, then no, I don't feel bad for calling a sack of shiat a sack of shiat, and a fat sack of shiat at that.
 
2017-08-02 09:47:18 AM  

EyeballKid: machoprogrammer: EyeballKid: His t-shirt company recently made a mint selling these to the locals.
[usatodaysports.files.wordpress.com image 800x602]


Screw him.

Enjoy having to just put on one shoe, fat-ass.

So you are hoping a man gets diabetes just because he likes Trump?

Stay classy

[i0.kym-cdn.com image 582x305]

Your fee-fees hurt? Sorry, but we in Louisville just had a white nationalist go to court for assaulting a black teenager at a Trump rally. The Trumpsters want to act like they're the toughest guy in the room because they expect their opponents to be singing "Kumbaya," and their lederhosen gets all bunched up when it turns out bullied people fight back. So, no, when somebody wants to exploit and extol a continued tribalist disdain for the people of the county whose revenues bankroll the rest of the state for some tired "THOSE PEOPLE think they're better'n'you!" styled baiting, then no, I don't feel bad for calling a sack of shiat a sack of shiat, and a fat sack of shiat at that.


Another ITG, I see. Politics tab too busy for you today?

Overreact much? You got some anger issues. Go get some counseling. 

Trump sucks, but wishing diabetes and personal harm on a guy just because he supports Trump is pretty much on par with something Trump would do. So congrats, you are as bad as what you despise
 
2017-08-02 09:55:20 AM  
A lot of former college and pro linemen I know have to start with fasting and pretty much starving themselves to deny the body what it craves most and break down the eating habits they had instilled while trying to maintain a 300+lb frame. Once they are able to get over that hurdle the rest of it is challenging in more of a fun sense.  I have a lot of respect for these dudes.  I was 190lb wideout who had issues maintaining that weight up.  Can't imagine the struggles of having to keep weight down or if I would have the discipline to do so.
 
2017-08-02 09:56:40 AM  

machoprogrammer: EyeballKid: machoprogrammer: EyeballKid: His t-shirt company recently made a mint selling these to the locals.
[usatodaysports.files.wordpress.com image 800x602]


Screw him.

Enjoy having to just put on one shoe, fat-ass.

So you are hoping a man gets diabetes just because he likes Trump?

Stay classy

[i0.kym-cdn.com image 582x305]

Your fee-fees hurt? Sorry, but we in Louisville just had a white nationalist go to court for assaulting a black teenager at a Trump rally. The Trumpsters want to act like they're the toughest guy in the room because they expect their opponents to be singing "Kumbaya," and their lederhosen gets all bunched up when it turns out bullied people fight back. So, no, when somebody wants to exploit and extol a continued tribalist disdain for the people of the county whose revenues bankroll the rest of the state for some tired "THOSE PEOPLE think they're better'n'you!" styled baiting, then no, I don't feel bad for calling a sack of shiat a sack of shiat, and a fat sack of shiat at that.

Another ITG, I see. Politics tab too busy for you today?

Overreact much? You got some anger issues. Go get some counseling. 

Trump sucks, but wishing diabetes and personal harm on a guy just because he supports Trump is pretty much on par with something Trump would do. So congrats, you are as bad as what you despise


A gamer gater calling someone an ITG?  Top notch!
 
2017-08-02 09:58:04 AM  

machoprogrammer: EyeballKid: machoprogrammer: EyeballKid: His t-shirt company recently made a mint selling these to the locals.
[usatodaysports.files.wordpress.com image 800x602]


Screw him.

Enjoy having to just put on one shoe, fat-ass.

So you are hoping a man gets diabetes just because he likes Trump?

Stay classy

[i0.kym-cdn.com image 582x305]

Your fee-fees hurt? Sorry, but we in Louisville just had a white nationalist go to court for assaulting a black teenager at a Trump rally. The Trumpsters want to act like they're the toughest guy in the room because they expect their opponents to be singing "Kumbaya," and their lederhosen gets all bunched up when it turns out bullied people fight back. So, no, when somebody wants to exploit and extol a continued tribalist disdain for the people of the county whose revenues bankroll the rest of the state for some tired "THOSE PEOPLE think they're better'n'you!" styled baiting, then no, I don't feel bad for calling a sack of shiat a sack of shiat, and a fat sack of shiat at that.

Another ITG, I see. Politics tab too busy for you today?

Overreact much? You got some anger issues. Go get some counseling. 

Trump sucks, but wishing diabetes and personal harm on a guy just because he supports Trump is pretty much on par with something Trump would do. So congrats, you are as bad as what you despise


Have the white nationalists and the abortion clinic bomber wanna-bes all gather in your city, and see just how open-minded you become.
 
2017-08-02 10:13:24 AM  

holdmybones: A gamer gater calling someone an ITG?  Top notch!


When have I ever been a gamer gater? The only thing I have said about gamer gate, ever, was "who the fark cares?"
 
2017-08-02 10:21:03 AM  

machoprogrammer: holdmybones: A gamer gater calling someone an ITG?  Top notch!

When have I ever been a gamer gater? The only thing I have said about gamer gate, ever, was "who the fark cares?"


Hmm perhaps I'm confusing you with a similarly named poster. If so, my bad, man.
 
2017-08-02 11:14:38 AM  

machoprogrammer: EyeballKid: machoprogrammer: EyeballKid: His t-shirt company recently made a mint selling these to the locals.
[usatodaysports.files.wordpress.com image 800x602]


Screw him.

Enjoy having to just put on one shoe, fat-ass.

So you are hoping a man gets diabetes just because he likes Trump?

Stay classy

[i0.kym-cdn.com image 582x305]

Your fee-fees hurt? Sorry, but we in Louisville just had a white nationalist go to court for assaulting a black teenager at a Trump rally. The Trumpsters want to act like they're the toughest guy in the room because they expect their opponents to be singing "Kumbaya," and their lederhosen gets all bunched up when it turns out bullied people fight back. So, no, when somebody wants to exploit and extol a continued tribalist disdain for the people of the county whose revenues bankroll the rest of the state for some tired "THOSE PEOPLE think they're better'n'you!" styled baiting, then no, I don't feel bad for calling a sack of shiat a sack of shiat, and a fat sack of shiat at that.

Another ITG, I see. Politics tab too busy for you today?

Overreact much? You got some anger issues. Go get some counseling. 

Trump sucks, but wishing diabetes and personal harm on a guy just because he supports Trump is pretty much on par with something Trump would do. So congrats, you are as bad as what you despise


Boston's a fairly decent city...not as nice as New York but still has some really nice things.  Now imagine Boston without most of the things you would consider nice.  Now imagine that even without those nice things, people from Boston still had the same attitude about their city as they do now, but were even MORE INCLINED to share that opinion with you no matter what.  Imagined all that?  Congratulations, you just met someone from Louisville.
 
2017-08-02 02:13:26 PM  

holdmybones: machoprogrammer: holdmybones: A gamer gater calling someone an ITG?  Top notch!

When have I ever been a gamer gater? The only thing I have said about gamer gate, ever, was "who the fark cares?"

Hmm perhaps I'm confusing you with a similarly named poster. If so, my bad, man.


He might not have ever come out on GG, but macho there is the champion of the oppressed white male, so I can understand your assumption.
 
2017-08-02 02:16:25 PM  

Kurohone: holdmybones: machoprogrammer: holdmybones: A gamer gater calling someone an ITG?  Top notch!

When have I ever been a gamer gater? The only thing I have said about gamer gate, ever, was "who the fark cares?"

Hmm perhaps I'm confusing you with a similarly named poster. If so, my bad, man.

He might not have ever come out on GG, but macho there is the champion of the oppressed white male, so I can understand your assumption.


I have no idea what you are talking about, but okay. Was it just because I was against Farkers who were cheering people assaulting random Trump supporters? I mean, yeah, that makes me an awful person. Assaulting people is totally cool
 
2017-08-02 06:21:05 PM  

EyeballKid: His t-shirt company recently made a mint selling these to the locals.
[usatodaysports.files.wordpress.com image 800x602]


Screw him.

Enjoy having to just put on one shoe, fat-ass.


I see nothing wrong with walling off Louisville
 
2017-08-02 07:22:35 PM  

davidphogan: lack of warmth: davidphogan: Hopefully he doesn't go down the path that the original weight losing Jared did.

He did say a lot of walking was part of how he lost weight.  He didn't say it was from walking around playgrounds.

Obviously playing football isn't enough activity to lose weight.

[cdn-s3.si.com image 850x566]

Great read.


Of course.  I knew a kid who was eating a small pizza and drinking a can of Slim Fast every morning before school; sometimes two pizzas.  He was bulking up for junior high football.  No, I'm not kidding, he was 13 and was getting up to 300 lbs before high school.  His high school coach started telling him to cut the weight.  After hs, I don't think he ever got below 250 lbs, and he is only 6' tall.
 
2017-08-02 09:08:14 PM  

QueenMamaBee: EyeballKid: His t-shirt company recently made a mint selling these to the locals.
[usatodaysports.files.wordpress.com image 800x602]


Screw him.

Enjoy having to just put on one shoe, fat-ass.

I see nothing wrong with walling off Louisville


It might help keep the stupid where it belongs, which is outside the Gene Snyder.
 
2017-08-02 10:28:21 PM  

machoprogrammer: Kurohone: holdmybones: machoprogrammer: holdmybones: A gamer gater calling someone an ITG?  Top notch!

When have I ever been a gamer gater? The only thing I have said about gamer gate, ever, was "who the fark cares?"

Hmm perhaps I'm confusing you with a similarly named poster. If so, my bad, man.

He might not have ever come out on GG, but macho there is the champion of the oppressed white male, so I can understand your assumption.

I have no idea what you are talking about, but okay. Was it just because I was against Farkers who were cheering people assaulting random Trump supporters? I mean, yeah, that makes me an awful person. Assaulting people is totally cool


In fairness, they did commit an act of war against America.
 
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